How challenging is to talk about fantasies, kinks etc.?

[aziegmann]

When it comes to sexual fantasies, I think most of you here know that a fundamental element between partners is frequent communication. But opening up about this topic can be a difficult barrier to overcome, especially if one of the partners (or both) is shy and afraid of being judged.

For those who have already experienced this and managed to cross this bridge, what was the turning point? What gave you the courage to approach the subject with your partner regarding fantasies, fetishes or kinks?

Did you take the decision yourself or did your partner? What was the reaction? Was it something worked on gradually, over a period of time, or did you immediately realize that both of you were on the same page to take the next step and spice up the relationship?

 

[Inthelastrow]

About a half dozen rum runners. One confession and the dam broke. We both started sharing after that...Definitely on the same sheet of music.

 

[Lucien_Al]

We listened to audio books while on road trips which planted the seed on a number of fantasies and kinks. This was also helped by playing a game called Monogamy which set a number of dares for each to fulfil. We are pretty much at the point where we discuss things we can try quite openly.

 

[Submissivepat]

I enjoy talking about fantasies and experiences. I think people that are sincere listen to others with respect.

 

[lily_wall_]

I don't think I'll ever open up completely to my husband. I know him so well and know how he'll react. It's so much easier to talk to with faceless strangers than someone close to me

 

[PleasePeesMe]

I don't think I'll ever open up completely to my husband. I know him so well and know how he'll react. It's so much easier to talk to with faceless strangers than someone close to me

I agree. Some of the things I fantasise about would shock my wife. Unfortunately.

 

[Northernboy1956]

I don't think I'll ever open up completely to my husband. I know him so well and know how he'll react. It's so much easier to talk to with faceless strangers than someone close to me

Yes I feel the same my wife won't discuss fantasies with me at all. That is why I visit here

 

[MrETnman]

The best way,especially in a new relationship is to act dumb and ask what do they have in those adult stores? Most of the time the answer is I don’t know,or a bunch of this, that or the other, and your answer is I’d love to check it out once,is that ok? Once you get inside you ask them look at this! Do people really do that! I didn’t know that! After you leave it opens the door for anything you want to about without coming off like a pervert or weirdo, and can ask questions like, do you think you would ever like to try that? Or you think that would be fun? The options are limitless.

 

[Northernboy1956]

I don't think I'll ever open up completely to my husband. I know him so well and know how he'll react. It's so much easier to talk to with faceless strangers than someone close to me

Yes I feel the same way

 

[Boat1]

When it comes to sexual fantasies, I think most of you here know that a fundamental element between partners is frequent communication. But opening up about this topic can be a difficult barrier to overcome, especially if one of the partners (or both) is shy and afraid of being judged.

For those who have already experienced this and managed to cross this bridge, what was the turning point? What gave you the courage to approach the subject with your partner regarding fantasies, fetishes or kinks?

Did you take the decision yourself or did your partner? What was the reaction? Was it something worked on gradually, over a period of time, or did you immediately realize that both of you were on the same page to take the next step and spice up the relationship?

I've always been open about my desires, but it didn't matter until a year ago, when I met the PERFECT Wife/Domme!
I'm 58 and She is the first person I've ever known who truly appreciates and respects that honesty, trust, freedom and openness. It's COMPLETELY mutual as well. I truly am a blessed man and will never take Her for granted!

 

[Northernboy1956]

I've always been open about my desires, but it didn't matter until a year ago, when I met the PERFECT Wife/Domme!
I'm 58 and She is the first person I've ever known who truly appreciates and respects that honesty, trust, freedom and openness. It's COMPLETELY mutual as well. I truly am a blessed man and will never take Her for granted!

Good for you

 

[summer_reine]

The best way,especially in a new relationship is to act dumb and ask what do they have in those adult stores? Most of the time the answer is I don’t know,or a bunch of this, that or the other, and your answer is I’d love to check it out once,is that ok? Once you get inside you ask them look at this! Do people really do that! I didn’t know that! After you leave it opens the door for anything you want to about without coming off like a pervert or weirdo, and can ask questions like, do you think you would ever like to try that? Or you think that would be fun? The options are limitless.

The best way is lieing?

 

[MrETnman]

The best way is lieing?

Lying is a little harsh and the purpose is not to harm or mislead,just to open the door to an otherwise possibly uncomfortable conversation that you may have to actually lie to back out of without coming off as a person you really aren’t I feel like, just my opinion

 

[Boat1]

Good for you

Thank you, sincerely!

 

[summer_reine]

Lying is a little harsh and the purpose is not to harm or mislead,just to open the door to an otherwise possibly uncomfortable conversation that you may have to actually lie to back out of without coming off as a person you really aren’t I feel like, just my opinion

I knew I spelled that wrong, argh.
If the conversation is uncomfortable wouldn't that be a bit of a red flag, that you are not compatible? You said this is in the early stages of a relationship so in my mind it's best to be honest with who you are and what you want/like.

 

[lily_wall_]

I feel the other way. If it's a new relationship then I'd be open. That way I wouldn't get into a relationship where I'd have to lie later. But if I'm already in a relationship and I start developing new fetishes and kinks then I wouldn't be so comfortable in opening up

Also, I know its easier said than done. My own relationship with my husband is an example of where I didn't open up completely in the beginning

 

[mickyp123]

I feel the other way. If it's a new relationship then I'd be open. That way I wouldn't get into a relationship where I'd have to lie later. But if I'm already in a relationship and I start developing new fetishes and kinks then I wouldn't be so comfortable in opening up

Also, I know its easier said than done. My own relationship with my husband is an example of where I didn't open up completely in the beginning

I have always felt and said that Lit is a Topsy Turvey place, you find out about peoples kinks before knowing if they have sugar in coffee. When communicating online people pay a lot of attention to words because that is all they have to go on, so if your not true to your words you will trip up / get caught out, Honesty will prevail.

 

[wifewatcher1997]

I don't think I'll ever open up completely to my husband. I know him so well and know how he'll react. It's so much easier to talk to with faceless strangers than someone close to me

Completely understand. Even though my wife and I explored some kinks and fantasies, there are some I just cannot share and it is truly easier to talk in a place like this.

 

[magic_rat]

I was married for a long time to someone who hated me.

Since then I've had a number of relationships, the last one open and hopefully permanent. Open relationships only work with 100% honesty. She knows I'm a horny pervert, I know she spent a few years after her last marriage ended (and for a couple of years before) opening her legs to half the men on Fabswingers. For us, there is no line - if we want it, we can do it. I haven't yet found a fantasy of mine she isn't willing to indulge.

 

[Uneklensane]

Talking to people you(I) know is almost impossible. Here on LIT I have no problems. I'd chat openly about anything to anyone here.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

Lying is a little harsh and the purpose is not to harm or mislead,just to open the door to an otherwise possibly uncomfortable conversation that you may have to actually lie to back out of without coming off as a person you really aren’t I feel like, just my opinion

The best way is to talk and be honest. Otherwise you'll spend 50 years regretting being married to someone who doesn't know you properly.

 

[Lucien_Al]

The best way is to talk and be honest. Otherwise you'll spend 50 years regretting being married to someone who doesn't know you properly.

I agree with you on this as I have been on both sides of this. I was married to my best friend for 34 years but she knew nothing of my sexual side and although I am to blame for never discussing them with her openly, I very much doubt that she would have been receptive at all.

When I met and married my second wife I took a completely different approach and there is nothing I like sexually that she does not know about. Sexually its been one hell of a ride and now regret not trying to speak to my first wife rather than assume she would be grossed out.

 

[Northernboy1956]

Mine is similar but my first wife was open about her sexual needs. We had a lot of fun together. Only she wanted out of the marriage. My second wife was just the opposite towards sex and fantasies. We have come a long way with the sex but she won't open up about her fantasies so I don't ask anymore. But I still have my fantasies.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

I agree with you on this as I have been on both sides of this. I was married to my best friend for 34 years but she knew nothing of my sexual side and although I am to blame for never discussing them with her openly, I very much doubt that she would have been receptive at all.

If you'd had the talk, and she'd been grossed out by it, would you still have married her?

 

[Lucien_Al]

If you'd had the talk, and she'd been grossed out by it, would you still have married her?

To be honest I am not sure. On the one hand she genuinely was my best friend and if the Big C had not taken her we would still be together, On the other hand I am now seeing how much I missed on the sexual side so its a real conundrum