Exploring with women

[TheCyberPoet]

*fidget* Here's the deal. I like this girl. Okay... I adore her. What can I say? She's my best friend. She's also happily married with children.

Question: would you be willing to share her with her husband (at the same time)? It might be a requirement (think ahead).

It's a very jeapardous position you place yourself in. I agree with plesmone's advice, about not being forward and direct, lest you lose her friendship (you did say she's your *BEST* friend). On the other hand, if she is truly your best friend, then she will forgive you for being forward. A tact that might be advisable is to inform her that you would really enjoy her, but that you would never ask her to, rather just want to let her know the opportunity is there if she wants it (and then drop the subject like a hot potatoe). I have used this same tactic with many female friends:

"Look, I have to admit that I find you very desirable, but I would never do anything to compromise our friendship or to make you feel pressured in any way. Just know that if you are ever interested that way, I will welcome your attentions -- all you have to do is say so in a way that can not be misconstrued. Until then, I'll continue on the understanding that we are just friends and I won't mention it again."

Good Luck,
=-= The CyberPoet

 

[dizzylia]

dizzylia, I'm not the best source for advise, but here it is:
She may well be testing the water, but if she is not, then you stand to loose a good friend.

Which is what has me so worried.

Might I suggest that you makeup a story of how you have met someone through whatever, and she is bi and attracted to you...

I do like that idea. Thank you. Some have told me to just say what it is I've been thinking and to tell her how I feel but that could backfire in horrendous ways. I don't mean to act the coward. I just value my friendship with her far above anything else, and I don't want to risk losing that just because I misinterpreted her.

In any event, these feelings and any action you contemplate have already changed you.

So very true. Again, thank you.

Question: would you be willing to share her with her husband (at the same time)? It might be a requirement (think ahead).

If it came to that, yes. In fact... I'll admit, it excites me a little. I really have no interest in her husband; he's not my type. But the thought of sharing something like that... hell yeah.

... On the other hand, if she is truly your best friend, then she will forgive you for being forward.

Forgive, yes. Forget, never.

Also, thank you for your advice, plesmone and CyberPoet. I really do appreciate it. More than likely I'd implement a combination of both bits of advice. I really don't mean to look like such a wuss on all of this. It's just very confusing and frustrating for me. If I could somehow rule out the possibility that she thinks of me in the way I think of her, it would be so much easier to just accept that and move on. It's this constant unknown that keeps me up at night, the "what if's" that I long to ask as much as I dread it (or perhaps I dread the possible answers).

And with that... wish me luck.

 

[plesmone]

One of the hardest parts of any relationship is the start. So many 'what if's and unknowns.' I guess that's why we sometimes miss out on so much. To balance all that with a clear mind and a full heart is perhaps the best approach.

No matter the outcome - what I've come to know about you is that you are at the very center, simply wonderful.

Good luck

 

[dizzylia]

One of the hardest parts of any relationship is the start. So many 'what if's and unknowns.' I guess that's why we sometimes miss out on so much. To balance all that with a clear mind and a full heart is perhaps the best approach.

No matter the outcome - what I've come to know about you is that you are at the very center, simply wonderful.

Good luck

*blush* Thank you.

 

[TheCyberPoet]

It's just very confusing and frustrating for me. If I could somehow rule out the possibility that she thinks of me in the way I think of me, it would be so much easier to just accept that and move on. It's this constant unknown that keeps me up at night, the "what if's" that I long to ask as much as I dread it (or perhaps I dread the possible answers).

You could always do it the lazy way and simply sit her down at the computer and let her read what you've written here. It's very straight-forward and yet non-threatening in any sense....

=-= The CyberPoet

 

[dizzylia]

You could always do it the lazy way and simply sit her down at the computer and let her read what you've written here. It's very straight-forward and yet non-threatening in any sense....

=-= The CyberPoet

Yeah... I guess the main thing is that I want to sort of feel things out a bit first and see if my suspicions even have any merit. And the best way to do that is to start. I just have this lingering fear that I'll ruin what is for what might never be or could never be.

 

[TheCyberPoet]

There's always the third person tact: ask her if she's ever been interested or curious about being with a girl. Don't mention yourself at all... Start talking about guys, likes, dislikes -- preferably over several stiff drinks -- and then meander into the subject lightly.

Does she know of your inclinations?

Hugs
=-= The CyberPoet

 

[dizzylia]

Does she know of your inclinations?

No, she doesn't. Which doesn't help, does it? I've wanted to mention it many times; I like my friends to know me and not just the "safe me" that I let just anyone know.

I guess what it comes down to is that I'm afraid. Afraid of disrupting the status quo, afraid of ruining what is.... I don't know.

 

[TheCyberPoet]

That changes the whole picture.

Back to the drinks, talk about men, talk about women, come out to her (but don't come on to her). If she knows, she'll either make the first move or not. If she's offended in any sense, then she didn't really like who you truly are and shouldn't be counted as a best friend.

Hugs
=-= The CyberPoet

PS - it's politically chique to be bi

 

[dizzylia]

That changes the whole picture.

Back to the drinks, talk about men, talk about women, come out to her (but don't come on to her). If she knows, she'll either make the first move or not. If she's offended in any sense, then she didn't really like who you truly are and shouldn't be counted as a best friend.

Hugs
=-= The CyberPoet

PS - it's politically chique to be bi

*HUG* Thank you. It's so simple, so obvious, and yet I hadn't quite grasped it. You're absolutely right. If she's my friend it should be cause I am who I am and she is who she is.

Sincerely thankful,
dizzylia

PS - Fuck politics, I am who I am because I am.

Which brings me to another point, actually. Is it still "bisexual" if sex and gender have no meaning to a person? Or is there a totally different classification out there? Or... is that simply what it means to be bi?

For me, it's mostly that gender doesn't enter into the picture /until/ I have to consider the "politics" of a situation.

 

[TheCyberPoet]

Which brings me to another point, actually. Is it still "bisexual" if sex and gender have no meaning to a person? Or is there a totally different classification out there? Or... is that simply what it means to be bi?

To be bi is to be willing to consider either sex for the purposes of sex or emotions (not necessarily for both). It does not mean that you have a 50-50 basis: your particular bias may be that your attracted to men 99% of the time, and women only 1% of the time (or visa-versa); it simply means you are open to both possibilities given the right person(s).

I can't imagine that in this society that, for anyone, sex (the physical characteristics) and gender (the language traits assigned to the sexes) has no meaning. Do you expect your women to be exactly the same as your males, or do you cherish their femininity (or butchness for that matter)? I think what you mean is "can I be considered bi if I'm an EEN(*)?" And the answer to that would be a most distinctive "yes".

* NOTE: EEF - Equal Opportunity Nympomaniac?

Side thread for the day: help me decide which avatar is best from the three below:
http://www.cyberpoet.net/pics/literotica/avatar2.jpg http://www.cyberpoet.net/pics/literotica/avatar3.jpg http://www.cyberpoet.net/pics/literotica/cp_avatar.jpg

Feedback appreciated... thanks


=-= The CyberPoet

 

[dizzylia]

First things first,

I liked http://www.cyberpoet.net/pics/literotica/cp_avatar.jpg the best.

 

[dizzylia]

And moving on

I was a bit too quick (and buzzed) to state my thoughts earlier. Actually... I'm probably still too buzzed, but that's beside the point.

When I said that sex and gender had no meaning, I didn't really mean it in how I see people physically. What I was getting at (I think) was...

If a person concentrates purely on character rather than gender, if they try to see a person for who they are rather than what they are, are they bisexual?

I agree that they are, but I guess my question is, does this contain something beyond that? I think in the "cyber world" out there, this is (or I should say "can be") a bit more common. You get to know the person's characteristics long before you get to know what they look like, sound like, hell, sometimes we don't even truly know what gender they are. Granted, this requires honesty and trust, but assuming those two elements are there, gender could possibly enter the equation after the fact. You could fall for a person simply based on what they say, what they reveal, how they speak (or type), how they react. Does learning that this person is one gender or the other suddenly change you?


-dizzylia, who is probably becoming more confusing as the night progresses

 

[TheCyberPoet]

You could fall for a person simply based on what they say, what they reveal, how they speak (or type), how they react. Does learning that this person is one gender or the other suddenly change you?

It may well... It depends on what role they play -- is it someone, like yourself, with whom I am merely having a discussion? Then maybe, because my responses may be in part tailored to a generalized mindset that I believe prevelant in your sex. But, in general, if you have good ideas, good points, I will continue to enjoy the discussion, irrelevant.

If there is something more intimate to it, a flirtation, a subtle suggestion of longer term possibilities, yes, your response as to sex (as well as a large variety of other things) will change how I react to you...

Best Wishes,
=-= The CyberPoet

 

[dizzylia]

It may well... It depends on what role they play -- is it someone, like yourself, with whom I am merely having a discussion? Then maybe, because my responses may be in part tailored to a generalized mindset that I believe prevelant in your sex. But, in general, if you have good ideas, good points, I will continue to enjoy the discussion, irrelevant.

If there is something more intimate to it, a flirtation, a subtle suggestion of longer term possibilities, yes, your response as to sex (as well as a large variety of other things) will change how I react to you...

A valid point....

And perhaps it's just the hour, but I can't think of anything better to say to that. Heh. Good night.

 

[plesmone]

Re: And moving on

Does learning that this person is one gender or the other suddenly change you?

-dizzylia, who is probably becoming more confusing as the night progresses

yes...
All this is regardless of sexual preference. I like men, but also like women. You may have burned out of men and would like to give women a try. Someone else may be straight or gay. All and all, we still have our response to each person based on gender. Look at your first story. It is gender based, (not so much because of the sexual tones), but because of the vulnerability that I’m not so sure a man would understand. Confused? Me too…..

 

[TheCyberPoet]

G'nite, sweet heart, good night...
sleep tight, little one, sleep tight...
And if you should wake up with a fright,
just turn on the closest light,
for what poked you in your sleep
may have from under my covers peaked

 

[SEXNCANDY26]

What women see in other women

Hi peeps,

I have explored that women to women relationship and can admit that proudly. The things that drew me to women is the fact that women are more passionate,careing,and axcepting. For me personally i love the feel of a womens skin against mine,the feel of thier soft lips against mine,lets face it women know what women want ,need,and ache for. Men know to but women do it with passion,and softness,i am not dogging men but women just have thier touch and thats what women need sometimes.

I have been with women that have shown me what i need as a person sexually and emotionally, I am married but getting a divorce due to the fact that i have taken what i have learned from the women i have been with and putting it to use now. I am not saying men are bad or that i am lesbian,i am saying that all women have fantasies about being with women not many act on those feelings, For those who want to act on the feelings it is an experience u will never forget.

So those who try or want to Go for it and enjoy the experience

 

[TheCyberPoet]

I am married but getting a divorce due to the fact that i have taken what i have learned from the women i have been with and putting it to use now.

I suspect that you are getting a divorce not because of something you have "learned" directly, but because you were dissatisfied with your situation, your former significant other, and/or your perceptions of your situation. Perhaps, what you learned altered your expectations of your (then) existing relationship and those altered expectations could not be met (or were not being met). More likely, your dissatisfaction was what caused you to look elsewhere for emotional and/or sexual support in the first place. I do hope that you find happiness in your new relationship, and that your husband has adjusted well and moved on (or, if it is to both of your benefits, has stayed a part of your life)...

Meanwhile, please realize that not every woman is just like your current woman (or like yourself), and not every man is like your (ex-) husband. There is a huge gamut of human personalities and traits, and over the coming years you will find sensitive men and insensitive women as well as the reverse.

Good Luck and I hope everything works out wonderfully for you
=-= The CyberPoet

 

[dizzylia]

Re: Re: And moving on

yes...
What if I turned out to be a man – wouldn’t that drastically change your perception in everyway? I would think it would. Isn’t your relationship with me based on a commonality that only the same sex can share? All this is regardless of sexual preference. I like men, but also like women. You may have burned out of men and would like to give women a try. Someone else may be straight or gay. All and all, we still have our response to each person based on gender. Look at your first story. It is gender based, (not so much because of the sexual tones), but because of the vulnerability that I’m not so sure a man would understand. Confused? Me too…..

I guess what I was getting at was a rather hypothetical situation. Let's say there's person A and person B. They meet online. They click online, they fall for each other online while never discussing gender for whatever reason. Let's say A is a woman who has been straight all her life. She finds out B is also a woman. Is A now bi?

This is probably a silly hypothetical idea, actually, never mind. It's fun to think about though. I think that A would have to then decide if she were bi, and if so, she's still in love with B. But if the fact that B is female calls off all the bets, A is straight. (Or in denial )

Anyway, I'm done now. I guess I just love a good philosophical debate. I did mention my sign, yes? *points to very first post in this thread*

-dizzylia, who is no longer tired but is now doped up on cold meds

 

[plesmone]

dizzylia -
How's life?

 

[dizzylia]

dizzylia -
How's life?

Um... been better. Heh. It looks like I have to move back to the Midwest this December unless I can pull one hell of a rabbit out of a nonexistant hat.

So... yeah. Been busy trying to yet again salvage my life. It's unfortunately put my writing progress to all but a stand-still, but I'm hoping to have the next one ready by Dec. 1st or so. Wish me luck.


How've you been?

 

[dizzylia]

New Story

Well, it's a month late, but I finally published my next story.

It's called The Art of Desire and turned into the first chapter instead of its own little tale. Mostly because there was too much I wanted to do with the silly characters.

And aside from that, hello! I know I haven't been around lately. Most of that is due to not being able to use my own computer, and you never know when a cookie, link or image might pop up where it shouldn't. *grins*

Also, I'm moving yet again. This time back to MA, and I am very happy about it. However, that does mean I'm going to continue to be a little absent. Perhaps I'll finally get that promised picture posted, now that I figured out how to use my camera.

 

[plesmone]

welcome back

Welcome back friend - wonderful story- it drew me into Meghan's bed to be pleasured!

Don't take a month to write the next chapter.
Ples...

 

[dizzylia]

Re: welcome back

Welcome back friend - wonderful story- it drew me into Meghan's bed to be pleasured!

Don't take a month to write the next chapter.
Ples...

I'm glad to hear it!

And unfortunately, it just might. It depends on how the move goes (if at all) and how much time I have to myself to work on the next chapters.