Give me your thoughts about my take on tension building. And please teach me your way of doing it.

[TheNovelist2000]

I’ve analyzed three good-performing stories to figure out how each author approached the climax. My goal is to re-formulate them so they start strong, stay strong, and carry that strength all the way until the climax arrives. This isn’t an attempt to turn a slow-burn into a stroker, nor am I advocating strokers over slow burns. This is for writers who want to write strokers but end up producing long, novel-like pieces with very little arousal payoff. All I want to do here is refine the art of starting strong, staying strong, and carrying strong until the climax.

But first, let’s define some terms:

The climax

This is the part of the story the author has promised. It’s the premise. The punchline. The moment when long jumpers finally soar and their feet leave the ground. It doesn’t always have to be sex; it can be flirting, foreplay, or anything overtly sexual. For example, if the premise is a stepdaughter sleeping with her father, the climax begins when they cross into sexual territory—dirty talk, fondling, or intercourse. It’s not the background info, day-to-day interactions, or vague, unacknowledged attraction.

The runway

This is the lead-up to the climax. The build-up to the punchline. The part where long jumpers run before their takeoff. And not every author handles it the same way.

Reminder: Each story I’m analyzing is good on its own. Whichever way the author approaches the climax, the story itself works. What I’m focusing on here is only how they guide the reader to the climax—the runway. And in my opinion, some authors do this part better than others. That’s the art we need to master.

Story 1:

We Cucked Him With His Coworkers (Imstillfun)

Premise: The wife and daughter cuck the husband with his coworkers. Realistically, the women might not act together, so the true premise is sexual interaction between either the wife or daughter and the husband’s coworkers.

Events before reaching the premise:

1. The wife brings papers to the husband’s office.
2. Explanation of his work and their marriage.
3. Four short paragraphs about how they had their daughter when the wife was 18, their temporary separation, and reunion.
4. Cut back to the office; wife describes the coworkers.
5. Short interaction between husband, wife, and coworkers before she’s invited for a drink.
6. At a BBQ: subtle flirting implied but not shown in dialogue.
7. Back home: wife and husband interact with daughter—she’s curious but nothing sexual.
8. Vanilla teasing about the coworkers (still not sexually charged).
9. Husband is invited to a strip club. Wife gets curious, he decides to bring her.
10. Flirting about strip clubs, discussion of sex life, bedroom sex, wife distracted thinking about coworkers—but still no direct mention of extramarital sex.
11. Daughter teases them about getting ready for the club.
12. Eight or nine paragraphs describing the strip club in clinical detail.
13. Wife pulled onstage by a dancer, the husband offered a lap dance by a dancer.
14. Finally—the wife claims she can do it better. A coworker offers $20 for her to give her husband a lap dance. Another coworker then asks for one himself.

My thoughts:

• The runway is long. Without the exciting premise or strong title/blurb, many readers might have clicked away. Even as someone with a strong LW fetish, I felt impatient and skimmed parts.
• The setup takes an entire page. There’s some sexual hum, but not enough arousal. My dick only reacted once the coworker pulled out the bill.
• Does all this setup improve the story or diminish the hot premise?
• Couldn’t the runway start shorter, say, with the strip club invitation, plus a compressed explanation that the wife has already seen the four coworkers a few times during vanilla outings? Maybe she knows their wives too.
• You are thinking. Hold up. What about the daughter? Don't we need the long set-up to introduce her for later payoff? In my opinion, she could be introduced only when her role becomes relevant, rather than early.
• Does a long runway really make the story better for the average reader arousal-wise? If the story aims for more than arousal (themes, realism, character work), yes, it has merit. But if arousal is the goal, it feels like padding.
• This style is common in Lit stories. I’ve written like this for all my stories published so far. But in terms of stroker effectiveness, I think long runways weaken reader engagement.

Story 2:
Now That’s Service! (Lovecraft68)

Premise: Laura gets room service, and her husband watches.

The Runway:

1. Sexually charged conversation about her dress.
2. Husband protests about her going to the club, anxious about men checking her out. She teases him about how far men go.
3. She declares she wants extramarital sex (“my lipstick’s only getting smeared on one thing tonight and it’s not your lips”).
4. Nine paragraphs of introspection: her looks, her sexual history, her excitement at whoring herself out.
5. Four paragraphs about her husband looking older, more tired, compared to her still being “in the market.”
6. Dialogue: husband notices no bra, she teases she’s not wearing panties either. They discuss hotwifing—him moral, her cynical.
7. Argument about her going out, interrupted by snowstorm.
8. She’s disappointed, he’s amused.
9. Husband offers sex, she’s reluctant.
10. She bends over, challenges him, gives him a chance.
11. He fumbles—can’t get hard.
12. Scene ends.
13. Seven paragraphs of her pottering around until the waiter finally arrives.

My thoughts:

• This runway is stronger than Story 1. It starts with a bang—extramarital sex is introduced immediately. Their dialogue about hotwifing is fun.
• But the tension isn’t maintained. It’s interrupted by introspection (paras 4–5) and the snowed-in twist.
• It heats up again when she flaunts being braless/pantyless, but again the momentum is lost.
• The husband fumbling is fun to read. But that leds to nothing. Then comes another delay before the waiter appears.
• It feels like being led toward a punchline that never lands, only for the punchline (waiter arrives) to pop in cold, without buildup.

Improvement idea (in my very very humble opinion):

The twist (snowed in) should be established at the start. She could dress up anyway, determined to find someone else in the hotel. After the husband fumbles, she leaves the room with the aim of finding men in the lobby to fuck. But she notices a young waiter in the hallway. She finds him hot. She likes him but assumes nothing can happen because he’s working. Then—surprise—he wheels a cart toward her room. Her husband unknowingly ordered room service. The twist would land with the climax instead of derailing the build-up.

Story 3:
Stepdaughter Fills In Ch.1 (Sirhugs)

Premise: The stepdaughter takes her mom’s place.

Runway:

• Opens with husband and wife discussing the daughter filling in for Valentine’s Day. Husband protests, wife insists. She even mentions anal.
• Husband recalls the roses arriving, daughter thanking him.
• Two–three lines about raising her.
• Dialogue: he asks her to be his Valentine, she’s excited but reluctant.
• Mom calls, tells her she must take care of him.
• Husband notices her as a sexual being—nipples, bare ass, kiss on cheek.
• Sees her nightie riding up the stairs, imagines her naked in the shower.
• He masturbates, thinking about her nipples, her pussy, and her with boys her age and professors.
• One paragraph: they set out for their date.
• Climax begins: touching in the car, flirting, peeking at her tits, etc. The road to anal is paved.

My thoughts:

• This is the strongest runway I’ve ever read. The premise is introduced immediately.
• With every line, the heat builds. There’s no wasted space.
• By the time they’re on the date, the reader has been carried on a steady, rising wave straight to the climax. No interruptions, no detours.

What I Learned

1. The runway shouldn’t be far from the premise.
   • If the story is about a mom facesitting on her son during a panic attack, don’t give medical history or family dynamics. Start in the bathroom, show her body, bam—the son’s panic attack interrupts, and she acts.
   • If it’s about an incel discovering a fetish-conjuring power, don’t recount years of rejection. Start with him jerking off to the magazine, then discovering he can conjure items, then a girl. Only later, show the consequence that he can’t undo it.
2. The heat should rise as we approach climax.
   • Don’t start with a fiery scene and then backtrack into mundane filler. That creates anticlimax. If you start with a fiery scene, the fire should get bigger and bigger as we enter into the story premise.
3. The first scene must aim at the punchline.
   • Don’t spend time on scenes that don’t lead directly to the climax. Readers feel cheated if their investment leads nowhere.
4. Don’t write two runways for one punchline.
   • Example: a wife going into prostitution. Don’t write one whole chapter of her teasing with her husband about being pimped out without payoff, then another chapter about her losing her job and hitting the streets. That’s two runways for one premise. Readers will feel frustrated. It feels much hotter to read about either one. E.g The two discuss about the possibility of pimping the wife out. They start finding men on Tinder or on the market place to make it work. Then, after some failure, they get one offer. If you want a twist then, you can say the man is a neighbour or a family friend. Or the other runway. The wife has already been interested about hookers and their lives but never got an opportunity to get to know them. Then, one day she gets fired and instead of applying another prestigious position, she thinks about trying out this interesting job.

 

[TheNovelist2000]

Links for the three stories. There isn't enough space in the original post.
https://www.literotica.com/s/we-cucked-him-with-his-coworkers
https://www.literotica.com/s/now-thats-service
https://www.literotica.com/s/stepdaughter-fills-in

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Too meny werdz.

Tension is for suspension bridge cables.


Stories here should be fun.

 

[TheNovelist2000]

Too meny werdz.

Yep! Sorry about that. I was quite keen to analyse them.

 

[lovecraft68]

The way I do anything is to just do it. I write the story, I don't stop and think "Okay, need tension here" "Okay, time for an angry, sad, funny....scene" I let it flow the way its meant to. Once its done if I read through and think it missed the mark a bit, I'll work on it, but most if it will be fine and in flow.

Asking others how they write is a waste of time, they're them, you're you.

Trust your ability.

 

[TheNovelist2000]

The way I do anything is to just do it. I write the story, I don't stop and think "Okay, need tension here" "Okay, time for an angry, sad, funny....scene" I let it flow the way its meant to. Once its done if I read through and think it missed the mark a bit, I'll work on it, but most if it will be fine and in flow.

Asking others how they write is a waste of time, they're them, you're you.

Trust your ability.

Yes, Sir

 

[CalBishForNow]

I start with a story idea, maybe not always with a climax in mind from the start but almost always. Sometimes the idea is simple enough that it could be summarized in one or two sentences. Those stories don't generally have much tension, although maybe a little will appear as I get the plot from point A to point B to point C and fill in details.

Other times I know from the start that there will be twists and turns. Those might be what you'd call tension, although I don't try to write a specific number of words or scenes devoted to them. As I'm writing scenes out, I might find that they don't flow right or need more development, and I'll add scenes before the climax I had planned, whether for tension or other reasons.

"Story" is vague, while we're at it. I tend to write stories mostly between 5 and 10 thousand words, i.e. strokers, in mostly but not entirely episodic series. Someone writing 25,000-word standalone stories would probably have a different answer to this from me, and someone writing 80,000-word stories published in 5 or 6 parts would probably have a third answer.

 

[redgarters]

Interesting analysis, and thorough. Since all the stories are around or under 10k words, and I mostly write LS slow burns around 20-50k long, the rules of my world don't quite fit with your conclusions. But that just shows that the rules of tension building may be very different for different categories, and that's quite interesting.

In my case, I'll make you go through maybe 20k words of runway before getting to the climax. And you'll probably need to drive through the suburbs for a while before even getting to the airport and then get lost looking for your gate before you even see the runway. The runway will then also have emotional potholes, ready to derail you. And if you haven't choked up with tears at least once before you reach take-off speed, I have failed.

When I finally get to the climax, I kinda just hope you're so tired of crying you'll appreciate a sex scene, even if it's not that good, because it means the emotionally bruised MC's might get to have a HEA after all.

What I'm trying to say is that I mostly do emotional tension. If I manage to weave some sexual tension into that, then all the better, but it's not the main thing I build my stories around.

 

[TheNovelist2000]

I start with a story idea, maybe not always with a climax in mind from the start but almost always. Sometimes the idea is simple enough that it could be summarized in one or two sentences. Those stories don't generally have much tension, although maybe a little will appear as I get the plot from point A to point B to point C and fill in details.

Other times I know from the start that there will be twists and turns. Those might be what you'd call tension, although I don't try to write a specific number of words or scenes devoted to them. As I'm writing scenes out, I might find that they don't flow right or need more development, and I'll add scenes before the climax I had planned, whether for tension or other reasons.

"Story" is vague, while we're at it. I tend to write stories mostly between 5 and 10 thousand words, i.e. strokers, in mostly but not entirely episodic series. Someone writing 25,000-word standalone stories would probably have a different answer to this from me, and someone writing 80,000-word stories published in 5 or 6 parts would probably have a third answer.

What are your thoughts on my take that if the runway is too long—or if the story takes too long to reach its promised premise—we risk losing readers before they ever get to the main part of the story? For example, if J.K. Rowling had spent four or five chapters before Harry was invited to Hogwarts, people might have lost interest and put the book down. By the same token, if Tolkien had lingered too long in the Shire before Gandalf introduced the threat of the Ring, The Lord of the Rings could easily have been a dud.

As authors, we enjoy discovering the mechanics of how a premise comes to exist, but I think we need to show restraint if we want our stories to be truly arousing. Or do you disagree with that?

 

[TheNovelist2000]

In my case, I'll make you go through maybe 20k words of runway before getting to the climax. And you'll probably need to drive through the suburbs for a while before even getting to the airport and then get lost looking for your gate before you even see the runway. The runway will then also have emotional potholes, ready to derail you. And if you haven't choked up with tears at least once before you reach take-off speed, I have failed.

This is how I want to write naturally—without overthinking the mechanics. But then I go on subreddits and read 300–500 word real-life stories that make me want to cum on the spot, and I feel like I’ve failed when my 20k or 40k word stories don’t hit as hard.

 

[THBGato]

What @redgarters says.

I think they only thing they missed is that, generally speaking, Red (like me) shows you the destination early on. Thus the reader knows where they are headed, feels confident in the writer's hands, and is happy to relax and take the scenic route.

So, in their story A Melody of Surrender, Cadence and Ilaria meet in the first 600 words or so, while the fashion rebrand is also mentioned. Thus we 'know' what the climax will be. The same is more or less true for The Woman in the Spare Room. For my own longer stories like The Third Date or Forty (a massive 81,000 words long) both begin with a straight girl meeting a gay girl and, this being a Lesbian Sex story, everyone knows where this us going. There are mini-climaxes along the way, before the big pay off, and the tension is drawn out and sustained, which readers seem to appreciate.

Maybe that's more to do with lesbian readers - they want some serious foreplay, emotional connection, and are able to deal with several climaxes in quick succession!

 

[TheNovelist2000]

So, in their story A Melody of Surrender, Cadence and Ilaria meet in the first 600 words or so, while the fashion rebrand is also mentioned. Thus we 'know' what the climax will be. The same is more or less true for The Woman in the Spare Room. For my own longer stories like The Third Date or Forty (a massive 81,000 words long) both begin with a straight girl meeting a gay girl and, this being a Lesbian Sex story, everyone knows where this us going. There are mini-climaxes along the way, before the big pay off, and the tension is drawn out and sustained, which readers seem to appreciate.

Ok! I’ve checked them out. So many people have read them, and each received a good rating. That reassures me because I also enjoy writing long stories where the plot takes its time to reach the point.

 

[shelleycat1]

… if Tolkien had lingered too long in the Shire before Gandalf introduced the threat of the Ring, The Lord of the Rings could easily have been.

Tolkien did spend entirely too long with that chapter about mushrooms and breakfast in my opinion. But that was his runway, and he started it slowly.

 

[TheNovelist2000]

Tolkien did spend entirely too long with that chapter about mushrooms and breakfast in my opinion. But that was his runway, and he started it slowly.

I agree, but he was writing three books’ worth of material. Compared to what he went on to write later, the runway was relatively short. All in all, I agree—we don’t need to learn that much about the Shire, since the story isn’t even taking place there.

 

[TheDok]

Yes, Sir

I agree. Often, when I write a romance, I have only the germ of a plot. A start and an ending .As I write, I let the story get to the end as it wants, and sometimes my ending changes or I get to a point where it's right to stop. Subplots often get added in as I go. These often come when I am having a shower or sitting quietly. Erotic scenes described in more detail are often added last. When I have a final draft, if it reads ok, I edit it(often badly, I admit) and publish. For me at least, overthinking and planning don't work

 

[CalBishForNow]

What are your thoughts on my take that if the runway is too long—or if the story takes too long to reach its promised premise—we risk losing readers before they ever get to the main part of the story? For example, if J.K. Rowling had spent four or five chapters before Harry was invited to Hogwarts, people might have lost interest and put the book down. By the same token, if Tolkien had lingered too long in the Shire before Gandalf introduced the threat of the Ring, The Lord of the Rings could easily have been a dud.

As authors, we enjoy discovering the mechanics of how a premise comes to exist, but I think we need to show restraint if we want our stories to be truly arousing. Or do you disagree with that?

Like I said, I'm mostly writing 5-10K word stories in episodic series. Anyone who doesn't have the patience for that, I'm comfortable not having them as readers. I don't mean to sound elitist, I'm just not trying to write short-short fiction, in general. (I guess I should do the 750 word thing someday, but that's not relevant to this thread.)

If I tried a larger work that was intended to be standalone, I'd put more thought into publishing it serially or all at once, but that's likewise not relevant to anything I've done so far. This thread is also starting to look relevant.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Yes, Sir

Write your characters. Use the story to develop your characters, they're the ones telling their story. Their thughts, their emotiions, their motivations, their problems / dilemma's (there's always a problem - how does our character adress it. whats the resolution)

I like your analysis but for me that is way overthinking - it's that plotter vs pantser thing and that will result in two different types of answers.

You can map your story out as you have in your analysis and that's a sound approach if that works for you.

I'm with Lovecraft and the pantser approach - I have a character, an idea for the start and an idea for the end. I write the start, and my character and her dilemma appear. I write the end with the resolution.

My character goes ahead and tells her story and my own approach s pretty simple - I get into my character's head and she goes ahead and tells her story, which more often that not is not the one I originally had in my head, but I more or less live those scenes in my head as I write them - the dialog, the actions and thoughts and motivations. Half the time I don't even consciously think - I just start writing and the words come out my fimgertips onto the display and I can't even explain how I thought up what I did. It's not really a conscuous process a lot of the time. I don't really plot, per se, but when I have ideas I will write a scene or a snippet and stick it in and as I edt I'll rearrange the sequence or flesh out or cut (I don't often cut - its usually the opposite - I add)

When it's a chapter in a series i DO make notes and I do a little high level outline just to make sure I stay within the boundaries of the story but thats about it. Essentialy, I write where the muse takes me and things just fall into place.

That's probably not much help, I know,

What I wpould suggest tho, if you prefer the plotting and mapping approach, is pick up a good book on doing just that - take a look at "Outlining Your Novel" by K M Weilland - she sets out a great approach, I can suggest a few other's if you're interested

 

[DeMont]

I’ve analyzed three good-performing stories to figure out how each author approached the climax. My goal is to re-formulate them so they start strong, stay strong, and carry that strength all the way until the climax arrives. This isn’t an attempt to turn a slow-burn into a stroker, nor am I advocating strokers over slow burns. This is for writers who want to write strokers but end up producing long, novel-like pieces with very little arousal payoff. All I want to do here is refine the art of starting strong, staying strong, and carrying strong until the climax.

But first, let’s define some terms:

@TheNovelist2000,
Evening my dear colleague, firstly may I say Wow...! That's as about as detailed a breakdown as I have ever seen. The plot line in your work has been developed to the nth degree, no question about it.

To my mind, after spending decades writing in many genres, is not to overthink things. The more you consider options and alternatives the more questions come with that until you are filled with so many answers that the original question has been somewhat obscured.

When I write a story I use a fairly standard, common and practical approach;
i.e. Beginning, middle conflict/development, resolution
This is normally displayed as a standard curve that can either be skewed toward the early stages or the later stages but the "Conflict" must build quite sharply. Then I write the story. I don't think about the tension, sex, character development or scenery, I simply write the story outline. Once I have that I will go back over it (first edit) and decide where more detail/description/information is desirable for readability. Once I have the story fleshed out with those components then (second edit) I will go back and add the conflict/sex.

I find this is the easiest way to accomplish writing a story. However, I will stipulate, it really depends on the length of your story. There may be several, or more, "standard curves" linked together in longer works. I would go so far as to suggest that your breakdown/rationale is more suited to a novel length work than to a "short sex story".

I do hope I haven't offended with my short analysis. It was meant as suggestions only to "simplify" the task of writing.
Deepest respects,
D.

 

[TheNovelist2000]

That's probably not much help, I know,

What I wpould suggest tho, if you prefer the plotting and mapping approach, is pick up a good book on doing just that - take a look at "Outlining Your Novel" by K M Weilland - she sets out a great approach, I can suggest a few other's if you're interested

I understand why many authors advocate for writing by the seat of the pants instead of plotting. I myself am a big fan of Stephen King, and he explained the process very well in his book On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. King compared his writing process to excavating buried fossils—he starts with a premise and writes down whatever comes to mind. He slowly discovers the plot and characters by putting himself in their shoes and making choices as they appear along the way.

As enjoyable as that approach is for an author, it doesn’t really satisfy my desire to write strokers—stories that keep you hard from the very first line and hooked until you have no choice but to cum before the story ends. I’ve written long stories using the seat-of-the-pants method, and while I cherish them, they are nothing like the strokers I look up to. That made me realize there must be rules that govern strokers—or erotica writing in general—that differ significantly from the mainstream novel style most Lit authors often indulge in. The purpose of this thread is to discuss exactly that.

 

[TheNovelist2000]

When I write a story I use a fairly standard, common and practical approach;
i.e. Beginning, middle conflict/development, resolution

I’ve read a book by Emily Baker called Erotica Handbook: A Guide to Making $100 an Hour Writing Erotica Short Stories. In that book, she provides a framework for the kinds of stories she writes. Although it’s aimed at giving structure to beginners, I find it extremely useful for keeping a story arousal-centered. Here’s her approach:

1. Pick a niche.
2. Create a main character.
3. Get in the boat (put the character in their normal environment).
4. Rock the boat (something comes along to put the character on a trajectory toward sex).
5. Build desire (flirting, teasing, foreplay, etc.).
6. Sex.
7. Story resolution.

This loose framework allows me to continue writing by the seat of my pants while still keeping the focus on what matters—that I’m writing a story designed to make people cum.

 

[SimonDoom]

I haven't read the stories in question, just your descriptions. I have a few thoughts.

I totally agree about the importance of erotic tension. I think it's a crucial ingredient of a good erotic story. I quarrel with your use of the metaphor "runway," because a "runway" is a smooth path designed to get the plane in the air as quickly as possible. That's not how you create tension. To create tension, the path must put obstacles in the way to the climax. The overcoming of the obstacles adds delicious drama to the sex.

Metaphors are an imperfect way to describe how to write. I think most of us just sort of do it and then apply the metaphors after the fact. But I think of it more like the hero's journey. The hero has a quest, to get the Holy Grail or something, and must find the right path to the grail.

My take on your numbered analysis of the three stories above is that there is insufficient attention paid to the motives of the characters, their thoughts, their feelings. That's where tension REALLY comes from. That's where the erotic interest truly lies.

As I said, I haven't read the stories, but my impression of the first story is that there might be more backstory than is needed. I prefer to jump into the story, and it doesn't matter at all whether it's a novel or a short story. The principles are basically the same, especially for an erotic story where the whole point is to create erotic interest and pleasure.

The seed of the "climax" should be planted early on. The end should be foreshadowed. I'd say that especially applies in the case of the first story, which is a cuck story. For a good cuck story, you need to lay the groundwork so it will be pleasurable, and seemingly at least somewhat plausible, when the husband is eventually cucked.

Your analyses don't take into account point of view, which is essential. Whose story is it? The cuck's, or the cuck's wife's, or the bull's, or someone else's? This will determine a lot of how you write the story. Personally, although I don't read a lot of cuck stories I think most would be best told from the man's point of view, because that's where the center of the story lies--the willing (or perhaps not so willing) submission to being cucked. Then the question of the story is how you plausibly get from point A (he's not a cuck) to point B (he's a cuck) in a way that's erotically satisfying. An emphasis on the husband's motives, fears, desires, state of mind are crucial.