🏆 Wanker of the Week Awards 🏆

[InThe312]

Now he understands.

 

[OrdinaryPerson]

Nominating @Amanda330 for trying to tell me what to do!

Also nominating @crazychemgirl for implying I don't have an off button...

Nominated for having nothing to say to me anymore now that he can't make seal jokes

 

[Amanda330]

Nominating @Amanda330 for trying to tell me what to do!

Also nominating @crazychemgirl for implying I don't have an off button...

You obviously fucking don't. So... Nominated.

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

Nominated for having nothing to say to me anymore now that he can't make seal jokes

Nominated for letting all those poor kids down standing infront of her PANDA ENCLOSURE, to post that.

 

[OrdinaryPerson]

Nominated for letting all those poor kids down standing infront of her PANDA ENCLOSURE, to post that.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Nominated for letting all those poor kids down standing infront of her tank, to post that.

nominated for not retiring on top and just dying on stage instead

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

nominated for not retiring on top and just dying on stage instead

Nominated for not properly refreshing before quoting a post.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Nominated for not properly refreshing before quoting a post.

Nominated for thinking that edit saves this joke.

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

Nominated for thinking that edit saves this joke.

Nominated for not giving his seal of approval, guess I'll have to include a bushel of bananas in his next bribe basket.

 

[crazychemgirl]

Nominating @SalaciousMonkey22 for repeatedly quoting himself in replies.


I see you trying to up your post count!!

 

[AmberLGreen]

Now he understands.

He probably doesn’t

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Nominating @SalaciousMonkey22 for repeatedly quoting himself in replies.


I see you trying to up your post count!!

https://media4.giphy.com/media/qvLt6NpOstLuVzLCL9/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe91a0wlzi9pby2qq7v8tib43y3tswmauo054m824hgz&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

 

[Lmizzler]

Another perspective brought to you by Wanker Media Group. Ever wonder who were the worst wankers in history? Maybe the worst celebrity wanker. Superior American sports wanker? We have you covered.

It really takes a lot to be considered a historic wanker in any category. I think if we all tried a little harder, we could identify the historical wankers of lit. Y'all spend pages and pages debating the legends of Lit. Time to up your game.

But I digress. Who are the world's greatest wankers?

Music:
His contributions to the music industry are suspect as well, but Vince Neil is the biggest wanker in music history. Neil is well known for his drinking problems. Even though he was drunk when he killed a person and maimed two others with his car, Neil served about 3 milliseconds of jail time and continued to drink and drive. What a wanker.

Runner up:
Vince has a close colleague, Tommy Lee. There is no way that a man with THAT equipment was not an exceptional wanker. I know I would never leave home if I could self-fellate (just kidding @StillRain, this is just a puff piece).

Hollywood:
There are wankers (you'll see him mometarily) and then there are wankers. Harvey Weinstein is certainly the worst wanker in Hollywood. Even though he is getting a new trial on technicalities, other evidence of other wankerisms that apparently shouldn't have been allowed at trial, his rape and sexual assault elevate him to the worst wanker in Hollywood.

Runner up:
Paul Reubens made a career of entertaining children and being nearly as funny as this month's Panel of Judge. Sadly for Paul, he also found that getting caught wanking in a public theater is apparently still a problem. Paul, you're a wanker.

Sports:
I really only know American sports and a smattering of AFL, so take my bias as you will. We all remember Michael Vick. Dog fighting and cruelty to animals would run him out of the NFL. What a wanker!

Runner up:
Reese McGuire, at the time a catcher for the Toronto Blue Jays, got picked up after complaints that he was half naked, wanking in his car in a mall parking lot. Learn from the mistakes of others my fellow Litsters. Wank carefully in public.

Politics:
Bruce Lehrmann was an Australian government staffer who lured and raped a woman, another staffer, in a minister's office. After temporarily escaping the charges in the criminal trial because of jury misconduct, Bruce decided to sue the victim for defamation after she went public with the rape. The judge not only ruled against Lehrmann with regards to the defamation accusations, but also determined that Lehrmann did indeed rape her. Bruce, you are an eternal wanker and frankly, a piece of shit.

Runner up:
Randy Kaufman, you were once a promising candidate in Maricopa County, Florida. Alas, masturbating near a school is still a very bad thing for you to do. Fucking wanker!

Literotica:
History is filled with wankers, but this thread has a recency bias. Let's go Litsters, who are the biggest wankers in Lit history? Here's your chance to get your nominations off your chests.

Runner up:
@JaySecrets. Nominated for letting everyone put his name in their mouths amongst so many other wankerisms.

Nominated for excessive word usage

 

[crazychemgirl]

This is The Way.

Nominating @UnquietDreams for speaking the above without using a photo or gif along with it

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

Nominating @UnquietDreams for speaking the above without using a photo or gif along with it

Nominating @crazychemgirl for removing everything spoon related after I put in the work for her spoon balancing patent.

 

[UnquietDreams]

Nominating @UnquietDreams for speaking the above without using a photo or gif along with it

Nominating @crazychemgirl for believing "This is The Way" isn't enough on its own. It doesn't require anything as clumsy or random as a gif or picture --it is an elegant phrase from a more civilized age.

 

[ydahecnot]

Nominating @crazychemgirl for believing "This is The Way" isn't enough on its own. It doesn't require anything as clumsy or random as a gif or picture --it is an elegant phrase from a more civilized age.

 

[InThe312]

Nominated for excessive word usage

Why is everyone tweaking over a wanky puff piece? You're all such sensitive fuckers.

 

[ydahecnot]

Why is everyone tweaking over a wanky puff piece? You're all such sensitive fuckers.

He doth sensitive too much. Nominated

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Nominated for excessive word usage

That’s what I’m talking about brother.

 

[Lmizzler]

Why is everyone tweaking over a wanky puff piece? You're all such sensitive fuckers.

As a previous recipient of this very prestigious award, I feel it is my duty to uphold its true glory. We don’t have time for wanky puff pieces.

We only have time for wanking.

 

[InThe312]

As a previous recipient of this very prestigious award, I feel it is my duty to uphold its true glory. We don’t have time for wanky puff pieces.

We only have time for wanking.

Little wheel between your mouse buttons
Two fingers on your touchpad
Click and drag the bar on the right
Thumb flick on your device screen

Jesus, do I have do everything for you.

 

[AmberLGreen]

Little wheel between your mouse buttons
Two fingers on your touchpad
Click and drag the bar on the right
Thumb flick on your device screen

Jesus, do I have do everything for you.

Nope. Just the wanking

 

[Deleted member 6568729]

View attachment 2346272

Nominated for stealing this from me with her sticky little fingers.

 

[OrdinaryPerson]

Nominated for stealing this from me with her sticky little fingers.

Nominated for making my fingers sticky