Advice from those Wiser than me??

[curvyjae]

Moved

moved to another board

 

[LiFeNdEaTh]

you come to a porn site for advice?? lol *Shakeshead*

good luck wit that though.

 

[blobfish]

So, I really do not have anyone to talk to, so I thought of posting here to get some advice.

When is enough enough in a marriage?

My five year marriage has been littered by spurts of severe mental and emotional abuse, and dotted with occasional pushing and shoving. I was a vibrant 21 year old, self- confident, loving, caring, silly, bubbly. Fast forward six or so years... I am a little bit dark and icy.

I was raised in a peaceful and happy household, and HATE confrontation, conflict and chaos. My husband, his family, his ex wife and his two oldest kids thrive on it.

For the first few years I had grace and poise and handled everything so well.

My husband works, and brings home a steady paycheck, he fixes anything that is broke, helps clean, interacts with the kids. But also sets a horrible example by verbally abusing everyone, teasing, bullying etc.

Add in his very violent brother, his completely unstable ex wife etc etc....

Add in the 14 year old child that has had three mental hospital stays and has physically hurt two of the younger kids (my four year old has a broken collar bone right now because of him). Said 14 yr old has since moved out due to issues at school, he moved to his mothers house, but of course still visits.

My question is, even though you care about someone, and do not really want a divorce, to start all over... Break up your child's home. Is mental anguish enough to justify ending a marriage? My husband is not a horrible person, but my soul hurts daily, but perhaps I have a false sense of what marriage should be? I think marriage should be a union of two people that love, cherish and comfort each other. There is trust, respect and companionship between the two. I do not think it is healthy to fight daily or even weekly, ..

I think the point is made of the overall issues, I do not have any friends (he finds flaws in any friends I have), and I hate talking negatively to my mother, whom I am very close to, about my husband. Maybe some of you wiser, more experienced members can give some advice.

Kwoatid.

 

[LiFeNdEaTh]

Kwoatid.

???? break it down to us..

 

[Tryharder62]

I don't know if I am any wiser or more experienced but you said it yourself - Abuse is going on. I know first hand what emotional abuse can do. You need to make your child safe. Maybe seperate and then see if he would agree with counseling. He is isolating you and that is not good. I know it is hard when he may be the only bread winner at this point. You just need to make sure you and your little one is safe. My thoughts are with you. Reach out and get some help with this.

 

[warrior queen]

So, I really do not have anyone to talk to, so I thought of posting here to get some advice.

When is enough enough in a marriage?

My five year marriage has been littered by spurts of severe mental and emotional abuse, and dotted with occasional pushing and shoving. I was a vibrant 21 year old, self- confident, loving, caring, silly, bubbly. Fast forward six or so years... I am a little bit dark and icy.

I was raised in a peaceful and happy household, and HATE confrontation, conflict and chaos. My husband, his family, his ex wife and his two oldest kids thrive on it.

For the first few years I had grace and poise and handled everything so well.

My husband works, and brings home a steady paycheck, he fixes anything that is broke, helps clean, interacts with the kids. But also sets a horrible example by verbally abusing everyone, teasing, bullying etc.

Add in his very violent brother, his completely unstable ex wife etc etc....

Add in the 14 year old child that has had three mental hospital stays and has physically hurt two of the younger kids (my four year old has a broken collar bone right now because of him). Said 14 yr old has since moved out due to issues at school, he moved to his mothers house, but of course still visits.

My question is, even though you care about someone, and do not really want a divorce, to start all over... Break up your child's home. Is mental anguish enough to justify ending a marriage? My husband is not a horrible person, but my soul hurts daily, but perhaps I have a false sense of what marriage should be? I think marriage should be a union of two people that love, cherish and comfort each other. There is trust, respect and companionship between the two. I do not think it is healthy to fight daily or even weekly, ..

I think the point is made of the overall issues, I do not have any friends (he finds flaws in any friends I have), and I hate talking negatively to my mother, whom I am very close to, about my husband. Maybe some of you wiser, more experienced members can give some advice.

I'm feeling nice today, so I will not start your responses with snark.
That being said, you would be better advised to take this to the 'How To' board..... this place can get very nasty very quickly.

Now, on to your issue....
Get out NOW!
Your husband is setting your kids up to repeat his bad behaviour.
Take your kids and move out immediately.
Let your husband know what you really think of his behaviour and how it has affected you and your kids - and let him know that unless he is willing to work on his behaviour through both couples and single counselling, then you are not prepared to spend one more minute with him.

Harsh, I know, but this is not just about you.
Your kids, their safety and their upbringing, is far more important.

This is not an unfixable situation. But your husband needs to know that it absolutely must be addressed RIGHT NOW.

Good luck, and I hope it all works out..

Edited to add.... When I started typing, I was the first

 

[curvyjae]

?

I dont see literotica as a porn site... i see a lot of really amazing (and some not so amazing) people on here.

Anyways...

Break it down????

Do you just suck it up and deal with all the bullshit, or is there a point when you say, okay, this is not normal, something has to change, and if it doesn't I have to remove myself from this?

Perhaps the post isn't going to have the response I hoped for. LOL.

 

[cj200267]

So, I really do not have anyone to talk to, so I thought of posting here to get some advice.

When is enough enough in a marriage?

My five year marriage has been littered by spurts of severe mental and emotional abuse, and dotted with occasional pushing and shoving. I was a vibrant 21 year old, self- confident, loving, caring, silly, bubbly. Fast forward six or so years... I am a little bit dark and icy.

I was raised in a peaceful and happy household, and HATE confrontation, conflict and chaos. My husband, his family, his ex wife and his two oldest kids thrive on it.

For the first few years I had grace and poise and handled everything so well.

My husband works, and brings home a steady paycheck, he fixes anything that is broke, helps clean, interacts with the kids. But also sets a horrible example by verbally abusing everyone, teasing, bullying etc.

Add in his very violent brother, his completely unstable ex wife etc etc....

Add in the 14 year old child that has had three mental hospital stays and has physically hurt two of the younger kids (my four year old has a broken collar bone right now because of him). Said 14 yr old has since moved out due to issues at school, he moved to his mothers house, but of course still visits.

My question is, even though you care about someone, and do not really want a divorce, to start all over... Break up your child's home. Is mental anguish enough to justify ending a marriage? My husband is not a horrible person, but my soul hurts daily, but perhaps I have a false sense of what marriage should be? I think marriage should be a union of two people that love, cherish and comfort each other. There is trust, respect and companionship between the two. I do not think it is healthy to fight daily or even weekly, ..

I think the point is made of the overall issues, I do not have any friends (he finds flaws in any friends I have), and I hate talking negatively to my mother, whom I am very close to, about my husband. Maybe some of you wiser, more experienced members can give some advice.

You may want to cut and paste your question to a different board on Lit. There are a lot of thoughtful people on Lit that would love to help you. You just might not find them on the General Board. You might try the personals board.

 

[Aquagal]

So, I really do not have anyone to talk to, so I thought of posting here to get some advice.

When is enough enough in a marriage?

My five year marriage has been littered by spurts of severe mental and emotional abuse, and dotted with occasional pushing and shoving. I was a vibrant 21 year old, self- confident, loving, caring, silly, bubbly. Fast forward six or so years... I am a little bit dark and icy.

I was raised in a peaceful and happy household, and HATE confrontation, conflict and chaos. My husband, his family, his ex wife and his two oldest kids thrive on it.

For the first few years I had grace and poise and handled everything so well.

My husband works, and brings home a steady paycheck, he fixes anything that is broke, helps clean, interacts with the kids. But also sets a horrible example by verbally abusing everyone, teasing, bullying etc.

Add in his very violent brother, his completely unstable ex wife etc etc....

Add in the 14 year old child that has had three mental hospital stays and has physically hurt two of the younger kids (my four year old has a broken collar bone right now because of him). Said 14 yr old has since moved out due to issues at school, he moved to his mothers house, but of course still visits.

My question is, even though you care about someone, and do not really want a divorce, to start all over... Break up your child's home. Is mental anguish enough to justify ending a marriage? My husband is not a horrible person, but my soul hurts daily, but perhaps I have a false sense of what marriage should be? I think marriage should be a union of two people that love, cherish and comfort each other. There is trust, respect and companionship between the two. I do not think it is healthy to fight daily or even weekly, ..

I think the point is made of the overall issues, I do not have any friends (he finds flaws in any friends I have), and I hate talking negatively to my mother, whom I am very close to, about my husband. Maybe some of you wiser, more experienced members can give some advice.

You're worried about mental anguish? How about your child's physical safety??


A side question...how'd you come up with THAT name?

 

[LadyVer]

When someone is in an abusive relationship and has to ask what to do or question if divorce would be worse, I can only say get professional help at the least.

 

[curvyjae]

name

Well I am curvy jae, of course, because I have curves I love, and Jae is a nickname.

 

[RoryN]

(my four year old has a broken collar bone right now because of him)

This is kind of a big deal.

 

[curvyjae]

big deal

Yes, Indeed it was a big deal. It resulted in the child moving out of the house, to protect the other children.

 

[CandiCame]

moved to another board

I'm certainly not wiser or older but...

I would have left already. I leave relationships over stupid shit, so there's no way my flaky ass would have stayed after I started to get isolated. I tend not to date people who express any kind of bullying behavior, because of my past and personality, so as soon as that started, we would have had one of those, "You need to quit this shit it's fucking up your teenage kid or i'm out." And then he would either quit that shit or I would be out.

 

[Wings]

Right, you should definitely stay because mental anguish is wiser to avoid than a dead child. Are you an idiot?

There are helplines, there are groups, there are family members and trusted friends. Find them, utilize them and stop asking on an adult board.

 

[Saint Peter]

Men are pigs.

 

[bg23]

hey you guys she totally took your advice. you told her to take this to an APPROPRIATE board and she took it to THE PERSONALS!

Yay for smart people!

 

[LiFeNdEaTh]

Men are pigs.

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[Saint Peter]

She might find a new pig there.

 

[eyer]

I don't know, obviously, how you discovered the General Board...

...but you probably couldn't have come to a better place to get matrimony advice than here, where virtually every female poster is old, divorced, or a used-up unwed, single, government-assisted mother (most with multiple kids), who still lugs her tons of heavy emotional baggage gleefully into almost every post.

You'll likely friend faster here if you maintain you were once infamously raped as a teenager by "dark" men, believe the individual life growing inside a woman from conception is nothing more than a blob of meaningless cells ripe for vacuuming, and be close to the GB female poster average weight of 237 lbs...

...I, for one, look forward to reading more of your sad, pathetic "story".

Welcome to the GB...

...where one side of a story is all that's ever needed.

 

[Saint Peter]

Is that your ass?

 

[LiFeNdEaTh]

She might find a new pig there.

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[Wings]

I didn't know that Eyer was referred to as an ass. It makes sense.

 

[Saint Peter]

Please don't quote the pigs.

Thank you.

 

[Saint Peter]

I didn't know that Eyer was referred to as an ass. It makes sense.

Suddenly it all falls into place.





Look!

Tits!!