How & When to bring up cuckolding?

[betamale30]

When entering a new relationship is It better to be honest at the beginning and confess having cuckold fantasy? Or is It safer to wait and let the relationship grow to the point their is more trust & then try bringing It up? Theres alot of stress i always put on myself wanting to share my fantasizes with a new partner but being scared of freaking them out. Could use any advice or insight

 

[twister947]

If/when it comes up, pass on an exclusive relationship. Then be true to her, and you got it, in all but name.

 

[sub2femdom]

My opinion is that the sooner the better. Sexual compatibility is equally, if not more important than romantic compatibility. With romance you commit, you eventually tie the knot (most people) and when you find you have incompatibilities, you end up working through them and compromising a lot- something you already do when you get into a committed relationship..

With sex, can you imagine - there's no compromise, if she's not into it, then it ain't gonna happen, and now you've committed on a romantic level to someone you are sexually incompatible with. This isn't exclusive to cuckoldry, but nearly every kink, fetish, or turn on.

I thought I was smart when I met my wife by telling her I'm kinky and oversexed, and I'm afraid all she heard me say is "I'm a guy". You need to make sure you don't generalize and I say get that out quickly and see where it leads. If she's grossed or freaked out, then believe me, it's better to find out before things get "complicated" by romance.

 

[Eliphaz]

Figure out what you actually want first, too. There's a big difference between "I want you to go pick up lots of random guys" and "it would be hot if you slept with our friend so-and-so." Having been the "our friend" a few times and seeing the emotional impact of that (both good and bad) I assume the "random guys" option is even more of a barrier to get past, for both partners.

 

[SissySalina]

When entering a new relationship is It better to be honest at the beginning and confess having cuckold fantasy? Or is It safer to wait and let the relationship grow to the point their is more trust & then try bringing It up? Theres alot of stress i always put on myself wanting to share my fantasizes with a new partner but being scared of freaking them out. Could use any advice or insight

First: this is a comment by a sissy.
Is it a FANTASY or a Desire, there is a difference and you must know which one it is first.
You can discuss something in conversation before telling the facts on how you want to do it.
If the desire is strong enough then you need to advise of it prior to getting deep into the relationship.

 

[policywank]

When entering a new relationship is It better to be honest at the beginning and confess having cuckold fantasy? Or is It safer to wait and let the relationship grow to the point their is more trust & then try bringing It up? Theres alot of stress i always put on myself wanting to share my fantasizes with a new partner but being scared of freaking them out. Could use any advice or insight

Generally you want to get things out in the open fairly soon so that both parties can decide how far the relationship will go. But you also do need to build up to sharing all of your deepest desires. This isn’t first date stuff. And I think it is better if it comes from a perspective of shsring your desires rather than expecting something of her. Often a good way to do that is to share past experiences - that allows you to talk about what turned you on without necessarily saying you expect it of her. It all leads to the same place but “I enjoyed the fact that she had sex with other guys” will be received differently than “I want you to have sex with other guys.” The latter is less likely to offend while still leading to the premise that you want that kind of relationship. But it will give her some time to reflect and wrap her head around it. That approach also gives you the chance to express your feelings and attitudes more completely in the context of sharing as opposed to convincing. It is key that you don’t put her on the defensive which is natural when one feels pushed even if it is a direction they want to go.

 

[Justfantasies]

Generally you want to get things out in the open fairly soon so that both parties can decide how far the relationship will go. But you also do need to build up to sharing all of your deepest desires. This isn’t first date stuff. And I think it is better if it comes from a perspective of shsring your desires rather than expecting something of her. Often a good way to do that is to share past experiences - that allows you to talk about what turned you on without necessarily saying you expect it of her. It all leads to the same place but “I enjoyed the fact that she had sex with other guys” will be received differently than “I want you to have sex with other guys.” The latter is less likely to offend while still leading to the premise that you want that kind of relationship. But it will give her some time to reflect and wrap her head around it. That approach also gives you the chance to express your feelings and attitudes more completely in the context of sharing as opposed to convincing. It is key that you don’t put her on the defensive which is natural when one feels pushed even if it is a direction they want to go.

Agree that this isn't first date stuff -- but lots of things aren't. And there are exceptions. I went out on a first date a few years ago and about all she wanted to talk about was that she was polyamorous. Turned into a nice relationship.

 

[Justfantasies]

Agree that this isn't first date stuff -- but lots of things aren't. And there are exceptions. I went out on a first date a few years ago and about all she wanted to talk about was that she was polyamorous. Turned into a nice relationship.

Bump . . .

 

[chitrashi]

Agree that this isn't first date stuff -- but lots of things aren't. And there are exceptions. I went out on a first date a few years ago and about all she wanted to talk about was that she was polyamorous. Turned into a nice relationship.

I too am a bit blunt in that way - I usually let the men know in the first meeting that I'm not expecting any emotional stuff or being exclusive. It helps set the boundaries from the get go. If such a discussion does come up, that would be the time to let her know of your fantasies.

 

[Justfantasies]

I too am a bit blunt in that way - I usually let the men know in the first meeting that I'm not expecting any emotional stuff or being exclusive. It helps set the boundaries from the get go. If such a discussion does come up, that would be the time to let her know of your fantasies.

It's kind of fun actually when a woman is like that and it turns off only guys who aren't open to that kind of relationship

 

[curioustxn]

When entering a new relationship is It better to be honest at the beginning and confess having cuckold fantasy? Or is It safer to wait and let the relationship grow to the point their is more trust & then try bringing It up? Theres alot of stress i always put on myself wanting to share my fantasizes with a new partner but being scared of freaking them out. Could use any advice or insight

Build trust first. This can be a very sensitive issue for a woman, and can make her feel that you don't care for her that much. Work toward trust at and openness first.

 

[policywank]

It's kind of fun actually when a woman is like that and it turns off only guys who aren't open to that kind of relationship

Blunt can work when everything is right. But even then I would be inclined to approach it in layers. There is lots of ground to cover in terms of non-monogamy, gender relations, submission (if that is part of your dynamic - not always but frequently ancillary to cuckolding), etc. I just feel as though cuckolding is such a specific and not broadly accepted thing that you risk confusion. It is tough to communicate if you are focussed on reeling a date back from a bad set of assumptions - more effective to build up to it.

 

[screwher]

Build trust first. This can be a very sensitive issue for a woman, and can make her feel that you don't care for her that much. Work toward trust at and openness first.

I agree 110%. Your wife must be reassured that you're not recommending this so you can use it as an opportunity to have sex with other women. As well I wouldn't approach her about it unles you feel she might be receptive to the idea. For more years than I care to admit I fantasized about other men screwing her. But there were circumstances in our marriage that I felt prevented me from broaching the subject with her. But I got lucky. My wife ended up dropping her panties for another man while on vacation from home. That opened the floodgates and made my part easier.

 

[Lucia_slt]

Build the relationship first and see where it goes.
If it is a long-term relationship than you'll have plenty of time for lots of different fantasies.
Some of which, I believe, might be not that attracting at the beginning.

Also, do you really want to confess your wishes to a person you are not sure you can trust first hand?

And one more point - some of your fantasies and kinks might be outside the current comfort zone for your partner, but I doubt you've acquired those wishes in one day. So if it took you time to embrace those wishes, why not give her the benefit of a slow intro?

 

[sub2femdom]

Build the relationship first and see where it goes.
If it is a long-term relationship than you'll have plenty of time for lots of different fantasies.
Some of which, I believe, might be not that attracting at the beginning.

Also, do you really want to confess your wishes to a person you are not sure you can trust first hand?

And one more point - some of your fantasies and kinks might be outside the current comfort zone for your partner, but I doubt you've acquired those wishes in one day. So if it took you time to embrace those wishes, why not give her the benefit of a slow intro?

And the next thing you know, you are in a long-term committed relationship and she isn't into what she might call your "sick shit" and then the relationship spirals downwards and in the end you wasted 9 months, or 2 years on someone who was never sexually compatible.

I don't mean to say blurt it all out on the first date, but once you start having sex, you need to address your fetishes and make sure she's at least ok with it, if not on board.

 

[cuckoldbill]

I think talking about past sexual experiences can help. It certainly did for us. Try and find out what she liked doing with past partners. What turns her on. You could drop in that one of your exs liked to play around. She might say something like "I hope you dumped her immediately or that's so gross" . Then you know that she may not be into it. You could,reply that you were cool with it and it was fun at the time. And see how she reacts.
In our case it was well into our marriage and sex was cooling down that I persuaded her to open up about her past. I was genuinely trying to find something kinky that we both could enjoy to improve our sex life.
Reluctant at first, once she realised that it was a huge turn on for me and our sex life went to a new level, she relaxed and told me everything. I knew she had been a "naughty little nymph" before we met but I was gobsmacked as she slowly relived her past.
Eventually this led us into a fantastic cuckold relationship. 20 years later we are having a wonderful hot life together.
She's just started a new relationship with a guy 20 years younger