Did I get asked out?

[Christopher2012]

Okay so I was at work today. Generally speaking, everybody at work knows that I have never really had a girlfriend and that I don't get laid. Well, one of the girls flat out asked me if I were a virgin. Typically in a case like that, I'd get uncomfortable... but I was in a "whatever" mood (because we were slammed busy - 1st of the month busy). So I said a quick "yes."

About an hour later, she came over to me and said that we needed to get lunch sometime. And then she said "Not in a weird way or anything."

How should I accept that? I have come to the realization that I just don't understand women and I never will. So what do you guys think? Date or not?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Go to lunch with her. Pick up the check. Don't be creepy. See how she acts. Maybe she's genuinely interested in a guy that isn't a player.

 

[Kikoro]

Don't try so hard to understand "women" in general. Just work on getting to know her if you are interested. That'll be enough for her.

And yes, that was definitely an invitation on a date. But don't call it a date. She probably wants to play it safe for now. Don't be in a hurry to attach labels to it and you should be fine

 

[LadyVer]

This isn't really rocket surgery. She suggested lunch, go to lunch.

Ditto.

 

[Christopher2012]

It is fucking rocket surgery. It really is.

Fuck women. I hate dating.

 

[LadyVer]

It is fucking rocket surgery. It really is.

Fuck women. I hate dating.

...

 

[Kikoro]

Try to think of it as an interesting quirk to explore instead of an obstacle to a relationship? Otherwise that attitude is probably going to keep you from getting close to anyone. You're seriously over-complicating having lunch here.

EDIT: LadyVer, I don't think he means it...he's just stressed out and overreacting. Give him a chance to calm down.

 

[imemkay]

Well look at you Christopher!!!

Pick up the check, make eye contact, and smile!!

 

[LadyVer]

Dating is a game, no matter the age. One of the keys is saying the hell with it and try to have fun.

 

[Scheherazade73]

Can we get back to the part where you mention that you never get laid? And are you actually a virgin or was that something you said to shut her up? Your co-workers know an awful lot about you!

As for the lunch, she asked you, and it probably took a lot for her to do so. She may have sensed you were freaked out, hence the "not in a weird way" comment. She might have just wanted to get to know you without expectation. Which actually sounds like it might be the best thing all around.

And do you like this girl? Or maybe like this girl?

Sorry...I'm curious

 

[Christopher2012]

Can we get back to the part where you mention that you never get laid? And are you actually a virgin or was that something you said to shut her up? Your co-workers know an awful lot about you!

As for the lunch, she asked you, and it probably took a lot for her to do so. She may have sensed you were freaked out, hence the "not in a weird way" comment. She might have just wanted to get to know you without expectation. Which actually sounds like it might be the best thing all around.

And do you like this girl? Or maybe like this girl?

Sorry...I'm curious

No, I don't like her.

Believe it or not, we say incredibly inappropriate things where I work. The first day on the job, some chick jokingly asked to see my penis. And in a joke-fight, another girl told me to lick her taint.

My job is stressful - HIGHLY stressful. The girls joke around in shocking ways to lighten the mood. That's why they know so much.... because when I get asked an inappropriate question, I honestly don't mind answering it truthfully.

For instance, one girl asked me how I went so long without having sex. I honestly told her that my life sucks and that I hope it's short. I told her that I would never wish this on my worst enemy.

Whatever... she laughed about it. And that was before she asked me to lunch.

 

[NightL]

Give her the benefit of doubt - even treat it as an experiment if you will. "That lunch - right, you are on - Monday I'll take you to... My shout" pmann was right, don't offer to pay - you just take care of the bill. Some old fashioned things just work.

A little time in another environment, you may just find a few things to like. You are not signing up to a relationship - just having a break away from work premises.

There have been a few people that I have sparred with initially and ended up changing my judgement of them. Friendships and more developed.

Maybe she is actually giving you the benefit of doubt. No one else has made this offer - would be courteous to say yes.

Some little things that come along can actually be life changing - grab them, don't walk by and wonder.

 

[Cratchit]

Trust me, understanding women is tougher than Chinese algebra, so i wouldnt even try.


Take her out to lunch. She may be a virgin herself or like virgins or hell, just like that you arent a player. who knows

 

[Lion_Roar]

Go to lunch! Even if you aren't really interested in her as relationship material. If anything it can be a fun way to mix up your stressful or boring work day, make a new friend, network, blah blah blah. Worse case scenario, it sucks and you never go to lunch with her again. Just my thoughts.

 

[Emerson40]

.....

 

[sunandshadow]

However, don't be furious or hurt if it turns out to be a "matchmaking date" instead. This is a less likely possibility than a normal date, and very unlikely if she has no history of being a matchmaker. But if she does have a reputation for matchmaking, she might want private time to ask you what you are looking for in a woman so she can set you up with one of her female acquaintances.

 

[GrrlFriday]

Chris - to add to the previous advice, try and arrive on time, or no more than 5 or 10 minutes late.

 

[Christopher2012]

However, don't be furious or hurt if it turns out to be a "matchmaking date" instead. This is a less likely possibility than a normal date, and very unlikely if she has no history of being a matchmaker. But if she does have a reputation for matchmaking, she might want private time to ask you what you are looking for in a woman so she can set you up with one of her female acquaintances.

Well actually....

This is kind of what it really is....

It's too long to explain the whole story, but the girl who asked me to lunch doesn't even come across as liking me. We really aren't each other's type. However, it's her friend that has a crush on me.

I have a crush on one girl at work (Girl A). Everybody at work knows and has tried to hook us up. That didn't happen. She said no but still flirts with me more than ever.... so fucking weird.

Girl B (who I WOULD date if she didn't have a kid) likes me and I know that for a fact.

Girl C is the girl who asked me to lunch. Girl C is best friends with Girl B.

And the older ladies at work keep telling me to watch out for these girls... they tell me in a semi-joking way... but they do have a serious point. Additionally, I understand the concept of sexual harassment in the workplace. I understand office romances are bad. But really, I come across as a "nice guy" and I never come on to any of the women. It's all just fun and joking around. I never cross personal boundaries. It turns into a lot of "he said/she said" type of stuff.

Playing with fire. Hope I don't get burned.

 

[NightL]

Girl B (who I WOULD date if she didn't have a kid) likes me and I know that for a fact.

Christopher - being friends with or even dating a mother does not turn you into a boring fart - you will do that all by yourself with an attitude like that.

Is she screaming out "Oh there is Christopher, he is going to be the new father figure to my child"? - think about it. Stop being silly - ask this woman out -she likes you - you like her.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Christopher - being friends with or even dating a mother does not turn you into a boring fart - you will do that all by yourself with an attitude like that.

Is she screaming out "Oh there is Christopher, he is going to be the new father figure to my child"? - think about it. Stop being silly - ask this woman out -she likes you - you like her.

I'd say though, if Christopher doesn't have the desire to have kids or to be some kind of father figure, he's being wise. Nothing is worse than the guy who "tries out" dating a girl with a kid.

I watched my best friend do this with two girls and the relationships ended up badly. He used to always say he didn't want to date a girl with a kid. But then, he met a couple of girls with kids and dated them, despite his desire not to have kids. He would get attached to the girls, the girls attached to him and the kids to him. But in the end, it always came back to him not being able to deal with it.

If you look to date a girl with a child, you must well consider what that entails. I think Chris is being wise if be doesn't feel comfortable dating a girl with a child.

 

[Eilan]

I'd say though, if Christopher doesn't have the desire to have kids or to be some kind of father figure, he's being wise. Nothing is worse than the guy who "tries out" dating a girl with a kid.

I watched my best friend do this with two girls and the relationships ended up badly. He used to always say he didn't want to date a girl with a kid. But then, he met a couple of girls with kids and dated them, despite his desire not to have kids. He would get attached to the girls, the girls attached to him and the kids to him. But in the end, it always came back to him not being able to deal with it.

If you look to date a girl with a child, you must well consider what that entails. I think Chris is being wise if be doesn't feel comfortable dating a girl with a child.

+1,000,000 to this entire post.

 

[NightL]

Sage pmann - this time I am so going to disagree

Three of my past partners have children. NEVER EVER (did I say that loudly enough) was there a concept that I would become a surrogate father. Respect - Mum's friend - but never "here is your new dad" NEVER.

The question is - who ultimately created the problems? Did the males place unrealistic pressures upon themselves?

This myth is so harmful to amazing women who have children.

 

[Christopher2012]

I'd say though, if Christopher doesn't have the desire to have kids or to be some kind of father figure, he's being wise. Nothing is worse than the guy who "tries out" dating a girl with a kid.

I watched my best friend do this with two girls and the relationships ended up badly. He used to always say he didn't want to date a girl with a kid. But then, he met a couple of girls with kids and dated them, despite his desire not to have kids. He would get attached to the girls, the girls attached to him and the kids to him. But in the end, it always came back to him not being able to deal with it.

If you look to date a girl with a child, you must well consider what that entails. I think Chris is being wise if be doesn't feel comfortable dating a girl with a child.

Aaaaaand BINGO! I wouldn't touch a single mother with a ten foot pole. (TWSS)

Plus... Girl B is engaged. She has told me that she and her "boyfriend" (the term she used) don't even get along anymore. And I know for a fact that she just wants me for the money. I will admit though, she is very cute, playful, and we get along well. But she's just bad news any way you look at it.

 

[NightL]

Well that certainly answers my post on your thread - and I now believe she is truly lucky that you didn't consider even a friendship.

MUMS ARE NOT LEPERS - for fuck sake - grow up

 

[Christopher2012]

Well that certainly answers my post on your thread - and I now believe she is truly lucky that you didn't consider even a friendship.

MUMS ARE NOT LEPERS - for fuck sake - grow up

I seriously don't understand your logic. Either you ARE a single mother, or you're dating one.