ok men/women how would you handle it if you could no longer have sex? i have had 5 back surgerys in the past 4yrs. the last one realy took its toll on me i can barely get an erection and when i do the pain is so sever that its not even worth trying. its going on 4mths since ive had sex with my wife she syas it doesnt bother her but i can tell she is just being nice.
question for the men/women
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silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
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damn, that's rough. my immediate question is: are there any positions at all that don't lead to you being in pain? my guess is no, but does that cover intercourse only, or other activity as well?
can you provide a better idea of what limitations on your movement/flexibility there are, apart from the erectile dysfunction?
for my part, i don't know how well i'd handle it. i mean, flying solo is part of my daily routine, but missing that on a regular, even if temporary, basis, would suck terribly. i'm not sure i can answer the question.
ed
can you provide a better idea of what limitations on your movement/flexibility there are, apart from the erectile dysfunction?
for my part, i don't know how well i'd handle it. i mean, flying solo is part of my daily routine, but missing that on a regular, even if temporary, basis, would suck terribly. i'm not sure i can answer the question.
ed
shiny5437
Literotica Guru
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You need to chat to someone about this. Chronic back pain sucks and can really mess with people's heads and get them down. The tone of your post sounds like you're resigning yourself to being impaired by your back for the rest of your life. Have you discussed how feel with anyone else?
Sorry it's a bit off topic but while it's easy to complain about the physical side of back problems don't suffer in silence if it's starting to get you down.
Sorry it's a bit off topic but while it's easy to complain about the physical side of back problems don't suffer in silence if it's starting to get you down.
im limited to movement ive had half of my spine fused together. i dont move from just below the shoulder blades down. the erection part is caused from nerve damage in my back my right side from my waist to my my knee is numb from it also. just recently i had a nerve stimulater put in to help with the pain. we can and do all the other stuff you can do without penitration but thats not satisfying for me. i cannot even jerk off. ive benn the rout and talked to alot of counslers and shrinks they all say there is nothing they can do. other then that im happy with my life and healthy.
Typo Fu Master
"Uncommon"
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Do you derive pleasure from nipple stimulation? You'd be amazed at the level of orgasmic sensation you can reach if you play with them long enough. It's taken me about a year to get to this point and on some days the pleasure exceeds that of a traditional penile orgasm. And no refractory period.
I don't think it's a replacement for the feelings you're used to, but if I were in your position I'd try whatever I could.
You might also consider Jack Johnston's Multiple Orgasm Trigger. I don't think I"m allowed to post a direct link, but if you Google that I'm sure you can find his site. Well worth the price. Just don't expect instant results.
I don't think it's a replacement for the feelings you're used to, but if I were in your position I'd try whatever I could.
You might also consider Jack Johnston's Multiple Orgasm Trigger. I don't think I"m allowed to post a direct link, but if you Google that I'm sure you can find his site. Well worth the price. Just don't expect instant results.
SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
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Did the wife you had during the first surgery come back, or is this a new wife?
Either way, she (re)committed to you fully aware of your abilities. People usually don't do that without thinking it through and giving it a trial run.
Therefore, if she says it's fine, it probably is. Perhaps you shouldn't be with this woman if you can't trust her to say something like, "Tbon, to be honest, the lack of intercourse kind of gets me down sometimes. However, there are lots of other things we can do, and I'm not with you for your cock, so I don't let it really bother me" if that's how she really feels.
As for you, apart from continuing physical and mental therapies, the best you can do is focus on what you're capable of, rather than what you're not capable of. Seriously, if your arms or legs effectively stopped working, would you focus on not being able to use them, or would you concentrate on what you could do and find other ways to overcome challenges?
Either way, she (re)committed to you fully aware of your abilities. People usually don't do that without thinking it through and giving it a trial run.
Therefore, if she says it's fine, it probably is. Perhaps you shouldn't be with this woman if you can't trust her to say something like, "Tbon, to be honest, the lack of intercourse kind of gets me down sometimes. However, there are lots of other things we can do, and I'm not with you for your cock, so I don't let it really bother me" if that's how she really feels.
As for you, apart from continuing physical and mental therapies, the best you can do is focus on what you're capable of, rather than what you're not capable of. Seriously, if your arms or legs effectively stopped working, would you focus on not being able to use them, or would you concentrate on what you could do and find other ways to overcome challenges?
SweetErika
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OK, so she definitely didn't go into it anywhere near blind. She knew the physiology and psychology of your medical issues, and still decided to marry you. I'm sure she's not out to hurt your feelings, but it's likely also true that she's being honest about how important intercourse is to her.
And you said you got the nerve stimulator fairly recently, right? So maybe the two of you can hope that helps the sex-related pain as well.
Have you talked to a good specialist or three about your sexual issues, and whether there are any options for you once you get your pain under control?
subwannabe
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Tough situation. I didn't really completely understand everything so my advice may or may not apply. Sex doesn't always necessarily mean intercourse or even a guy coming to orgasm. Maybe it's possible your wife can still have a kind of hot sex life. Can you still eat her out somehow? If you can type maybe you can bring her to orgasm or encourage her to masturbate for you. Can she give you a blowjob or handjob? I don't know her personality but a last resort could be letting her fuck other guys. I know she may be too faithful for something like that or maybe one or both of you would just not be able to be secure in a relationship like that. My heart goes out to you.
I am a big believer in what I call upside down thinking. There was a book written about that once which basically helped train you to think of options which you yourself might not have ever thought of in the first place. Sometimes these options go against common sense and percepted rules and can sometimes actually work out, kind of like Ronald Reagan's strategy of lowering tax rates in an effort to actually increase the amount of taxes the government brings in. Good luck.
I am a big believer in what I call upside down thinking. There was a book written about that once which basically helped train you to think of options which you yourself might not have ever thought of in the first place. Sometimes these options go against common sense and percepted rules and can sometimes actually work out, kind of like Ronald Reagan's strategy of lowering tax rates in an effort to actually increase the amount of taxes the government brings in. Good luck.
VelvetDarkness
Polysyllable Whore x
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So do you become erect and then lose your erection because of pain or is it difficult to become erect in the first place? If it's the latter, you may be eligible for prescribed viagra. If it's the former, it may be possible to do something to assuage the pain just for 30mins or so, allowing you to get intimate with your wife.
I know it's embarrassing to discuss sexual issues like this with medical people but there's very little they haven't seen or heard before. Your specialist will sympathise with your desire to have a full and satisfying sex life so if you haven't spelled out your problems and seen whether there's an effective treatment, I strongly advise you to.
Have you had routine tests to rule out other problems? Problems with the kidneys, bladder, prostate or hormone levels or blood pressure can cause or contribute to ED. It might be worth ensuring there's nothing else going on besides the nervous pain.
Also, a friend of mine had spinal surgery to fuse discs and he still has had numbness from his waist to knee on one side since the op, which was a few years ago. He suffered with ED for some time after the surgery but it did resolve itself once everything had settled down. If your op was recent, it may be that your problem will prove to be temporary.
the erection problem started after the first surgery but it was tolerable but after the second surgery i was an all nighter. but the third surgery things changed. ive been through the pills to help it but they didnt work. i have very little feeling in that area. my surgen told me in the very begining that it was a 50/50 chance of everything working properly after that. we do mess around other ways with fingers toys and stuff like that. also we do have a very good friend that we trust who has helped out i know she meens it when she says sex doesnt matter but im ok with it if when she does want it and gets it. yes she does it at home where im more comfertable with it. we talk all the time about it so we both know where we stand so there isnt any hidden issues.
arielsgoddess
Really Really Experienced
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Talk to a nerve specialist?
I was with a man that had been in an accident where that area was injured. If the type of nerve problems you are talking about stem from the back, you should discuss it with your spinal orthopedic doctor. If it is because of damage directly to that region, try talking to a neurologist and/or an acupuncturists. Most acupuncturists and accupressurists are trained specially for this type of problem, with surprising results, because they have an intricate understanding how the nerves in one area--your foot or your hand, for example--connect electrically to a completely different part and function of the body. Think of it as the electrical system in your home: if you could send a strong electrical charge backwards through a socket, it would jolt other parts of the system, and can jump the main. Your nervous system works the same way. Another route is certain herbal supplements that increase hormones and circulation. If pain is directly in the area when you have an erection, use a numbing firstaid spray (it is a cold shock at first, but is longest-lasting) or for short-term, use a dental numbing agent--Kanka is the strongest. Some guys like clove-oil better. If you are having trouble with sex-drive in general, try thinking back to the things that used to drive you crazy with anticipation when you were first together. An example: rent a motel room with a private hottub; try a hot tub at home with epsom salts, and you can buy a jacuzzi bubbler. If you truly have fun at it, it will be as good as full sex for both of you. That type of hot-moisture exercise can reduce swelling and spasticity of your muscles/scar tissue: translation: it can help free your nerves and recover healthier nerve function. I hope this was of help to the two of you--if you need further advice, I have alot more that may be of help--just PM me. Take it from one who knows--unless you are really into the 'team player'experience, don't do it anymore. --Ariel
I was with a man that had been in an accident where that area was injured. If the type of nerve problems you are talking about stem from the back, you should discuss it with your spinal orthopedic doctor. If it is because of damage directly to that region, try talking to a neurologist and/or an acupuncturists. Most acupuncturists and accupressurists are trained specially for this type of problem, with surprising results, because they have an intricate understanding how the nerves in one area--your foot or your hand, for example--connect electrically to a completely different part and function of the body. Think of it as the electrical system in your home: if you could send a strong electrical charge backwards through a socket, it would jolt other parts of the system, and can jump the main. Your nervous system works the same way. Another route is certain herbal supplements that increase hormones and circulation. If pain is directly in the area when you have an erection, use a numbing firstaid spray (it is a cold shock at first, but is longest-lasting) or for short-term, use a dental numbing agent--Kanka is the strongest. Some guys like clove-oil better. If you are having trouble with sex-drive in general, try thinking back to the things that used to drive you crazy with anticipation when you were first together. An example: rent a motel room with a private hottub; try a hot tub at home with epsom salts, and you can buy a jacuzzi bubbler. If you truly have fun at it, it will be as good as full sex for both of you. That type of hot-moisture exercise can reduce swelling and spasticity of your muscles/scar tissue: translation: it can help free your nerves and recover healthier nerve function. I hope this was of help to the two of you--if you need further advice, I have alot more that may be of help--just PM me. Take it from one who knows--unless you are really into the 'team player'experience, don't do it anymore. --Ariel
the erection problem is from nerv damage to my back. the doc told me up front that i had a 50/50 cance that it might not work right cause in all reality i should have been paralized. im numb from the waist down on the right side as a result of the nerve damage.
