BDSM: Questions and Answers

[Wizard]

Do you think teasing is an act of Domination. Is hardcore teasing....(keeping some one on the edge of cumming for an extended period of time) an act of domination.

I was wondering what everyone's thoughts on this were.




Spin

I do ......very much so.....I start out wish very gental touching and teasing is so many "not so normal places".........I teast for up to an hour or when ever I feel the time is right my Sub.....Skitten will be begging for me to have her or let her cum......She is not aloud to cum till she asks me.....she will be punished if she cums early....she then will get teasted some more and if I am feeling nice I will let her explode on my rock hard cock or in my mouth...where every I want her too and then again and again......she squirts and is very much multipal......


Teasing is such a trun on for me watching her move around...and yes she is blindfolded also.so she can't figure where I will be next......

 

[Blackbich]

Do you think teasing is an act of Domination. Is hardcore teasing....(keeping some one on the edge of cumming for an extended period of time) an act of domination.

I was wondering what everyone's thoughts on this were.






Spin

Oh honey, this is a definite YES!!! Especially if the teasee expects to suffer consequences if they come to soon and are teased until they can't stand it anymore.

WriterDom, cymbidia and RisiaSkye...thank you for the welcome back! It seems like it's been WAY TOO LONG!!

WriterDom, do they sell the handmade toys in this group you were talking about?

 

[WriterDom]

WriterDom, do they sell the handmade toys in this group you were talking about?

The only place I've seen them is at Ebay. I just checked and there are 7 sets up right now. Go to ebay and search "bdsm door"

 

[Merelan]

Oh ... oh.... Yes. Teasing. Ummm. Please. And Thank you.


Wizard, are you determined to have me move down there? I don't take up much space, I cook, clean and even like to wash cars!

 

[Wizard]

Merelan we might have to think about a visit sometime..........I told ya before your welcome here anytime.........

 

[Lorindellia]

Well. I apologize if this message is a repeat of some of the earlier questions posted here. Honestly I haven't the time to read the entire thread. I wish that I did. Furthermore I think that there are probally a lot of people who would be interested in a repeat of some of these questions. I was asked politely to post this under this thread. Here goes:


About Q: Terms / B & D Vs. S & M?
Allright,

Now I know these terms, however I believe that over the past 15 - 20 years they have evolved to have some different meanings...So I ask, how can you be into B&D and not into S&M at the same time? and Vice Versa?


Back when I was a sub to my Master's beck and call, it was simply refered to a S&M...
S&M encompassed Bondage & Dicipline, any fetish that your master had you would preform to his specifications and no one had ever heard of the term "safe word". Hopefully you were in tune enough with him/her to know when what was going on was harming the psyche and possibly undermining the relationship. Not hopefully, you in fact WERE in tune enough.

Now it seems as tho there may be people running around moving from slave to slave, master to master as quickly as you shed skin; and frankly I do not agree that this is what it is all about, at least not for me anyway...

The whole idea and concept from my perspective is that I adored him, and he adored me. I adored him so much because he took care of me in all ways. I completely trusted him. I knew he would never seriously harm me.

I believe from his perspective he adored me because of the attention I showed him, my willingness to please him, my desire for him. I was also willing to be punished when he felt in necessary, but the punishment wasn't about inflicting pain, although it sometimes did, it was a mental pain. Knowing that I had displeased him was nearly unbearable and my desire for his physical and mental punishment led to the fulfillment of the ultimate reward, his forgivness.

I would like your views on this please? Have things change so much?

Also, someone recently told me I was Dom because I would have to insist on specific things to be a specific way... (i.e. no dumpy hotel rooms, safe sex practices, showers, etc) Before I agree to submit. I do not agree with this, as subs we have the right to select who we place our trust in, if we can't trust them to make us comfortable even, before anything is said or done, then how are we to trust them with our fragile psychies?

Please comment,
Thanks....in advance,
Yours for the Moment,
Lorindellia

 

[Merelan]

The only part I can help you with is that last bit. No, you aren't a Dom because you insist on certain things. It is only right you should. And if anyone has a problem with it to hell with them and go home. You are a human with certain needs and desires and standards. Don't ever compromise them to some asshole who thinks he/she has the right to control it all. That's not what a BDSM relationship is about.

Wizard, wonder what Mistress would say to that?

 

[Lorindellia]

Hello,
Actually I have not submitted for anyone since my first. These issues came up in a discussion I was having in the chat room here. Especially the ones about cleanliness.

I was reading more of this thread, trying to find answers, and I do not see where these issues are directly addressed at all.

Also I think my descriptive above is akin to a S&M slut . Which in my opinion can not truly exist UNLESS her master wants her to run around submitting to other men, and why would he unless he truly doesn't care for her, in which case we aren't really even talking about a true relationship are we?

So anyway, I do hope some one cares to respond.

Thanks, and I remain,
Yours for the Moment
Lorindellia

 

[cellis]

I can only speak for myself, but i can't imagaine being with someone who doesn't care enough for me to perform basic hygiene... i may be a sub, but i still have choices and i think there are just too many people these days that are there for the kink and not for true D/s relationships. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with kind, they should just call it that... and not try to make it into something it is not. I don't think it makes anyone a Dom/me to ask for certain things and i think that should part of the negotiations from the beginning.

 

[Skitten]

Yes it is a total relationship wizard is my master in all aspects of my life I do work outside the home, but he is in control of the household in all aspects. If there is something he insists on that is what is done he is my master and the kids dad. We do not let the kids know of this lifstyle but he and I know that I consider him the master of me.

In the bedroom he decides how the perfmance will be done for that night and whatever he says usually is what we do. Now I know that no harm would ever come to me but the more experience we get and the new, things we try the more I am in to the new things we will do. It is new to be tied and put into different positions but the things you do and the new feelings you have.

BDSM is something that brings out of you things you could never had imagined. And not being just sex it is part of my world because I know if I am a good sub thtouhghout the day my master wizard will reward me in so many ways.

So it is a lifestyle to us and it is new, but it is something that makes you feel a total commitment to your master as well as the new lifestyle. Because it makes you even more commited to the one you are with.

 

[BlondGirl]

I just got back from a "short" stop at Home Depot on my way back from Houston. Of course, I simply stopped in to check out the price on a water heater. But then I wandered over to look for some nylon strapping (to make some of those over/under the door holders taht WD has teased us with). Of course, I did not find what I was looking for, but I did find so many other things that I think the actual item I went to to look at took maybe 1% of my time.
Now that I am a kinky bitch, it is amazing how much fun it is to go to the home improvement stores.

 

[Guest]

Okay here is the dilema. Can a Dom/Domme enjoy being teased? Especially prolonged teasing/edge play/verbal teasing. I know for myself that edge play is awfully intense and pleasurable. Would subs not feel like they were topping there Master/Mistress if they engaged in this kind of activity.

If you were a sub do think you could engage in this and still retain a feeling of being submissive?

Im sure some would feel like they would have no problem just switching but this brings its own dilemas.

Spin

 

[Skitten]

What does collaring really mean to you real BDSM'ers ? My master gave me one tonight and it makes me feel so much more loved.

 

[cellis]

Is it switching to please your Dom/me? If they like to be touched and caressed and teased, is that not just another way of submitting to them?

 

[Lorindellia]

No, Switching is when you are able to be Dominant or Submissive.

I think the best Dom's I have met have also been subs and know what it is like, how it feels.

THe best Subs are those who respect their Doms.

My opinion,
Yours for the Moment,
Lorindellia.

 

[Hecate]

OK - here goes another "catching up" post of mine - get ready for ramble!

I hope I don't miss any of the topics I intended to answer so bear with me if I am not having any apparent "order" to them.

Being a Domme without sexual involvement
Domination is about power exchange. There is no "law" saying you have to use this given power for anything sexual. So I would basically say yes, it is possible.
The question though is what the "kick" is, what the rewards and punishments are and ... to be honest, sexual tension is one of the strongest "incentives" that we have available. So I wuold say yes, it is possible of course but I personally would be missing a large part of the "fun". I have been dominating without sexual contact (it kinda wasn't "my" sub) - although the tension was always there.


Is "teasing" = domination?
Yes, it is. Again, domination is about power and control. When I am given the power to control my partner I am dominating him/her. Nothing else is really in the teasing - I control the sensations and the "results", and nobody ever said that submitting can not be fun for the subbies *winks*


Can a Dom/me get the teasing experience for him/herself?
Yes, definitely.
I could imagine a simple order like: I will lay here and I want you to tease me - get me to the edge as close as you can but don't make me come - if you do before I give you permission to be rewarded by my climax for your endeavours you shall be punished


Does that make a sub a switch?
No! It is still all in the Dom/mes power in the above mentioned case, the sub is ordered to take described action but can not "order" the Dom/me in any way. Being a Switch would mean to pass over control and the decision of what is happening to the other partner completely.

The menaing of BDSM - and can there be B&D without S&M
For most BDSM may mean Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism for me personally it means Bondage/Dominance/Submission/Masochism ( or even Bondage/Dominance/Submission/Making love )

I personally have no pleasure in giving pain to my sub. That doesn't mean my attentions can't hurt at times but they hurt in the good way, if you know what I mean. And the thrill I get is not from giving the pain just for the sake of pain but from the reaction my sub displays to the minstrations. Not sure if that makes sense at all but for me the focus is on the power exchange, so for me it is in the Dominance and submission part, everything else just is a result of that power given to me.

To get back to the initial point though: in my way of reading BDSM it is not possible to separate the D and S so for me I would say there is D/s without B&M ... ok ok *chuckles* this is getting very theoretic now so I'll leave it at that and shift to another topic *lol*


Do I as a sub have the right to set standards or does that make me a Dom/me?
Yikes! If you had no stadards what satisfaction would a Dom/me get out of the gift of your submission????

Sorry, I know what was refered to in that example is common among so called "Dom/mes", and I insist on the so-called in this case.

A BDSM relation - as much and maybe even more than any other relation - is something precious and wholesome. And as soon as one partner hasn't the cbasic standards met it is not ok! A bdsm relation involves as much love as does a regular relation - and can I love someone whose minimum demands I don't respect? And can I as a sub trust someone with my life (and damn, you are trusting the other person with your life the moment you allow them to tie you up - please please all your subs out there realize that!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

If someone is demanding submission but does not show the minimum respect or common courtesy towards a sub - RUN! It is NOT dominance, it is abuse!

You surrender yourself to someone, it is your most precious gift - and how precious would it be if you just gave it to anyone? The same for Masters/Mistresses who too easily share their subs (unless it has been agreed upon that this is a major turn on for the sub to be shared (swinging and such)! There are exceptions to this statement as there are always).

I mean - it is a relation for god's sake and not a bunch of hookers we are talking about!

Anyway - I digress. The main principle is safe, sane and consensual. None of those are met if basic hygenic standards are neglected or if any other issues of trust and communication are not met. Then - again - whatever it may be, it is NOT BDSM.



S&M sluts
Never heard the term before but I just want to place a little statement here....

There are people craving pain for sexual pleasure - there are those craving to inflict it and those craving to be inflicted pain upon. They do not necessarrily have to be into D/s as in power exchange. Those into D/s need not per force be sadists or masochists.

That said - I consider those hopping from one Master to another as little a sub as I do consider those abusers Dom/mes who never care about anthing but the sexual kick under the dark enchanting cover of the lifestyle. There are those in the "vanilla" world who constantly are swapping partners cause they are seeking sex and not a relation - nothing else are those people in the BDSM environment.


So to sum it up: A BDSM relation is a wonderfull warm and fulfilling way of people to share their hearts, souls and bodies, a world of caring and trust taken to a level that many other relations will maybe not reach because they lack the complete commitment and devotion that is necessarry for a BDSM relation to function.

The problem these days is that it has become "mainstream", meaning many people start to experiment in the by now acknowledged by society - wow, this is cool and kinky - game. People who are not aware of the involvement beyond the physical aspects, people that really "play" (not in the sceneing sense or such but considering it nothing but a fun game).

The potential of damage thoughremains as high as it is in a fully committed D/s relation - and this is why there is the need of safe words and rules and regulations.

Plus ... look at many young people today .. they are willing to go to extremes for a "kick" we would never have gone too. To me they appear much more juvenile when venturing into the dangerous zones of BDSM as many of the older lifestylers were. For most of us there was FIRST a relation - then we went D/s - for the "kids" it is "Let's have some S&M fun and see if we can couple up later" Not sure if that made a lot of sense but those are my concerns anyway.

So to answer Lorindellias question... in the true realtions nothing much has changed to earlier times and years ago , but on the surface a lot has changed, with the goof effects bringing the bad side kicks as well.


OK - last but not least....

Married partners
I wished I could stand straight and upright, raise a finger and shake it "NO, no!" - alas, I can't.

So all I shall add here is... avoid it if at all possible. If not possible to avoid be aware of possible consequences and don't alow yourself to indulge in the deception "all will be well". In most cases it won't be well.

List the possible consequences and make sure you can bear them if they come crashing down on you. When you think you can stand whatever is in store for you, then enjoy the moment while it lasts and don't come cry later! You have been warned.

There may be the outstanding excemptions of course (and I keep hoping for me that my darling pet and I are blessed that much) that can make things last if all parties can deal with it (and I mean ALL, not only the two personally involved) but those are rare cases.

Anything I haven'T covered in this post? Oh well - I shall add as I come across anything I may have missed *s*

 

[Aussie Worm]

WOW. There is a lot of information in this thread. Anyone ever thought of compiling it into a FAQ?

 

[Hecate]

Guess what....

WOW. There is a lot of information in this thread. Anyone ever thought of compiling it into a FAQ?

I have *s* and as soon as the long grey winter month are coming to lock me indoors I shall work on a FAQ for my site *s* Glad to see I am not the only one wioth that in mind *s*

 

[ChaoticLil]

i have a question....

Is there a difference between a having a Master/Mistress and having a Dom? And if there is could you please explain?

This have become a real sore spot between me and my 'nilla husband, and i would like some opinions/insight.

 

[cellis]

Hecate... you have a web site?? What is the url, i would be interested in visiting it...

 

[Hecate]

my site is no big deal - mainly my own writing and some thoughts on the BDSM lifestyle but I have by now a nice colelctin of related links and such.

You find me at The mysterious Realm of Mistress Hecate or by simply clicking on the www below each of my posts.

Don't get your hopes too high though - it is really nothing but a personal site. Yu are welcome to explore my realm and leave me any comments you may have.

 

[Hecate]

I just KNEW I'd forget something!

Collaring
Collaring has many implications and I sure am not going to pass my opinion along as anything "general" so the following is MY and only MY very personal view on the subject.

For me "collaring" is something very intimate and special - nothing that is done lightly. Let me say it is a kind of engagement/marriage thing in a D/s relation. A collar be put on a sub by a Master's / Mistress' hand is an outward sign of the ownership. And the slave accepting to be collared is accepting his/her submission for the world to see.

I have been "playing" with a few subbies in the last years - but there is only one wearing something remotely significant like a collar of mine. Collaring a sub for me means we are taking things to another level, more serious, more permanent - like a relation being taken from the mere bf/gf stage to fiancee or hubby/wife. Not sure if that makes any sense... *sighs*

You may wonder why I am putting the "collaring" into the little " " thingies ... it is because in my opinion collaring doesn't neccessarrily involve a collar. This token of a new level in the relation may be anything - a ring, a bracelet, an anklet, a belly chain or necklace, even piercings are not uncommon among those things generally reffered to in collaring ceremonies (Yes, there are collaring ceremonies) All that may depend on the preferences of the people involved, their lifestyle and liking.

In the purest form, a collaring is exactly that - placing a collar on the sub by the Master/Mistress's hand to only be removed by them again. This pretty much picks up the tradition of the oiginal iron-and-chain pattern that was used in the days of unhuman, and unjust slavery (and this is why some couples choose to go for another token since they consider their form of D/s totally different from those cruel times and don't want to have that taint , even if only by symbolism, in their relation).

Collarings are wonderful - they make me feel like attending to a wedding *s* For me they are romantic, both partners confirming the consent and the love and trust to their special bond. Maybe I am just a helpless romantic *s* - who said a Domme can't be romantic? Somehow wearing your Dom/mes collar is like taking on your husbands name *S* showing the world you are now part of something bigger than you and him/her, something that shows that one and one can be so much more than simply two *s*

For the deep, almost ritualistic and significant meaning a collar has for me, I would like to ask to not take it lightly, to think about a D/s collar as a wedding ring - but I know that specially in cyber space collars are passed around like candy - and often a sub (mainly a female sub) not wearing one feels "second choice", not worth as much as anyone else. (Hmmm - doesn't that somehow sound familiar .. like the "Ohhh , you aren't married yet? Aren'T you enough of a woman to get a guy interested and keep his attention?") Cyber-collars seem to me something like collector's items at times, like the cuts in the hilt of a dagger counting the "catches" ... so I assume collaring can be fun and it can be taken lightly *shruggs shoulders* and who am I to tell the rest of the world what is right or wrong?


No matter how you want to look at it - I am sure Skitten your Wizzie meant it in a special way so .. Congrats from my side *hugs for the two of you* and *s* I have found that wearing a collar of your beloved Dom makes you head off into sub space even easier and more intense. For most of us collars are mighty symbols that cary a certain magic power. Enjoy!

 

[Merelan]

Deep breath and here it goes.

On my ankle is a silver chain. Simple, yet so full of signifigance. It tickles and reminds me constantly of my Mistress' love for me. It is only a silver chain, but yet, so much more. A small token to show me, and those in the know, that she has a power over me, and me over her. Yes a sub has power over their Dom or Mistress. In fact, from a poor humble pet's perspective, they actually hold more power then the Dom, Mistress or whatever you call it between you.
To me it is a sign of our love and partnership. Yes, I am married, and yes they know and accept her into the relationship. It is a hard thing at times. She is so far away, yet held here in my heart, forever. Eeven now I feel her light kisses on my ankle, and smile. Knowing I am proud and possessed of such an incredible Mistress.

 

[cellis]

Mistress Hecate... (if i may address you as such... after all you are not my Mistress... but i do so as a sign of respect only)... i think your web site is wonderful... i read some of your stories and LOL... needless to say i was panting.... thanks for putting yourself out there...

 

[Natalie Nessus]

http://www.castlerealm.com/library/roseritual.shtml

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