How to find another lady with my lady

[Commodore69]

Ok gang, long story short, I have an amazing fiancé who was very vanilla with her sex life until shortly before we got together a little over 3 years ago. We talk about everything and have an awesome connection and she has enjoyed doing a lot of things she never did in her past relationships. Recently she has confided in me that she is curious what it would be like to be with another woman before she “gets too old” her words not mine. She’s 53 and looks amazing btw. She’s never been with a woman before and is looking for another woman to take the lead with her. I would not participate with the other woman but she is interested in me watching so she can share the experience with me. She seems to want it to happen organically without taking out a personal add, finding a “professional”, etc. It has to be safe and drug and disease free and I want her to enjoy going as far as she is comfortable going. However, I also don’t want to put any pressure on her to do this.

I am looking for some advice here from the ladies that enjoy other ladies. Where do we start to find her this partner? Do I take her to a club? Do we go to Vegas? Do we find a sex party and if so, how and where is the best place to look? We apparently need to find some kinky friends.

Any help or advice would be appreciated ladies. Again, I don’t want to put her under any pressure but I would like to be able to give her some guidance on where to find a prospective female partner if she wants to explore it further.

 

[andthighbootsforall]

I’m surprised you’ve not received a response yet. Not sure where you are located, but personally I might try a lesbian club. A number communities have them. Nashville/Atlanta possibly, based on your profile? I’d stay away from online offers. Go in and just sit. Let your wife tell you who she might want to be with. Maybe she asks the other party to dance? It may not fall in her lap so to speak so at some point you might just need to ask. I wish you all the best in your search. If it winds up working please come back and let us know about it.

 

[Commodore69]

Thanks for the advice.

 

[ericalauren]

If I were you, I would encourage my fiancé to go on a polyamorous-friendly and queer-friendly dating website or app.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

You don't have to 'find' anyone for her. She can go to a ladies gay bar. There are loads a couple of towns across from me. She can find her own. It's not difficult.

Don't be surprised if any woman she hooks up with is totally uninterested in you having any involvement.

 

[curioustxn]

Ok gang, long story short, I have an amazing fiancé who was very vanilla with her sex life until shortly before we got together a little over 3 years ago. We talk about everything and have an awesome connection and she has enjoyed doing a lot of things she never did in her past relationships. Recently she has confided in me that she is curious what it would be like to be with another woman before she “gets too old” her words not mine. She’s 53 and looks amazing btw. She’s never been with a woman before and is looking for another woman to take the lead with her. I would not participate with the other woman but she is interested in me watching so she can share the experience with me. She seems to want it to happen organically without taking out a personal add, finding a “professional”, etc. It has to be safe and drug and disease free and I want her to enjoy going as far as she is comfortable going. However, I also don’t want to put any pressure on her to do this.

I am looking for some advice here from the ladies that enjoy other ladies. Where do we start to find her this partner? Do I take her to a club? Do we go to Vegas? Do we find a sex party and if so, how and where is the best place to look? We apparently need to find some kinky friends.

Any help or advice would be appreciated ladies. Again, I don’t want to put her under any pressure but I would like to be able to give her some guidance on where to find a prospective female partner if she wants to explore it further.

Everyone is different, but if it were me, (considering the risks today), I would be patient, selective and discreet. At this point your fiancé is curious, but you don't know whether or not this is something she will like and want to repeat, and above all, you want this to be a good experience for her.

I think I would check out some of the lesbian and female bi-sexual dating web sites, and look for someone local. You might even suggest that she post a discreet ad of her own, and find someone who is looking for an encounter similar to what your fiancé wants.

If she gets a response that sounds promising, suggest that both women email a few times, then meet for coffee to see if the woman is safe and sane. The two women can meet, or the three of you can meet, depending on what everyone wants.

For this to be an exciting experience for your fiancé, there needs to be at least some emotional compatibility between your fiancé and this woman. The woman she selects needs to feel some compassion and understanding that this is your fiancé's first time. If you pick up someone in a bar/club, it is likely the woman will only be looking for sex, and may have little compassion/concern for your fiancé's feelings and needs.

Regardless of whether or not this is something your fiancé likes and wants to repeat, you want your relationship to continue without any problems or emotional barriers.

Just some thoughts.......

 

[KatieDoes]

Why wouldn’t she find a woman for herself?

 

[Britva415]

She’s never been with a woman before and is looking for another woman to take the lead with her

Doesn't sound like she is. Sounds like you are.

 

[Commodore69]

 

[KatieDoes]

I don’t know what you’re laughing at. What they said is true. You’re ignoring advice and questions from women, and thanking men for their (bad) advice.

I’m into women. Specifically, I’m very much into 45-55ish year old bi-curious first timer women (slide in my inbox, ladies)

I would absolutely not, under any circumstances, be interested in a woman who’s guy tried to set it up. It reeks of coercion and intrusion. It seems as though you are centering yourself and making her potential interest in women about YOU. It’s not. She’s an entire grown ass 53 year old adult woman. She knows how to get laid. If she wants to find a woman, she can absolutely do that without your ‘guidance’.

Your approach comes across as ‘unicorn hunting’. Like you’re looking for an object, an interchangeable, inhuman prop to use. That isn’t how most women view relationships, even relationships based on casual sex. Bisexual women have a LOT of options for casual sex. A mind boggling amount of options. So being used as a prop for some dudes porn fantasy is not even in the top 100. Let her make her own friends, let her find her own fun, and if you’re lucky she will tell you all about it.

 

[Curious_2]

I don’t know what you’re laughing at. What they said is true. You’re ignoring advice and questions from women, and thanking men for their (bad) advice.

I’m into women. Specifically, I’m very much into 53 year old bi-curious first timer women (slide in my inbox, ladies)

I would absolutely not, under any circumstances, be interested in a woman who’s guy tried to set it up. It reeks of coercion and intrusion. It seems as though you are centering yourself and making her potential interest in women about YOU. It’s not. She’s an entire grown ass 53 year old adult woman. She knows how to get laid. If she wants to find a woman, she can absolutely do that without your ‘guidance’.

Your approach comes across as ‘unicorn hunting’. Like you’re looking for an object, an interchangeable, inhuman prop to use. That isn’t how most women view relationships, even relationships based on casual sex. Bisexual women have a LOT of options for casual sex. A mind boggling amount of options. So being used as a prop for some dudes porn fantasy is not even in the top 100. Let her make her own friends, let her find her own fun, and if you’re lucky she will tell you all about it.

Wow . Anyone need a doctor? Pretty rough wreck you were in.

 

[KatieDoes]

Wow . Anyone need a doctor? Pretty rough wreck you were in.

What does that mean?

 

[stxjimmy]

Why wouldn’t she find a woman for herself?

She’s his lady!

 

[KatieDoes]

She’s his lady!

Of course. His prop and property. He just needs to find another one, and he can play with them like Barbie dolls, in their little cardboard bed.

 

[Commodore69]

While I sincerely appreciate all the advice, male and female, I say this politely but your read of the actual situation is off base. If it happens for her it happens; if it doesn’t it doesn’t. We have a great sex life and if this never happens, I’m totally cool with that. Why wouldn’t I be? I am certainly not pushing this because it’s my fantasy. Would I enjoy knowing she got to fulfill one of her curiosities? Absolutely. Am I making her do it for mine? Certainly not. She is the one that raised the issue to me, not vice versa. If she wants it to happen that’s completely up to her. We are complete equals in our relationship in every sense of the word and have a great amount of respect for each other, which is one of the reasons we have such a great relationship. She’s certainly not my property or a Barbie doll. I asked my initial question because she and I discussed the issue and we weren’t really sure where to even start to consider the possibilities. She doesn’t have an account here but I do so I figured I would ask the experts.

 

[curioustxn]

Just my opinion, but some women out of love and respect for their man, won't lie or hide things from him. If Commodore's fiancé wants her man involved, her choice should be respected.

Most men have little experience, (if any), finding a lady for his lady, hence my suggestion that he take his time and be selective. I feel confident that if Commodore takes his time, there is a woman out there who is both safe and sane, and would find a ff/m encounter, (or some variation of that), exciting. And who knows, if this turns out to be something Commodore's fiancé likes, perhaps it could lead to a long-term relationship for the three of them. Who knows!

I noticed that you mentioned: "I’m into women." Considering that statement, perhaps it is difficult for you to understand a heterosexual woman's need for a man to be involved in her intimacy.

You also mentioned: "casual sex." I read the original post again, and no where did I find a reference to casual sex. I know little about gay and bi-sexual women, but I do know there are a lot emotion(s) involved with sex for a heterosexual woman. Especially when it's a first time experience for her. And being so, it's not surprising that she would want to share it with the man she loves.

No offense, but that is my opinion......

 

[Commodore69]

You are correct, this isn’t a casual sex thing. In order for anything to proceed further, she indicated she would have to feel some sort of a connection with the other woman, which makes absolute sense to me.

 

[KatieDoes]

Just my opinion, but some women out of love and respect for their man, won't lie or hide things from him. If Commodore's fiancé wants her man involved, her choice should be respected.

Most men have little experience, (if any), finding a lady for his lady, hence my suggestion that he take his time and be selective. I feel confident that if Commodore takes his time, there is a woman out there who is both safe and sane, and would find a ff/m encounter, (or some variation of that), exciting. And who knows, if this turns out to be something Commodore's fiancé likes, perhaps it could lead to a long-term relationship for the three of them. Who knows!

I noticed that you mentioned: "I’m into women." Considering that statement, perhaps it is difficult for you to understand a heterosexual woman's need for a man to be involved in her intimacy.

You also mentioned: "casual sex." I read the original post again, and no where did I find a reference to casual sex. I know little about gay and bi-sexual women, but I do know there are a lot emotion(s) involved with sex for a heterosexual woman. Especially when it's a first time experience for her. And being so, it's not surprising that she would want to share it with the man she loves.

No offense, but that is my opinion......

I’m bisexual, married to a man, you walnut.

Casual sex doesn’t exclude connection and emotions, as was my point.

Y’all have it all figured out, though. Have at it.

 

[KatieDoes]

* this thread is why women typically don’t answer when men ask for women’s perspectives around here. You don’t actually want them.

 

[curioustxn]

You are correct, this isn’t a casual sex thing. In order for anything to proceed further, she indicated she would have to feel some sort of a connection with the other woman, which makes absolute sense to me.

If it were me, I might help her find dating sites, and maybe with writing the ad(s), but let her answer any responses, and select the woman. Keep in mind, emotional compatibility is more important than either woman having previous bi-sex experience. If there is emotional compatibility, and this is what both women want, they will figure out what to do.

Exploring a new sexual experience can be more exciting that just a simple sex act. If and when she finds the right woman, perhaps start with dinner and drinks, (perhaps in your home), then let the women explore their desires at their own pace. Kissing, touching, caressing, and let them proceed as they wish.

It's a first time experience, she should enjoy every moment of it! No short cuts!

 

[pussyhammer2021]

I don’t know what you’re laughing at. What they said is true. You’re ignoring advice and questions from women, and thanking men for their (bad) advice.

I’m into women. Specifically, I’m very much into 45-55ish year old bi-curious first timer women (slide in my inbox, ladies)

I would absolutely not, under any circumstances, be interested in a woman who’s guy tried to set it up. It reeks of coercion and intrusion. It seems as though you are centering yourself and making her potential interest in women about YOU. It’s not. She’s an entire grown ass 53 year old adult woman. She knows how to get laid. If she wants to find a woman, she can absolutely do that without your ‘guidance’.

Your approach comes across as ‘unicorn hunting’. Like you’re looking for an object, an interchangeable, inhuman prop to use. That isn’t how most women view relationships, even relationships based on casual sex. Bisexual women have a LOT of options for casual sex. A mind boggling amount of options. So being used as a prop for some dudes porn fantasy is not even in the top 100. Let her make her own friends, let her find her own fun, and if you’re lucky she will tell you all about it.

I cant help it but when i read this post, all i see is rosie odonnel screaming this. Sounds like a full blown lesbian feminist instead of someone actually understanding the op's context. I can understand the op's question bc my wife has the same curiosity but believe it or not, not all women are as assertive and mouthy as u obviously are

 

[KatieDoes]

I cant help it but when i read this post, all i see is rosie odonnel screaming this. Sounds like a full blown lesbian feminist instead of someone actually understanding the op's context. I can understand the op's question bc my wife has the same curiosity but believe it or not, not all women are as assertive and mouthy as u obviously are

LOL. You are a moron, and your wife sneaks into the bathroom with her hitachi after you fall asleep to finally give herself the orgasm that you couldn’t.

 

[pussyhammer2021]

LOL. You are a moron, and your wife sneaks into the bathroom with her hitachi after you fall asleep to finally give herself the orgasm that you couldn’t.

Haha...u got me. Idk why she dont just divorce me since i cant please her. Then again, idk how she couldnt be pleased by my massive 2" cock. Do u really think she would fake her orgasms with me?

 

[KatieDoes]

Haha...u got me. Idk why she dont just divorce me since i cant please her. Then again, idk how she couldnt be pleased by my massive 2" cock. Do u really think she would fake her orgasms with me?

I think you couldn’t recognize a fake orgasm if it marched down Main Street twirling a fire baton and carrying a banner.

 

[pussyhammer2021]

I think you couldn’t recognize a fake orgasm if it marched down Main Street twirling a fire baton and carrying a banner.

Yeah, your probly right. I probly owe u an apology. U have clearly out-witted me. I am so ashamed of myself.