The Awkward Flirt Thread

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Is flattered by your wink, but instead of simply returning it, I go on 15 minute diatribe about how I can only wink one eye.

oh, I relate. My left tit is a total slacker compared to my right one. Sit back and learn all the ways, in very specific detail.

 

[muddler35]

oh, I relate. My left tit is a total slacker compared to my right one. Sit back and learn all the ways, in very specific detail.

Don’t get me started on the ol testes. Ones like a cassava the other’s likes a peanut. Here, see for yourself.

 

[NewOldGuy77]

My superpower is making pancakes. Can I interest you in me serving you breakfast in bed tomorrow morning? I'll bring my own sausage link!

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

My superpower is making pancakes. Can I interest you in me serving you breakfast in bed tomorrow morning? I'll bring my own sausage link!

thinks out loud that breakfast innuendo reminds me of the morning sex while making breakfast joke, because, ya know, broken egg timer. Realizes after a moment of awkward silence that jokes about male performance in a negative way is probably not the best flirting technique, thinks quick change the subject. says "hey, Did you know that they used real corpses in the first Poltergeist movie? Isn't that kinda cool" yup that helped with the awkward.

 

[TwoTaTango]

thinks out loud that breakfast innuendo reminds me of the morning sex while making breakfast joke, because, ya know, broken egg timer. Realizes after a moment of awkward silence that jokes about male performance in a negative way is probably not the best flirting technique, thinks quick change the subject. says "hey, Did you know that they used real corpses in the first Poltergeist movie? Isn't that kinda cool" yup that helped with the awkward.

Looks at the umm Lady sitting at the bar alone ...slides onto the seat next to her and whispers .." My name is Bondage... James Bondage mind if I tie you up for the evening ...

 

[georgerb]

Can you move your ass some place else so a hot babe has a chance to sit next to me? Thanks!

 

[Somethingdifferent74]

Uhm .... looks back and forth at everyone as i hold am left holding the paper with my number on it.

Gets side track as I see the chocolate. Ohhh ... and stuffs a piece in my mouth getting my face all chocolaty.

Then waves a hi to everyone with chocolate fingers like nothing is wrong.

Umm hi so you're kinda cute and all but you got some chocolate on yourself *all while having a piece of green food stuck between my teeth*

Still got that paper handy?

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Can you move your ass some place else so a hot babe has a chance to sit next to me? Thanks!

leers at the view of the moving ass. not even subtly.

Umm hi so you're kinda cute and all but you got some chocolate on yourself *all while having a piece of green food stuck between my teeth*

Still got that paper handy?

runs over steals the paper back... while laughing hard enough to that everyone is now staring at me running away with the coveted paper.

 

[Somethingdifferent74]

runs over steals the paper back... while laughing hard enough to that everyone is now staring at me running away with the coveted paper.

Hey ummm Misss *yelling really loud* that's my list build your own dildo list!!

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Hey ummm Misss *yelling really loud* that's my list build your own dildo list!!

comes back, oh silly you don't need to build one. everything is a dildo if you are brave enough. let me show you? brings up my bookmarks on my phone in order to show you weird porn.

 

[Somethingdifferent74]

comes back, oh silly you don't need to build one. everything is a dildo if you are brave enough. let me show you? brings up my bookmarks on my phone in order to show you weird porn.

Speaks a bit loudly since I'm def in My right ear... no this kit makes a duplicate of my own penis!

 

[NewOldGuy77]

My superpower is making pancakes. Can I interest you in me serving you breakfast in bed tomorrow morning? I'll bring my own sausage link!

I'm also good at making dinosaur-shaped pancakes, so when I serve them I'll sing the Barney song: "I love you, you love me..." Awkwardly moving too fast, or nah?

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I'm also good at making dinosaur-shaped pancakes, so when I serve them I'll sing the Barney song: "I love you, you love me..." Awkwardly moving too fast, or nah?

well geesh, Barney song seems the perfect time to mention my Godzilla toys....ok fine and other Kaiju too. And there may have been a Mothra costumer and I mays still have the wings.

 

[KentuckyDom1971]

well geesh, Barney song seems the perfect time to mention my Godzilla toys....ok fine and other Kaiju too. And there may have been a Mothra costumer and I mays still have the wings.

If you find the wings can you kindly take a flying fuck so it doesn’t tarnish my ability to awkwardly flirt with the married ladies here that have lost their wings

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

If you find the wings can you kindly take a flying fuck so it doesn’t tarnish my ability to awkwardly flirt with the married ladies here that have lost their wings

flying fuck, fuck, did I accidentally air drop a video again? checks my phone, nope, sticks it back in my bra, and calls someone on skype with my boob, and now I am searching for the faint voice I keep hearing.

 

[KentuckyDom1971]

Looks over at you as you flap your wings looking around. Ma’am why is there a man talking dirty in your boobs?

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Looks over at you as you flap your wings looking around. Ma’am why is there a man talking dirty in your boobs?

oh thank god you hear the voice too. I thought I was starting to have a repeat of the um episode of 1999. Oh, don't worry, it has been a long time, and the drugs are much better now.

 

[LustfulIntentions2]

flying fuck, fuck, did I accidentally air drop a video again? checks my phone, nope, sticks it back in my bra, and calls someone on skype with my boob, and now I am searching for the faint voice I keep hearing.

A voice coming from someone's boobs is exactly what I imagine a bad trip would be like for me.

 

[Azuldrgon]

Are your legs tired because you've been running around in my mind all night.

 

[KentuckyDom1971]

Did you say drugs? The voice in your boobs is whispering to me that heroine is the best choice and you know I am male so I always listen to what the boobs say.

 

[cheekygirl75]

Well, uh, my boobs aren’t nearly as nice as hers and there’s no little man in them whispering to you….

But I can wiggle……………….

my ear

 

[Azuldrgon]

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

 

[KentuckyDom1971]

Well, uh, my boobs aren’t nearly as nice as hers and there’s no little man in them whispering to you….

But I can wiggle……………….

my ear

Can I wiggle them while I am gripping them?

 

[Cymru9696]

How’d ya’ like yer belly button tickled…from the inside?

 

[Wageslave]

Have you ever seen anyone lick their eyebrows?