Good Manners

[Stella_Omega]

Now you're just sucking up to me...and you don't even know it. I've gotta offer you a beer.


You're such a horn dog, Stella!

What! I appreciate, that's all!

 

[midwestyankee]

What! I appreciate, that's all!

So do I and I've appreciated QL in movies where she sang only occasionally if at all.

 

[girlowned]

I stumbled across a discussion at FetLife this morning that made me curious...

The following question was posed:

Two people are meeting for a first dinner date. While looking at the menu, the man asks the woman "What sounds good?" The woman responds "X", and when the waiter arrives table side, the man says "The lady would like X; I'll have Y." Was his behavior appropriate or not, and why?

The fascinating thing to me was the disparity of responses - everything from praise for "showing good manners" to "OMG what a douche!" to "Total RED FLAG/he's trying to assume control too quickly!" (Rants about "misogynistic behavior hiding behind acts of chivalry" occurred, as well.)

So - where do good manners fit in this whole BDSM / D/s thing, and how do the dynamics of power impact their use?

i read a few replies, sadly i don't have time to read them all. But one thing that strikes me in this is the way his question was worded. i tend to take things literally, and if someone asks me "What sounds good?", i may reply with things i think sound good but not necessarily want to eat right then. Now if he asked "What would you like to eat tonight?", that would be a totally different thing to me.

i love it when a man orders for me, but that goes hand in hand with my submissive side. And if the man knows me well enough, i even love it when he orders without asking what i want.

Now since they were meeting with him as the PYL, i would assume they have discussed enough for him to know it was fine for him to do as he did. As for me personally...ask what i want if you don't know me well, then order away. It shows he's not afraid to take charge and i love it.*grins*

 

[where]

Fixed that for you.

I confess to being a tiny bit sarcastic.

*shrug*

I know the evidence of my own two eyes; if you're not convinced I'll have to live with it. Netx calls it "infantilized", I call it efeeminized.

get back on yer diet lardy girl

Ok, challenge is fine. I suppose discussion on small issues will help work out larger ones, etc. What angers me though is the slanderous assumptions about the opinion holders personality. Particular about an issue, which you must admit is pretty minor. It’s like slapping your kid for a hiccup.

I can't see where I was being slanderous. point out the post and I'll retract.

What is that gonna get anyone? What I’m seeing her is several people working towards one goal which appears to be making OSG cry. When they succeed, what then, that doesn’t prove any point, makes no counter argument, it does nothing, it’s just a jerk move.

osg provides no justification for her assertions, and I mean assertions, not opinions. when she is challenged on her assertions then she goes all passive aggressive (see the blurt thread for evidence) rather than actually tries to support her standpoint.

I'm not interested in making anyone cry and I admit I feel quite resentful at being cast as a bully in this. The alternative is to completely ignore it, or challenge it. It's not my nature to just go "oh, ok, whatever"

Well, she is drawing attention to an alternative view, I suppose she is the only one that holds it, or the only one that speaks out about it, so I suspect that can lead to misunderstandings about attention seeking. However that doesn’t mean you have to have a crap attitude about it. Picture it the other way around, everyone lived like OSG and you wanted to put your opinion out there. Plus, who in their right mind posts something on here without wanting people to read it.

I find it interesting that you think I'm the only one with a crap attitude about this, but that's cool. I'm a big girl and I'll stand by my opinions. osg's views are alternative, but then lots of people on here also have lifestyles that I personally find not to my taste ranging from outright repulsive and bordering on immoral (to my mind) or just not my kind of kink. when they start telling me that hat they chose to do is somehow part of the norm, then I think I am within my rights to challenge and dispute it.

I was also under the impression that we have a consensus here on lit, that is opposing the “my kink is the only kink” thing. You express your opinion from your perspective, let her do it from hers. The problem is when you introduce hostility that has no connection to the issue discussed.

I apologise if I was being hostile. I saw it as being passionate in my argument. so much for interpretation. However, I reiterate it's not about osg's opinion, it's about her assertion that some things are 'normal' within a mainstream context.

It’s just not good form.

The only thing I can see it getting you is negative respect points and dudes like me jumping around.

well I'm not aiming to alienate myself from you or anyone or make you jump around, but by the same token if I see/perceive something is wrong or inaccurate, I'm not going to just say, 'fuck it, who cares' because once one starts acting like that, then you really do leave the door open to all kinds of vile oppressive behaviours. I believe in acting on principle, no matter how unpopular those principles are.

 

[teknight]

well I'm not aiming to alienate myself from you or anyone or make you jump around, but by the same token if I see/perceive something is wrong or inaccurate, I'm not going to just say, 'fuck it, who cares' because once one starts acting like that, then you really do leave the door open to all kinds of vile oppressive behaviours. I believe in acting on principle, no matter how unpopular those principles are.

Very well put. Ditto.

 

[Stella_Omega]

And ditto as well.

besides, she gets positive points from the people who matter to her.

 

[where]

Very well put. Ditto.

And ditto as well.

besides, she gets positive points from the people who matter to her.

does this mean I get a threesome with you both?

 

[teknight]

does this mean I get a threesome with you both?

I'm game.

 

[where]

I'm game.

well that's a given.

 

[teknight]

well that's a given.

Are you saying I'm easy?!

 

[where]

Are you saying I'm easy?!

are you saying you aren't?

 

[teknight]

are you saying you aren't?

I'm currently rejecting labels?

 

[ImOnIt]

I believe in acting on principle, no matter how unpopular those principles are.

Right and wrong are subjective and so, two people acting on principle are directly opposed.

 

[teknight]

Right and wrong are subjective and so, two people acting on principle are directly opposed.

...might be directly opposed....

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Whatever happened to...?

I love those two ^_^ I think Queen Latifah is a fantastic Mamma.
He he he. Love muuuuusiiiiccccc

 

[KoPilot]

Right and wrong are subjective and so, two people acting on principle are directly opposed.

And that's where civil discussion and debate is supposed to happen, yeah?

 

[teknight]

And that's where civil discussion and debate is supposed to happen, yeah?

If I understand correctly, being civil means shutting up at outrageous claims and having no feelings about anything. 'cause, you know, the few will get offended otherwise....

 

[YourCaptor]

I confess to being a tiny bit sarcastic.




get back on yer diet lardy girl




osg provides no justification for her assertions, and I mean assertions, not opinions. when she is challenged on her assertions then she goes all passive aggressive (see the blurt thread for evidence) rather than actually tries to support her standpoint.

I'm not interested in making anyone cry and I admit I feel quite resentful at being cast as a bully in this. The alternative is to completely ignore it, or challenge it. It's not my nature to just go "oh, ok, whatever"



well I'm not aiming to alienate myself from you or anyone or make you jump around, but by the same token if I see/perceive something is wrong or inaccurate, I'm not going to just say, 'fuck it, who cares' because once one starts acting like that, then you really do leave the door open to all kinds of vile oppressive behaviours. I believe in acting on principle, no matter how unpopular those principles are.

WTF I just noticed that green stuff is not highlighting but responses.

It’s not just you, but you where at the head of it. At first I was just watching, I know OSG can generally handle herself, but even so things got nasty, so I was making a few lame comments trying to derail the thread. Just when it seemed like it had died the thing comes back and was not only threatened to but OSG through round two of the same crap, but others were about to get dragged in too.

This thread had some weird snow ball effect going on, and someone had to stop it.

If you must argue OSG, don't make it personal.

 

[teknight]

... and was not only threatened to but OSG through round two of the same crap
If you must argue OSG, don't make it personal

Care to rewrite the first part in English? Or, whatever other language, as long as it makes sense?
And OSG makes everything personal, as everything relates to her tiny little sphere of life.

 

[Stella_Omega]

WTF I just noticed that green stuff is not highlighting but responses.

It’s not just you, but you where at the head of it. At first I was just watching, I know OSG can generally handle herself, but even so things got nasty, so I was making a few lame comments trying to derail the thread. Just when it seemed like it had died the thing comes back and was not only threatened to but OSG through round two of the same crap, but others were about to get dragged in too.

This thread had some weird snow ball effect going on, and someone had to stop it.

If you must argue OSG, don't make it personal.

And were you successful at stopping it?

because IMO, I can jump right back in to explain yet again what angers me about osg's pronouncements. And you can quite rudely ignore my explanations, in favor of defending the Eternal Damsel In Distress-- who already has an owner, to boot.

Every control freak has to learn this for themselves; you can't control who posts what on a literotica forum.

 

[teknight]

you can't control who posts what on a literotica forum.

QFT! And that's why Stella rocks.

 

[midwestyankee]

If I understand correctly, being civil means shutting up at outrageous claims and having no feelings about anything. 'cause, you know, the few will get offended otherwise....

Actually, being civil in a discussion means giving the other party all the time needed to commit logical suicide. Some don't and they live to converse another day.

 

[teknight]

Actually, being civil in a discussion means giving the other party all the time needed to commit logical suicide. Some don't and they live to converse another day.

You make a great point...and it definitely worked for lilgirl....however, some don't even know how to tie a knot....

 

[midwestyankee]

You make a great point...and it definitely worked for lilgirl....however, some don't even know how to tie a knot....

And some bring their own warm water and razor blades to the party.

 

[teknight]

And some bring their own warm water and razor blades to the party.

Does that mean they have manners?

And could you please cover up that AV? Why'd you give up the tofu diet?