Corrupt a Wish...

[Erozetta]

The Wish Genie pummels you about the head and shoulders with a cat-o-nine-wet noodles for your greed. Grudgingly, he gives you one wish, winning the lottery. At first, its great. You buy a new mansion and move in. Then your relatives find out. Despite your best efforts, 38 of them track you down and move into your new mansion with you. Your not-so-hot aunt wants to sleep with you, to the point of slipping you a roofie when you fail to give in to her flirtacious ways. When you awake, her husband, your hairy uncle, is snoring in bed next to you. And yes, you both are nude.

And your ass is sore.





I wish I had a pizza right now.

Granted, but it's delivered by the previous wisher and he knows what you've done to him and gets whatever revenge he wants.

I wish someone a wonderful day.

 

[DeMont]

@dirk2024** Owwww! CRAP!** (punches the Wish Genie in the face.)
Fine, wish granted by the greedy mysogynist... your pizza arrives after a long delay. You open the box and find it half petrified and moldy. It was shipped from Naples in Italy.

@Erozetta,
**Shazam Schwiiiiing** wish granted, somewhere in the world is having the most wonderful day of their lives but you'll never know who. Incidentally, while that's happening your day sucks BIGTIME from start to finish, sorry.

I wish I knew how to make a foolproof and non-corruptible wish!
Respectfully my dear colleague,
D.

 

[dirk2024]

I wish I knew how to make a foolproof and non-corruptible wish!
Respectfully my dear colleague,
D.

The Wish Genie laughs at your frustration. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

But, feeling compelled to at least try and grant part of your wish. He knows of one product that's non-corruptible and 'BLAM' a 55 gallon drum of vinegar appears out of nowhere on your front porch.



I wish I had an electric car.

 

[nice90sguy]

I wish I had an electric car.

You step into it for the first time. It's so cool! You take it onto the freeway, and pump the accelerator. At 88 miles an hour you suddenly find yourself in the Mesozoic era.

I wish I could clone myself.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

The Wish Genie is a little hard of hearing - too much qanum too close to the ear for too long. As such, you suddenly find yourself in a mirror maze and a permanent whiteface makeup with big black lips and one red tear under your left eye.

I wish medical science would catch up and surpass disease & other pathologies.

 

[SavannaT]

A man wishes the wife he loves will always be happy. He doesn’t realize she is a closet nympho and a bunch of men show up and suddenly she is in a gangbang .. having what she’s always wanted.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

The Wish Genie is a little hard of hearing - too much qanum too close to the ear for too long. As such, you suddenly find yourself in a mirror maze and a permanent whiteface makeup with big black lips and one red tear under your left eye.

I wish medical science would catch up and surpass disease & other pathologies.

Your wish is granted, and medical science not only has caught up to all diseases and pathologies, but has managed to surpass them in virulence and morbidity. Every day people are dying of newly-developed untreatable pathological conditions.

I wish Pandora had kept her box closed.

 

[dirk2024]

I wish Pandora had kept her box closed.

Granted. Pandora heeded Zeus's demands and never opened the box and all the evil and hardships contained within stayed within. However that meant that Hope was never released as well. As a result our world lives without hope. Hope for a better life, hope for love, hope for a healthy body and mind.


I wish that Lit's publishing backlog were to go away, never to return.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Granted. Pandora heeded Zeus's demands and never opened the box and all the evil and hardships contained within stayed within. However that meant that Hope was never released as well. As a result our world lives without hope. Hope for a better life, hope for love, hope for a healthy body and mind.


I wish that Lit's publishing backlog were to go away, never to return.

An easy one for the wish genie. He simply folded all the backlogged stories into one file, with the words sorted alphabetically and published it unread. And there would never be another backlog since each new submission is automatically added word by word into the story superfile.

I wish I had time enough and space.

 

[Robin_Starveling]

I wish I had time enough and space.

Congratulations, you are hereby declared immortal, free to wander the infinite void forever... completely alone.

I wish I had a ten-inch cock (my twelve’s a bit much).

 

[dirk2024]

I wish I had a ten-inch cock (my twelve’s a bit much).

Granted. Unfortunately, you didn't specify from which end and, since Wish Genie is feeling lazy today, merely took it off the top. So you have a lovely 10 inch cock...with no head.


I wish I had a woman right now.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Granted. Unfortunately, you didn't specify from which end and, since Wish Genie is feeling lazy today, merely took it off the top. So you have a lovely 10 inch cock...with no head.


I wish I had a woman right now.

You did, says the genie, but your "right now" is long past. He hopes you enjoyed that fleeting moment with your neighbor's 90 year old grandmother.

I wish I had a magic lamp.

 

[Spurtulator]

You did, says the genie, but your "right now" is long past. He hopes you enjoyed that fleeting moment with your neighbor's 90 year old grandmother.

I wish I had a magic lamp.

Wish granted. The trouble is it’s the kind of lamp that sits on an end table and lights up. Unfortunately, it magically lights up whenever you’re horny. It’s usually on all night and you never get any sleep.

I wish the woman that I’m attracted to at work was also attracted to me

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Wish granted. The trouble is it’s the kind of lamp that sits on an end table and lights up. Unfortunately, it magically lights up whenever you’re horny. It’s usually on all night and you never get any sleep.

I wish the woman that I’m attracted to at work was also attracted to me

Genie gets out his bottle of Love Potion Number 9, and instantly that woman is attracted to you. Obsessively. She can't keep her hands off you. Or her clothes on. It may have been exciting when you took her to lunch and she rode you on the table, but that morning at the presentation? The CEO wasn't very happy with her performance. And then on the commuter train? So you were arrested along with her for public lewdness. It didn't help at the arraignment, either. Or at the trial, though that did make the 5 o'clock news. Your family was quite embarrassed over that show. So embarrassed that none of them were there when you got out of prison. At least that woman you're attracted to at work was waiting for you.

I wish they wouldn't tear down the house next door to build one of those big monstrosities that have been infesting the neighborhood.

 

[HectorBidon]

I wish they wouldn't tear down the house next door to build one of those big monstrosities that have been infesting the neighborhood.

Piece of cake. The genie changes one simple digit on the work order and they tear down your house instead. Your neighbor is a bit peeved though at the big monstrosity they're building in its place.

I wish I was in Carrickfergus.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Piece of cake. The genie changes one simple digit on the work order and they tear down your house instead. Your neighbor is a bit peeved though at the big monstrosity they're building in its place.

I wish I was in Carrickfergus.

The genie is offended that you didn't use the subjunctive for such a conditional statement, and so sends you to Carrickfergus, but you'll have no nights in Baile nGrá. No women, no uisce; just you and you and a handsome boatman who'll have nothing to do with you.

I wish I had a bottle of Redbreast.

(BTW, it's good to see you again; it's been a long time.)

 

[dirk2024]

I wish I had a bottle of Redbreast.

Granted. Though the Genie misunderstood you. Now your chest has been painted red, permanently. However, it is a good look for you. So, "yeay".



I wish I had less hair on my body.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Granted. Though the Genie misunderstood you. Now your chest has been painted red, permanently. However, it is a good look for you. So, "yeay".



I wish I had less hair on my body.

And now you do; that kind genie arranged for electrolysis of every hair on your head and face. From the neck down, however, you remain just as hirsute.

I wish the genie hadn't misunderstood my wish for a bottle of Redbreast, Perhaps he'll get me a bottle of Yellow Spot.

 

[SmilingLez]

And now you do; that kind genie arranged for electrolysis of every hair on your head and face. From the neck down, however, you remain just as hirsute.

I wish the genie hadn't misunderstood my wish for a bottle of Redbreast, Perhaps he'll get me a bottle of Yellow Spot.

Your wish is granted and you get case of Yellow Spot Irish Whiskey. However you cannot open the box they came in. It is indestructible.

My wish, I want to be able to shapeshift at will

 

[AlwaysDancing]

Your wish is granted and you get case of Yellow Spot Irish Whiskey. However you cannot open the box they came in. It is indestructible.

My wish, I want to be able to shapeshift at will

Granted. But you can only take the form of water. But as I am a kind genie, a little space monkey will be there with a pail to haul you around in.

I wish that I was Santa Claus.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Granted. But you can only take the form of water. But as I am a kind genie, a little space monkey will be there with a pail to haul you around in.

I wish that I was Santa Claus.

Oh my! Another failure to wish with the subjunctive, bemoans the genie. Oh, well. You are Santa Claus, and on Christmas Eve your sleigh is mistaken for a rogue aircraft and shot down before you even cross the Arctic Circle.

I wish the subjunctive would return to common usge.

 

[HectorBidon]

I wish the subjunctive would return to common usge.

Su deseo se ha cumplido. Ahora todo el mundo usa el subjuntivo.

I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.

(BTW, it's good to see you again; it's been a long time.)

That's kind of you to say. I've been a-roving from town to town.

I also happen to know that the wish genie felt awful bad about the Redbreast misunderstanding. He logged into the Bevmo website to try to rectify the situation. They were having a special on Macallan 1961 40-years-old-Speyside at just $149,999.99 a bottle. He knows he's not supposed to embellish, but he figured that just this once . . . Unfortunately, the 1960s bay in the Bevmo warehouse is poorly lit because it is so seldom accessed, and the warehouseman inadvertently picked the wrong bottle. Fortunately, though, 1961 was a very good year for Ripple. Sláinte!

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Su deseo se ha cumplido. Ahora todo el mundo usa el subjuntivo.

I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight

The mighty Wish Genie tips his fez to you in thanks for the ease. You have the wish, the wish for the wish you just wished. Congrats!

I wish I had a limitless supply of summertime on tap, ready to pour out as and when desired.