A quick question on butterface bitches...

[Marquis]

Literoticans, I must admit I am not quite the man I used to be. Bank account a little slimmer. Waist a little wider. Things have gotten so bad, I've recently been forced to make some slight adjustments to the females I've been mating with.

In the simplest terms, I believe we can categorize sexual female partners on 4 levels:

1. Hot body, hot face (this is where you want to be)
2. Hot body, busted face
3. Chubby body, pretty face (most of literotica)
4. Chubby body, busted face (the rest of literotica - avoid at all costs)


I find myself making frequent dips into the second category lately and I have but a simple question. How can I convince these lovely young ladies that our fun time together could be just so much more passionate if they would only wear a mask? I really think it would be better for the both of us.

A paper bag over the head seems downright disrespectful, but they make some very sexy masks for this very purpose. I'm thinking of the latex variety I've seen at fetish parties. The problem is, if you ask a pretty girl to wear one, she's all for it. If you ask an ugly girl to wear one, she knows what's up. What a paradox!

Surely there is a tactful solution to this problem. Does anyone have any experience with this?

 

[JohnnySavage]

Literoticans, I must admit I am not quite the man I used to be. Bank account a little slimmer. Waist a little wider. Things have gotten so bad, I've recently been forced to make some slight adjustments to the females I've been mating with.

In the simplest terms, I believe we can categorize sexual female partners on 4 levels:

1. Hot body, hot face (this is where you want to be)
2. Hot body, busted face
3. Chubby body, pretty face (most of literotica)
4. Chubby body, busted face (the rest of literotica - avoid at all costs)


I find myself making frequent dips into the second category lately and I have but a simple question. How can I convince these lovely young ladies that our fun time together could be just so much more passionate if they would only wear a mask? I really think it would be better for the both of us.

A paper bag over the head seems downright disrespectful, but they make some very sexy masks for this very purpose. I'm thinking of the latex variety I've seen at fetish parties. The problem is, if you ask a pretty girl to wear one, she's all for it. If you ask an ugly girl to wear one, she knows what's up. What a paradox!

Surely there is a tactful solution to this problem. Does anyone have any experience with this?

I'm nothing to write home about, and in fact could be marketed as Female Repellent.

But I've often pondered the question of body vs. face. Sometimes I think a hot body is more important, and sometimes I think a beautiful face is. I guess it's really a sliding scale; a super hot body will make up for a less attractive face, and vice-versa. There comes a point though that one attribute will not cancel out the deficiency in the other aspect.

As the saying goes: Sexy, Smart, Sane - you can only pick two.

 

[1HF]

Just fuck them doggystyle so you don't have to see their faces? Only go for the less attractive ones if it happens to be dark?
Or you could..I don't know... Not bang unattractive people or be less judgemental. They are accepting your less slim figure.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I feel your pain.

That said, most women are attractive under the right conditions. What are the right conditions?

They're not ill or depressed or in the grips of an emergency or chronic stress. That is, theyre functionally healthy, rested, well-groomed, and attentive. I've seen beauty queens dissolve like candles when they frown, and plain janes blossom when they smile.

 

[Aquagal]

Mr. Skin?

 

[Lorilei]

You should try celibacy.

 

[bronzeage]

Literoticans, I must admit I am not quite the man I used to be. Bank account a little slimmer. Waist a little wider. Things have gotten so bad, I've recently been forced to make some slight adjustments to the females I've been mating with.

In the simplest terms, I believe we can categorize sexual female partners on 4 levels:

1. Hot body, hot face (this is where you want to be)
2. Hot body, busted face
3. Chubby body, pretty face (most of literotica)
4. Chubby body, busted face (the rest of literotica - avoid at all costs)


I find myself making frequent dips into the second category lately and I have but a simple question. How can I convince these lovely young ladies that our fun time together could be just so much more passionate if they would only wear a mask? I really think it would be better for the both of us.

A paper bag over the head seems downright disrespectful, but they make some very sexy masks for this very purpose. I'm thinking of the latex variety I've seen at fetish parties. The problem is, if you ask a pretty girl to wear one, she's all for it. If you ask an ugly girl to wear one, she knows what's up. What a paradox!

Surely there is a tactful solution to this problem. Does anyone have any experience with this?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

If you have to lower your standards just to get sex, you wasted all that time when it was easier. You should have paid more attention and learned something.

 

[Marquis]

I'm nothing to write home about, and in fact could be marketed as Female Repellent.

But I've often pondered the question of body vs. face. Sometimes I think a hot body is more important, and sometimes I think a beautiful face is. I guess it's really a sliding scale; a super hot body will make up for a less attractive face, and vice-versa. There comes a point though that one attribute will not cancel out the deficiency in the other aspect.

As the saying goes: Sexy, Smart, Sane - you can only pick two.

I agree with everything you say up to the last line. I think you can get all three if you work hard and get a bit lucky.

 

[Marquis]

Just fuck them doggystyle so you don't have to see their faces? Only go for the less attractive ones if it happens to be dark?
Or you could..I don't know... Not bang unattractive people or be less judgemental. They are accepting your less slim figure.

Doggystyle helps, but I think I need something a bit more extreme. I just feel like I could show more enthusiasm if I didn't have to look at a hideous mug cackling at me when I show appreciation for her dope body.

I feel your pain.

That said, most women are attractive under the right conditions. What are the right conditions?

They're not ill or depressed or in the grips of an emergency or chronic stress. That is, theyre functionally healthy, rested, well-groomed, and attentive. I've seen beauty queens dissolve like candles when they frown, and plain janes blossom when they smile.

AGREE!

You should try celibacy.

I'm actually a lot more celibate than I could be or want to be. I'm trying to find a band-aid solution here.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

If you have to lower your standards just to get sex, you wasted all that time when it was easier. You should have paid more attention and learned something.

What I learned is that "personality is what counts" is total bullshit and I'm just not going to be fucking the kinds of girls I want until I get my career back on track and back in better shape. In the mean time, I'd prefer not to have masturbation be my only sexual release.

I really feel like this is something a chick would go for if I could just broach it the right way....

 

[ivantheterrible]

my bank account is bigger, my waist line the same since, forever. been in a few relationships and don't care to do it again. i don't mind a slightly chunky chick, but if i have to push a belly out of the way to eat her pussy, she's too big.
don't care about looks too much as long as she doesn't look like she fell out of a horror movie.
but since i don't want the emotional involvement of a relationship , and don't go to bars, and the social scene around here is either redneck nonsense, old people, or too young, i stick to the occasional hooker. but i do have to drive 30 miles to see one. or she charges more to come here.

 

[1HF]

Doggystyle helps, but I think I need something a bit more extreme. I just feel like I could show more enthusiasm if I didn't have to look at a hideous mug cackling at me when I show appreciation for her dope body.



AGREE!



I'm actually a lot more celibate than I could be or want to be. I'm trying to find a band-aid solution here.




What I learned is that "personality is what counts" is total bullshit and I'm just not going to be fucking the kinds of girls I want until I get my career back on track and back in better shape. In the mean time, I'd prefer not to have masturbation be my only sexual release.

I really feel like this is something a chick would go for if I could just broach it the right way....

I got a really amusing visual from the "hideous mug cackling at me" statement.

 

[Marquis]

I got a really amusing visual from the "hideous mug cackling at me" statement.

How've you been 1HF?

You definitely used to fall into the much coveted Category 1. Years have been kind to you, I hope.

We're cool either way.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I dated lotsa women a few years ago.

Well-groomed is a must. Appropriate attire is a must. Do not spend the entire meal crying tears for the man who dumped you, some bitching is okay but not tears. Don't ask me for hints about how to get HIM back. And don't have a WTF eruption like: DID I TELL YOU I'M HAVING ELVIS' BABY? And please don't let it slip out that you see a different man every nite cuz steak is yummier than liverwurst and mustard on white bread.

I took a widow out to dinner...she insisted on a hamburger patty, corn, mashed potatoes, and green beans, and coffee. Bob Evans, right? You just know its an excuse to get outta the house that's a slice better than church, and they don't wanna feel guilty.

 

[ivantheterrible]

Doggystyle helps, but I think I need something a bit more extreme. I just feel like I could show more enthusiasm if I didn't have to look at a hideous mug cackling at me

don't feel bad. a few years ago i did a woman who looked and sounded like a cackling witch. still wake up in a cold sweat sometimes from that nightmare. the things you'll do when horny.

 

[Marquis]

I dated lotsa women a few years ago.

Well-groomed is a must. Appropriate attire is a must. Do not spend the entire meal crying tears for the man who dumped you, some bitching is okay but not tears. Don't ask me for hints about how to get HIM back. And don't have a WTF eruption like: DID I TELL YOU I'M HAVING ELVIS' BABY? And please don't let it slip out that you see a different man every nite cuz steak is yummier than liverwurst and mustard on white bread.

These are all very sensible points Mr Johnson.

I find that now that I've hit the dirty thirty - chicks a few years older than me are suffering from "old hag" syndrome, where their self esteem is in the absolute toilet and they hate their lives because they should've settled down by now, but they didn't and now they realize their time is running out and they're going to have to settle for whatever's left.

Women my own age are good chicks, but they are not fucking around. They want to know if you're interested in getting married. I'm not.

Women more than a few years younger are mostly dolts.

 

[neci]

beggars can't be choosers, and right now you sound like a broke ass beggar. poor boy is having a hard time scoring the tens. too bad you're lacking in personality to make up for the thinner wallet.

 

[Marquis]

don't feel bad. a few years ago i did a woman who looked and sounded like a cackling witch. still wake up in a cold sweat sometimes from that nightmare. the things you'll do when horny.

Indeed, my friend. Indeed.

Sometimes I find myself talking to 22 year old chicks and I feel like I'm having an out of body experience looking at myself having this conversation and thinking "are you serious, dude? come on."

 

[tactful]

I cannot solve every problem that comes along, as there are so many. I do try to address them one at a time. However, being your problem is in lust, close your eyes and thrust with abandon, your solution shall come forth in the end.

 

[unregistered]

 

[bronzeage]

What I learned is that "personality is what counts" is total bullshit and I'm just not going to be fucking the kinds of girls I want until I get my career back on track and back in better shape. In the mean time, I'd prefer not to have masturbation be my only sexual release.

I really feel like this is something a chick would go for if I could just broach it the right way....

You missed the train and now the train doesn't stop at this station anymore. Take a look at JB. That's your future.

If you really think money and abs of steel will get you the women you think you rate, go for it. One more disappointment won't kill you.

 

[Marquis]

I cannot solve every problem that comes along, as there are so many. I do try to address them one at a time. However, being your problem is in lust, close your eyes and thrust with abandon, your solution shall come forth in the end.

Thank you sir. Your input is appreciated.

The older I get the less I look at women under 35. They seem like children to me. I have sons and daughters in law that age. I know this sounds bad but I'm beginning to see them as being more in need of protection instead of objects of sexual exploitation.

There are many decent looking and desirable women in the late 30s, 40s, and 50s, still walking around and available. Women are relative to one's age in my opinion. Outside of an appreciation for the visual beauty and photographic value of the female form, young women in their 20s and early 30s don't do much for me, an older more experienced woman in decent shape is another matter.

I turn 31 in a week. I think I can still get a chick with supple skin and firm tits.

You missed the train and now the train doesn't stop at this station anymore. Take a look at JB. That's your future.

If you really think money and abs of steel will get you the women you think you rate, go for it. One more disappointment won't kill you.

Hmmm, there may be some wisdom here, but I think the abs and the money will make life a little easier. I've been poor and rich, fit and fat... I've seen the difference in options first hand.

 

[1HF]

How've you been 1HF?

You definitely used to fall into the much coveted Category 1. Years have been kind to you, I hope.

We're cool either way.

I've been pretty fabulous.

No longer in the first category.. Well, depends on who you ask I suppose.

Haven't seen you around in a while.

 

[islandman]

I think it's great how you're comfortable with your own douchebaggery.

This above all: to thine own self be true. ~ Polonius

 

[Marquis]

I've been pretty fabulous.

No longer in the first category.. Well, depends on who you ask I suppose.

Haven't seen you around in a while.

That's not going to change.

I think Literotica is a great place to come and blow off some steam, catch up with friends you haven't spoken to in a long time or get advice on things you can't talk about elsewhere. I just don't have enough need for any of those things to be much of a frequent visitor here. I have a very healthy social life in the real world, my guess is most of the dominant personalities here do not. I have no desire to fight for this space with them.

I think it's great how you're comfortable with your own douchebaggery.

This above all: to thine own self be true. ~ Polonius

Thanks islandman, comfort with my own douchebaggery is probably what I'm known best for.

 

[unregistered]