Defining Love

[LazarusLong101]

Love- That condition that exists when another persons happiness is essential to your own.


Diaries of Lazarus Long

 

[midwestyankee]

LOL--Good call. I need a funny movie this evening.

Oh, and nice save. I won't even push you off the cliff.

That's good - because I can't swim.

 

[Cathleen]

That's good - because I can't swim.

Yeah, but will she share the brownies she is making? Now THAT would be a definition of love.

 

[Cathleen]

Love- That condition that exists when another persons happiness is essential to your own.


Diaries of Lazarus Long

Nicely said Lazarus. Glad to have you with us.

 

[ewopper]

Welcome to the thread ewopper - sometimes the bare bones of it are that you do just accept the bs.

I've been thinking about committment lately and then read the following, it wasn't the first time I've read it and it hit me differently this time. Thought I'd share it with you all, if you'd like to share your thoughts.

This is from The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav...from the chapter on relationships:

"There are certain growing dynamics that can occur only within the dynamic of commitment. Without commitment you cannot learn to care for another person more than yourself. You cannot learn to value the growth of stenghth and clarity in another soul, even it that threatens the wants of your personality. When you release the wants of your personality in order to accommodate and encourage another's growth, you attune yourself to that person's soul. Without commitment, you cannot learn to see others as your soul see them - as beautiful and powerful spirits of the Light."

in my lifetime I've loved hard and tried to be what I thought my woman wanted, what they told me they wanted... i found out they gave that up for the thrill of sex outside the relationship. I finally stopped asking why and moved on. either a woman will accept me for me or I'll go on alone no more compromising my integrity no matter how beautiful she is

 

[midwestyankee]

Yeah, but will she share the brownies she is making? Now THAT would be a definition of love.

It would begin to define the outer boundaries, of that I am sure.

 

[bobsgirl]

I'm having a little trouble today with the concept of tough love. As a mother, it just natural to me to want to ease my child's pain and do what I can to fix the situation. In my heart I feel that way. My intellect says if he doesn't go through the pain, he won't learn to handle adversity.

So the two parts of me are at odds with each other, I feel the dreaded g-word--guilty, and I want to do what's right.

Sometimes, I want to put away my mother badge.

 

[bobsgirl]

Yeah, but will she share the brownies she is making? Now THAT would be a definition of love.

Yes ma'am, I am known far and wide for my habit of showing love with food. Especially to myself, which is NOT a good thing.

Hi Cate--did you love dogs?

 

[Cathleen]

Yes ma'am, I am known far and wide for my habit of showing love with food. Especially to myself, which is NOT a good thing.

Hi Cate--did you love dogs?

Hi BG, I did and do love dogs. It was fun, won't say it's a must for the big screen but it was fun. John Cusack's character reminds me of someone I know and I can't put my finger on it... at one point I laughed and told my friend I had figured it out - that he reminded me of me. lol But it's not and it will bug me until I figure that out.

I want brownies - always. But I am heading to bed with the optimistic thought of sleeping. Talk with you tomorrow - no need to have the mom badge then ok? G'night... sweet brownie dreams.

 

[midwestyankee]

A question for all who ponder, linger, or wander here:

How important is sharing a sense of humor to your loving relationships?

 

[shell seeker2]

A question for all who ponder, linger, or wander here:
I've been trying to catch up on the thread as I was away for 2 weeks. I'm glad to see the thread is still going strong!
How important is sharing a sense of humor to your loving relationships?

I think is is very important. I live by, IF you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? There are so many situations where a sense of humor is necessity. I don't know what we would do if we didn't have our sense of humor!

 

[midwestyankee]

I think is is very important. I live by, IF you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? There are so many situations where a sense of humor is necessity. I don't know what we would do if we didn't have our sense of humor!

If I laughed at myself at every available opportunity, I doubt if I'd ever get anything done.

 

[shell seeker2]

If I laughed at myself at every available opportunity, I doubt if I'd ever get anything done.

me either. I think it keeps me sane, if that makes any sense.

 

[midwestyankee]

me either. I think it keeps me sane, if that makes any sense.

So you're saying that sanity is a good thing? Now that's a novel idea.

 

[shell seeker2]

So you're saying that sanity is a good thing? Now that's a novel idea.

I haven't been able to keep a smile on my face for a few days now. I'm feeling a lot saner than I was Sunday, Monday or Tuesday. However, I'm just as giddy tonight as I was Saturday when my life changed! LOL. Love is such a high isn't it!

 

[midwestyankee]

I haven't been able to keep a smile on my face for a few days now. I'm feeling a lot saner than I was Sunday, Monday or Tuesday. However, I'm just as giddy tonight as I was Saturday when my life changed! LOL. Love is such a high isn't it!

Your life changed on Saturday? I'm glad to hear that. Love just is. It's neither high nor low, for it is all things. When we love well and are well loved in return, the joy we feel can be exuberance personified.

 

[bobsgirl]

A question for all who ponder, linger, or wander here:

How important is sharing a sense of humor to your loving relationships?

How important? It's vital. If you can't laugh with each other, mercy, how boring that would be! And although sometimes I want to duct-tape his mouth shut, my husband's corny sense of humor is very endearing.

 

[midwestyankee]

How important? It's vital. If you can't laugh with each other, mercy, how boring that would be! And although sometimes I want to duct-tape his mouth shut, my husband's corny sense of humor is very endearing.

Maybe I should have stated my question a little more clearly. I was wondering if people thought that having similar senses of humor was a necessity.

Sorry, BG, I don't mean to pick on your answer. Besides, if your husband and I were in the same room somebody could probably come around the next day and make a good batch of ethanol from all the left-over corn.

 

[Tighter]

My answer can be summed up in a line from one of my favorite movies.

"I'm sorry to say this but those who are most worthy of love are never made happy by it. Do you still think men love the way we do? No... men enjoy the happiness they feel. We can only enjoy the happiness we give. They are not capable of devoting themselves exclusively to one person. So to hope to be made happy by love is a certain cause of grief."

 

[midwestyankee]

My answer can be summed up in a line from one of my favorite movies.

"I'm sorry to say this but those who are most worthy of love are never made happy by it. Do you still think men love the way we do? No... men enjoy the happiness they feel. We can only enjoy the happiness we give. They are not capable of devoting themselves exclusively to one person. So to hope to be made happy by love is a certain cause of grief."

I beg to differ on two counts. First, this is a gross generalization. As a man who gets much happiness from giving love, I object to the simple characterization in this quote. Second, I question the notion "devoting themselves exclusively to one person" is a weakness. So long as love is given purely and sincerely, it should not matter how many people someone loves.

 

[Tighter]

I beg to differ on two counts. First, this is a gross generalization. As a man who gets much happiness from giving love, I object to the simple characterization in this quote. Second, I question the notion "devoting themselves exclusively to one person" is a weakness. So long as love is given purely and sincerely, it should not matter how many people someone loves.

You can take it any way you like, opinions aren't something to be argued as everyone is entitled to their own. I think our takes on it differ though, as I am someone that believes in soul mates, the one perfect person to fit the other (like the missing piece of a puzzle - we're not complete until it's there). That may not sound like much to you, but to me it sounds wonderful.
I know many people that are very happy being devoted to their 'one and only' (just as I'm sure you know many that are happy with more than one).
I agree that love should be given purely and sincerely.. and since there are different types of love, there's no need for you to say I'm wrong, or vice-versa as neither of us is.

 

[midwestyankee]

You can take it any way you like, opinions aren't something to be argued as everyone is entitled to their own. I think our takes on it differ though, as I am someone that believes in soul mates, the one perfect person to fit the other (like the missing piece of a puzzle - we're not complete until it's there). That may not sound like much to you, but to me it sounds wonderful.
I know many people that are very happy being devoted to their 'one and only' (just as I'm sure you know many that are happy with more than one).
I agree that love should be given purely and sincerely.. and since there are different types of love, there's no need for you to say I'm wrong, or vice-versa as neither of us is.

Please understand: I did not say you were wrong, only that I differ with two of the points you made. However...

I did not offer an opinion; rather, what I say here is my judgment based on experience. An opinion can be -- and many often are -- completely arbitrary and based on nothing. Opinions do not lead to discussion because people with opinions generally refuse to consider the merits of evidence that other people raise. When one enters a discussion from the standpoint of presenting a judgment based on evidence, then it's much more likely that a discussion will follow because then the participants are mindful of the value of evidence and will listen to each other.

I don't mean to sound harsh with you on this. I just get very tired of people making the assumption that their view on an issue is infallible simply because it is their own. It is much more civil and considerably more enlightening to hold a discussion in which the partners agree to consider each other's evidence because then you have the possibility that both parties in the discussion will learn something and grow from the experience. Sharing opinions is much less than this and is nearly a waste of time.

As you suggested, yes I do know many people who are happy with a single individual. I also know others who have found total fulfillment with two different people so the concept of a single soul mate appears, in my experience, to be an unreliable myth.

 

[SweetErika]

<snip>
As you suggested, yes I do know many people who are happy with a single individual. I also know others who have found total fulfillment with two different people so the concept of a single soul mate appears, in my experience, to be an unreliable myth.

Just to add another idea into the mix... My experience has been I can find total fulfillment with multiple people simultaneously; like pieces of a puzzle, they all work together to add to my happiness. Not that I can't be happy with one person, but I can get additional satisfaction when love is layered upon love. I've met an awful lot of people who I seem to have an incredibly special connection with, and I think of all of them as soulmates in their own right. I feel I'd miss out on giving and receiving a lot of love if I subscribed to the idea of one perfect match/mate, so I don't.

 

[Cathleen]

I know we have discussed the issue of devotional love to one or more people. I remembering thinking you could not love two people the same way and as our discussion continued I saw something or felt something that lead me to believe that it was possible.

Lately (and mind you, my mind isn't a happy place at the moment), I have once again stumbled on my belief about loving two people in the same manner. Today I think what is blocking me is the idea of me in the middle of these two supposed loved ones. I still don't think I can love two (devotional, romantic love) at the same time, in two different and distinct relationships.

I'm not sure if the emotion is guilt or something similar, but if I loved Adam and loved Bob, I feel as if I'd be short changing both. Using an analogy of a number line and I am at the point '0', and Adam and Bob are equal distances from 0. I keep feeling that pull - that something in the middle feeling - I can't name it but my head is trying.

I know Adam and Bob are two different people and will give and recieve love differently, and that I will give and receive love differently to both men. But - am I denying one of a full devotional love, in favor of the other? Can I give my love fully? Do I have more then one devotional love to give?

I know, I know... you're all heading for the exits shaking your heads because I just can't seem to 'know' this emphaticly or via experience or whatever. Sometimes I dislike my mind too.

 

[Cathleen]

My answer can be summed up in a line from one of my favorite movies.

"I'm sorry to say this but those who are most worthy of love are never made happy by it. Do you still think men love the way we do? No... men enjoy the happiness they feel. We can only enjoy the happiness we give. They are not capable of devoting themselves exclusively to one person. So to hope to be made happy by love is a certain cause of grief."

Welcome to the thread Tighter, it's nice to have you here.

From what movie is that line?