Marriage!

[Runwiththewolves]

I'm thinking out loud...

With there being so many unhappy marriages and sexless marriages especially I was wondering what your perception is of that?

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.
It's about the whole package isn't it?
Now I'm not attacking men. Noo.... This can really come from either spouse male or female.
You can't expect that sexual chemistry full stop... If you're neglecting other aspects of your relationship.
Just mh thoughts... I'd love to hear what others think.

 

[Titsandclits]

I'm thinking out loud...

With there being so many unhappy marriages and sexless marriages especially I was wondering what your perception is of that?

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.
It's about the whole package isn't it?
Now I'm not attacking men. Noo.... This can really come from either spouse male or female.
You can't expect that sexual chemistry full stop... If you're neglecting other aspects of your relationship.
Just mh thoughts... I'd love to hear what others think.

I agree with this statement and I am now struggling to find ways to turn this around. My existence here is a secret (well not to you lot) and it is rapidly becoming a substitute.

 

[Champakian]

Sounds like a woman rant...



:shrug:

 

[Mtnmike]

I hear you & understand completely, we've been sexless for last 13 years & not for lack of trying on my end. We've been married 34 years & I've always put her first, did everything that needed done, did things without being asked. Wine,& dined her, nice vacations, took the kids to their practices & games, even worked 2 jobs to have everything we do. Yes I even sat & listen to her & try to brighten her day when she was down. All for what, to be told that she just doesn't have a libido anymore & that I'll just have to deal, wth. The first 8 years sexless I tried every & anything I read or thought of to no avail, so 5 years ago I just give up. We seldom have a conversation about anything unless it's about one of the kids or something she wants done!!! We can & have actually sat watching t.v. & never spoken a word to each other for hours on end,, so yeah I get what you're say & how it sucks to be in that situation. The decision is up to each individual on what they do about it, everyone has different reasons for staying or going, only you can decide. If you would like to talk, vent or whatever, PM me & we can do it in private.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

the wife and I have been together since 1976, more than half that time has been consumed or missed because trying to come to concensus as to what constitutes ENOUGH sex and or sexual contact.

If you are seriously contemplating marriage, my suggestion would be to think LONG and HARD and consider all the statistics involved with marriage. After all the months or years you devote to the process of thinking and considering marriage, set it all aside for the next ten years and see if ya still feel the same---, if so have at it.

 

[Cubantripod]

I don't get it. Apparently it's more common than I thought. A slow week in my house is probably twice a week having sex. Usually about 3. Problem is as you get later into the week, you just get so exhausted. I had one friend just get divorced and said he is having more sex now than ever. I don't understand sexless marriages.

The other thing is not receiving a blowjob. Apparently I am spoiled rotten with a woman that has an oral fixation. It's to uncommon in my relationship when I proposition sex or try to initiate my wife say, "I'd rather suck your dick." Sometimes I'll get a "thank you for letting me get my oral fix on" afterwards.

 

[jaF0]

I hate people.

I couldn't imagine having another one around all the time.

House Dome

Two people in.

One people out.

 

[gtnlynn]

I married my dream girl after almost eight years of dating, waiting for her to graduate from college. Sex has never been a problem for us, but i know it is for others. Marriage has been a great experience for us.

 

[Conager]

I'm thinking out loud...

With there being so many unhappy marriages and sexless marriages especially I was wondering what your perception is of that?

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.
It's about the whole package isn't it?
Now I'm not attacking men. Noo.... This can really come from either spouse male or female.
You can't expect that sexual chemistry full stop... If you're neglecting other aspects of your relationship.
Just mh thoughts... I'd love to hear what others think.

Your problem is that you view "opening your thighs" as a special treat you bestow as a priceless gift for meeting your expectations.

Most people in marriages with a withholding partner are aware that they have other potential sexual options.

If sex is not mutually beneficial with your spouse and something that you prize in its own right, why are you married? You can probably find a more compatible roommate if you just leave sex and marriage out of your quest.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I think a lot of people settle for someone. Either they are afraid to be alone and scared they won’t find another. Or they get knocked up or knock up someone and think it’s the right thing to do.

 

[Runwiththewolves]

Your problem is that you view "opening your thighs" as a special treat you bestow as a priceless gift for meeting your expectations.

Most people in marriages with a withholding partner are aware that they have other potential sexual options.

If sex is not mutually beneficial with your spouse and something that you prize in it's own right, why are you married? You can probably find a more compatible roommate if you just leave sex and marriage out of your quest.

That's quite narrow minded of you.

 

[Champakian]

I hate people.

I couldn't imagine having another one around all the time.

...

After putting up with your crap for years here,
I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to be around you.
Most everyone has the common sense to hate you back...

 

[Champakian]

That's quite narrow minded of you.

I find it very real and it smacks of the wisdom of experience.

 

[jaF0]

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.

I think there's a word or two for that.

One rhymes with booker.

Another with bore.


Both involve trading sex for favors or gifts.

 

[Conager]

That's quite narrow minded of you.

~shrug~

Everyone is narrow-minded. One's own perspective is the only one you have full access to.

My advice on advice is to take the advice you think you can use and ignore the rest. You did say that you would "love to hear what others think."

What I think is that you are seeking support for whatever rationale you have for behavior you want to engage in. There's nothing inherently wrong with considering your own enlightened self-interest and seeking fulfillment.

I am certain that if you persist, you will find someone to support your rationalizations either because their perspective aligns with yours or because they think supporting your point of view will get you to help them acheive some sort of fulfillment.

If you ask people to tell you what you want to hear, they often will.

 

[Champakian]

Preach on! brother...

 

[sweepthefloor]

sex in a relationship is like dinner
sometimes you don't feel like cooking but everyone still has to eat
it is a basic need and no partner should be denying the other

 

[jckontharocks]

I'm thinking out loud...

With there being so many unhappy marriages and sexless marriages especially I was wondering what your perception is of that?

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.
It's about the whole package isn't it?
Now I'm not attacking men. Noo.... This can really come from either spouse male or female.
You can't expect that sexual chemistry full stop... If you're neglecting other aspects of your relationship.
Just mh thoughts... I'd love to hear what others think.

I think your questions are fair and only makes me wonder if you've asked your husband. . .

While I agree witholding is wrong, a wife should want to satisfy her husband, whom is wired and created to want her 365 days of the year. I don't mean you need to have sex everyday. But flirting and showing affection goes a LONG way and doable 365 days of the year. But, on the other hand everyone wants an ROI on an investment. In the case of marriage the investment always time. So, he could also find a way to do the things that make you feel loved everyday. Get off the couch and greet you at the door, or stop whatever he's doing for a sweet kiss, hug, and hope your day was great.

Best advice I have is no good marriage is a 50/50 marriage. They are 100/100.

 

[RoryN]

I'd love to hear what others think.

Just consider the thoughtful advice you're getting from some in here, and don't mind the few pigs responding. Their marriages failed long ago, and they'll be bitter as hell about it until the day their landlords find them dead on their futons. They're definitely the last "men" you should ever listen to.

 

[Asunna]

I'm thinking out loud...

With there being so many unhappy marriages and sexless marriages especially I was wondering what your perception is of that?

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.
It's about the whole package isn't it?
Now I'm not attacking men. Noo.... This can really come from either spouse male or female.
You can't expect that sexual chemistry full stop... If you're neglecting other aspects of your relationship.
Just mh thoughts... I'd love to hear what others think.

I think marriage is still a great thing for a lot of people. I think too many people rush into it though because it's the thing to do. I think more people should be great friends with the people they marry besides only liking to have sex with each other. I also think sex needs to be openly discussed before getting married so you can see how important it is to both of you.

 

[techiedude71]

I think marriage is still a great thing for a lot of people. I think too many people rush into it though because it's the thing to do. I think more people should be great friends with the people they marry besides only liking to have sex with each other. I also think sex needs to be openly discussed before getting married so you can see how important it is to both of you.

Yes.

Sex takes a back seat at some point, like it or not. Sooo many things take priority.

Marriage is a life long commitment and partnership, whether we like it or not. Our kids are our lives and it's a team effort we have both committed to. Our family is the most important thing in our lives. We have so much fun together even if bed is once in a while. Porn star sex when Venus aligns with Jupiter, to quickies to "hurry up, Housewives is on soon" between the kids are still up, all you can think of..

Sex was everything the first 10 years and even though we both discussed kids and planned every step, I wasn't ready for the years after. I was selfish and "entitled" and cheated like a dog. I cannot take it back. Wounds heal. I am ok spending whats left trying to make up for it.

 

[Runwiththewolves]

Hi all. Clearing the air, the op was not a replica of my own experience but what I have taken from my conversations with others. I'm fully aware of what my responsibilities are but thank you for everyone's perspective. Take care

 

[Windman1]

Life is hard

There is so much life that leads to this kind of dynamic. But through we have to love. I don't mean the squishy feeling of it. What I mean is embracing it as a verb. It requires something from us. It requires we put our spouse ahead of our selves. Many of us say we would give our life for theirs. But will we put down our cell phone or turn off the television and demonstrate the same kind of sacrificial love our spouse requires. Will we let menopause take the life out of our physical intimacy our spouse craves? Do we let the demands of our job and raising kids distract from showing tenderness in the small moments?
Over time life will take its toll on all of us to the degree we stop looking at our spouse as number one and we reserve that place for ourselves. We begin to act on what can I get vs what can I give. And in many cases that begins the death spiral in the relationship. The secret in all of this is giving. Simply showing love.

 

[Mr_bogey]

https://youtu.be/nEe1cTDbXHU

 

[Fingerfuxs]

https://youtu.be/nEe1cTDbXHU

That was hilarious , are you watching college ball today booger

What’s your fight song.

Do you think men make better cheerleaders then skirts ?