Marriage!

[Ravenloft]

Still doing it at all in your seventies sounds tight!

 

[Mb0754mm]

U got it, Run.........need affection during the day, doing little things, chatting up during a movie, helping fix supper.........not fucking much at 77, but it's great.

Guess you fit a different role these days.. I feel like that too..
more of a friend

 

[HOG57head]

I'm thinking out loud...

With there being so many unhappy marriages and sexless marriages especially I was wondering what your perception is of that?

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.
It's about the whole package isn't it?
Now I'm not attacking men. Noo.... This can really come from either spouse male or female.
You can't expect that sexual chemistry full stop... If you're neglecting other aspects of your relationship.
Just mh thoughts... I'd love to hear what others think.

Communication is the answer…how important is sex to you? Is it a must? Is it a want? If one partner is “done” with sex, is it fair to the other partner to be done with sex also? If the tables were turned, would you be ok with your partner doing what they needed to do? Is divorce an option?

 

[Manny39]

I'm thinking out loud...

With there being so many unhappy marriages and sexless marriages especially I was wondering what your perception is of that?

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.
It's about the whole package isn't it?
Now I'm not attacking men. Noo.... This can really come from either spouse male or female.
You can't expect that sexual chemistry full stop... If you're neglecting other aspects of your relationship.
Just mh thoughts... I'd love to hear what others think.

It's never that simple.

 

[oneblueye]

I'm thinking out loud...

With there being so many unhappy marriages and sexless marriages especially I was wondering what your perception is of that?

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.
It's about the whole package isn't it?
Now I'm not attacking men. Noo.... This can really come from either spouse male or female.
You can't expect that sexual chemistry full stop... If you're neglecting other aspects of your relationship.
Just mh thoughts... I'd love to hear what others think.

MARRIAGE--,
Its a great institution!
Especially if ya need to be locked up.
And if ya wanting to get married ---, YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED UP.

I think everyone should think about 'marriage' for about 80 years...
then decide if you want to be happy or you want to be married.

 

[PMarky]

I had a wonderful time being married for 19 years, as we were best friends and lovers, then genetics took its revenge and I now deal with someone who is usually in some sort of pain or discomfort, depressed, jealous, and quite difficult to live with. My perception on the last one may be off because (a) I have not had a decent fuck since this started, and (b) one tends to forgive a lot of things in the woman who has just emptied your balls.

 

[Mtnmike]

I had a wonderful time being married for 19 years, as we were best friends and lovers, then genetics took its revenge and I now deal with someone who is usually in some sort of pain or discomfort, depressed, jealous, and quite difficult to live with. My perception on the last one may be off because (a) I have not had a decent fuck since this started, and (b) one tends to forgive a lot of things in the woman who has just emptied your balls.

You just described my two marriages & life to a tee unfortunately.

 

[oggbashan]

As far as I know, in all my extended family, only one marriage has ended in divorce, and that was an odd one:

He was a High Church Anglican priest and when women were allowed to be Anglican priests, he transferred to the Roman Catholic church as a priest with a wife and two children. That was always awkward and they divorced after three years of separation. That got him into difficulties with his Roman Catholic superiors - not only had he been a married priest with kids, but now a divorced priest (which the catholic church doesn't recognise). But the Catholic church didn't recognise his Anglican marriage either, so he had been 'living in sin' and now wasn't... Messy.

 

[Strixaluco]

There are so many ways and reasons for a marriage becoming sexless.

A friend of mine seems to have depressed husband, and unrecognised depression sometimes has a way of fucking up everything (no pun intended). But some depression medicines take the libido away...

With one man I had plenty of cuddling, but I guess we weren't really compatible sexually, and sex kept dwindling down. I was just so stubborn and kept trying for years. In hindsight, I shouldn't have.

Diseases are sometimes a reason, too. Imagine prostate cancer (which has already spread) treated with hormones, totally blocking testosterone. Some men live with it for years, even 10 years or more - what is it like for their wives? I only had less than 2 years in that situation, but didn't know how long it would take. But I couldn't leave a dying man.

 

[oneblueye]

There are so many ways and reasons for a marriage becoming sexless.

A friend of mine seems to have depressed husband, and unrecognised depression sometimes has a way of fucking up everything (no pun intended). But some depression medicines take the libido away...

With one man I had plenty of cuddling, but I guess we weren't really compatible sexually, and sex kept dwindling down. I was just so stubborn and kept trying for years. In hindsight, I shouldn't have.

Diseases are sometimes a reason, too. Imagine prostate cancer (which has already spread) treated with hormones, totally blocking testosterone. Some men live with it for years, even 10 years or more - what is it like for their wives? I only had less than 2 years in that situation, but didn't know how long it would take. But I couldn't leave a dying man.

To your last paragraph, I get it. People are always quick to tell me how fast they would get a divorce or leave my wife for the situations we have found ourselves in as far as sex being restricted or just cut off completely. They all feel the need to tell me what an asshole I am for, catching what sex I can on the side, without knowing any or all of the details. But I can't leave my wife, she is directly responsible for saving my life not just once but twice. Even if she cut me off completely today (I'm 68 y.o.) and she (she is 62) was going to live a 120 years, (like I myself planned to live until...) I still wouldn't leave her.
Yea, I don't like goin without sex,
Yea, to cheat is wrong and I don't like do it,
And yea, there are ALL kinds of things that could happen but me leaving isn't likely unless she tells me to go but otherwise---,
how do ya walk away from someone who saved your life twice?
I can't and I won't.

 

[Strixaluco]

To your last paragraph, I get it. People are always quick to tell me how fast they would get a divorce or leave my wife for the situations we have found ourselves in as far as sex being restricted or just cut off completely. They all feel the need to tell me what an asshole I am for, catching what sex I can on the side, without knowing any or all of the details. But I can't leave my wife, she is directly responsible for saving my life not just once but twice. Even if she cut me off completely today (I'm 68 y.o.) and she (she is 62) was going to live a 120 years, (like I myself planned to live until...) I still wouldn't leave her.
Yea, I don't like goin without sex,
Yea, to cheat is wrong and I don't like do it,
And yea, there are ALL kinds of things that could happen but me leaving isn't likely unless she tells me to go but otherwise---,
how do ya walk away from someone who saved your life twice?
I can't and I won't.

Sorry to hear that. Life can be so difficult sometimes.

I planned on going without however it would take. But then again for me if the sex is good emotions easily come along. If there's no risk of falling in love, then it means the sex wasn't worth the hassle, either. So for me the possibility of good but meaningless sex is slim. Not something worth risking when I was loving my husband.

 

[Mtnmike]

There are so many ways and reasons for a marriage becoming sexless.

A friend of mine seems to have depressed husband, and unrecognised depression sometimes has a way of fucking up everything (no pun intended). But some depression medicines take the libido away...

With one man I had plenty of cuddling, but I guess we weren't really compatible sexually, and sex kept dwindling down. I was just so stubborn and kept trying for years. In hindsight, I shouldn't have.

Diseases are sometimes a reason, too. Imagine prostate cancer (which has already spread) treated with hormones, totally blocking testosterone. Some men live with it for years, even 10 years or more - what is it like for their wives? I only had less than 2 years in that situation, but didn't know how long it would take. But I couldn't leave a dying man.

Friends are always questioning why I stay in a sexless marriage, until you've actually been in their shoes, it's hard to explain.

 

[Strixaluco]

Friends are always questioning why I stay in a sexless marriage, until you've actually been in their shoes, it's hard to explain.

And the answer to whether you should stay or leave isn't the same for everyone. I should've left, both times (the last time much before his cancer).

 

[Mtnmike]

And the answer to whether you should stay or leave isn't the same for everyone. I should've left, both times (the last time much before his cancer).

So true, I'm sure he was very thankful you did but I know how hard it had to be on you,. I commend you for staying thru the hard times.

 

[oneblueye]

Sorry to hear that. Life can be so difficult sometimes.

I planned on going without however it would take. But then again for me if the sex is good emotions easily come along. If there's no risk of falling in love, then it means the sex wasn't worth the hassle, either. So for me the possibility of good but meaningless sex is slim. Not something worth risking when I was loving my husband.

I understand what you're saying and you have made your choices and they worked for you--, or at least you intimate that they worked for you in some fashion or other. And thats all good. I chose the way I do things becuz it was what was easiest for me. I will go get what I need becuz to do without causes problems that extend way beyond my front and back doors. So rather than to run that route, I do what I do.
I don't know if it was my particular initiation into sex was an emotionless experience or what but I have never interpreted sex as being love or love being predicated on having sex. I never thought of sex as being meaningless as it was what I needed to keep my head relatively clear.

 

[Strixaluco]

I understand what you're saying and you have made your choices and they worked for you--, or at least you intimate that they worked for you in some fashion or other. And thats all good. I chose the way I do things becuz it was what was easiest for me. I will go get what I need becuz to do without causes problems that extend way beyond my front and back doors. So rather than to run that route, I do what I do.
I don't know if it was my particular initiation into sex was an emotionless experience or what but I have never interpreted sex as being love or love being predicated on having sex. I never thought of sex as being meaningless as it was what I needed to keep my head relatively clear.

Oh my first time was completely emotionless, I can assure you! But when the sex is good, the oxytocine has its ways of dragging emotions along... I have the impression it may affect women more than men, and I am very sensitive in general.

 

[Series 6]

I'm thinking out loud...

With there being so many unhappy marriages and sexless marriages especially I was wondering what your perception is of that?

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.
It's about the whole package isn't it?
Now I'm not attacking men. Noo.... This can really come from either spouse male or female.

I'm playing devil's advocate and not accusing you of anything. However, Are there things that are leaving him unhappy? I'm not saying that you are a bad partner. It might be as simple as both of you having open communication about your expectations from each other and what you want out of the everydayness of your relationship. Maybe a state of the union conversation about where you both are in life and how you feel about each other and the marriage. Expectations and wants can change as people get older and the longer the marriage lasts. What may have worked or what one person wanted in life in the first several years of a marriage may change years later. Communication about expectations and desires are key so that you do not grow apart. Growing apart can lead to less sexual desire for each other.

sex in a relationship is like dinner
sometimes you don't feel like cooking but everyone still has to eat
it is a basic need and no partner should be denying the other

I read an article about this somewhere that encouraged women to have sex even if they aren't necessarily in the mood because once they doing it, it puts them in the mood and they find they enjoy it and their partner. At the same time, there is a part of me that wonders when does having sex when you don't want to cross the line into rape? I hate putting it that way, because it feels like I'm exaggerating it. Definitely like to read other's thoughts on it.

 

[Strixaluco]

I read an article about this somewhere that encouraged women to have sex even if they aren't necessarily in the mood because once they doing it, it puts them in the mood and they find they enjoy it and their partner. At the same time, there is a part of me that wonders when does having sex when you don't want to cross the line into rape? I hate putting it that way, because it feels like I'm exaggerating it. Definitely like to read other's thoughts on it.

Some insight: with some men doing it while not in the mood will be an uncomfortable chore, especially if the man is impatient. With others you can still enjoy the intimacy and feel cherished. I have experienced both.

 

[oneblueye]

I think there is some truth to this.... The more sex I have, the more I seem to want. I noticed that after each of my kids was born I was completely uninterested. We hadn't had sex in two months and I just didn't think about it. The first few times I was not feeling it, but I could tell he needed it. So I spread my legs and let him do his thing. My body still responded and it felt really good. A few times like that and it kick started my libido and I wanted sex again.

It wasn't forced, though. I chose to say yes. Consent is the line.

Absolutely agree.

"NO", is where the line into 'rape' starts. ALWAYS AND FOREVER

 

[Twistedkink]

I'm thinking out loud...

With there being so many unhappy marriages and sexless marriages especially I was wondering what your perception is of that?

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.
It's about the whole package isn't it?
Now I'm not attacking men. Noo.... This can really come from either spouse male or female.
You can't expect that sexual chemistry full stop... If you're neglecting other aspects of your relationship.
Just mh thoughts... I'd love to hear what others think.

Mine comes down to her alcoholism and raging most every few nights. But in addition to that, she has no desire to really know my deepest darkest desires. She’d rather put blinders on than embrace the real me. And I’m certain she hasn’t even admitted to herself her deepest desires. I have tried exploring all of that but she figuratively slams the door. So sad, so much intimacy lost. And just because I share it, it doesn’t mean I expect her to want it, but embrace that I do. Maybe just watch me masturbate to related porn. Anyway, lots of issues.

 

[jaF0]

Oh shit! I've been recognized!

*Hides behind the lawn gnome.*

Appears to have done so literally.

 

[scposteel]

I'm thinking out loud...

With there being so many unhappy marriages and sexless marriages especially I was wondering what your perception is of that?

My thoughts are that if you can't be bothered to show me everyday affection, spoil me every few months or even just once a year on my birthday or our anniversary, if you can't take time away from your busy schedule to talk to me or put your phone down for 2 minutes to ask me how my day was how dare you expect me to open my thighs and make all the right noises in bed at night.
It's about the whole package isn't it?
Now I'm not attacking men. Noo.... This can really come from either spouse male or female.
You can't expect that sexual chemistry full stop... If you're neglecting other aspects of your relationship.
Just mh thoughts... I'd love to hear what others think.

For my wife and I communication has always been a very important factor in our success. When intimacy started slowing down some it was something we openly discussed. We discussed sexual desires, fantasies, and so forth. It led to us ultimately opening up, and becoming poly.

 

[eigenschwarz]

My wife had her ovaries removed as part of her treatment for breast cancer. Instant menopause, and her libido crashed. Penetration is painful for her, her clitoris has pretty much atrophied despite topical HRT, and I'm lucky if she'll make out with me and caress me while I jerk off.

On top of that, she hasn't had a paying job since before COVID. I do 90% of the housework on top of working full time. I have no friends, but she has a thriving social life at my expense.

I should leave. It's not like we have kids to consider. But in this economy? There's no way I could divorce my wife and keep my house, and even where I live the rent on a 1-bedroom apartment is at leat $300 more than my mortgage for a 3-bedroom house. And what the fuck would she do? Even if I let her have the house, would she be able to pay the mortgage even if I paid alimony?

When I'm in a really shitty mood, I find myself wishing we hadn't caught the cancer so soon and that I was a widower. Then I end up despising myself for thinking like that.

The thing is, I asked for this. Nobody forced me to marry her, and it's not like we didn't have over 15 years of good times before she got cancer. But she doesn't want sex, I don't want to cheat, and masturbation doesn't cut it. Not when the best part of sex was knowing that she was getting off because I was helping her.

 

[oxbowguy]

My wife had her ovaries removed as part of her treatment for breast cancer. Instant menopause, and her libido crashed. Penetration is painful for her, her clitoris has pretty much atrophied despite topical HRT, and I'm lucky if she'll make out with me and caress me while I jerk off.

On top of that, she hasn't had a paying job since before COVID. I do 90% of the housework on top of working full time. I have no friends, but she has a thriving social life at my expense.

I should leave. It's not like we have kids to consider. But in this economy? There's no way I could divorce my wife and keep my house, and even where I live the rent on a 1-bedroom apartment is at leat $300 more than my mortgage for a 3-bedroom house. And what the fuck would she do? Even if I let her have the house, would she be able to pay the mortgage even if I paid alimony?

When I'm in a really shitty mood, I find myself wishing we hadn't caught the cancer so soon and that I was a widower. Then I end up despising myself for thinking like that.

The thing is, I asked for this. Nobody forced me to marry her, and it's not like we didn't have over 15 years of good times before she got cancer. But she doesn't want sex, I don't want to cheat, and masturbation doesn't cut it. Not when the best part of sex was knowing that she was getting off because I was helping her.

My heart goes out to you. It's a terrible place to be, and I'm right there too. Cancer did the same thing to my wife and we went from frisky, if not frequent, sessions and adventures to a complete and total shutdown. All the options are terrible, it's a matter of which you choose when you finally break.

Peace and strength.

 

[goldytheGoldfish]

For my wife and I communication has always been a very important factor in our success. When intimacy started slowing down some it was something we openly discussed. We discussed sexual desires, fantasies, and so forth. It led to us ultimately opening up, and becoming poly.

You have an opinion on the dating app lawsuits?

https://www.npr.org/2024/02/14/1231513991/tinder-hinge-match-group-lawsuit