❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Excellent question!

 

[midlifecrisispanties]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

Absolutely. Without revealing details that might get me in trouble... I work in a field where I am in a position to listen to recounts of horrible traumatic events. I hear stories that leave me emotionally affected. I work hard at separating that from my personal life. But on occasion, I rely on my wife/Mistress to be my place of "self care" if you will.

When I am in one of these "needy" states, there really isn't a place for things like spanking, nipple twisting, and so on. She jokes with me and calls them my "girly moments " but she gets it.

In another capacity, I have to be a masculine leader. I have to take charge, take care if business, and instruct others. When I leave that environment, there is always a transition of a day or two to get back to being her "Princess" again.

I think it is a delicate balance that requires an understanding partner.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Thanks for sharing. I think that's super relatable! I hope you share more.

 

[AveryElle]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

When I'm really stressed, I either don't want anyone touching me and to be left alone, or the exact opposite and my total pain slut comes out. This often happens during involved work trips, unfortunately, though not exclusively. I want to have the stress beat out of me, would probably be the best way to explain it? I mean, I don't want to be punched in the face, but the other things I enjoy, yes and then some. It gets my mind off the stress. But because I don't really need a "head space" for the things I like, and am not in a 24/7 lifestyle, it's easy to move in and out of what I really like and need at any given time. I'm curious if I'm on the other side of the horseshoe with this one!

 

[Fragile_Rock]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

I like this thread.

Definitely.
Sometimes when I get super stressed out, depressed, or sick, I really do not want to obey. I become self centered and rebellious. Pissy even.
That is when I need a strong Dom to slap me back into reality. However, that could just really piss me off, and that makes for a bad night, all around.
It can be hard to keep my kink flowing when other things interfere. Then again, my kinks are what ground me, in the long run.

 

[AlpineFresco]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

This one's easy. High levels of stress kill any interest I have in sex or play of any kind.
The happier I am, the more I want to play.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

When i am stressed or feeling fragile and needy, i want more pre- and after-care for sure. Also I'm less interested in broadening my horizons and more focused on going deeper into the kinks that already work. For me, that would be in tbe neighborhood of ownership play, breeding, and DD/lg.

I have a high touch need but a low pain threshold so grooming is a brilliant solution (I think I'm also more receptive to teceiving oral during these times as well.). Bathing, massage, etc. meet my needs for physical affection and get me ready for a long, hard, exhausting fuck that wrings the stress out of me later on, complete with more intense sensory play like spanking, hairpulling... hickeys. .

How come nobody ever lists hickeys as a kink? The biting and sucking are exquisite!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

This one's easy. High levels of stress kill any interest I have in sex or play of any kind.
The happier I am, the more I want to play.

Intriguing! I definitely need more, not less.

 

[midlifecrisispanties]

Thanks for sharing. I think that's super relatable! I hope you share more.

Thank you. I hope it is helpful.

 

[AlpineFresco]

Intriguing! I definitely need more, not less.

I've always been like this, I think. When work, say, is heavy, I want to focus on clearing that out of the way.

Stressful things play on my mind, and I have a hard time putting worries too far to the side. I guess that just extends to sex, too!

Maybe it's something I should work on

How come nobody ever lists hickeys as a kink? The biting and sucking are exquisite!

Do they not? Good heavens...

 

[Bramblethorn]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

It gets in the way. PYLing takes focus, and the more stressed I am, the less focus I have available for that.

 

[AveryElle]

How come nobody ever lists hickeys as a kink? The biting and sucking are exquisite!

Do they not? Good heavens...

<looks at you sideways....then flips through a special photo album on her phone>

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

There's no seperation of kink and love and lust, they're all so intrinsically woven together.

Yes

I've always been like this, I think. When work, say, is heavy, I want to focus on clearing that out of the way.

Stressful things play on my mind, and I have a hard time putting worries too far to the side. I guess that just extends to sex, too!

Maybe it's something I should work on



Do they not? Good heavens...

Alpine, what you say makes sense, it's just a different response than mine.

I know! Crazy!

It gets in the way. PYLing takes focus, and the more stressed I am, the less focus I have available for that.

I don't trust myself to top when i'm really stressed. I don't have the control... the focus, as you put it. I'm afraid i'll actually hurt him, or do something I'll regret later.

Plus it's not what i need. I need to give differently when I'm anxious and out of sorts.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

This one's easy. High levels of stress kill any interest I have in sex or play of any kind.
The happier I am, the more I want to play.

Intriguing! I definitely need more, not less.

I think I'm with Honey and Indie on this. Sex relieves stress so I need more. Usually, my kinks give way to something a little more Vanilla. I still want what floats my boat, but I usually need a long, slow, deliberate simple fuck. The whipped cream and rawhide can standby. I'll be back...

Also, if I'm stressed, anything to do with power exchange is possibly too real.

Great question.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I think I'm with Honey and Indie on this. Sex relieves stress so I need more. Usually, my kinks give way to something a little more Vanilla. I still want what floats my boat, but I usually need a long, slow, deliberate simple fuck. The whipped cream and rawhide can standby. I'll be back...

Also, if I'm stressed, anything to do with power exchange is possibly too real.

Great question.

Power exchange is the one kink i don't want to live without.

Anything less is not enough.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

(Whipped cream and rawhide. Ha ha ha.)

 

[Mei5ter]

This is a little more than I’d usually share publicly here.

It’s easy to label an event as being life-changing, but I experienced one a few years ago which would count as such by anyone’s standards. I still live with its consequences daily in absolutely all aspects of my life.

At that time, to my surprise, I found myself craving sex. And to my discomfort and, initially, shame, what I wanted was dominant, sadistic sex. I won’t pretend that I’d never experimented with kink before, but my sex life had settled into comfortable shades of occasional vanilla for years. For someone who would consider myself a fairly kind and easy-going person, this new desire made me deeply uncomfortable. It still does, sometimes. Trying to understand it and come to terms with it started the journey that led me to Lit.

If I wanted to play amateur psychiatrist, I suppose I’d say that suddenly losing control of almost everything else in my life made it newly important for me to control something else - or someone else. Maybe that’s part of it. But actually I’ve never been someone who has to be in control of everything. I don’t have to get my own way all the time at work and certainly not in relationships. Be that as it may, however, for me it seems that stress brings out my sadistic side, and I want to relieve it by tying someone up and smacking her bare ass and thighs. Hard. Plus other things which I don’t feel the need to share publicly.

And one of the many things I’m coming to understand about D/S and S&M is that the right partner will find this just as good as I do, and can transform all that stress and unhappiness into the most mind-blowing, intimate, loving sex. Subs are wonderful!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

... what I wanted was dominant, sadistic sex...

For someone who would consider myself a fairly kind and easy-going person, this new desire made me deeply uncomfortable.

I think what you're describing is actually quite common.

My best and favorite partners have nearly all been fairly mellow, laid back guys in public, but a whole different story in the bedroom.

And thank God for that.

 

[AveryElle]

Be that as it may, however, for me it seems that stress brings out my sadistic side, and I want to relieve it by tying someone up and smacking her bare ass and thighs. Hard. Plus other things which I don’t feel the need to share publicly.

I'm on the other end of that, so I completely understand. I also take out my stress in other physically demanding ways that require my focus and to tolerate discomfort. Boxing (before I got hurt), a crazy intense spin class, throwing around a heavy kettle bell. It's not that different from someone putting their hand around my throat while they do other things. Both leave me breathless and forgetting the shit that was filling my mind.

 

[Apisto42]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

Depends on the type stress. Family life stress? That kills the kink, but drives both of us to have raw hard sex (me Tarzan breed Jane) followed by lots of kissing, bathing, cooking, just connecting.

Work stress - this one is funny/weird I suppose. I run a national program, lots of balls in the air and resources to coordinate. It’s almost like being in charge of everything (even when it’s running smoothly) increases my desire to also dominate in sex play. So in the busy times, I’m much more likely to have that facet be more in play. When things are slow, and I’m relaxed, I’m much more open to letting her call the shots.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I'll catch up on answers as soon as I can but thanks again for everyone's response. This just goes to show how much more interesting crowd sourced questions are than things I can come up with! Send me your suggestions, pleeeeeeeeeease??

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Catching uo

#36

Emotional Exhibitionism

How much do you put your emotions on display? Does it differ between "real" life and Lit? Does displaying, discussing, explaining, or revealing your emotions come naturally to you? Has a partner ever pushed you emotionally? How and how did that feel?

(To clarify, while I am asking specifically about sexual or relational emotions, feel free to discuss whatever emotions you'd like.)

Putting my emotions on display is actually pretty easy for me. I smile and laugh easily. My less than happy self is quiet and distant. Putting my emotions into words however has always been much more difficult. I’m so much more of a show-er than a tell-er, which more often than not works to my disadvantage. I expect people to pick up on how I feel or when asked how I feel I get awkward (more awkward) and stammer my way through the conversation.

I like emotional play. I like that emotional push. One, because it really forces me to put things into words and be vulnerable in a way that doesn’t feel burdensome. You are demanding these feelings from me, therefore you must want them. Two, the questioning says a great deal about you in return. Questions are telling.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

I love this question and I’m jealous I didn’t think of it. Stress is maybe the biggest factor that affects my kink. The type of stress has very little to do with it (short of physical stress, sickness, exhaustion, etc) but I need to be refocused when I’m stressed. I need to have everything else removed from my brain for the time we have. That can involve pain, mind fuckery, losing myself in his cock, anything.

I carry a lot in my mind and on my shoulders. It’s nice to be simplified in these moments to just one things. Knowing that I’m cared about and respected on the other end of this, helps me submit. Being the recipient of someone working their stress out… now that is an incredible powerful feeling. There’s really no words for taking that from someone however you can and seeing the difference.

I love this question.

 

[AlwaysFara]

*bump*