monkeyman057
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2011
- Posts
- 231
Lies. Don't listen to her Christopher.
I'm surprised no one here has brought up the most important issue here. Not a single person has made any mention what-so-ever of the most glaring social faux-pas that you're considering perpetrating.
Dude! Don't shit where you eat! You have to work with these girls every day. You date one of them, things go badly, they start talking shit about you to the other girls and all the sudden your name is mud and your highly stressful but stable and well paying job just became the one place in the world that you don't want to be. You're out numbered and out gunned in this place.
If you actually WANT a date (which is something I can't discern from the content of this thread) you need to meet some girls outside of work. I don't care how hot Girl A is - unless you've got another job all lined up as a back-up plan, stay clear of her even if she throws herself at you.
It's a cardinal rule brother. This is bad all the way around.
Lies. Don't listen to her Christopher.
I'm surprised no one here has brought up the most important issue here. Not a single person has made any mention what-so-ever of the most glaring social faux-pas that you're considering perpetrating.
Dude! Don't shit where you eat! You have to work with these girls every day. You date one of them, things go badly, they start talking shit about you to the other girls and all the sudden your name is mud and your highly stressful but stable and well paying job just became the one place in the world that you don't want to be. You're out numbered and out gunned in this place.
If you actually WANT a date (which is something I can't discern from the content of this thread) you need to meet some girls outside of work. I don't care how hot Girl A is - unless you've got another job all lined up as a back-up plan, stay clear of her even if she throws herself at you.
It's a cardinal rule brother. This is bad all the way around.
I agree with this. These girls already gossip, so unless you are head over heels crazy about this one girl, which you stated you're not, to the point that you don't even like her, then I would pass. Instead, maybe these girls have available friends that would be great to date.
There is nothing wrong with letting them know you are looking, but won't date co-workers. You can even finish a statement with "Gosh, I wish we could have lunch, but that would be awkward since we work together, but if you have any single friends, please let don't hesitate to steer them in my direction."...or something to that nature.
Playing with fire can get you burned, if you're stupid, but if you're smart you can avoid that. Life would be a lot more boring without fire. It would also be a lot more cold too. In other words, learn to grow a pair. Don't live your life in fear of what might happen. Keep your head up, and stay aware of the possible trouble but don't turn tail and run at the mere thought of the possibility of it. That is no way to live, trust me.
tmmmbrrr
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2010
- Posts
- 3,481
I can't believe that you're not having lunch with her right now!!!! Do exactly what pmann said immediately!
Will help if I can...
Are you shy? Do you need dating tips? Are you interested in women or this women?
Why does it feel like rocket science? Would like to help but need more information. Feel free to message me.
Are you shy? Do you need dating tips? Are you interested in women or this women?
Why does it feel like rocket science? Would like to help but need more information. Feel free to message me.
imready2
For mutual pleasures
- Joined
- May 13, 2007
- Posts
- 2,679
As for the comment from a woman who can't understand men, its usually pretty easy. Take what they say at face value and don't try to find any hidden meaning behind it. If there is some ambiguity, ask simple questions. We get so used to talking around everything that we forget that things can be meant in a simple and straight-forward way sometimes
The #1 mis-translation is probably if you ask a guy what he is thinking, and expect him to tell you how he feels. He'll tell you what he is thinking (which is often inappropriate for the tone of the conversation), and that can make you feel patronized or make you think he is shutting you out, when all he did was answer the question the best way he knew how.
The #1 mis-translation is probably if you ask a guy what he is thinking, and expect him to tell you how he feels. He'll tell you what he is thinking (which is often inappropriate for the tone of the conversation), and that can make you feel patronized or make you think he is shutting you out, when all he did was answer the question the best way he knew how.
AlisonMarch
Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2012
- Posts
- 73
Because if you don't like her, you're not likely to accidentally end up dating her. Unless you have a lot less self-control than I'm giving you credit for.
Rawr_Tiger
Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2012
- Posts
- 38
Understanding women is like trying to see with your eyes closed, its impossible.
Perhaps she wants to get to know you better, perhaps she feels sorry for you, perhaps she is an evil bitch and wants to use you.
You wont know unless you give it a shot.
If it works out nicely, great there could be more to it than you first thought.
If not, there are plenty more "fish" in the sea.
Good luck.
C
Christopher2012
Guest
Alright, here's the end product.
Girl A doesn't like me and fuck her. Don't care about her anymore.
Girl B knows I like Girl A. I honestly don't know how she feels about it. We're on good terms still though.
I'm not going to lunch with Girl C. I wouldn't fuck her and I wouldn't date her. And even if she were to try to hook me up with Girl B, I would decline for obvious reasons.
Done.
Girl A doesn't like me and fuck her. Don't care about her anymore.
Girl B knows I like Girl A. I honestly don't know how she feels about it. We're on good terms still though.
I'm not going to lunch with Girl C. I wouldn't fuck her and I wouldn't date her. And even if she were to try to hook me up with Girl B, I would decline for obvious reasons.
Done.
Christopher, have you ever thought of working with a life coach? It isn't therapy, they are people who work with you to achieve your goals, whatever they are, and they may be able to help. I personally think a therapist might be able to help you as well, from reading your threads there are some things that that aren't just shyness IMO, there to me are hangups, somewhere along the line something influenced your feelings about women that quite frankly aren't healthy, in all the cases you talk about women they always have ulterior motives or otherwise aren't worthy. Yep, women are different then men, they can be vain, they can be selfish, some of them are users, some of them are immature assholes who never got out of the 7th grade, some of them are vicious bitches (and some of them are good at playing vicious bitches when wearing leather, but that is a good thing! *lol*), but hate to tell you, so are many men. Yeah, there are a ton of books written about men and women, the mars and venus stuff, the crap you see in Judd Apatow movie, the endless claims.....
Want to know something? Human beings are complex, men are simply complex in different ways, we all are a soup of background, genetics, hormones and who the hell knows what....and what you are thinking about a girl, she is probably thinking about you. One of the things you do is over think things, you beat it to death before even doing any thing, and that is part of the problem. It doesn't mean you let mini me do all your thinking for you, but it means trust your instincts too and let things happen, it is how things do happen, the people who plot out their future relationships IME usually end up either not dating much or end up with the wrong person.
Okay, now onto my real advice, for the 0.00 you paid for it. One of the things a lot of people in this world have forgotten about is casual dating, where you go out and do something and it is just that, no drama, no 'this is the gal/guy I am going to marry', you go out and do something simply to be with someone and do it.So that gal wanted to do lunch with you..do it, but without any kind of expectations on it (on top of everything else, gets you away from work for a bit...). If you go out and she starts pushing the other gal on you, you will see that and since there is absolutely zero resting on the lunch, there is no pressure.
In a sense, casual dating is practice, it is kind of like how big time college sports teams schedule some podunk school as their first opponent, they know it isn't serious and the can concentrate on using it to refine their skills for the 'big games'.
As far as seriously dating someone from work, in the kind of setting you are in I would agree it prob is better not to unless you find someone really worth it (as in a great scene from a movie about Vince Lombardi, the Green Bay Packers coach, who caught his star running back, Paul Hornung, breaking curfew, and gives him a 500 buck fine, and tells him next time, it will be 5 grand [back when football players didn't make that much], slams the door, and then opens it and says "Psst, kid, if you find someone worth 5 grand, wake me and I'll go with you"). Small employers are hotbeds of all kinds of crap, least in a larger company dating can be lost in the size of the place, where you are has no cover. If there is someone you just absolutely have the hots for, well, then go for it, but it better be someone you think is that special.
I would stay away from gal B, not because I necessarily think she is looking for a guy to support her so she can screw around or something, though there are signs that could be true (if the gal that asked you to go to lunch starts pushing the girl with the kid, I would be suspicious, if for the fact that she asked you to go out after finding out you are inexperienced, even to my generally forgiving eyes that sounds like a set up, and not a good one, why was it she only was interested after finding out you were inexeperienced, that smells to me), but rather because she herself didn't ask you out, which tells me either A)her friend is doing this without her knowing b)she knows, and is part of a plot. You know these gals better then any of us, if you think it is a setup, or the gal that wants to go out with you is a major gossip and you figure she is doing it to get dirt on you, then you may not want to do it, or go out to lunch with her and treat it like going out to lunch with another male employee and not talk about much of anything
Want to know something? Human beings are complex, men are simply complex in different ways, we all are a soup of background, genetics, hormones and who the hell knows what....and what you are thinking about a girl, she is probably thinking about you. One of the things you do is over think things, you beat it to death before even doing any thing, and that is part of the problem. It doesn't mean you let mini me do all your thinking for you, but it means trust your instincts too and let things happen, it is how things do happen, the people who plot out their future relationships IME usually end up either not dating much or end up with the wrong person.
Okay, now onto my real advice, for the 0.00 you paid for it. One of the things a lot of people in this world have forgotten about is casual dating, where you go out and do something and it is just that, no drama, no 'this is the gal/guy I am going to marry', you go out and do something simply to be with someone and do it.So that gal wanted to do lunch with you..do it, but without any kind of expectations on it (on top of everything else, gets you away from work for a bit...). If you go out and she starts pushing the other gal on you, you will see that and since there is absolutely zero resting on the lunch, there is no pressure.
In a sense, casual dating is practice, it is kind of like how big time college sports teams schedule some podunk school as their first opponent, they know it isn't serious and the can concentrate on using it to refine their skills for the 'big games'.
As far as seriously dating someone from work, in the kind of setting you are in I would agree it prob is better not to unless you find someone really worth it (as in a great scene from a movie about Vince Lombardi, the Green Bay Packers coach, who caught his star running back, Paul Hornung, breaking curfew, and gives him a 500 buck fine, and tells him next time, it will be 5 grand [back when football players didn't make that much], slams the door, and then opens it and says "Psst, kid, if you find someone worth 5 grand, wake me and I'll go with you"). Small employers are hotbeds of all kinds of crap, least in a larger company dating can be lost in the size of the place, where you are has no cover. If there is someone you just absolutely have the hots for, well, then go for it, but it better be someone you think is that special.
I would stay away from gal B, not because I necessarily think she is looking for a guy to support her so she can screw around or something, though there are signs that could be true (if the gal that asked you to go to lunch starts pushing the girl with the kid, I would be suspicious, if for the fact that she asked you to go out after finding out you are inexperienced, even to my generally forgiving eyes that sounds like a set up, and not a good one, why was it she only was interested after finding out you were inexeperienced, that smells to me), but rather because she herself didn't ask you out, which tells me either A)her friend is doing this without her knowing b)she knows, and is part of a plot. You know these gals better then any of us, if you think it is a setup, or the gal that wants to go out with you is a major gossip and you figure she is doing it to get dirt on you, then you may not want to do it, or go out to lunch with her and treat it like going out to lunch with another male employee and not talk about much of anything
mike2010fc
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2010
- Posts
- 167
.....
Last edited:
Lord Pmann
Lord
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2012
- Posts
- 21,095
Deja vu?
C
Christopher2012
Guest
Over and over. It's my life in a nutshell.
At least I can escape with video games and alcohol, right?
imemkay
Lucky Girl
- Joined
- May 15, 2012
- Posts
- 1,931
Its like hitting my head against a wall!
Nobody said you had to date her or fuck her, its just lunch with a co-worker. You're new in town, go forth and make friends!
Who knows, maybe you'll get a new video game and drinking buddy!
C
Christopher2012
Guest
Its like hitting my head against a wall!
Nobody said you had to date her or fuck her, its just lunch with a co-worker. You're new in town, go forth and make friends!
Who knows, maybe you'll get a new video game and drinking buddy!
Okay, I guess I just don't understand personal interaction in general, with guys OR girls.
C
Christopher2012
Guest
Christopher, have you ever thought of working with a life coach? It isn't therapy, they are people who work with you to achieve your goals, whatever they are, and they may be able to help. I personally think a therapist might be able to help you as well, from reading your threads there are some things that that aren't just shyness IMO, there to me are hangups, somewhere along the line something influenced your feelings about women that quite frankly aren't healthy, in all the cases you talk about women they always have ulterior motives or otherwise aren't worthy. Yep, women are different then men, they can be vain, they can be selfish, some of them are users, some of them are immature assholes who never got out of the 7th grade, some of them are vicious bitches (and some of them are good at playing vicious bitches when wearing leather, but that is a good thing! *lol*), but hate to tell you, so are many men. Yeah, there are a ton of books written about men and women, the mars and venus stuff, the crap you see in Judd Apatow movie, the endless claims.....
Want to know something? Human beings are complex, men are simply complex in different ways, we all are a soup of background, genetics, hormones and who the hell knows what....and what you are thinking about a girl, she is probably thinking about you. One of the things you do is over think things, you beat it to death before even doing any thing, and that is part of the problem. It doesn't mean you let mini me do all your thinking for you, but it means trust your instincts too and let things happen, it is how things do happen, the people who plot out their future relationships IME usually end up either not dating much or end up with the wrong person.
Okay, now onto my real advice, for the 0.00 you paid for it. One of the things a lot of people in this world have forgotten about is casual dating, where you go out and do something and it is just that, no drama, no 'this is the gal/guy I am going to marry', you go out and do something simply to be with someone and do it.So that gal wanted to do lunch with you..do it, but without any kind of expectations on it (on top of everything else, gets you away from work for a bit...). If you go out and she starts pushing the other gal on you, you will see that and since there is absolutely zero resting on the lunch, there is no pressure.
In a sense, casual dating is practice, it is kind of like how big time college sports teams schedule some podunk school as their first opponent, they know it isn't serious and the can concentrate on using it to refine their skills for the 'big games'.
As far as seriously dating someone from work, in the kind of setting you are in I would agree it prob is better not to unless you find someone really worth it (as in a great scene from a movie about Vince Lombardi, the Green Bay Packers coach, who caught his star running back, Paul Hornung, breaking curfew, and gives him a 500 buck fine, and tells him next time, it will be 5 grand [back when football players didn't make that much], slams the door, and then opens it and says "Psst, kid, if you find someone worth 5 grand, wake me and I'll go with you"). Small employers are hotbeds of all kinds of crap, least in a larger company dating can be lost in the size of the place, where you are has no cover. If there is someone you just absolutely have the hots for, well, then go for it, but it better be someone you think is that special.
I would stay away from gal B, not because I necessarily think she is looking for a guy to support her so she can screw around or something, though there are signs that could be true (if the gal that asked you to go to lunch starts pushing the girl with the kid, I would be suspicious, if for the fact that she asked you to go out after finding out you are inexperienced, even to my generally forgiving eyes that sounds like a set up, and not a good one, why was it she only was interested after finding out you were inexeperienced, that smells to me), but rather because she herself didn't ask you out, which tells me either A)her friend is doing this without her knowing b)she knows, and is part of a plot. You know these gals better then any of us, if you think it is a setup, or the gal that wants to go out with you is a major gossip and you figure she is doing it to get dirt on you, then you may not want to do it, or go out to lunch with her and treat it like going out to lunch with another male employee and not talk about much of anything
njlauren, I just want you to know that I really did read this and I took it to heart. But really, I'm not going to a life coach. I wouldn't even know how to do something like that.
I can say that I agree with you 100% about my problems being 'hangups.' My life hinges around them. If somebody wrote a book about my life, it would be entitled "HANGUPS." haha
It's mental. I used to think I'd be able to work on my problems once I got out of school and started working a normal job. But now, my job creates WAY MORE problems and I'm overwhelmed.
Now my doctor is on my ass because I was honest with them about my alcohol use. I knew I should have lied to that bitch and told her that I only drank "occasionally."
'sigh'
I'll echo the words of the PA I saw yesterday, "[My] life sucks right now."
southern_gal
The zoo was fun.
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,217
Christopher you said something that got my attention and it worries me a bit. You called your Dr. a bitch. I am certain that you know that we don't often hold that as a term of endearment. Are you bitter towards women and could that be making you hesitant about our intentions? I am sure your Dr. has your best interests in mind cause that is what they do right? But to call her a bitch? Not going to go Freud on you but I cannot but think there is something under the surface. I do however hope it works out for you.
G
GrrlFriday
Guest
Your doctor may be worried that you might feel like you need alcohol to cope in social situations. If you get into the habit of doing that, then pretty soon work becomes a social situation you need alcohol to get through, and pretty soon you don't have work.
C
Christopher2012
Guest
Your doctor may be worried that you might feel like you need alcohol to cope in social situations. If you get into the habit of doing that, then pretty soon work becomes a social situation you need alcohol to get through, and pretty soon you don't have work.
No no no... I have never gone into a social situation with more than 2 drinks in me. Never. Waaaay too scared to drink and drive. And I've never had a drink in the morning.
C
Christopher2012
Guest
I don't hate women, REALLY. I just vent a lot. And it's easier to vent on a forum. I didn't call the PA a bitch because she was a woman. I called her a bitch for telling me to stop drinking. haha
C
Christopher2012
Guest
Oh and guess what? It's 6pm on Saturday night and I have had ZERO alcohol. Zero Xanax. No withdrawal symptoms except that I'm bored as hell and have no life. I even bought a new game today (Far Cry 3) and I'm bored.
If I had a few drinks, I'd be sleepy and would probably be in bed by 7pm.
If I had a few drinks, I'd be sleepy and would probably be in bed by 7pm.
southern_gal
The zoo was fun.
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,217
imemkay
Lucky Girl
- Joined
- May 15, 2012
- Posts
- 1,931
Lol no drinks, no xanax....hmmm must be some other drug of choice you've been getting today.
