BDSM: Questions and Answers

[cymbidia]

Do you know, lexie? Do you?

My friend, i am a human, then a woman, then a lover, and then a masochistic submissive.

I have often made love with my partner like anyone else makes loves with the one they love, but there were always extra lovemaking options had we chosen to avail ourselves of them.

I am not a freak.



And right now, i'm simply someone who has just lost a great love. Right now, i am no different at all from the many whose hearts and lives feel shredded and shocked when their minds touch on what was.. and what could have been.

 

[seXieleXie]

cym,
what can i say? i'm sorry.

you are not a freak. you are an amazing woman. your pain shimmers off your words and i am speechless.

i'm sorry. i can't say anything more.

 

[SpectreT]

cymbidia....

I'll probably lose my Official Beast's Union Card (local 1313) over this, but you know I'm here for moral support. Big help, I know, coming from a computer screen and typed by a guy the full length of the continent away, but there it is.

Knight in Tarnished Armour.

Got any dragons you need killed?

seXieleXie: I'd love to add my opinions to your questions, but I'm not a lifestyler (yet). Hell, I'm not even in a relationship. But my tastes involve rather a lot of cuddling and fondling. I'm very tactile and sensual in my own persnal approach. Sex is sex, whether it has all the bells and whistles or not. Bells and whistles are fun, though. As to "Hard Limits", I'm a big fan of trust, mutual knowledge, communication, and respect. Anything I'd class as a "hard limit" on my part involves staying the hell out of emergency rooms, either as a damaged sub or an embarrassed Dom. But that's just my nascent tastes beginning to form around a core of "book-learning", and a healthy dose of common sense. (Oxymoron, that. as Heinlein observed, "Sense is never common.")

 

[SpectreT]

Damn Right it's brave, answering some of this.... sheesh.

A. Sex

3)Anal Sex (get)
2)Ass Cheek Sex (get)
3)Vibrators (get)
N/A)Breast Sex (get)
5)Butt Plugs (get)
4)Dildo - Anal (get)
2)Dildo - Oral (get)
N/A)Dildo - Vaginal (get)
2)Double Penetration - Dildo (get)
N/A)Double Penetration - Multiple partners
N/A)Finger Sex (get)
4)Genital Intercourse
3)Hand Job (give)
4)Licking (get)
5)Licking (give)
4)Massage (give)
5)Oral Sex (give)
2)Phone Sex
1)Sex in Public
3)Sex Outdoors Yes
2)Swinging (Trading your partners with other partners for any amount of time)
4)Teasing (get)
N/A)Triple Penetration - Dildo (get)
N/A)Triple Penetration - Multiple partners (get)

B. Bondage

5)Bondage - full body (get)
4)Bondage - Intricate Rope (get)
2)Bondage - Mental (get)
3)Bondage - Outdoors (get)
4)Bondage - Private (get)
4)Bondage - Public (get)
3)Boxing / Closeting (get)(Being put in a box or closet)
N/A)Breast Bondage (get)
3)Caging (get)
2)Crucifixion (get)
5)Mummification (get)
5)Restraint Duration: 0-1hr (get)
4)Restraint Duration: 1-3hrs (get)
4)Restraint Duration: 3+ hrs (get)
4)Restraint Duration: multiple days (get)
4)Restraint Duration: overnight or full day (get)
4)Restraint in public - under clothes (get)
2)Suspension (get)
2)Suspension - Horizontal (get)
2)Suspension - Inverted (get)

C. Bondage Toys

4)Blindfolds (get)
4)Body Bags (get)
1)Duct Tape (get) Neat stuff, but I'm hairy
5)Full Head Hoods (get)
4)Gags - ball type (get)
2)Gags - bits (get)
3)Gags - cloth (get)
4)Gags - inflatable (get)
4)Gags - phallic (get)
1)Gags - tape (get) One word - beard.
1)Gas Masks (get)
3)Harnessing - leather(get)
3)Harnessing - rope(get)
3)Headphone/Earplugs (get)
3)Masks (wear)
4)Padlocks (get)
4)Plastic Wrap (get)
4)Restraints - Ankle (get)
4)Restraints - Arm & leg sleeves (get)
2)Restraints - Hand Cuffs (get) Big Wrists
5)Restraints - Leather (get)
5)Restraints - Metal (get)
5)Restraints - Rope (get)
4)Restraints - Thumb Cuffs (get) tough due to large hands
5)Restraints - Wrist (get)
5)Restraints - Wrist to ankle/neck/waist (get)
4)Silk Scarves (get)
4)Sleepsacks (get) - -
3)Slings/Swings (get)
4)Spreader bars (get)
4)Stocks (get)
5)Straight Jackets (get)

D. S&M

2)Abrasion (get)
4)Anal Dilation (get) - -
2)Anal Fisting (get)
1)Asphyxiation (get)
2)(Foot Sole Torture)
3)Biting (get)
1)Choking (get)
3)Face Slapping (get)
NO)Fireplay (get)
2)Hair pulling (get)
1)Nipple Torture (get)
4)Spanking - on all fours (get)
4)Spanking - over knee (get)
3)Spanking hard (get)
4)Spanking soft (get)
N/A)Vaginal Dilation (get)
N/A)Vaginal Fisting (get) - -

E. S&M Toys

4)Belt/Strap (get)
3)Caning (get)
2)Clothespins (get)
3)Cupping/Suction (get)
NO)Cutting (get)
NO)Electricity - Tens Unit (get)
NO)Electricity - Violet Wand (get)
4)- - Flogging (get)
4)Hairbrushes (get)
3)Ice Cubes (bottom)
N/A)Labial Clip (get)
1)Nipple Clamps (get)
1)Nipple Weights (get)
4)Paddling (get)
2)Piercing - temp (get)
4)Riding Crops (get)
3)Whipping - bullwhip (get)
4)Whipping - Cat (get)
1)Whipping - genitals (get)
3)Whipping - knotted whip (get)
4)Whipping - switch
4)Whipping - Taws (get)

F. Fetish


NO)Abandonment (get)
NO)Acrophilia (Arousal from heights) I'm Acrophobic!
NO)Acrotomophilia (Sex with Amputees)
NO)Agalmatophilia (Sex with Statues)
4)Barosmia (Arousal from smells)
2)Being Recorded
NO)Bestiality (get) - -
1)Boot Worship (get)
NO)Branding (sub)
NO)Brown Showers (get) (Skat Play - Getting shit on)
NO)Brown Showers (give)(Skat Play - Shitting on someone/thing)
1)Catheterization (get)
1)Cock Rings (others)
4)Corsets (others) - -
3)Corsets (you)
NO)Diapers (you)
NO)(Sex involving mud/dirt/oil)
N/A)Douching (get)
5)Enemas (get)
2)Erotic Dancing (sub)
1)Exhibitionism
NO)Fear
1)Feathers/Fur (others)
1)Feathers/Fur (you)
2)Foot Worship (get)
NO)Golden Showers (get)
4)Latex (others)
4)Latex (you)
4)Leather (others)
4)Leather (you)
4)Lingerie (others)
4)Lingerie (you)
3)Medical Instruments
NO)Needles
4)Oral/Anal Play (get)
4)Oral/Anal Play (give)
3)Pain
2)Piercing (Permanent) (get)
1)Posing for Erotic Photos (Nothing Erotic in any photo of me.)
NO)Prostitution (real)
NO)Public Exposure
1)Recording Scenes
1)Rituals
3)Sensory Deprivation (get)
4)Shaving (get)
4)Skinny-Dipping
4)Spandex (others)
2)Spandex (you)
3)Speculums (anal)
N/A)Speculums (vaginal)
NO)Supplying victims (Providing subs for your dom)
3)Swallowing Semen
3)Taking Erotic Photos
3)Tasting Yourself
2)Tattoo (others)
3)Tattoos (you)
2)Tickling (get)
3)Uniforms (others)
3)Uniforms (you)
3)Voyeurism
1)Wearing Fluids
1)Wrestling

G. Power Play

2)Bathroom use control (sub)
1)Begging (sub)
2)Behavior Restrictive Rules (sub)
4)Butt Plugs - public (sub)
2)Chastity Belts (sub)
2)Clothing choice (sub)(Have your clothes chosen for you)
2)Cock Worship (sub)
2)Collar and Leash (sub)
2)Collars (sub)(Be made to wear a collar)
1)Competition (sub) (Subs compete)
1)Crawling (sub)
2)Eye Contact Restriction (sub)
3)Following Orders
2)Food Choice/Directed Eating (sub)
4)Forced Dressing (sub)
2)Forced Exercise (sub)
2)Forced Homosexuality (sub)
3)Forced Masturbation (sub)
2)Forced Nudity (sub)
2)Forced Servitude (sub)
1)Given Away(Be given away by your dom)
1)Hot Waxing (sub)
2)Housework (sub)
2)Humiliation - Private (sub)
1)Humiliation - Public (sub)
2)Humiliation - Verbal (sub)
2)Kneeling (sub)
2)Lecturing (sub)
3)Manicures (get)
3)Manicures (give)
2)Name Change (sub)
3)Orgasm Control (sub)
3)Orgasm Denial (sub)
1)Personality Modification (sub)
3)Pussy Worship (sub)
3)Serving Orally (sub)
2)Sexual Deprivation (sub)
NO)Sleep Deprivation (sub)
1)Speech Restrictions (sub)
1)Standing in Corner (sub)
4)Struggling (sub)
3)Symbolic Jewelry (sub)
NO)Weight Gain/Loss (sub)

H. Role Play

2)Chauffeuring (sub)
2)Fantasy Gang Rape (get)
2)Fantasy Rape (get)
3)Initiation Rites (sub)
3)Interrogations (sub)
3)Kidnapping (sub)
3)Medical Scenes (sub)
NO)Other Animal Play (sub)
3)Physical Examinations (sub)
NO)Pony Play (sub)
3)Prison Scenes
2)Prostitution (pretend)
4)Punishment Scene (sub)
NO)Puppy Play (sub)
3)Religious Scenes (sub)
3)Serving as Art (sub)
2)Serving as Furniture (sub)
3)Serving as Maid (sub)
4)Strap on Dildos (sub)

....and that's way more than anyone wanted to know about my sexuality......

 

[cymbidia]

Please forgive my display of petulent temper, lexie.

As i told SpectreT in a PM (he has listened to me whine and bitch and moan about my small problems for months and monthsand been such a good friend to me), i'm having a lot of trouble handling the dissolution of what was between MS and me.

I have good days and bad days around it; today was a bad day.
Today i felt sucker-punched by inconsolable loss all day.
Today i took my despair out on other people.
You were one on whom i took this out, lexie and i am sorry for that. Please accept my apology.

 

[erosman]

Cym...

Hello Cym.
Just wanted you to know that I heard what you felt.
Your 'eyes' speak volumes.
No answers...just presence.

 

[cymbidia]

Thank you, all, for your kindness to me.
I am grateful for and cheered by such understanding and care.





WD has a whole thread devoted to his BDSM Survey.
I posted to it.
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?postid=1000765#post1000765

 

[seXieleXie]

Re: Please forgive my display of petulent temper, lexie.

Please accept my apology.

only if you'll take mine! back back no take backs! (or something... i've been babysitting, can you tell?)

any time you want to dump or lash out or cry or kick (metaphorically speaking of course) someone, i'm here. if it will make you feel better it's worth a few bruised feelings.

like i said on the general board, think of it as helping me explore my masochist side

 

[cymbidia]

Here we go again.

Over on the GB, we're again heading toward a discussion of the validity of the word nilla when used by us to mean them.

All the usual associated prejudices and fears are waiting in the wings, i'm sure, to be aired at the appropriate moment in the discussion.

Unfortunately, i'm at a real emotional low and can't hold up my end of the convo in any kinda non-emotional fashion because i just don't have the resources, the intestional fortitude, the basic ability to do so right now.

Please come help if you wish to and if you think you can offer something to this discussion again that will be of value. you know me: i hate to be offensive, hate to give them any ammo to throw back on us, be it attitude or anything else. But that's just me; you post however and whatever you will.

Is it my imagination or do we end up having this same kinda discussion over there every four or five months?

Gods. I was *so* careful in my word choices trying not to be offensive, too. Some days you really can't win.

Is this a display of some herpes pus or what?
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=60702&perpage=20&pagenumber=1
My stuff starts on page three, fyi.



(Risia just called me. She cheered me up a *lot*. She's a good egg. All the same, i think i'll stay away from that thread for now. Y'all go on...)

 

[WriterDom]

I'm very proud of my vanilla heritage. And have many wonderful memories of sensual erotic sexual times. It's not a dirty word.

 

[SpectreT]

Wow.

I didn't even need to respond to that one. RisiaSkye said it better than I could, before I had a chance to read the whole thing. Whyinthehell does every damn "discussion", which in this case, started out with an insulting and perjorative theme, become the "Beat Up On the Freaks" for about a page and a half, then become something akin to an intellectual, semantic food-fight, with "deviant" on one side and "vanilla" on the other side? can't we just agree to disagree?

And how did someone manage to pick a specific sub(no pun intended)set of the BDSM theme that would bring one of the most vocal community members on the board rushing in? I'm not trying to stir shit, I'm just wondering if someone else might have been....

Just another couple of thoughts from The Beast.

 

[morninggirl5]

And how did someone manage to pick a specific sub(no pun intended)set of the BDSM theme that would bring one of the most vocal community members on the board rushing in? I'm not trying to stir shit, I'm just wondering if someone else might have been....

Just another couple of thoughts from The Beast.

You're saying what I've been thinking since the whole thing blew up. But they weren't being judgemental.


I'm going back to my own little corner to hide now, I don't do confrontations.

 

[WriterDom]

Do the ones that hate us read our posts here? Other than KM?

 

[WriterDom]

with 20684 readers someone must be reading. But it's not like we need our own forum.

 

[cellis]

LOL... one can only wonder in amazement, WD.... I had no idea that there were so many judemental and uninformed people here... I had always assumed that one came to lit with an open mind...

 

[BlondGirl]

I'm very proud of my vanilla heritage. And have many wonderful memories of sensual erotic sexual times. It's not a dirty word.

This is so well stated..can i use this quote in my sig line?

 

[MissTaken]

Trust in a BDSM

This may have been covered and I have certainly read about the topic on other sites, but was hoping for an open discussion concerning trust.

It leads itself to the novice question, what should a sub be expected to tolerate from their Dom in their role as a sub?

I am sorry to use the board for what seems like therapy, but He has done something that has not just shaken, but squashed my trust for Him. W/we have supposedly had an open relationshiip in terms of communication and honesty. Last night I found out differently. While the specific issue seemed minor, it violated agreements W/we had made and has caused me great pain.

I, now question, so many other things He has said, promises made, etc. I also am questioning His professed love for me.

I am sorry to seem so melodramatic, but I simply trying to get through the morning and make the right decisions for me and my children. Given that I live in such an isolated area, no one knows or could understand the relationship I have shared with Him.

Frankly, I feel very naive right now, very young and foolish. Hmmm who would have thought?

So, any input will be appreciated. Thank you all for giving me somewhere to be with this.

 

[WriterDom]

This is so well stated..can i use this quote in my sig line?

Yes, if I can suck on your piercings.

 

[cellis]

Re: Trust in a BDSM

This may have been covered and I have certainly read about the topic on other sites, but was hoping for an open discussion concerning trust.

It leads itself to the novice question, what should a sub be expected to tolerate from their Dom in their role as a sub?

I am sorry to use the board for what seems like therapy, but He has done something that has not just shaken, but squashed my trust for Him. W/we have supposedly had an open relationshiip in terms of communication and honesty. Last night I found out differently. While the specific issue seemed minor, it violated agreements W/we had made and has caused me great pain.

I, now question, so many other things He has said, promises made, etc. I also am questioning His professed love for me.

I am sorry to seem so melodramatic, but I simply trying to get through the morning and make the right decisions for me and my children. Given that I live in such an isolated area, no one knows or could understand the relationship I have shared with Him.

Frankly, I feel very naive right now, very young and foolish. Hmmm who would have thought?

So, any input will be appreciated. Thank you all for giving me somewhere to be with this.

My heart goes out to you, MissTaken... trust is the foundation of my relationship with Himself... I don't give it easily and I am still not sure if I trust him completely... but I would truly be devastated if he did something to destroy that trust... and even though I am older and have had my share of encounters and relationships... I feel like this is the first time, the first one... I questioned everything from the beginning because I don't have a barometer to guage this relationship by and I, too, rely heavily on this thread and the people here to give me input....

When trust is broken... well, I wouldn't begin to know how to put it back together... and at this point in my life, I don't know that I would want to... I have to have honesty and I have to be able to be honest in my relationship and if that can't happen, especially here in this world, there can be no trust...

I'm sorry I can't be of any help to you.... I too sometimes wonder about what is a normal Dom/me/sub relationship... but I think for us, Himself and me, it is just what we agree upon and change as we grow in the relationship together...

 

[Frouwa_Aph]

Re: Trust in a BDSM

I am sorry to use the board for what seems like therapy, but He has done something that has not just shaken, but squashed my trust for Him. W/we have supposedly had an open relationshiip in terms of communication and honesty. Last night I found out differently. While the specific issue seemed minor, it violated agreements W/we had made and has caused me great pain.

I, now question, so many other things He has said, promises made, etc. I also am questioning His professed love for me.

I think this board is the perfect place for it, no worries.
I'm so sorry for you <huggggs>, loosing the trust in a person is the worst thing that can happen in any relationship. And you sound really crestfallen about what has happened.

I am sorry to seem so melodramatic, but I simply trying to get through the morning and make the right decisions for me and my children. Given that I live in such an isolated area, no one knows or could understand the relationship I have shared with Him.

Did you notice? You used have shared and not share, you have ended it in your mind already. If you can't see a way for yourself to rebuild that trust, it's better to end it physically as well. Of course there might be reasons not to move out (or have him moving out).
In cases like this I use a piece of paper. I write down the pros and the cons and my feelings too. This usually helps me to focus and to make the decision needed.

Huggs again and I hope that everything works out right for you.

Monika

 

[Never]

Do the ones that hate us read our posts here? Other than KM?

KillerMuffin doesn't hate 'you'. You meaning the entire BDSM community, I have no idea whether she like you WriterDom or not.

We, meaning everyone who isn't you-the-community, may or may not be reading this thread but I, meaning Never, have read this thread from the very beginning and I have read or skimmed every part of it as well.

However, since 'us' in your statement seems to also be the 'our' who posts to this thread and since I, meaning Never, have posted to this thread that means that I am 'us' but not 'we' as well as 'I' but not 'the ones'.

You've linguistically split me in half. It's neat.. I'll diagram it if you don't understand.

In your statement.
Us = The BDSM community.
Our = Those who post to this thread.
I = Never. Part of the non-BDSM community.

Lingustically (Our = Us)
If (Us = The BDSM comminuty) than (Them = The non-BDSM commuity)
Lingustically (I = Them)

However, (Our = I) because I do post to this thread.
So (Our = I = Them = Us)

You’ve made an illogical statement or I exist in two parts.

 

[Wizard]

I don't know what to say that hasn't been said by now other than I also feel for you and am sorry to hear this news.
I hate to hear of a friend hurting.................

 

[seXieleXie]

In your statement.
Us = The BDSM community.
Our = Those who post to this thread.
I = Never. Part of the non-BDSM community.

Lingustically (Our = Us)
If (Us = The BDSM comminuty) than (Them = The non-BDSM commuity)
Lingustically (I = Them)

However, (Our = I) because I do post to this thread.
So (Our = I = Them = Us)

You’ve made an illogical statement or I exist in two parts.

hmmm.... not to get off topic but as i read it...

them = the ones who hate the bdsm community
them != all those who are not members of the bdsm community

kinda like... all hugos are cars but not all cars are hugos

so don't worry, as i read it you're still in one piece.

 

[cellis]

hmmm.... not to get off topic but as i read it...

them = the ones who hate the bdsm community
them != all those who are not members of the bdsm community

kinda like... all hugos are cars but not all cars are hugos

so don't worry, as i read it you're still in one piece.

Oh Lexie... you make me laugh and I was having so much feeling depressed this evening....

 

[Wizard]

Ok ................So anyhow......anyone build any cool toys recently?........Make anything new?????

I have many homemade things anyone care share any?

I have made spreader bars, hanging devices, benches.......things like that


For someone new they can take wooden clothspins .......drill the end and put a screw with a wing nut on the end to keep the pressure light.....I rubberband on the ends will also keep them from closing all the way also.
Plastic will bite down harder than wooden ones........

Pinpong paddles can be fun......

anyone care to add some thought for the do it yourselfers....


WriterDom I know you have made some leatherwork....care to share......