collar of Consideration, Training collar, final or slave collar

[WriterDom]

How many subscribe to the graduated levels of collaring?

 

[lovetoread]

Do you?

 

[Goddess Helena]

I do a version of that.
It gives a boy something to work toward.


Helena

 

[WriterDom]

Do you?

Yes, I think it’s useful. To me, a final collar carries the same weight or more than marriage. Just as most go through steps to get married, I think it only makes sense to do so in a bdsm relationship. A consideration collar can be given very early which can satisfy the submissive’s need to feel wanted, and as Helena said, to give them something to work toward, and reinforcing that there is work to be done.


http://www.steelskys.com/consideration.htm
http://www.steelskys.com/training.htm
http://www.steelskys.com/formal.htm

 

[Ebonyfire]

I do, but I am not a "slave" to using all of them. It really depends on the situation, doesn't it?

Eb

 

[P. B. Walker]

Do you also do contracts? Is there a contract for each level?

PBW

 

[Goddess Helena]

I agree with Ebony. Somethings vary with each boy.

PBW, I have a verbal contract with My boy. New things are discussed at each new stage of O/our relationship. Because of the nature of O/ur relationship (code for slightly romantic), I do not see a need for something in writing. W/we are both bound by O/our word.


Helena

 

[Ebonyfire]

Do you also do contracts? Is there a contract for each level?

PBW

I do not use contracts for my part-times subs. I will use a contract for my 24/7 relationship. It will be a re-written as needed for the training period.

Eb

 

[Cirrus]

Personally, and this is of course JMO, I think collaring is nothing more than an extension of role playing.

To me, the very act of being in a serious, committed BDSM relationship is collar enough. It should be understood (unless othewise agreed on, in which case those agreements should also be fulfilled) that monogamy is to be practiced, and that the sub belongs to that Dom.

Maybe the reason I don't like colars as well, is because I seek a Dom, not a Master. The difference to me is that the Dom dominates in the relationship and during sexual play, yet their sub does not serve them or need to defer to them when making decisions. Also, rituals would play a minor part, if they are incluced at all. A Master would be just the opposite.

And since I am a sub, not a slave, with no desire to be one, a physical collar really does nothing for me.

 

[TantaLiza]

Collaring in levels sounds very intriguing...when I get into a deep relationship, I'll keep it in mind because I'm the type person that needs encouragement of any sort...

Cirrus, I understand your point of view yet in my daily experience I'm always in control...being with a Dom outside my work life will be to give that control to Him not necessarily Him being my Master to my slave. It will be a hard thing in the beginning but from what I've experienced so far, it will be worth the trials...so much more exciting to let someone else control the situation rather than me being on my toes constantly making decisions. I believe there can be an equal setting for this as I have the need to please the One I'm with...

Entirely my humble opinion....

Liza

 

[Ebonyfire]

I agree with Ebony. Somethings vary with each boy.

PBW, I have a verbal contract with My boy. New things are discussed at each new stage of O/our relationship. Because of the nature of O/ur relationship (code for slightly romantic), I do not see a need for something in writing. W/we are both bound by O/our word.


Helena

I have a bad memory, I need a contract.

Eb

 

[Richard49]

bump

 

[Quint]

I don't think T and I have made up our minds if we ever want to get me a collar or if it's an unnecessary gesture, so we're stuck somewhere between "roleplaying" and "one-collar." True to form, I answered that (I) suck wherever (he) points. I dunno...the rules might have changed behind my back. They do that sometimes.

I can see some advantages to the Steps of Submission but it would not work in our relationship; that definitely would seem like roleplaying. I see how we're growing; I don't need to get an upgrade for it.

 

[Justina123]

Two weekends ago, after 9 months of a close and steady growth in our relationship, at a weekend bdsm event, Sir gave me his training collar. Neither he nor I approach this type of thing lightly. I think of it as kind of similar to the vanilla "getting engaged."

To me it was a public way of acknowledging what we already knew about the strength of our relationship, but a step that was wonderful.

I have heard it said that the collar of consideration is "blue" and the training collar "red", but this is not something I've really ever seen followed. ???

- justina

 

[Netzach]

I voted that my bitch will suck what I point to.

I think that statement epitomizes it for those of us who don't really care for the totemic collar thing, and yet relish our control. If I were going to get formal I'd do a contract, personally.

A collar is something I use when I want to move his head forward. He's got a couple, they are nice to wear and they do make him feel "owned" and put him in space. What they are not are totally analagous to wedding bands, mostly sentimental, or sweet, they are outward signs of my authority, his lack of it, nuff said. We put collars on dogs to control them, lest anyone romanticize this overmuch.

Interestingly I have only seen this COC, Training, Final collar progression from ONE source, and had it refuted by a lot of people I know who were trained in what they thought of as Old Guard.

 

[Mastersprincess]

*bump*

 

[Ebonyfire]

Two weekends ago, after 9 months of a close and steady growth in our relationship, at a weekend bdsm event, Sir gave me his training collar. Neither he nor I approach this type of thing lightly. I think of it as kind of similar to the vanilla "getting engaged."

To me it was a public way of acknowledging what we already knew about the strength of our relationship, but a step that was wonderful.

I have heard it said that the collar of consideration is "blue" and the training collar "red", but this is not something I've really ever seen followed. ???

- justina

I do not thinkthe color means as much and the symbol itself.

 

[morninggirl5]

For some reason the idea of different levels of collars reminds me of the whole "pre-engagement" ring that eventually led to "pre-pre-pre-engagement" rings.


We seem to be unable to define relationships without some sort of central symbol that is supposed to be the utlimate expression of the relationship. I think that's one of the saddest things about our culture.

To me, a collar represents a committment, not a "i'm thinking about being committed". Anything else brought into the relationship as a symbol should be representative of the relationship and have a meaning of it's own. I'd personally be insulted with a "collar of consideration".

 

[MissTaken]

I can understand a training collar and a collar.

The collar of consideration just makes me feel hinky. Is that a way of the Dom exacting certain commitment from the sub without entering into a commitment?

Or perhaps, it is simply that this has been my experience with discussions on the matter.

I have never been collared, but no, I am with MG 5 on the collar of consideration.

 

[Ebonyfire]

It is a commitment, all collars are MissT. None of this is written in stone. Some use the Collar of Consideration instead of a Training Collar. It is a matter of preference.

The only people who need to understand it are the people involved. Outsiders have their own ideas. Such is life and the lifestyle, we all have choices.

I can understand a training collar and a collar.

The collar of consideration just makes me feel hinky. Is that a way of the Dom exacting certain commitment from the sub without entering into a commitment?

Or perhaps, it is simply that this has been my experience with discussions on the matter.

I have never been collared, but no, I am with MG 5 on the collar of consideration.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I can understand a training collar and a collar.

The collar of consideration just makes me feel hinky. Is that a way of the Dom exacting certain commitment from the sub without entering into a commitment?

Or perhaps, it is simply that this has been my experience with discussions on the matter.

I have never been collared, but no, I am with MG 5 on the collar of consideration.

I have a sub friend who had accepted a collar, but has since on discussion of her reservations had it name changed to a collar of consideration for a specified period of time. It seems to be working for them as it gives her some room to think.

For ourselves, we just wanted the one collar. I can understand those that graduate from one to another, but for us one is our preference as a symbol of commitment.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

I've personally never heard of them, but "my bitch will suck what I point to" made me laugh.

 

[MBs precious pet]

When/if the time comes for my Sir to give me a collar, i would only want 1, that shows our commitment to each other. i have been in training for 9 months now, so i don't believe i need a 'training' collar.

i agree with most here, in that a collar represents so much to the people involved, and should not be taken lightly.

 

[FungiUg]

I don't do collars, other than as kinky gear great for attaching leads to.

I think I would give a long term submissive I am involved with a bracelet or something similar with a meaningful inscription inside, so she can wear it and feel "owned". But for me, I'm more interested in the reality of a sexual D/s relationship than symbolism.

 

[catalina_francisco]

But for me, I'm more interested in the reality of a sexual D/s relationship than symbolism.

Though one does not have to exist at the exclusion of the other.

Catalina