The beauty of submissive men

[UhlBWett]

Perhaps.............

I love submissive men. I am confused though by men who tell me they want to be sub for me but when I ask what they expect it involves me making them cum. Yes I will take care of you but my focus is not your sexual pleasure it is helping you satisfy your want to be submissive. I respect and honor that. Maybe I'm too young in this to understand fully.

They are confused about what being truly submissive is. If I were sub instead of Dom, I would pleasure you anyway you asked and then go home and pound it like an old fashioned butter churn. Men often like the idea of being submissive, but do not seem to understand the reality.

It seems to me anyway..............

 

[biseattlegirl]

I love all your comments, thoughts and ideas on this subject. I was not trying to say that a man that is submissive to me would never have an orgasm and get nothing from me. I guess I was just saying that I don't appreciate a man who says he wants to be submissive to me but can't think outside of the box of it being about him cumming.

I love cum. I love when a guy has an orgasm. I love blow jobs, masturbation, edging, cum denial, sex and pleasuring men. I love the taste, smell and texture of cum. I love cock. However when I'm with my b/f and he is being submissive it is more that that.

For example, he might kneel next to me waiting for me to give him a task. This is because he loves to serve and please me. Not because he thinks I will jack him off for doing it but because that is his nature and that is what he wants at the time. Other times I may masturbate him to the edge of orgasm and then ask him to do something more meaningful to me with his reward being the orgasm when he completes that task.

On an average evening he may paint my nails, brush my hair, hell maybe even serve dinner to me. I might need a neck rub or foot rub. Other times I may make him put on a collar...there are so many things.

I just cannot recall a time where our scenes have been him laying on the bed and me masturbating him off and on for an extended period of time until he cums. Now, I may ask Rob (my b/f) to do that to another sub as a reward for Rob since he loves cock and as a punishment for the other sub for something he did that did not please me. Once I am satisfied with the job he did edging that sub he will be rewarded. Or maybe when I'm facesitting him I might allow him to masturbate but not cum until I'm done and then I will finish him off.

Sorry to ramble, I tend to get carried away discussing stuff. Too many words Jane...post some more hot pics!!!

 

[pensivepoet]

I'm sub with some strong alpha tendencies if that makes any sense. Mostly i'm a lone wolf, though, too complicated to fit into any particular stereotype.
I have dom'd and enjoyed it, but it's not really my true nature.
But it takes a truly dominant woman to gain my full submission. I can sense who truly has control, and if it's me, a void is felt in me.
Too many D/s relationships are really the supposed sub playing the D from the bottom. Or so it seems to me.
She needs to win me with her mind and character, then everything else will happen as it should.
But i've pretty much given up hope on it ever really happening.
But i have great fantasies!

 

[pensivepoet]

....And just to add, i don't care if she has me to cum every day or never. As long as whatever it is pleases her.
If she isn't pleased, i've failed.
It isn't about me
Ever

 

[Erochic]

This is something I like and use a lot.

Yes... That was in your story
I remember because I really liked your lead up and want to try it.

 

[Touch_72]

I love all your comments, thoughts and ideas on this subject. I was not trying to say that a man that is submissive to me would never have an orgasm and get nothing from me. I guess I was just saying that I don't appreciate a man who says he wants to be submissive to me but can't think outside of the box of it being about him cumming.

I love cum. I love when a guy has an orgasm. I love blow jobs, masturbation, edging, cum denial, sex and pleasuring men. I love the taste, smell and texture of cum. I love cock. However when I'm with my b/f and he is being submissive it is more that that.

For example, he might kneel next to me waiting for me to give him a task. This is because he loves to serve and please me. Not because he thinks I will jack him off for doing it but because that is his nature and that is what he wants at the time. Other times I may masturbate him to the edge of orgasm and then ask him to do something more meaningful to me with his reward being the orgasm when he completes that task.

On an average evening he may paint my nails, brush my hair, hell maybe even serve dinner to me. I might need a neck rub or foot rub. Other times I may make him put on a collar...there are so many things.

I just cannot recall a time where our scenes have been him laying on the bed and me masturbating him off and on for an extended period of time until he cums. Now, I may ask Rob (my b/f) to do that to another sub as a reward for Rob since he loves cock and as a punishment for the other sub for something he did that did not please me. Once I am satisfied with the job he did edging that sub he will be rewarded. Or maybe when I'm facesitting him I might allow him to masturbate but not cum until I'm done and then I will finish him off.

Sorry to ramble, I tend to get carried away discussing stuff. Too many words Jane...post some more hot pics!!!

Ramble away. I like the way you roll. *lol*

 

[Touch_72]

I can sense who truly has control, and if it's me, a void is felt in me.

She needs to win me with her mind and character, then everything else will happen as it should.

This.

I felt that void with the last Domme, who did admit it was new to her, but too often I had to ask, "No, what is it that YOU want," because she asked for way too much input and preference from me. There's nothing wrong with asking the sub to come up with thoughts or preferences... on occasion or in a way that maintains control... but, if I have to nudge the ball back into the Domme's court too often, I feel that void because it makes it too much about me. I like consideration because it's nice and thoughtful at the right times, but consideration doesn't mean control.

As for the "winning me over," yes the mind and essence of the person does play a big role in how deeply I feel drawn into submission. A dirty, intelligent, seductive mind can go a long way.

 

[pensivepoet]

This.

I felt that void with the last Domme, who did admit it was new to her, but too often I had to ask, "No, what is it that YOU want," because she asked for way too much input and preference from me. There's nothing wrong with asking the sub to come up with thoughts or preferences... on occasion or in a way that maintains control... but, if I have to nudge the ball back into the Domme's court too often, I feel that void because it makes it too much about me. I like consideration because it's nice and thoughtful at the right times, but consideration doesn't mean control.

As for the "winning me over," yes the mind and essence of the person does play a big role in how deeply I feel drawn into submission. A dirty, intelligent, seductive mind can go a long way.

Yep,
If she says, "would you suck a cock for me?" i'll yawn and go see what's on tv
If she says, "you WILL suck a cock!" then i feel the power
(no, i never have)
I don't believe in safe words
I fully trust her judgement
Damn the torpedoes

 

[LucianDevine]

In person, I didn't experience all that with her, though she did break out the fingers. She was actually submissive in person, which completely threw me because I can't always just flip my mind from one side to another. It was, however, the first time I'd ever face sat a woman... odd being on the other end of something I love so much, but she let on she enjoys that.

You'd actually be surprised at how common it is for somebody to appear one way on the outside and be completely different on the inside.

My Mistress for example, is likely the last person you would ever expect to be a domme. They say that you should always be wary of the quiet ones, and boy are they right sometimes! Outside the house she is very quiet and not outwardly assertive, but when we get behind closed doors, that all changes.

I am actually very similar in that regard. When I am at work, I am an incredibly upbeat and outgoing person, the kind of person that is friends with just about everybody. I can guarantee that if you asked my coworkers, with the exception of one, whether they think that I would be a dom or a sub, they'd say dom. In truth though, it's naturally the opposite. I am only every truly content when I am actively submitting to my Mistress.

 

[Touch_72]

Yep,
If she says, "would you suck a cock for me?" i'll yawn and go see what's on tv
If she says, "you WILL suck a cock!" then i feel the power
(no, i never have)
I don't believe in safe words
I fully trust her judgement
Damn the torpedoes

Oh, I believe in safe words, but I also believe in pushing limits by not using a safe word lightly.

As for asking (ie. "Would you suck a cock for me?"), it all depends on how it's done. It can be sexy as a teasing affirmation or as a question that isn't so much a question as a command or request. Domination can have its subtlety and nuance and doesn't need to be all directness and sharp command. Things can be asked politely and sometimes it's sexier when they are and the control is still there riding under the politeness (though there are times for direct, of course).

 

[Erochic]

This.

I felt that void with the last Domme, who did admit it was new to her, but too often I had to ask, "No, what is it that YOU want," because she asked for way too much input and preference from me. There's nothing wrong with asking the sub to come up with thoughts or preferences... on occasion or in a way that maintains control... but, if I have to nudge the ball back into the Domme's court too often, I feel that void because it makes it too much about me. I like consideration because it's nice and thoughtful at the right times, but consideration doesn't mean control.

As for the "winning me over," yes the mind and essence of the person does play a big role in how deeply I feel drawn into submission. A dirty, intelligent, seductive mind can go a long way.

Yep,
If she says, "would you suck a cock for me?" i'll yawn and go see what's on tv
If she says, "you WILL suck a cock!" then i feel the power
(no, i never have)
I don't believe in safe words
I fully trust her judgement
Damn the torpedoes

I really have to make some objections to this.

Firstly no safe words (or the ability to say no) is bullshit. She deserves that - to know where your lines are and where is safe to push you.

Secondly that is so judgemental and unsupportive.
This is one of the reasons there aren't enough Dommes out there.
It can be really hard go women to let go of society's expectations to be nice girls and to be liked and not to be too aggressive.

I was always a rough and tumble little girl and did martial art when I grew up and did what I wanted when I wanted.... But I *still* struggled with that when it came to taking dominance.

I'm still growing into my dominance and really accepting that it is okay.
It takes time.
I was introduced to Facesitting through my ex, who wasn't submissive as such - though he certainly enjoyed the activities and was very much centered on my pleasure and encouraging me to go wild and strong as I really enjoyed doing and wanted to do.
I always liked stronger and more unusual positions when getting oral - lying back really doesn't do that much for me - but I never initiated them, no matter how I wanted them.
My lover encouraged to sit on his face, and from his enthusiastic enjoyment, and demanding I give it to him and give it to him strong I let go of my reservations and fears about being to heavy, too aggressive, too blah blah...
And started going stronger and stronger... Until I was fucking his face hard to his enthusiastic enjoyment.

I've only started really getting into dominance in other ways as well just recently (I decided that after my ex and I split that I had to explore more of this world ) and I know I have been tentative and uncertain at times, although confident at others. But my subs have worked *with* me, not ignored requests or orders because they weren't delivered correctly.

The analogy I make is with Latin Dance - which I enjoy. There are never enough men to lead so even though I want to go and dance with the great leads I will dance with the learners, or encourage those standing on the sidelines to try... And even though they are uncertain and clumsy at first - I know if they get confidence and practice they may become skilled. The last thing I want to do is to scare them away, or make then feel it is all too hard or they are incompetent.

 

[pensivepoet]

Oh, I believe in safe words, but I also believe in pushing limits by not using a safe word lightly.

As for asking (ie. "Would you suck a cock for me?"), it all depends on how it's done. It can be sexy as a teasing affirmation or as a question that isn't so much a question as a command or request. Domination can have its subtlety and nuance and doesn't need to be all directness and sharp command. Things can be asked politely and sometimes it's sexier when they are and the control is still there riding under the politeness (though there are times for direct, of course).

Yes, subtleties and nuance are a great spice, as long as i feel her power letting me know a question may not be a question at all.

 

[bailadora]

Domination can have its subtlety and nuance and doesn't need to be all directness and sharp command. Things can be asked politely and sometimes it's sexier when they are and the control is still there riding under the politeness (though there are times for direct, of course).

This. Just because something is prettily phrased doesn't mean there isn't an underlying, implicit command there.

 

[pensivepoet]

Erochic
You and i are neither right or wrong
Merely different, and thus incompatible.
I was stating what works for me, my slant. Not speaking for anyone else.
And then you judged me for being different from you.
Funny how this works
Apparently this discussion must stay within your already established norms.
Please forgive my naivete

 

[Erochic]

Erochic
You and i are neither right or wrong
Merely different, and thus incompatible.
I was stating what works for me, my slant. Not speaking for anyone else.
And then you judged me for being different from you.
Funny how this works
Apparently this discussion must stay within your already established norms.
Please forgive my naivete

And I was stating that what works for you is not going to help women who want to develop their dominance lose their uncertainty and societal imposed behaviours and learn to own it.

It's great if you always find women who are strong in their dominance and can order you the way that works for you - so you don't yawn and go watch TV instead if doing what they want you to do.

The conversation is about getting away from stereotypes and embracing the variations and reality.
And the biggest reality I see is that if you want there to be more dominant women you have to encourage them, and not expect them to be perfect Dommes from the outset.

 

[Touch_72]

Secondly that is so judgemental and unsupportive.
This is one of the reasons there aren't enough Dommes out there.
It can be really hard go women to let go of society's expectations to be nice girls and to be liked and not to be too aggressive.

Wait. Quoting me, too, are you lumping my post in on this? I don't feel it was judgmental for me to say that if I feel too much control and say is handed over to me, it's not the D/s dynamic I feel I need when I'm looking to serve submissively. It's not a slight on anyone, just a comment on feeling a void in my submissive side.

I also never said I don't believe in safe words. In a later post, I even disagreed with poet's comment on them.

Where have I gone wrong that you seem to lump me in on your objections to his post?

 

[kindlykinky]

Have to agree with Erochic on safewords.. You ALWAYS have safewords. Even though you trust your Domme 100%, that does not mean she knows where your head is 100% of the time, or where your body is 100% of the time. Something that was done to you yesterday may, for some reason, be fully off limits today and you need to be able to trigger that stop.

Engaging in D/s play without a safeword is just dangerous.

*Edit for wording.

 

[SultryKitten75]

For me.. I do at times enjoy getting dressed in the fantasy wear. Does it make me feel more powerful or in control..NO. I know I am just as powerful in a pair of sweatpants, and a simple T-Shirt. Or even a burlap bag. But, I do enjoy the cliche garb too. It all falls into a level of self worth, and shows I did take the time with my appearance. Then, I am also a stickler with dressing up and/or presenting yourself well, anytime you are in public or with a lover.

I have never found a lover, who understands me fully. I tend to scare most Men or Women (yes I am Bi) away, with my sexual thoughts and wants. I had the lovers who thought they were Dom or sub, only to be completely let down by them, in the end. Is it nice for someone to say they want to submit to you...yes. But if it's not in their heart, it's just the same as stale boring vanilla sex for me. As soon as I find a weakness in a Dom, I will challenge and/or grow bored with that person. Same as with a sub..doing something to make me happy, is different than just doing something to appease me.

I also think safe words should at least be known, even if they are never used. Pushing ones limits, is an awesome thing. Though the one in control, should always know when the limits are maxed out....if needed.

 

[biseattlegirl]

Yep,
If she says, "would you suck a cock for me?" i'll yawn and go see what's on tv
If she says, "you WILL suck a cock!" then i feel the power
(no, i never have)
I don't believe in safe words
I fully trust her judgement
Damn the torpedoes

You needed necessarily go watch TV if you are asked if you would suck a cock. I have asked rob questions in the past knowing that he would say something along the line of "if it please you Jane." That could then lead to me telling it would please me very much and giving him the task of finding that man's cock to suck. On the service it may seem more passive/aggressive but I think it could be the start of a fun evening of discussing how to find the cock, what type of cock he craves, how I'd like to see the cock sucked, etc. Just a thought.

I understand the idea of not believing in safe words and fully trusting your Domme and her judgement. It can lead to a great mind fuck. Perhaps I might tell rob I'm going to brand him with the word slut. I even show him the brand I had my blacksmith friend make. The next time he comes over I tie him to a chair. I have a fire going and let him see it in the fireplace. I blindfold him. I go to the freezer after a couple of minutes and pull out the brand and put it on his skin. In that one moment he feels he is being branded but in reality it is just cold metal. He trusted my judgement in knowing that what I choose to do I feel is right for him. However, he needs that safe word. It is to prevent injury, to end the scene if he is not feeling it or for whatever reason he wants. I doubt he would ever use it, but it (in my opinion) is needed to establish trust.

here I go rambling again when I need to go take a shower and have some breakfast.

 

[Erochic]

Wait. Quoting me, too, are you lumping my post in on this? I don't feel it was judgmental for me to say that if I feel too much control and say is handed over to me, it's not the D/s dynamic I feel I need when I'm looking to serve submissively. It's not a slight on anyone, just a comment on feeling a void in my submissive side.

I also never said I don't believe in safe words. In a later post, I even disagreed with poet's comment on them.

Where have I gone wrong that you seem to lump me in on your objections to his post?

I'm sorry... Yes that was hasty of me.

It's very late where I am and I posted pretty quickly - and yes I lumped you in together without much thought.

The conversation just hit a nerve, because I felt we were heading back into the area of expectations that make it difficult for women who want to be dominant.

I don't want to turn this into a confrontational place, after it has been such a safe welcoming place.
I'm sorry to speak from a place of such hostility.

Okay... Seeing as a nerve got touched - how about we look at that question.

How is it possible to encourage new and aspiring Dommes and still keep the BDSM dynamic that you need?

 

[bailadora]

Erochic
You and i are neither right or wrong
Merely different, and thus incompatible.

Knowing what one needs to establish compatibility with a partner is a good thing, indeed. That said, I heavily identify with this:

This is one of the reasons there aren't enough Dommes out there.

It can be really hard go women to let go of society's expectations to be nice girls and to be liked and not to be too aggressive.

I was always a rough and tumble little girl and did martial art when I grew up and did what I wanted when I wanted.... But I *still* struggled with that when it came to taking dominance.

I'm still growing into my dominance and really accepting that it is okay.
It takes time.

I think there are many more women out there who are curious about, or who are wanting to explore their dominance, but who just don't feel comfortable with much of what is presented as mainstream female dominance. And if you feel you're a square peg trying to fit yourself into a round hole, there's a huge temptation say, "Eh, fuck it. It's just not worth it."

Which is a shame, because given some time and patience from her partner, she might have grown into a really great dominant. But as has been previously mentioned several times before, it seems like so many men are married to their idea of their fantasy dominant, that they have no tolerance for the real life hesitancy, insecurity or concerns of a nascent dominant. Fantasy is all well and good, but if you're after something more substantial than that, it seems to me that having some patience with women new to their dominance would be quite helpful in widening the pool of potential partners out there. Ferns said it best, when she said that if you want to support your dominant, support her dominance.

 

[SultryKitten75]

Yep,
If she says, "would you suck a cock for me?" i'll yawn and go see what's on tv
If she says, "you WILL suck a cock!" then i feel the power
(no, i never have)
I don't believe in safe words
I fully trust her judgement
Damn the torpedoes

This just shows we all do things differently. No right or wrong, just what we each as an individual, are looking for and enjoy.

I myself, would never ever ask a lover "would you _____ for me?"
It's just not my personal style. I am more the small talk ...."have you ever, or would you ever think of sucking a cock?" Wait for his answer. If he says yes, but he never has..or even no, I don't think I would...I might surprise him soon, and test his true limits.

For me, it's all about asking basic sexual questions, storing the answers in my memory bank, to bring back out, at a later time. But then, I thrive on the element of surprise.

 

[Erochic]

Knowing what one needs to establish compatibility with t partner is a good thing, indeed. That said, I heavily identify with this:



I think there are many more women out there who are curious about, or are wanting to explore their dominance, but who just don't feel comfortable with much of what is presented as mainstream female dominance. And if you feel you're a square peg trying to fit yourself into a round hole, there's a huge temptation say, "Eh, fuck it. It's just not worth it."

Which is a shame, because given some time and patience from her partner, she might have grown into a really great dominant. But as has been previously mentioned several times before, it seems like so many men are married to their idea of their fantasy dominant, that they have no tolerance for the real life hesitancy, insecurity or concerns of a nascent dominant. Fantasy is all well and good, but if you're after something more substantial than that, it seems to me that having some patience with women new to their dominance would be quite helpful in widening the pool of potential partners out there. Ferns said it best, when she said that if you want to support your dominant, support her dominance.

Oh my goodness yes!

Ferns said it beautifully
This:
" Simply put, for a D/s dynamic to work he has to submit, and saying ‘no, I don’t want to’ is not submitting.

If my submissive makes arbitrary choices about when he’s going to say ‘yes’ and when he’s going to say ‘no’, that’s not submission. That’s a vanilla relationship where he does what I want if he feels like it, and then doesn’t when it doesn’t suit him."


And when she talked about the effect of that on Dommes:

"...if your dominant is new, or is a little insecure, or is feeling vulnerable, then putting up resistance is a nightmare scenario that is likely to make her back down and just not bother trying any more (that is, she will withdraw her dominance). And that will hit her confidence hard: it’s really difficult to come back from that. The little voice in her head will have a field day telling her she’s a rubbish Domme, and probably selfish and bossy and petty and mean and NO-ONE WILL EVER LOVE HER!"

I often see guys posting that they want their wives to be dominant and when their wives try they tell them that they aren't strong enough... And strangely enough their wives aren't prepared to do it again.

 

[Touch_72]

I'm sorry... Yes that was hasty of me.

....

Okay... Seeing as a nerve got touched - how about we look at that question.

How is it possible to encourage new and aspiring Dommes and still keep the BDSM dynamic that you need?

No problem. I just didn't see where what I said sent that message or was wrong.

That is a good question. It's tough, too, because the way I look at it kinda is that two way street of sorts... granted, subs surrender needs, but isn't the submission itself an underlying need that forms a core part of the reason for entering into the relationship in the first place?

In a way, it can be kinda like talked about earlier with subs really being Doms... there can be a compatability question if the other's nature is not really what's being sought.

At the same time, you're right... there are people new to the role who need growth through nurturing into it. As a sub, though, it can be tricky because it feels very much like "who am I as a sub to instruct the Dom"... it pulls the sub out of sub mode, because there's an obvious conflict of mindset. It's hard to be submissive yet "train" a new Dom(me).

Maybe the best thing for a sub to do would be to offer to find a more experienced mentor for the Dom(me) and do the legwork of linking the new Dom(me) up, turning it over to the experienced Dom(me) to guide the inexperienced one. That allows the sub to bke able to slip into his/her role and gives the new Dom someone who can guide him/her in the ways of a Dom.

In my case, she and I just drifted because of things going on in life. It wasn't a serious thing, nor is it something that couldn't be picked back up. I tried to guide her by nudging as a way to attempt to bring her about to seeking what she wanted rather than look to me.

 

[Touch_72]

This just shows we all do things differently. No right or wrong, just what we each as an individual, are looking for and enjoy.

I myself, would never ever ask a lover "would you _____ for me?"
It's just not my personal style. I am more the small talk ...."have you ever, or would you ever think of sucking a cock?" Wait for his answer. If he says yes, but he never has..or even no, I don't think I would...I might surprise him soon, and test his true limits.

For me, it's all about asking basic sexual questions, storing the answers in my memory bank, to bring back out, at a later time. But then, I thrive on the element of surprise.

Oh definitely. It's never a bad thing to learn about a partner's sexual likes and dislikes or kinks! Storing them up in your mind just gives ways to reward if you choose to reward or other sorts of ideas.

I find it nice when a Domme seeks out the darker corners of my mind, getting inside it to learn my own kinks or desires... and then uses them as she sees fit. Using the example earlier, questions can lead to learning that a guy not only "would" suck a cock for his Domme, but has a part of himself that really wants to explore some hidden, latent cocksucker side of himself. If that bit of information piques an interest in his Domme, it may be something she chooses to use... why not help subbie develop that latent curiosity?