Defining Love

[wicked woman]

I know we have discussed the issue of devotional love to one or more people. I remembering thinking you could not love two people the same way and as our discussion continued I saw something or felt something that lead me to believe that it was possible.

Lately (and mind you, my mind isn't a happy place at the moment), I have once again stumbled on my belief about loving two people in the same manner. Today I think what is blocking me is the idea of me in the middle of these two supposed loved ones. I still don't think I can love two (devotional, romantic love) at the same time, in two different and distinct relationships.

I'm not sure if the emotion is guilt or something similar, but if I loved Adam and loved Bob, I feel as if I'd be short changing both. Using an analogy of a number line and I am at the point '0', and Adam and Bob are equal distances from 0. I keep feeling that pull - that something in the middle feeling - I can't name it but my head is trying.

I know Adam and Bob are two different people and will give and recieve love differently, and that I will give and receive love differently to both men. But - am I denying one of a full devotional love, in favor of the other? Can I give my love fully? Do I have more then one devotional love to give?

I know, I know... you're all heading for the exits shaking your heads because I just can't seem to 'know' this emphaticly or via experience or whatever. Sometimes I dislike my mind too.

Hey Cate

And does a parent love each child unconditionally, with all his/her heart? Differently perhaps but equally?

I know it's a different type of love you're talking about...but I've found the giving of love...if I allow myself...to be limitless.

 

[wicked woman]

Maybe I should have stated my question a little more clearly. I was wondering if people thought that having similar senses of humor was a necessity.

Sorry, BG, I don't mean to pick on your answer. Besides, if your husband and I were in the same room somebody could probably come around the next day and make a good batch of ethanol from all the left-over corn.

A sense of humour is essential to me...how does one live without one? But the same sense of humour? No...if it happens, it's a bonus.

*groans at the punster *

 

[bobsgirl]

Maybe I should have stated my question a little more clearly. I was wondering if people thought that having similar senses of humor was a necessity.

Sorry, BG, I don't mean to pick on your answer. Besides, if your husband and I were in the same room somebody could probably come around the next day and make a good batch of ethanol from all the left-over corn.

WW's right--a sense of humor is a must--but God forbid I should have one identical to MrB! We'd be thrown out of family gatherings and such. They usually need me to translate his obscure "witty" remarks.

 

[Cathleen]

Hey Cate

And does a parent love each child unconditionally, with all his/her heart? Differently perhaps but equally?

I know it's a different type of love you're talking about...but I've found the giving of love...if I allow myself...to be limitless.

I understand that kind of love - no doubt. You know, I think I'm hung up on an ingrained belief that it is only right to devote yourself to one. It's like my mind won't let another thought it yet. I'll have to ponder the old belief and find if it is something I want to keep or let go. Then I'll be freer or at least understand how and where the thought will work for me in my life.

I know it should be more simple - but this is me we're talking to! lol

 

[Cathleen]

A sense of humour is essential to me...how does one live without one? But the same sense of humour? No...if it happens, it's a bonus.

*groans at the punster *

Ain't neva gonna happen, there is only one kind of us so there is only one kind of us humor.

 

[wicked woman]

I understand that kind of love - no doubt. You know, I think I'm hung up on an ingrained belief that it is only right to devote yourself to one. It's like my mind won't let another thought it yet. I'll have to ponder the old belief and find if it is something I want to keep or let go. Then I'll be freer or at least understand how and where the thought will work for me in my life.

I know it should be more simple - but this is me we're talking to! lol

You're right Cate...ponder a little more so I know it's you.

Wasn't thinking that did it for me...was actually loving two men at the same time. Yes society said it was wrong, but part of me didn't believe it....and that part of me has just grown.

 

[wicked woman]

WW's right--a sense of humor is a must--but God forbid I should have one identical to MrB! We'd be thrown out of family gatherings and such. They usually need me to translate his obscure "witty" remarks.

WW's right

*just had to quote it for posterity.

Evening bobsgirl

 

[Cathleen]

You're right Cate...ponder a little more so I know it's you.

Wasn't thinking that did it for me...was actually loving two men at the same time. Yes society said it was wrong, but part of me didn't believe it....and that part of me has just grown.

Here's another one to quote ...

You're right, it is the experience that will make it real. And that society does say it's wrong but the heart doesn't listen to society. The positive in this is that I now know I have been in love - with one. But that's progress for me.

 

[Tighter]

Welcome to the thread Tighter, it's nice to have you here.

From what movie is that line?

Thanks Cathleen.

And the movie is Dangerous Liasons.

 

[wicked woman]

Here's another one to quote ...

You're right, it is the experience that will make it real. And that society does say it's wrong but the heart doesn't listen to society. The positive in this is that I now know I have been in love - with one. But that's progress for me.

*following 'orders'*


Wonderful progress, my dear. Sometimes it takes tremendous courage to open our heart to love...and sometimes love just sneeks up on you before you even realized it.

 

[midwestyankee]

I know we have discussed the issue of devotional love to one or more people. I remembering thinking you could not love two people the same way and as our discussion continued I saw something or felt something that lead me to believe that it was possible.

Lately (and mind you, my mind isn't a happy place at the moment), I have once again stumbled on my belief about loving two people in the same manner. Today I think what is blocking me is the idea of me in the middle of these two supposed loved ones. I still don't think I can love two (devotional, romantic love) at the same time, in two different and distinct relationships.

I'm not sure if the emotion is guilt or something similar, but if I loved Adam and loved Bob, I feel as if I'd be short changing both. Using an analogy of a number line and I am at the point '0', and Adam and Bob are equal distances from 0. I keep feeling that pull - that something in the middle feeling - I can't name it but my head is trying.

I know Adam and Bob are two different people and will give and recieve love differently, and that I will give and receive love differently to both men. But - am I denying one of a full devotional love, in favor of the other? Can I give my love fully? Do I have more then one devotional love to give?

I know, I know... you're all heading for the exits shaking your heads because I just can't seem to 'know' this emphaticly or via experience or whatever. Sometimes I dislike my mind too.

Cate, so glad you weighed in on this.

I am coming to the belief that we are all vessels - expandable vessels, if you will - to be filled with love. Each of us has our own shape and so the love we can absorb takes on our shape and we make of it what we can. When we love two others, each takes our love differently and shapes it in his or her own image (yes, I'm snitching phrases from a higher source). Even if we could give love identically to two different people, the end result in their hearts would still be different.

We change over time, so how we love and how we accept love changes with us. I can say without doubt that a year ago I was quite different from who I am now and my capacity to love and be loved has changed significantly in that year. I'm sure that a year from now I will have changed (grown, I hope) even more.

So if you love both Adam and Bob, no matter what you do, each will know your love uniquely. There is no reason to be concerned if you seem to love them a little differently. What matters is allowing yourself to give as much to Adam as you have room to give. And when your heart turns to Bob, give to Bob as you can.

There, my 2 pence for the pensive this morning.

 

[shell seeker2]

Cate, so glad you weighed in on this.

I am coming to the belief that we are all vessels - expandable vessels, if you will - to be filled with love. Each of us has our own shape and so the love we can absorb takes on our shape and we make of it what we can. When we love two others, each takes our love differently and shapes it in his or her own image (yes, I'm snitching phrases from a higher source). Even if we could give love identically to two different people, the end result in their hearts would still be different.

We change over time, so how we love and how we accept love changes with us. I can say without doubt that a year ago I was quite different from who I am now and my capacity to love and be loved has changed significantly in that year. I'm sure that a year from now I will have changed (grown, I hope) even more.

So if you love both Adam and Bob, no matter what you do, each will know your love uniquely. There is no reason to be concerned if you seem to love them a little differently. What matters is allowing yourself to give as much to Adam as you have room to give. And when your heart turns to Bob, give to Bob as you can.

There, my 2 pence for the pensive this morning.

I agree! There is no set guidelines for love, and the ones that are around are changing all of the time.

 

[midwestyankee]

I agree! There is no set guidelines for love, and the ones that are around are changing all of the time.

Plenty of people would say that society's guidelines are changing far too slowly, though.

 

[shell seeker2]

Plenty of people would say that society's guidelines are changing far too slowly, though.

True, very true!

 

[Cathleen]

*following 'orders'*


Wonderful progress, my dear. Sometimes it takes tremendous courage to open our heart to love...and sometimes love just sneeks up on you before you even realized it.

Thank you. You are right again, as well as encouraging again ~ I thank you for that very much.

 

[Cathleen]

Cate, so glad you weighed in on this.

I am coming to the belief that we are all vessels - expandable vessels, if you will - to be filled with love. Each of us has our own shape and so the love we can absorb takes on our shape and we make of it what we can. When we love two others, each takes our love differently and shapes it in his or her own image (yes, I'm snitching phrases from a higher source). Even if we could give love identically to two different people, the end result in their hearts would still be different.

We change over time, so how we love and how we accept love changes with us. I can say without doubt that a year ago I was quite different from who I am now and my capacity to love and be loved has changed significantly in that year. I'm sure that a year from now I will have changed (grown, I hope) even more.

So if you love both Adam and Bob, no matter what you do, each will know your love uniquely. There is no reason to be concerned if you seem to love them a little differently. What matters is allowing yourself to give as much to Adam as you have room to give. And when your heart turns to Bob, give to Bob as you can.

There, my 2 pence for the pensive this morning.

Have I told you it is wonderful to have you spending some time here again.

Having read what you and others have shared I have an image in my mind of Kafka's Metamorphosis, but not being an ugly insect. I too am glad to say the person I was a year ago has changed very much and I am grateful beyond measure.

I still will struggle a while I believe, as WW mentioned I am still harboring those societal beliefs. I have been challenging them a lot lately and have had some success. I have done that work before with regard to other ingrained beliefs and while it can seem like trying to push a square peg into a round hole I can be patient.

I learned a valuable lesson a while back. I was trying to allow a certain thought into my conscience that frankly goes against an almost inate belief. It took such focus and concentration to let my mind even contemplate a small part of the feelings. I remember physically reacting against myself sort of. It was somewhat like seeing a red wall but needing to call it purple - an extremely simple analogy but...

So, letting in the thoughts about love, loving and me is a work in progress ~ kind of like The Big Dig here in Boston - a never ending work in progress! (Although some here would argue the work progress.)

I'm digging - in more ways then one.

 

[shell seeker2]

Have I told you it is wonderful to have you spending some time here again.

Having read what you and others have shared I have an image in my mind of Kafka's Metamorphosis, but not being an ugly insect. I too am glad to say the person I was a year ago has changed very much and I am grateful beyond measure.

I still will struggle a while I believe, as WW mentioned I am still harboring those societal beliefs. I have been challenging them a lot lately and have had some success. I have done that work before with regard to other ingrained beliefs and while it can seem like trying to push a square peg into a round hole I can be patient.

I learned a valuable lesson a while back. I was trying to allow a certain thought into my conscience that frankly goes against an almost inate belief. It took such focus and concentration to let my mind even contemplate a small part of the feelings. I remember physically reacting against myself sort of. It was somewhat like seeing a red wall but needing to call it purple - an extremely simple analogy but...

So, letting in the thoughts about love, loving and me is a work in progress ~ kind of like The Big Dig here in Boston - a never ending work in progress! (Although some here would argue the work progress.)

I'm digging - in more ways then one.

GOOD FOR YOU CATHLEEN!

 

[wicked woman]

Thank you. You are right again, as well as encouraging again ~ I thank you for that very much.

You're more than welcome Cate...*I speak from experience on both counts*

 

[midwestyankee]

Have I told you it is wonderful to have you spending some time here again.

Having read what you and others have shared I have an image in my mind of Kafka's Metamorphosis, but not being an ugly insect. I too am glad to say the person I was a year ago has changed very much and I am grateful beyond measure.

I still will struggle a while I believe, as WW mentioned I am still harboring those societal beliefs. I have been challenging them a lot lately and have had some success. I have done that work before with regard to other ingrained beliefs and while it can seem like trying to push a square peg into a round hole I can be patient.

I learned a valuable lesson a while back. I was trying to allow a certain thought into my conscience that frankly goes against an almost inate belief. It took such focus and concentration to let my mind even contemplate a small part of the feelings. I remember physically reacting against myself sort of. It was somewhat like seeing a red wall but needing to call it purple - an extremely simple analogy but...

So, letting in the thoughts about love, loving and me is a work in progress ~ kind of like The Big Dig here in Boston - a never ending work in progress! (Although some here would argue the work progress.)

I'm digging - in more ways then one.

You just did...thank you.

Modifying our beliefs can be extremely difficult. While she didn't say it quite this way, I suspect that WW would agree with me that one way to change your beliefs that may be easier than others is to experience something that permanently alters them. And sometimes we have to recognize the opportunity to have such an experience and then allow ourselves to enter into it with full attention.

This has worked for me, btw.

Just another few cents worth for the pensive.

 

[Cathleen]

You just did...thank you.

Modifying our beliefs can be extremely difficult. While she didn't say it quite this way, I suspect that WW would agree with me that one way to change your beliefs that may be easier than others is to experience something that permanently alters them. And sometimes we have to recognize the opportunity to have such an experience and then allow ourselves to enter into it with full attention.

This has worked for me, btw.

Just another few cents worth for the pensive.

I am getting rich off you Yank.

I agree with both of you and just last night seized an opportunity to alter one of those beliefs. Experience is the best teacher for me.

 

[midwestyankee]

I am getting rich off you Yank.

I presume my cut is already in the mail, right?

 

[Cathleen]

I presume my cut is already in the mail, right?

But of course, in fact I figured I'd double your percentage... nothing times nothing is still nothing. back at ya

 

[midwestyankee]

But of course, in fact I figured I'd double your percentage... nothing times nothing is still nothing. back at ya

Rich, very rich.

 

[Cathleen]

Rich, very rich.

Hmmm, I wonder if we need to define rich.

 

[midwestyankee]

Hmmm, I wonder if we need to define rich.

Apparently:

I am getting rich off you Yank.

I presume my cut is already in the mail, right?

But of course, in fact I figured I'd double your percentage... nothing times nothing is still nothing.