Submission and Assertiveness

[conquered_sun]

I'm kind of new to this whole thing outside of my own head, finally got up the courage to talk to b/f about it and he is well happy. We fit so well together it's a shame neither of us braved up to talking it through sooner.

But the thing is, the more submissive I become with him, the more assertive I am finding myself able to be with everyone else.

Anyone else found this or is it just me?

 

[ezwriter]

Maybe you're just more confident about yourself... You've reconciled yourself and your self-doubt has disappeared. Or are you dominant with them?

 

[Cattypuss]

I'm kind of new to this whole thing outside of my own head, finally got up the courage to talk to b/f about it and he is well happy. We fit so well together it's a shame neither of us braved up to talking it through sooner.

But the thing is, the more submissive I become with him, the more assertive I am finding myself able to be with everyone else.

Anyone else found this or is it just me?

You are now being true to yourself in the bedroom and that gives you a new-found sense of ease with yourself - you feel like you can trust yourself to know what's right for you. It is not surprising that this translates into self-confidence in yourself in your dealings with others.

Well done you!

 

[J D Danger]

you are clearly pleasing your man so that makes you more happy and most likely less worried about what the world around you thinks because as long as you and your man are happy that is all that matters

I think you have just become mor focused on the happiness of you and your partner and because of that..now if anyone outside of the happiness trys to break your focus...you are able to stand up and say...No that is not what I want and nor is it what is good for me....

I say..good for you...this really is a good step...keep walking this path enjoy and be happy

 

[CuriousKitten25]

This is happening to me too!

I've become involved with a Dom (online only no less!) and over the past week we've barely scratched the surface, so to speak. But I find myself standing taller, not hesitating to speak to new people, feeling calm and in control with my clients (and considering they are all parolees this says a lot).

I think that cattypuss' take on it is quite right.

 

[YourCaptor]

Women can only be fulfilled when used and abused, duh!!

It's written in the genetics.

Wait till you're pregnant the 5th time, you'll be sooooo happy.

 

[wicked woman]

It's not uncommon for a person to be submissive in a romantic relationship and dominant elsewhere (like at work) and vice versa.

 

[ImOnIt]

Of course you feel better about yourself when you're getting good sex. Just, y'know, keep the ego in check if youre getting PLENTY

 

[ownedsubgal]

Of course you feel better about yourself when you're getting good sex. Just, y'know, keep the ego in check if youre getting PLENTY

how does being assertive equate to feeling better about oneself?

 

[ImOnIt]

how does being assertive equate to feeling better about oneself?

Other way round OSG, feeling better about myself leads to confidence. The two are nearly the same to me.

 

[YourCaptor]

I don't really care to be all that assertive.

Yet stupid me never learns if I don't take charge, shit gets done.

I always grab the reins at the last moment and save everyone from the crash and burn. Why don't I just take control from the start?

 

[ImOnIt]

I don't take charge, shit gets done.

I've slipped and can't get up

 

[ownedsubgal]

Other way round OSG, feeling better about myself leads to confidence. The two are nearly the same to me.

now you are bringing an entire new term into the mix...confidence. assertiveness and confidence are not "nearly the same." the OP also did not mention anything about feeling better about herself, she simply stated that since submitting to her partner she has found it easier to be more assertive with others. assertiveness is not necessarily positive (nor negative).

 

[MasterandSir]

I'm kind of new to this whole thing outside of my own head, finally got up the courage to talk to b/f about it and he is well happy. We fit so well together it's a shame neither of us braved up to talking it through sooner.

But the thing is, the more submissive I become with him, the more assertive I am finding myself able to be with everyone else.

Anyone else found this or is it just me?

I know more than a few women who are dominant in their day to day lives and completely submissive within their relationships......

 

[Cattypuss]

now you are bringing an entire new term into the mix...confidence. assertiveness and confidence are not "nearly the same." the OP also did not mention anything about feeling better about herself, she simply stated that since submitting to her partner she has found it easier to be more assertive with others. assertiveness is not necessarily positive (nor negative).

People with low self-confidence find it extremely difficult to be assertive in real life (you don't need to look very far from home for an example of that, osg).

If someone finds themselves being naturally more assertive (as opposed to consciously forcing themselves to be more assertive), it will likely be because they have more self-confidence and more self-esteem - it will likely be because they like themselves more and trust their own judgement more.

 

[reachedme]

I am a sub guy, sadly only online so far, learning so much but I have to say so much happier with life in general since opening myself up to others and I am finding it so much easier to deal with those wonderful people who really piss me off and have taken control of my work environment
you're right self confindence grows when you have found what frees you

 

[ImOnIt]

now you are bringing an entire new term into the mix...confidence. assertiveness and confidence are not "nearly the same." the OP also did not mention anything about feeling better about herself, she simply stated that since submitting to her partner she has found it easier to be more assertive with others. assertiveness is not necessarily positive (nor negative).

What I said still stands for me, where feeling better about myself relates to assertiveness because it means I am more able to clearly 'assert' or 'state' my wishes or viewpoint in a confident manner.

NB. Cattypuss also said word confidence in post 3.

 

[Cattypuss]

NB. Cattypuss also said word confidence in post 3.

Guilty as charged.

But my only real crime was the typing of "self-confidence in yourself"... I mean, who ever has self-confidence in someone else??

 

[Keroin]

Guilty as charged.

But my only real crime was the typing of "self-confidence in yourself"... I mean, who ever has self-confidence in someone else??

Brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department.

 

[Cattypuss]

Brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department.

 

[conquered_sun]

I guess it kind of is a growing self-confidence. I think maybe as well, when i trust him completely, when i'm pretty much at his mercy, part of me begins to feel that i should expect more the rest of the time...

And yeah awesome sex helps too

 

[world69peace]

oh this is so interesting and I think about the times in my life when i was finally able to admit my sexual needs and wants, and follow through with them, how much my confidence and such soared! I agree with the sentiment here!

Sometimes that opening up and admitting of hopes and then having the love and support to go ahead with them is so liberating!

Wonderful!

 

[ownedsubgal]

People with low self-confidence find it extremely difficult to be assertive in real life (you don't need to look very far from home for an example of that, osg).

If someone finds themselves being naturally more assertive (as opposed to consciously forcing themselves to be more assertive), it will likely be because they have more self-confidence and more self-esteem - it will likely be because they like themselves more and trust their own judgement more.

that could very well be the case for some, and the OP has come back and stated that indeed her self-confidence has increased. however my point still remains, in that confidence and assertiveness are not related: (from merriam webster)

confidence:

a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances <had perfect confidence in her ability to succeed> <met the risk with brash confidence> b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way <have confidence in a leader>

assertive:

disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior <an assertive leader>

and as for myself, yes i do suffer from low self-esteem, and it does effect my confidence significantly. i would greatly desire to be somewhat more confident in life. however i have no desire to be more assertive. that is not a quality related to self-esteem, it is a quality related to personality.

 

[YourCaptor]

I've slipped and can't get up

What?

 

[ImOnIt]

What?

You said when you don't take charge, shit gets done <.<