angelicminx
Loving the monkey!
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2005
- Posts
- 3,490
FurryFury said:Is cyber cheating? It can be imho.
A few months ago I didn't know cyber existed. I am very happily married and have been for um, let's see, 13 years. Wow! Doesn't seem that long.
Anyway I was online to do role playing games, because my regular group of players have just gotten too busy in RL and we are not playing enough to suit me.
One night while doing a real time chat scene I got physically excited. There was no sex in the scene that night, just my character, restraining and dominating a man in her law enforcement profession. She cuffed him, kicked his legs apart, them patted him down. I got very hot. It surprised the hell out of me.
So I met up with the other player's character again and this time he restrained my character. Again, no sex was involved but again, I got incredibly turned on. At this point it was like a drug, I was all hyped up and loving it while being slightly confused.
The third meeting of characters (who were vampires, btw.) Things got rather sexual. I was not sure how far I wanted to go or if I was cheating. I kept doing little things to slow down or turn the scene until finally I just asked out of character, what he thought we were doing here. Was it feeding, sex, romance, all of the above? And ringing in my mind was the question, "Am I cheating."
I waited till my husband woke up and then talked it out with him. I expected him to say he didn't want me doing that sort of thing and I was willing to stop for him even though I was intensely drawn to it. I thought we might come to an agreement that I could do it only in character if it made sense and was within the context of role play.
He stunned me by being totally cool with it and giving me free reign. Since then I have done a great deal of cybering and I have been very pleased that the result has been very positive in our relationship. We are talking about a lot of things now that we both had not been sure the other one wanted to hear or accept. We are experiment frequently with a bunch of new and wonderful things and ideas. My libido which was already pretty healthy has become even more so. If fact for several months there, I was so constantly fevered, I was a little frightened by it, but I loved it too. I tend to do things obsessively. I had some sexual hang ups from a prior relationship and now those have finally been exorcised. My husband is a very happy man.
I completely understand when people do not tell their SO's though. I think this likely demonstrates that they either don't trust in the acceptance of their SO and/or are not will to abide by their SO's wishes. I can understand that and don't judge it. Frankly it's not my job to keep others clean. Every relationship is up to the two people or more that is in it. It's their job to keep it healthy and communication open, not mine.
When I first started cybering, it was all new and a thrill, all of it was fun. I didn't want to cyber with married men because I naively didn't want to help them cheat or cause a problem in their marriages.
I was always really open with the other person about what I would and wouldn't do. The fact that I was happily married, wasn't looking for a real life relationship and such.
I have found it sad that many people can't just take what is fun and freely offered and simply be happy to enjoy it. Far too many look for that which they can't have and then harp on it.
I have been asked by people to cyber exclusively with them. WTF? Why? I'm married and limited enough. Though the limits are being removed more everyday through mutual consent! Frankly I wish I had found out about all this years ago.
I have found young single men, with no other sexual outlet, to be of particular trouble. Some even claim to be suicidal cause they can't have me in RL. *shakes head.*
So now I prefer men who are a little more mature and can get some sex on at least a semi regular basis, married or not. Though if married I do prefer those that at least say they are doing it with their wife's consent.
Now, however, I am a bit bored with a lot of the cyber out there. It really has to have certain elements to keep me interested. I have a few folks who are perfectly nice I'm sure, but we just don't click. They don't seem to understand that we don't. It's sad. I hope they find someone they click with soon but they don't seem to be able to take no for an answer.
I like the words. I can come from reading the words alone and no physical touch if they are really good and under the right set of circumstances. Great writing with imagination, detail and often, some BMSD elements tend to work well for me. Everyone likes different things. I like a lot of different things.
I have found that a lot of folks who think they know what BMSD embodies just don't hit where I want to go. They tend to just use the scene to let out their brutal tendencies. Some might enjoy that more than I do. Depending on the writing that sort of thing often leaves me cold.
I want there to be a "relationship" between the Sub and the Dom. I want the Dom to give a crap at the end of the day/play. I think the Dom has to know the Sub well enough to give them what they are really seeking deep down, and that is not something done easily. In fact, I see the Dom role as very close to care taking in a way. The way I see it, it's a lot of responsibility. I've played both the Domme and the Sub and I like both, though I do have a clear preference. I just like to play, period, though. I could be way off base about the Dom/Sub dynamic, I'm new to all this.
I haven't really wondered or cared if the other person is a female or not. It's just words. If they can write what do I care? Then again I am also drawn to females a bit so, it's not a problem for me.
I have played a lot of different things from vanilla to even a full out stabbing scene and enjoyed them all. I have played straight, bi and even a male before, at the request of my cyber partners. I like to try different things. I am happy to try just about anything once. If I like it? Well I won't stop.
A few things still left to do on my wish list are, to cyber with multiple people in real time chat, to cyber with a female that I know is female and to cyber with someone I know and will be face to face with in my RL, other than my husband. I'm sure there is more, there is always more right?
I am very happy that my husband happens to be so open minded and secure. All this has only made our relationship better, more experimental and stronger.
Guess I've rambled on long enough and I've probably said far too much.
Beautifully expressed!
Love ya, Dream 
