The Awkward Flirt Thread

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

With women I’m so shy that scenario would not occur to me. There is someone I seriousMy crushed at a weekly dance. It was only when I needed her help to teach some newbies that I actually talked to her. Much later I figured out she liked me. Since I’m married it’s just a dance flirt thing.

my lack of shyness is what helps my awkward count lol.

(The SECOND half of this embarrassingly true story - as happened the very next day)

I see you the next day chatting with someone else and can tell the topic is my "knee splatter" episode from yesterday. I need to show that I can take a joke and am cool about those slightly embarrassing situations, so I saunter over with another full can of Pepsi. I ask the person you are talking to if they would like to see how it happened, so we can all laugh at the silliness. I then proceed to show, in slow motion, what happened.

We all start giggling as I put the Pepsi can down on the counter again, only I place it down too quickly and the can hit too firmly down - causing a lot of foam to spew out the open top. My clumsy, Chevy Chase-like attempt to stop the situation only succeeds on tipping the can over onto it's side - which results in the can spinning quickly like a top with soda flying out in a never-ending stream. I try to stop the rotation, but instead of simply stopping, the can jets off like a bottle rocket and hits the wall across the room.

"See? Neat trick huh!" I stammer - like I meant to do that.

haha. I guess you can't be trusted with drinks either.

ok, I guess at this point, I would offer to help by going to get napkins, trip over air as I go walk over catch myself though. Successfully retrieve them, go to hand you a stack, drop one, try to catch it before it hits the floor, succeed, but catch it against your crotch. yeah, that sounds about right.

 

[dashie33]

I like my women like I like my coffee. In a plastic cup. With a spoon in them.

- Eddie Izzard.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I like my women like I like my coffee. In a plastic cup. With a spoon in them.

- Eddie Izzard.

haha.

um, I'll stare at the floor, fidgeting with my bracelet in an oh so seductive manner while I remind myself to offer a compliment, so um "I like your face" then remind myself to ask a question "um, so, um, do you drool in your sleep?"

 

[JennyNo1]

My life is full of too-true awkward flirts. At a going-away gathering/happy hour, I was really getting my flirt on with a guy I'd just met. I was eating something like nachos or something, with lots of jalapenos. Just as my new interest was saying "So, how would you maybe like to....." I touched my eye with a finger that had jalapeno juice on it, and both eyes instantly turned red and started streaming tears. I couldn't say anything but "I'll be right back" as I dashed for the bathroom to splash water on my face. Of course when I got back he had left.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

My life is full of too-true awkward flirts. At a going-away gathering/happy hour, I was really getting my flirt on with a guy I'd just met. I was eating something like nachos or something, with lots of jalapenos. Just as my new interest was saying "So, how would you maybe like to....." I touched my eye with a finger that had jalapeno juice on it, and both eyes instantly turned red and started streaming tears. I couldn't say anything but "I'll be right back" as I dashed for the bathroom to splash water on my face. Of course when I got back he had left.

lol. that one is pretty good. At least you didn't trip on the way.

 

[LizVegas79]

haha.

um, I'll stare at the floor, fidgeting with my bracelet in an oh so seductive manner while I remind myself to offer a compliment, so um "I like your face" then remind myself to ask a question "um, so, um, do you drool in your sleep?"

Wow! Those are amazing. I bet you have really serious back problems, huh?

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Wow! Those are amazing. I bet you have really serious back problems, huh?

lol, surprisingly no, but the boob sweat, now that is real. here, wanna see
so um, what kind of kinky or taboo pornography do you like to watch.
(apparently, I just might have spent my life flirting in the wrong environment)

 

[LizVegas79]

lol, surprisingly no, but the boob sweat, now that is real. here, wanna see
so um, what kind of kinky or taboo pornography do you like to watch.
(apparently, I just might have spent my life flirting in the wrong environment)

(naughty step-sisters - the kinkier the better )

Wow! I bet you've never gotten a traffic ticket your entire life with those girls!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Hey girl....

If you were a burger at McDonald's, you'd be McGorgeous.

 

[WerdNerd]

Hey girl....

If you were a burger at McDonald's, you'd be McGorgeous.

Hey babe! Don't sell yourself short, your pussy ain't so little.

 

[LizVegas79]

Love at first bite.

#fakenews

Your nails would be so pretty if you didn't bite them.

(sorry, I think I'm mixing awkward and mean together again! told you deep down i can be a bitch! )

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

Your nails would be so pretty if you didn't bite them.

(sorry, I think I'm mixing awkward and mean together again! told you deep down i can be a bitch! )

Sooo...uh. You know what? You're so out of my league I'm not even going to finish my greeting. Sorry to bother you, enjoy the hot sex with other attractive people.

Bye.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Sooo...uh. You know what? You're so out of my league I'm not even going to finish my greeting. Sorry to bother you, enjoy the hot sex with other attractive people.

Bye.

Well hi. I don't think he is noticing me. hum, I will sit next to him. Does he know I am flirting. oh, I know say something highly inappropriate but really quiet so he will say what, then I can slide closer. and I knock over his drink with my boob while I slide over. Excellent.

 

[LizVegas79]

Well hi. I don't think he is noticing me. hum, I will sit next to him. Does he know I am flirting. oh, I know say something highly inappropriate but really quiet so he will say what, then I can slide closer. and I knock over his drink with my boob while I slide over. Excellent.

Hey there. Love your boobs. But you know that guy that was just here? The one that started to talk to me but then didn't? Do you think he's cute? He's kind of a little bit cute isn't he? So did he say anything to you about me? I mean, do you know if he likes me? Did knocking over his drink with your boobs work? Because if it did I'm, duh, obviously way out of luck then and should just forget it. So how are you btw?

 

[LegendaryALT]

Ummmmm ummmmmm ummmmm, hi girls woooooo wooooo would you let me ummmmmmm, buy you aaaaa drink lmao

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Ummmmm ummmmmm ummmmm, hi girls woooooo wooooo would you let me ummmmmmm, buy you aaaaa drink lmao

Um. Thanks (said while looking at him, then away, and back and up and back and down because I am not sure if I am looking too much that it is creepy or not enough that it is weird)

 

[LegendaryALT]

https://youtu.be/kTFZyl7hfBw

 

[Lord Pmann]

“You wanna see my dick, don’t you? In fact, I bet you wanna see it so badly I’m gonna put it in my avatar so you can’t help but see it. Then you’ll want me.”

- Everyone ever who has a cockatar

 

[Azuldrgon]

I can't flirt worth crap.

 

[Booboobear84]

Hey girl....

If you were a burger at McDonald's, you'd be McGorgeous.

Cheeseyburger

 

[Booboobear84]

You remind me so much of my dad. Wanna fuck?

That got a real laugh out loud. Well played.

 

[Sh75]

You remind me so much of my dad. Wanna fuck?

Do you ummm, come here often?
No no no, i didnt mean that kind of come, i meant do you visit.....oh forget it...

You are laughing with me right? Right?

 

[JennyNo1]

Fluttering my eyelashes, flipping my hair back, smiling coyly at the guy across the bar...then realizing he's staring at the woman behind me.

 

[JennyNo1]

I know this bunch has to have a ton more awkward stories....spill!

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

I know this bunch has to have a ton more awkward stories....spill!

When I was 12, I walked up to this pretty older girl (like 18 or so) in a store and leaned across the counter, gave her my best smokey eyed stare and said in what I thought was my best James Bond voice; "You're eyes are so intriguing, such a unique color."

Her: "They're contacts." *snaps gum and looks at the next customer*