Divorce and Separation

[MissTaken]

Re: BTW, MissTaken....

I'll be keeping an eye out for that "Nasty Mode"....I like my friends to have ridges and edges....it makes them so much more interesting!!!!

But, then, I can be like that....

I am woman!

Hear me roar!

It is my damn perrogative!

 

[MissTaken]

I tend to work a lot of hours, so I will not have a lot of time alone to dwell on the situation. I just hope the time flies by very quickly. Once I have my own place, I think that things will be easier .

Chewey

Yes, I know I lived my mom for a couple of months and was desperately anxious to get on with how my life ws going to be. The limbo sucks.

We can handle what we know is the case, but the wondering and state of flux, righ tnow, add to the challenge.

Best wishes and many hugs, chewey.

 

[chewbacca71]

You have my empathy! I've done that - twice - and it wasn't easy either time!!!

Staying busy can be therapeutic itself. Try not to dwell in your head - it can be an ugly place to be.

Be careful, and try to be good to yourself!!!!

I think the toughest part for me will be the last line. Most of the time since the kids were born, I have spent most of my spare time with them. When my wife was working, I was home with the kids. So having some spare time to go to the movies, go do things, read a book ect.....will be strange in the least.

Chewey

 

[chewbacca71]

Yes, I know I lived my mom for a couple of months and was desperately anxious to get on with how my life ws going to be. The limbo sucks.

We can handle what we know is the case, but the wondering and state of flux, righ tnow, add to the challenge.

Best wishes and many hugs, chewey.

Hugs are always good *winks* I am kind of looking forward to decorating my own place. I went straight from home to living with my future wife. It will be interesting to see how many wolf pictures I can get on the walls........

Chewey

 

[mbb308]

I think the toughest part for me will be the last line. Most of the time since the kids were born, I have spent most of my spare time with them. When my wife was working, I was home with the kids. So having some spare time to go to the movies, go do things, read a book ect.....will be strange in the least.

Chewey

Being good to oneself is a learned behavior....you'll get better with practice....but practice!!!

Include your kids in everything that you can. They still need you, and they are innocent. It took me awhile to do this with mine, but I did get better, and I'd bet my realtionship with him is tighter, stronger and more honest than his is with his mother.

They just moved to Florida from Virginia in June, and I've had some adjustment to go through....it has gotten better, though.

 

[mbb308]

Re: Re: BTW, MissTaken....

I am woman!

Hear me roar!

It is my damn perrogative!

Good....that way, I can hear you. I'm a tad bit deaf.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: Re: BTW, MissTaken....

Good....that way, I can hear you. I'm a tad bit deaf.

I speak well with my hands!


errrrr sign language, silly

 

[Playtimes fun]

tuff times

I am glad I found this thread. It is very informitive and I can see i will be a regular. I have been married 23 years the last three in turmoil. My wife has placed a higher value on her father, and taking care of him than our relationship. She is not the only child. He has always controlled our lives, financial and otherwise. About the only thing he never helped in was fathering our two wonderful kids who are now grown. We have discussed seperation and divorce and it will happen soon. Most of my stress related health problems are from living in this mess. I have choosen not to up and just leave because of who I am as a person. But plans are made and it is only a matter of weeks.

Thanks all for sharing your lives,

Marty

 

[MissTaken]

Welcome, Playtimes,

It isn't an easy thing, especially after so many years.

However, feel free to post, share your day, vent, cry or do whatever it takes to get you through the times ahead.

Even a joke or two is welcome.


Take care and be well.
My thoughts are with you

Miss T

 

[Playtimes fun]

Thank you MissTaken

Welcome, Playtimes,

It isn't an easy thing, especially after so many years.

However, feel free to post, share your day, vent, cry or do whatever it takes to get you through the times ahead.

Even a joke or two is welcome.


Take care and be well.
My thoughts are with you

Miss T

You can bet I will need and appreciate everyones support and encouragement..


Huggs,

Marty

 

[mbb308]

Re: Re: Re: Re: BTW, MissTaken....

I speak well with my hands!


errrrr sign language, silly

I'm not THAT deaf, and I do try to take better care of my hearing these days.

I would have understood you. I do little of the double entendre stuff, actually, even though it seems quite prevalent. You may label that as you wish - make me laugh.

Thought of you and chocolate milkshakes at lunch - had a burger, tho' - maybe a milkshake this evening!!!!

 

[mbb308]

Re: tuff times

I am glad I found this thread. It is very informitive and I can see i will be a regular. I have been married 23 years the last three in turmoil. My wife has placed a higher value on her father, and taking care of him than our relationship. She is not the only child. He has always controlled our lives, financial and otherwise. About the only thing he never helped in was fathering our two wonderful kids who are now grown. We have discussed seperation and divorce and it will happen soon. Most of my stress related health problems are from living in this mess. I have choosen not to up and just leave because of who I am as a person. But plans are made and it is only a matter of weeks.

Thanks all for sharing your lives,

Marty

Good luck, Marty. Read what has been posted here already, and ask questions, or, as MissTaken said, vent or otherwise emote. We've all done it.

Try to be good to yourself and aware of what is going on with yourself, and don't isolate - at least not for long. You don't have to go through this alone, unless you choose to.

 

[Playtimes fun]

Re: Re: tuff times

Good luck, Marty. Read what has been posted here already, and ask questions, or, as MissTaken said, vent or otherwise emote. We've all done it.

Try to be good to yourself and aware of what is going on with yourself, and don't isolate - at least not for long. You don't have to go through this alone, unless you choose to.

Thanks for the advise. The way my family is I will be the bad guy throughout this ordeal. It is bound to get very lonely. I know that and I have the mind set to fill it with work to help me through it. I will also be re-locating to a warmer climate for health reasons.. This is one of the top 5 issues that is bringing this divorce about. My doctor advised me to move and my wife refused to leave her dad and he wont move. That advice was given 10 years ago and I have only gotten worse. The control he exercises is so great.....I know its going to be a bumpy ride..

^5
Marty

 

[mbb308]

Re: Re: Re: tuff times

Thanks for the advise. The way my family is I will be the bad guy throughout this ordeal. It is bound to get very lonely. I know that and I have the mind set to fill it with work to help me through it. I will also be re-locating to a warmer climate for health reasons.. This is one of the top 5 issues that is bringing this divorce about. My doctor advised me to move and my wife refused to leave her dad and he wont move. That advice was given 10 years ago and I have only gotten worse. The control he exercises is so great.....I know its going to be a bumpy ride..

^5
Marty

I manage what I can and try not to worry about what I can't. It has helped me a great deal to live like that. Live today, not regretting the past nor fretting the future. Live in this moment - right now. You'll be fine, one day at a time!!!!

 

[Playtimes fun]

Re: Re: Re: Re: tuff times

I manage what I can and try not to worry about what I can't. It has helped me a great deal to live like that. Live today, not regretting the past nor fretting the future. Live in this moment - right now. You'll be fine, one day at a time!!!!

Sounds like a good mantra to follow........

thanks,
Marty

 

[mbb308]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: tuff times

Sounds like a good mantra to follow........

thanks,
Marty

It is....only wish I could remember to - ALL the time!!!!

 

[psyche]

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude here guys. It is 4:30, we're supposed to leave here at 5. He went into the office and he's not back yet. He has to change and pack some things before we leave........

 

[Arden]

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude here guys. It is 4:30, we're supposed to leave here at 5. He went into the office and he's not back yet. He has to change and pack some things before we leave........

Best wishes, Psyche... truly.

 

[mbb308]

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude here guys. It is 4:30, we're supposed to leave here at 5. He went into the office and he's not back yet. He has to change and pack some things before we leave........

Hope it works out, Dear, and that, at this moment, all is well, and you are dancing the night away!!!! Let us know, please.

 

[spankableBelle]

Did any of you ever know you should leave but were just too damn scared to do it, for one reason or another? And if so, how long did it finally take you before you sucked up enough courage, before you found that shred of self-esteem that was left, before you realized that your own needs were just as important as anyone else's, before you understood that your soul would die if you didn't walk away?

 

[MissTaken]

Did any of you ever know you should leave but were just too damn scared to do it, for one reason or another? And if so, how long did it finally take you before you sucked up enough courage, before you found that shred of self-esteem that was left, before you realized that your own needs were just as important as anyone else's, before you understood that your soul would die if you didn't walk away?

Belle, darlin',

Have you been reading my journal again?
Somehow, you always seem to say something that strikes a chord with me , whether it is here or way over there.
hugs to you

Yes, it took me five years to actually leave. I was afraid of what he would do if I left. I was also afraid of living with the guilt of failing if I didn't try everything I could. Six months before I left, I finally told him, "the shit is going to change or things are going to change. If you can't possibly change, I am leaving." The conversation was with regard to his angry outbursts, temper tantrums and threats.

I felt liberated after having said that. It was as if I had finally woke. Until that point, I struggled wiht trying to get through the next day and the thought of fourty more years in that situation. But in those words I found the reality which was, I could do what I needed to do and I really was the one in control.

Six months later, no change. I did an anger management plan with him, begged him to go to his doctor, did everything I could at home to give him NO reason to be angry and always failed and never left him alone with the children. Ever.

His last outburst was very out of control and he wanted to hit me. He never did. That sealed it. It was a matter of when, not if. HIs feeling is and was, "That is how men handle their anger."

February 20th was the date I left. ON Valentine's day the week before, he bought me a dozen long stemmed roses. He then ranted until I gave him half of the money for the flowers. That was it. That was when.

I was afraid, but arranged to leave when he was working. I left him a note. The first month was the most difficult because he couldn't handle himself. He made serious threats to my life when discussing money and stalked me, indirectly. (He paged me a dozen times a day to see where I was.) I threatened him with an Order of Protection and his behavior stopped. Then, he realized it was over and moved on.

So yes, I know fear.
I will tell you this. Since the divorce I have faced many challenges and crisis. Never, have I wished myself back with him.
Never.
Even when the crisis were financial.

Now, that is a bit about me.

Are you sorry you asked?

 

[MagicMan]

Hi to everyone.

I've been divorced for a little over 5 years and know the pain and heartaches that go with it. I'm fine now and enjoying life but if I can offer support to anyone who needs it I would be more than happy to help.

 

[Ukin]

Belle, darlin',

Have you been reading my journal again?
Somehow, you always seem to say something that strikes a chord with me , whether it is here or way over there.
hugs to you

Yes, it took me five years to actually leave. I was afraid of what he would do if I left. I was also afraid of living with the guilt of failing if I didn't try everything I could. Six months before I left, I finally told him, "the shit is going to change or things are going to change. If you can't possibly change, I am leaving." The conversation was with regard to his angry outbursts, temper tantrums and threats.

I felt liberated after having said that. It was as if I had finally woke. Until that point, I struggled wiht trying to get through the next day and the thought of fourty more years in that situation. But in those words I found the reality which was, I could do what I needed to do and I really was the one in control.

Six months later, no change. I did an anger management plan with him, begged him to go to his doctor, did everything I could at home to give him NO reason to be angry and always failed and never left him alone with the children. Ever.

His last outburst was very out of control and he wanted to hit me. He never did. That sealed it. It was a matter of when, not if. HIs feeling is and was, "That is how men handle their anger."

February 20th was the date I left. ON Valentine's day the week before, he bought me a dozen long stemmed roses. He then ranted until I gave him half of the money for the flowers. That was it. That was when.

I was afraid, but arranged to leave when he was working. I left him a note. The first month was the most difficult because he couldn't handle himself. He made serious threats to my life when discussing money and stalked me, indirectly. (He paged me a dozen times a day to see where I was.) I threatened him with an Order of Protection and his behavior stopped. Then, he realized it was over and moved on.

So yes, I know fear.
I will tell you this. Since the divorce I have faced many challenges and crisis. Never, have I wished myself back with him.
Never.
Even when the crisis were financial.

Now, that is a bit about me.

Are you sorry you asked?

You poor thing....we need to kind of "celebrate" the anniversary.

 

[MissTaken]

Hi to everyone.

I've been divorced for a little over 5 years and know the pain and heartaches that go with it. I'm fine now and enjoying life but if I can offer support to anyone who needs it I would be more than happy to help.

Thank you, Magic Man.

Feel free to hop in.

The water is fine!

 

[MissTaken]

You poor thing....we need to kind of "celebrate" the anniversary.

Thank you, Ukin.

But I am fine.

It is simply part of my history and I am happier now than I have ever been.

*warm smiles *