The beauty of submissive men

[bailadora]

WORD.

this is the magic button that all of my Dominants have pushed with me. when a man who is wired to control chooses to let me see his weakness, and entrust me with that knowledge... that goes a long way toward earning my devotion, and my protection, if that makes sense.

For me, anyway, my Doms become 'mine' as much as I am 'theirs,' and I am fiercely protective of them.

(sorry for the rabbit trail. )

Makes perfect sense to me. My relationship with my husband is egalitarian, but I feel the same way.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Haha... Yes. I'm actually a teacher as well as a parent, so this resonates with me. I do enough controlling of brats in my real life

no shit.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

And when she talked about the effect of that on Dommes:

"...if your dominant is new, or is a little insecure, or is feeling vulnerable, then putting up resistance is a nightmare scenario that is likely to make her back down and just not bother trying any more (that is, she will withdraw her dominance). And that will hit her confidence hard: it’s really difficult to come back from that. The little voice in her head will have a field day telling her she’s a rubbish Domme, and probably selfish and bossy and petty and mean and NO-ONE WILL EVER LOVE HER!"
.

I have only had 2 real life sessions so this definitely makes sense to me. With them, we had talked enough before we met up for me to know what they wanted in a session. I told them up front that I was new to it but they were given procedures and instructions before they came over. I was also Domme'ing them over text (they had agreed to that).

When we played, I was in control, they did what I told them. But... when I used a few implements on them, I gave them green, yellow, red just in case without them having to safeword (as i know many times people don't want to safeword).. and I checked in with them. Again, that was due to newness, but not just to me, but also to actual physical play.

At the same time, you're right... there are people new to the role who need growth through nurturing into it. As a sub, though, it can be tricky because it feels very much like "who am I as a sub to instruct the Dom"... it pulls the sub out of sub mode, because there's an obvious conflict of mindset. It's hard to be submissive yet "train" a new Dom(me).

Maybe the best thing for a sub to do would be to offer to find a more experienced mentor for the Dom(me) and do the legwork of linking the new Dom(me) up, turning it over to the experienced Dom(me) to guide the inexperienced one. That allows the sub to bke able to slip into his/her role and gives the new Dom someone who can guide him/her in the ways of a Dom.
.

I think there are two different elements here:
The sub can instruct while being respectful and still being a sub... "Domme/Miss/Whatever... may I make a suggestion?" or something like that. One of my subs did this, I cannot remember the wording, but I did not take offense to it.

Mentoring/Nuturing.. this is where having friends in the lifestyle is helpful. if you are willing to meet people in real life, they can teach you many things. Locally, there are public play parties and private play parties. You can learn a lot from these if you attend, whether it is how to use an implement or just how dynamics work. You can also ask someone if they would be willing to help you, teach you, mentor you. I know many in my community would have no issue with it.

Although I have since lost contact with him, I once had a friend who was a masochistic submissive, and whose limits were considerably farther along than mine were and are. When I became interested in caning, he agreed to be my bottom. Although I still exercised all due caution, due to his proclivities, he helped to create an environment where I felt more at ease exploring, because there was less of a chance I was going to cause him bad pain.

I have heard this before. There are also many Dom/me's that will get someone else to use an implement on them, such as a cane, so that they know what their sub is going to experience.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

So much chatter in here today.. its all very good an interesting.. just took me a while to reply...

 

[The_gladiator]

I am so behind on this thread--my apologies. But this caught my eye... (hi, Pen )


the best lessons I've learned about dominance have been learned as a sub. and as a mother.
typical convo. with child in an unsubmissive mood:

Me: Johnny, will you take out the trash, please?
J: I don't want to, I'm busy watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. rolleyes
Me: I wasn't really asking. That was my nice way of saying, 'TAKE OUT THE TRASH--NOW.'
J: scurries to the kitchen.

*ahem*

if I have to raise my voice, or demand that the person ostensibly under my authority do my bidding, then I feel that something is amiss in our relationship. with regards to my sub men, I want to be able to catch their eye, smile sweetly, crook my little finger, and have them drooling with anticipation at accomplishing for me whatever my little heart desires.

He should feel 'the power' based on our history together. The air between us should crackle with excitement because he knows that I am thinking about him, and that I want him, and that I am going to ask him to do something for me that will please both of us. I *could* raise my voice, I *could* make demands, but I'd much rather purr my requests into his ear while teasing his cock with my fingertips.

of course it should go without saying that I am mindful of what makes my subs tick, and that anything I ask them to do is intended to ultimately bring pleasure and satisfaction to them-- mentally, emotionally, physically, or hopefully, all three.

I just love this post. I only recently found this thread and I've done a little reading but this post here really caught my eye. What you describe makes me think of I want a dominant woman that can make me want to please her or let her do things to me. Not a woman that makes me feel like I have to. I don't want to feel like its a duty, but a pleasure. Does that make any sense?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I just love this post. I only recently found this thread and I've done a little reading but this post here really caught my eye. What you describe makes me think of I want a dominant woman that can make me want to please her or let her do things to me. Not a woman that makes me feel like I have to. I don't want to feel like its a duty, but a pleasure. Does that make any sense?

it shouldn't be a duty-- it's a voluntary relationship between two consenting adults, both of whom are there because they want to be, not because someone is twisting their arm. If mutual pleasure is not at the heart of the relationship, then what's the point?

on a different note, I was thinking about 'punishment' earlier... not spanking (or withholding spanking), or anything to be given... punishment for me, both as a sub and as a top, is the loss of intimacy and contact with my partner.

the most devastating words I ever had spoken to me were along the lines of, "i need you to ____ or else I will have to go away for a while." I could feel the grief in his voice, and it crushed my soul. I can't think of anything worse that being parted from the one who completes me.

 

[The_gladiator]

it shouldn't be a duty-- it's a voluntary relationship between two consenting adults, both of whom are there because they want to be, not because someone is twisting their arm. If mutual pleasure is not at the heart of the relationship, then what's the point?

on a different note, I was thinking about 'punishment' earlier... not spanking (or withholding spanking), or anything to be given... punishment for me, both as a sub and as a top, is the loss of intimacy and contact with my partner.

the most devastating words I ever had spoken to me were along the lines of, "i need you to ____ or else I will have to go away for a while." I could feel the grief in his voice, and it crushed my soul. I can't think of anything worse that being parted from the one who completes me.

that's a very interesting perspective. I've never thought of punishment in that way.

 

[SultryKitten75]

I just love this post. I only recently found this thread and I've done a little reading but this post here really caught my eye. What you describe makes me think of I want a dominant woman that can make me want to please her or let her do things to me. Not a woman that makes me feel like I have to. I don't want to feel like its a duty, but a pleasure. Does that make any sense?

Welcome to the thread, Gladiator. Erochic, has created an awesome thread, and a great safe place to read, share, and learn.

 

[Touch_72]

Welcome to the thread, Gladiator. Erochic, has created an awesome thread, and a great safe place to read, share, and learn.

Yeah. It IS safe. We wear condoms as we read, share and learn.

Well... some of us...

I think.

 

[SultryKitten75]

Yeah. It IS safe. We wear condoms as we read, share and learn.

Well... some of us...

I think.

**Coy Giggle**
and most of us believe in safe words, so just scream "Red" if you feel you've eached your safety limit

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

on a different note, I was thinking about 'punishment' earlier... not spanking (or withholding spanking), or anything to be given... punishment for me, both as a sub and as a top, is the loss of intimacy and contact with my partner.

the most devastating words I ever had spoken to me were along the lines of, "i need you to ____ or else I will have to go away for a while." I could feel the grief in his voice, and it crushed my soul. I can't think of anything worse that being parted from the one who completes me.

sooo true!

that feeling that you have let them down is worse than anything that could physically happen to you (i subbed for a bit)

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Welcome to the thread, Gladiator. Erochic, has created an awesome thread, and a great safe place to read, share, and learn.

Welcome!

Erochic's the bomb.

Yeah. It IS safe. We wear condoms as we read, share and learn.

Well... some of us...

I think.

*giggle*

fyi, I despise condoms.

 

[The_gladiator]

Welcome to the thread, Gladiator. Erochic, has created an awesome thread, and a great safe place to read, share, and learn.

thank you. I look forward to reading more and learning more about my own needs and more importantly how to explain them to my girlfriend who is not very dominant.

 

[Touch_72]

**Coy Giggle**
and most of us believe in safe words, so just scream "Red" if you feel you've eached your safety limit

Or if "red" sounds to much like "read," just use "Erochic's the bomb"...

Erochic's the bomb.

...Oh. Well, that fucked that up. New safe word anyone?

fyi, I despise condoms.

I KNEW I loved you! No... not really like in "love love"... you know what I mean.

thank you. I look forward to reading more and learning more about my own needs and more importantly how to explain them to my girlfriend who is not very dominant.

Hmm. She may just not be. It's not something you can really force on her if that's not within her comfort zone.

 

[pensivepoet]

When all seems lost, i've found 911 to be a good safe word.

 

[The_gladiator]

Or if "red" sounds to much like "read," just use "Erochic's the bomb"...



...Oh. Well, that fucked that up. New safe word anyone?



I KNEW I loved you! No... not really like in "love love"... you know what I mean.



Hmm. She may just not be. It's not something you can really force on her if that's not within her comfort zone.

I agree with you. She sort of has wanted me to teach it to her, and I'm not really sure its something one can teach. When I switch its not really something I can be taught. I can learn more about it but if you don't feel that urge in some way than you might not be able to experience it.

 

[Erochic]

Yeah. It IS safe. We wear condoms as we read, share and learn.

Well... some of us...

I think.

And we don't bite

Except me sometimes

(Actually I do enjoy biting, but I also really enjoy being bitten - make of that what you will )

 

[The_gladiator]

And we don't bite

Except me sometimes

(Actually I do enjoy biting, but I also really enjoy being bitten - make of that what you will )

I prefer to be the biter not the bitee so to speak.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Or if "red" sounds to much like "read," just use "Erochic's the bomb"...

...Oh. Well, that fucked that up. New safe word anyone?

I KNEW I loved you! No... not really like in "love love"... you know what I mean.

Hmm. She may just not be. It's not something you can really force on her if that's not within her comfort zone.

how you doin'?

I agree with you. She sort of has wanted me to teach it to her, and I'm not really sure its something one can teach. When I switch its not really something I can be taught. I can learn more about it but if you don't feel that urge in some way than you might not be able to experience it.

with gentle patience, and your assurance, you can help her explore her comfort zone, and then encourage her to top you from that place.

that's what worked with my first sub. he was a switch, and there were times I needed him to step in as Dom and help bridge the gap until we found something that worked for us. good luck!

 

[The_gladiator]

how you doin'?



with gentle patience, and your assurance, you can help her explore her comfort zone, and then encourage her to top you from that place.

that's what worked with my first sub. he was a switch, and there were times I needed him to step in as Dom and help bridge the gap until we found something that worked for us. good luck!

thank you. I already like this thread, very supportive people seem to be common

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Some of this might also be helpful to me in guiding me in dealing with subs as well as well with Dommes/Doms, including, yes, male subs. It's amazing what all one can grasp in a free exchange of thoughts like this.

 

[Touch_72]

And we don't bite

Except me sometimes

(Actually I do enjoy biting, but I also really enjoy being bitten - make of that what you will )

Fuck it. I won't lie. We DO bite.

We just do it nicely.

how you doin'?

*lol* I'm fine this evening, Miss Honey... how you doin'?

 

[Veroe]

Fuck it. I won't lie. We DO bite.

We just do it nicely.

And only if they beg first right.

 

[The_gladiator]

And only if they beg first right.

this totally

 

[Veroe]

You guys have been having a lot of interesting conversation without me. I'm a little upset actually.

I'll just have to jump onto the next one.