❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[cookiecat]

I'll catch up on answers as soon as I can but thanks again for everyone's response. This just goes to show how much more interesting crowd sourced questions are than things I can come up with! Send me your suggestions, pleeeeeeeeeease??

Thanks for keeping this going.

I love this question and I’m jealous I didn’t think of it. Stress is maybe the biggest factor that affects my kink. The type of stress has very little to do with it (short of physical stress, sickness, exhaustion, etc) but I need to be refocused when I’m stressed. I need to have everything else removed from my brain for the time we have. That can involve pain, mind fuckery, losing myself in his cock, anything.

I carry a lot in my mind and on my shoulders. It’s nice to be simplified in these moments to just one things. Knowing that I’m cared about and respected on the other end of this, helps me submit. Being the recipient of someone working their stress out… now that is an incredible powerful feeling. There’s really no words for taking that from someone however you can and seeing the difference.

I love this question.

I can't add much more what to you said about stress. It's clearing out the clutter from my head, the chaos. I wish I could do a better job of it on my own. It's why I like a D/s relationship - being fucked with, hurt, having to focus on his cock or my submission or whatever - being brought to tears or made to work out my anxiety in different ways.

I didn't realize how much I relied on my partner's ability to do this for me until I didn't have it anymore. It really did make me feel like he was a part of my stuff, my shit or worries or whatever. That he wanted to take that burden from me. The fact he wanted to do it by getting me focused on his cock or the pain from caned inner thighs or just sitting down and laying everything out as he jerked off over me - well, it was a big win win.

You bring up a good point, too, PLP - about stress from my partner. It was really nice to be able to be useful in that way - to let him take his stress out on me.

I miss that.

 

[Paul_Chance]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

I had to sit and think about this one for a while. I don’t think there’s really any correlation for me. Sometimes when I’m under a lot of stress that is when the kinkiest parts of me come out. But other times, I am so focused on the stress, that the kinky part falls by the wayside.

 

[Dribble]

The moon...1 day before the new moon in particular

 

[cascadiabound]

#37 (submitted)

Stress

Do you find that your emotional state affects your kink? Does it become more extreme when your daily life is challenging, or do you find you don’t have the emotional space for it?

I definitely need more kink. more control. more pain when I am feeling stressed.
I am probably more open to new and different kink play when I am less stressed altogther.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I definitely need more kink. more control. more pain when I am feeling stressed.
I am probably more open to new and different kink play when I am less stressed altogther.

Yep, this.

It's like a horizontal vs. vertical thing.

(Hi Cas!)

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I definitely need more kink. more control. more pain when I am feeling stressed.
I am probably more open to new and different kink play when I am less stressed altogther.

Yep, this.

It's like a horizontal vs. vertical thing.

(Hi Cas!)

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

There does come a point at which, in the absence of affirming input from the right people, my drive completely shuts down. It takes months for that to happen, but it does happen.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I definitely need more kink. more control. more pain when I am feeling stressed.
I am probably more open to new and different kink play when I am less stressed altogther.

Yep, this.

It's like a horizontal vs. vertical thing.

(Hi Cas!)

This. Exactly. The pain, especially. I need that “empty me out” cum that I only get when I’m being owned in that way.

 

[cascadiabound]

Yep, this.

It's like a horizontal vs. vertical thing.

(Hi Cas!)

This. Exactly. The pain, especially. I need that “empty me out” cum that I only get when I’m being owned in that way.

I need that catharsis of giving over to him when anxiety/busy brain clouds everything. Nothing like an intense *maintenance spanking * to clear my head, the pain and control washing me empty and clean

 

[AlwaysFara]

I need that catharsis of giving over to him when anxiety/busy brain clouds everything. Nothing like an intense *maintenance spanking * to clear my head, the pain and control washing me empty and clean

*adds Maintenance Spanking to my verbiage*

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

I need that catharsis of giving over to him when anxiety/busy brain clouds everything. Nothing like an intense *maintenance spanking * to clear my head, the pain and control washing me empty and clean

*adds Maintenance Spanking to my verbiage*

Sounds awesome

"Maintenance Spanking". Yes, I like that. I can see as how that would definitely help on either side (despite my answer above).

 

[cascadiabound]

"Maintenance Spanking". Yes, I like that. I can see as how that would definitely help on either side (despite my answer above).

Yes. I think it does help on both sides of the slash.
That intense vulnerable intimacy especially of a OTK spanking.
An opportunity to build the bond between Dom and sub
Cartharsis on both sides.
Him knowing he is helping me in a deep and potent way
Submitting to just how he is going to administer the maintenance spanking...knowing that he is gonna spank me until I can't cry anymore. Until i completely give myself over like a rag doll.

 

[cookiecat]

I definitely need more kink. more control. more pain when I am feeling stressed.
I am probably more open to new and different kink play when I am less stressed altogther.

Yep, this.

It's like a horizontal vs. vertical thing.

(Hi Cas!)

This. Exactly. The pain, especially. I need that “empty me out” cum that I only get when I’m being owned in that way.

I need that catharsis of giving over to him when anxiety/busy brain clouds everything. Nothing like an intense *maintenance spanking * to clear my head, the pain and control washing me empty and clean

What happens when you don't have this? When you don't have a partner to do this for you?

Please don't say go to the gym.

 

[AlwaysFara]

What happens when you don't have this? When you don't have a partner to do this for you?

Please don't say go to the gym.

I masturbate a lot.
Eat.
Drink.

 

[cookiecat]

I wonder if finding a surrogate stress reliever would work?

 

[AlwaysFara]

I wonder if finding a surrogate stress reliever would work?

Meaning, a person?

 

[cookiecat]

Meaning, a person?

yes. Just that maintenance spanking kind of thing.

It would take some thought / action on my part to re-engage with people who might be willing.

Just thinkin' out loud

 

[AlwaysFara]

yes. Just that maintenance spanking kind of thing.

It would take some thought / action on my part to re-engage with people who might be willing.

Just thinkin' out loud

I’m telling you, cookie, I don’t think it’s a bad idea, at all. Sometimes you just need the catharsis.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

yes. Just that maintenance spanking kind of thing.

It would take some thought / action on my part to re-engage with people who might be willing.

Just thinkin' out loud

I’m telling you, cookie, I don’t think it’s a bad idea, at all. Sometimes you just need the catharsis.

We've talked about this before, haven't we? I don't think *I* could do it, but you've talked about being able to separate the feels from the kink, no?

 

[cascadiabound]

What happens when you don't have this? When you don't have a partner to do this for you?

Please don't say go to the gym.

It sucks. I find I get more fragile. Less resilient.

 

[midlifecrisispanties]

yes. Just that maintenance spanking kind of thing.

It would take some thought / action on my part to re-engage with people who might be willing.

Just thinkin' out loud

Mine has gone so far as to offer to let me find a surrogate if it was kept to "play only. " we have played before and there were complications. But she has said that if I found someone willing to "just scene" with me without strings she'd allow it.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Mine has gone so far as to offer to let me find a surrogate if it was kept to "play only. " we have played before and there were complications. But she has said that if I found someone willing to "just scene" with me without strings she'd allow it.

That’s a dangerous tightrope for a lot of people. Meaning, ME!!!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

It sucks. I find I get more fragile. Less resilient.

Yes.

I get to a point at which i have to shut kink out. It hurts too much to not have it.

 

[Mei5ter]

I need that catharsis of giving over to him when anxiety/busy brain clouds everything. Nothing like an intense *maintenance spanking * to clear my head, the pain and control washing me empty and clean

Hello Cascadia,

The term ‘maintenance spanking’ is a great one. Seems that plenty here know just what you mean, although I’ve never had a single phrase for it - until now

Can I take it one stage further? I know there are specific moments when both D and S need this catharsis, but ‘maintenance’ implies something more regular to me. I’ve always liked the thought of a standing arrangement like ‘Every Monday morning at 10am, you will come to me in this room, and I will hurt you until you cry for me.’

Is it just me...?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Hello Cascadia,

The term ‘maintenance spanking’ is a great one. Seems that plenty here know just what you mean, although I’ve never had a single phrase for it - until now

Can I take it one stage further? I know there are specific moments when both D and S need this catharsis, but ‘maintenance’ implies something more regular to me. I’ve always liked the thought of a standing arrangement like ‘Every Monday morning at 10am, you will come to me in this room, and I will hurt you until you cry for me.’

Is it just me...?

This reminds me of a writing i saw on Fetlife, in part about a woman on the autism spectrum whose sadist scheduled playtime on a regular basis because it benefitted her to have that predictability.

It totally makes sense. It provides stability, security, builds trust, and gives them both something to look forward to.

Plus, anticipation is a terrific aphrodisiac.

Edit: Here's a link to the writing, for anyone who is on Fetlife and is interested in reading it:
https://fetlife.com/users/5759196/posts/4246796