Cyber sex...what's your take?

[angelicminx]

Minx,

it's ok to ramble on. You're at least facing the situation and not lying yourself. Maybe soon, he'll come to face it and find a compromise.

Take care.

DrF

Thanks, hon.

 

[yui]

Luck to you, minx.

 

[fifty5]

For me, "cheating" is deception - full stop.

The activities themselves, whether or not they involve exchange of bodily fluids, aren't the issue - it's whether they are carried out without faith in ones SO (or SOs).

Sex (in any form) is basically a Good Thing - best of all when it's making babies who'll be loved, next best when it's expressing love and respect between (any number of) partners, but still a good thing if it's just wrist exercise. Love can be, but isn't necessarily exclusive.

I believe that some relationships are improved (perhaps even made tolerable) by 'playing away', while others can be destroyed.

I also believe that some relationships can be improved by being destroyed!

But back to your question...

I simply don't think there's a single answer to whether cyber-sex is cheating: sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't - it all depends on you, your SO(s) and the opinions held.

Which certainly means that it can be. Lack of physical contact isn't a valid get-out, just as using a cigar rather than a penis wasn't, but that's all up to the people who are actually involved.

 

[Lilin Penn]

Everyone's answer has been a wonderful look inside how people view things. I appreciated them all...even the negative.

 

[English Lady]

"Cheating" isn't a specific act. It's a betrayal of trust.

If you or your SO believe that cybersex is cheating, then it is. If you or your SO believe that thinking about sex with someone else is cheating, then it is. It's the betrayal of what you've committed to that consitutes cheating, not legalisms about bodily fluids or hot electrons or intent.

If you or your SO believe that sex with anyone else isn't cheating, then it's not.

When all else fails Quote Dr M.

Actually What the good doctor says is exactly what I'd say. My husband and I have a fairlyunusual relationship. We both cyber and we both tell each other about it.

I've has cyber sex without the emotional connection and with it and I see niether as cheating which mirrors what my husband thinks.

We're always really open with each other and our relationship comes first. We have real time sex pretty regularly and will always seek time to be together when we can and niether of us sneak off to have a bit of cyber sex.

We've discussed the possibility of it leading to real time sex and niether of us have a problem with that either, though apart from the odd snog real life sex hasn't come into the equation as yet.

It is possible that a person is happily married and enjoys cyber sex now and then but I don't think it is as prevalent ans it might seem.

I met a guy some years back and he insisted he was happily married just as I was and cyber was just a little extra spice for him.As I got deeper into the relationship it became very clear he wasn't happily married, in fact he was looking for an out. I got out when he showed jealousy over me flirting with my own husband in a chatroom whilst he was in there. He did leave his wife in the end,for someone else from the same chatsite.

Everything comes downto the relationship and what thw two people in that relationship define cheating as. No one can say if cyber sex is cheating in general because generally every one feels differently on it.

 

[angelicminx]

I'm envious EL. I'd love to have a relationship like that. Maybe one day, he'll come around... sigh.

 

[mlady_france]

Everyone has an opinion on cyber sex, so I thought I would ask here and see what you all think.

The other night some guy read my stories and then tagged me on Yahoo. I love to meet new people and talk to people who have read my work so I was nice and chipper.

After a bit of talking I found he was happily married, then he hit me up for some "cyber love". I asked how a happily married man could be looking for a cyber lover and he then said that his wife didn't have the sex drive he did. So he would have "online experiences" to satiate his libedo.

We then launched into a debate on whether cyber sex was really cheating or not.

To me it is. It's sex without the fluid transfer. Maybe that's a bit prudish from someone who writes smut, but to me my stories are my creations and I'm not talking my way to an orgasm with anyone else.

As I said when I thoguht of tossing this out there, I just wonder what other peoples opinions are on this.

I fully agree with you. In my opion, cyber is just as bad as the real thing. All the emotions are still atached to it. But I'm one of those people that believe that you can't have sex without having an emotional connection, something I'm finding that not many around me agree with. I also think that cyber is just a step away from the live action. I mean if you're willing to go online and find a partner, what's stopping you from finding one in life. Except the usual lack of self confidence. So, that's my thoughts. But you are talking to a scorned woman.

 

[mlady_france]

When all else fails Quote Dr M.

Actually What the good doctor says is exactly what I'd say. My husband and I have a fairlyunusual relationship. We both cyber and we both tell each other about it.

I've has cyber sex without the emotional connection and with it and I see niether as cheating which mirrors what my husband thinks.

We're always really open with each other and our relationship comes first. We have real time sex pretty regularly and will always seek time to be together when we can and niether of us sneak off to have a bit of cyber sex.

We've discussed the possibility of it leading to real time sex and niether of us have a problem with that either, though apart from the odd snog real life sex hasn't come into the equation as yet.

It is possible that a person is happily married and enjoys cyber sex now and then but I don't think it is as prevalent ans it might seem.

I met a guy some years back and he insisted he was happily married just as I was and cyber was just a little extra spice for him.As I got deeper into the relationship it became very clear he wasn't happily married, in fact he was looking for an out. I got out when he showed jealousy over me flirting with my own husband in a chatroom whilst he was in there. He did leave his wife in the end,for someone else from the same chatsite.

Everything comes downto the relationship and what thw two people in that relationship define cheating as. No one can say if cyber sex is cheating in general because generally every one feels differently on it.

It is true that it really depends on the relationship. If you are both okay with it, then that's your thing. It's when one party is not happy with the situation that I really start to flash my opion. When cyber is replacing live action with the SO, then we have a problem.

 

[rgraham666]

I've really got to stop reading the threads actually about sex.

They depress the living hell out of me.

 

[angelicminx]

Luck to you, minx.

Thanks Yui!

 

[Guest]

It is truly sad to see how many people think that marriage is all about sexual exclusivity, when the point of marital fidelity is that you love you spouse unfailingly.

I love the way you think and the way you put that. Exactly how I feel, too.

 

[impressive]

For me, "cheating" is deception - full stop.

What he (and dr.M) said.

If your mind is off somewhere with someone(s), and your SO blissfully believes you are "with" him/her -- you're "cheating." So, if we've established that, what's the big deal about taking it the rest of the way? You're already cheating ... or do we now create degrees of cheating with differing levels of severity?

(Everything's relative ...)

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I've really got to stop reading the threads actually about sex.

They depress the living hell out of me.

Look at it this way: it's like being at an AA meting where all anyone can talk about is booze. Just think of yourself as being cured.

You'll notice that we never discuss having to go to sleep all wet and sticky afterwards. Not to mention getting those hairs stuck in the back of your throat.

--Zoot

 

[NoJo]

I love the way you think and the way you put that. Exactly how I feel, too.

Mine is a marriage of convenience. We dump on each other the whole time.

 

[sophia jane]

Mine is a marriage of convenience. We dump on each other the whole time.

I had a marriage of convenience, but I'm getting divorced now. Hoping for more the second time round.

SJ

 

[yui]

Mine is a marriage of convenience. We dump on each other the whole time.

Kinky.

 

[rgraham666]

Look at it this way: it's like being at an AA meting where all anyone can talk about is booze. Just think of yourself as being cured.

You'll notice that we never discuss having to go to sleep all wet and sticky afterwards. Not to mention getting those hairs stuck in the back of your throat.

--Zoot

But I want to get drunk.

Nobody will sell me any booze though.

 

[Guest]

You'll notice that we never discuss having to go to sleep all wet and sticky afterwards. Not to mention getting those hairs stuck in the back of your throat.

--Zoot

Then it's about time we did.

And here it is: Post-Coital Happenings

 

[kendo1]

Lou Lou
in a dress
so blue
You know what I'd like to do to you?

 

[Guest]

Lou Lou
in a dress
so blue
You know what I'd like to do to you?

Is this the beginnings of a cyber session?

(Just trying to stay on topic. )

Erm... rip the dress off me?

 

[kendo1]

Just feel like rhyming tonight
If I change it to:
Lou Lou Lou
In a dress so blue
You know what I'd like to do to you

You can sing it to the Banana Splits song

 

[impressive]

But I want to get drunk.

Nobody will sell me any booze though.

So THAT's what you're asking for in ABSTRUSIONS when you order a drink! *slaps forehead* Rob, Rob -- It's a dyke bar!

 

[rgraham666]

Is this the beginnings of a cyber session?

(Just trying to stay on topic. )

Erm... rip the dress off me?

Well, all right.

But only because you asked so nicely.

 

[Guest]

Just feel like rhyming tonight
If I change it to:
Lou Lou Lou
In a dress so blue
You know what I'd like to do to you

You can sing it to the Banana Splits song

That's incredibly

I'm gonna sing my little heart out now.

 

[Guest]

Well, all right.

But only because you asked so nicely.

Will you talk in code as you do it?