Men now want women to be confident and make the first move

[voluptuary_manque]

Yeah, me too. I was so overwhelmed by the idea that someone might actually like me that I grabbed hold and held on for dear life. Ain't let go, yet, neither.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

As women of the poorest classes know, it's not all about how much you spend. I buy almost everything from thriftstores. On sale days. Dollar store shampoo.

There was woman who used to attend our church. She was one of the unfortunately unemployed brilliant and didn't have a whole lot of money but did have an exceptional eye. She did all her shopping at thrift stores and was absolutely beautifully turned out every day of her life. Taste can to wonders.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Oh, this brings up a good point, gentlemen--If you wish to be an object of desire, you have to make yourself desirable.

I put a much better foot forward in real life when trying to attract people. I do most of my complaining on the internet where I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get anywhere with anyone in the first place.

I have plenty of confidence when out and about. I just don't know how to read which women want me, and end up flirting with people that aren't into me at all.

 

[damppanties]

And I think you're correct.
Not everyone (male or female) has the confidence to ask in the first place. And even if they do, Pure is correct again, they must be willing to come face to face with the fact that it could go very wrong, very right, or just kinda...meh.

Of course I would love to be the woman I think I am (or hopefully, someday, could be) in my head when it comes to these sorts of things. Don't people think I wish that? Heavens.
But at a certain point you can hit up against a wall and it doesn't really work.
In my experience, I've always given out friendly overtures and, apparently, nothing more- even when I wanted it to maybe be something more. Dudes just don't think of me that way. So. I am this inbetweeny sort of person. Now. But I'm attempting to get over this crazy wall of mine and just approach people. It's a process. Some days I can see my trail of bread crumbs and think, "I'm getting there", and other days I think I should trek to some nunnery in Vienna requesting sabbatical from a world where I have to think about these things.

But I will ask one of you someday. Oh yes. I will.

You and I are going man-hunting when we get together.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Find me, find me!!

 

[Boxlicker101]

Oh, this brings up a good point, gentlemen--If you wish to be an object of desire, you have to make yourself desirable.

Here's Dusty Springfield's advice;

Show him that you care just for him,
do the things that he likes to do,
wear your hair just for him,
cause you won't get him, thinking and a praying
wishing and a hoping...

And, if you do these things the right way, she tells us,
You will be his!

You remember how it was for girls, in the old days? A billion-dollar cosmetics industry, (vitalis and a comb for the guys) all-day beauty parlors, (five minute barbershop) charm school, (nothing comparable) itsy-bitsy bikinis, (bermuda shorts) a full wardrobe (one suit)

I could go on and on. Yes, girls weren't allowed to do the chasing. But they played by the rules too, and did whatever they could to make themselves worth the chase, in mind and body.
Now hopefully, the playing field is a bit more even. But it's still true that women spend a lot of energy on their presentation. Even me, the slightly ratty old bulldyke, I won't buy a secondhand sweatshirt for the woodshop, if the color makes me look faded.

Come on now, guys! Pick up some of the slack! You want to be chased? Make it worth her while!

All that stuff that women did and still do was not necessary. Even many years ago, there were a few nines and tens on a scale of one to ten, and they could afford to be picky. For the vast majority of men, any woman was attractive. There have always been so many more men than women available, that women didn't really have to be all that concerned about how they looked and acted, within obvious limits. Hopefully, with women becoming more open about what they want, there might be more of them available, and the playing field might level off a bit.

Girls and women have ALWAYS been allowed to to the chasing. Some of them may have deluded themselves into thinking otherwise, partly by reading Ann Landers and Dear Abby, but very few people would have thought less of them had they been more aggressive., and the benefits would have probably outweighed the drawbacks. It's nice to know that things might be changing now, but I'm too old and too happily married to derive any benefit from it.

ETA: I thought it worthwhile to mention that Dusty Springfield is a woman, just as Ann Landers and Abigail Van Buren, and doesn't really know all thst much about what men want, except that EVERYBODY knows what men want.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Me, too. But I can still daydream . . .

 

[Boxlicker101]

And I think you're correct.
Not everyone (male or female) has the confidence to ask in the first place. And even if they do, Pure is correct again, they must be willing to come face to face with the fact that it could go very wrong, very right, or just kinda...meh.

Of course I would love to be the woman I think I am (or hopefully, someday, could be) in my head when it comes to these sorts of things. Don't people think I wish that? Heavens.
But at a certain point you can hit up against a wall and it doesn't really work.
In my experience, I've always given out friendly overtures and, apparently, nothing more- even when I wanted it to maybe be something more. Dudes just don't think of me that way. So. I am this inbetweeny sort of person. Now. But I'm attempting to get over this crazy wall of mine and just approach people. It's a process. Some days I can see my trail of bread crumbs and think, "I'm getting there", and other days I think I should trek to some nunnery in Vienna requesting sabbatical from a world where I have to think about these things.

But I will ask one of you someday. Oh yes. I will.

I would assume these "overtures" have nothing to do with music. If you mean that you sit around aiming thoughts at men that you are a nice person and you wan't to dance/chat/have a drink/fuck, or whatever, it ain't gonna do no good. Men are not psychic, and most are not even subtle. The first move is not sitting around. The first move is telling him, and not just giving him a hint. You may get shot down, but men have been getting shot down for centuries, and have sucked it up, gritted their teeth and kept trying, because the survival of the species depended on it.

 

[theMaven]

When I was younger, more insecure and less experienced, I used to pretty myself up and sit around, hoping the man I'd noticed had noticed me, too. I was taught it wasn't lady-like to make the first move. Only "sluts" and prostitutes propositioned men.

But after I played bridesmaid at my last single friend's wedding, I tossed all that nonsense out the window and just went after what I wanted. It was hard at first, breaking free of my comfort zone. And there's no pain like the initial pain of rejection. But, the more I did it, the easier it got, and the better I got at it.

Some guys were raised with the same mentality as me, and automatically thought they were gonna get some just because I approached them. When they found out that WASN'T the case, some of them promptly lost interest . . . and some of them didn't

It was a little more difficult with my current romantic conquest, though. We started off as "just friends," and then I began to want something more. He was (and still is, lol) incredibly backwards. I'd never met such a shy guy in my entire life. He thought I was fucking with him when I told him I wouldn't mind fucking him :/

But I have to say that "wooing" him made winning him that much better.

 

[SimpleGifts]

It was a little more difficult with my current romantic conquest, though. We started off as "just friends," and then I began to want something more. He was (and still is, lol) incredibly backwards. I'd never met such a shy guy in my entire life. He thought I was fucking with him when I told him I wouldn't mind fucking him :/

That's how my wife and I started...and I couldn't believe it when we were sitting next to one another and she said she wanted to be more than friends...she actually had to tell me that it was ok for me to kiss her.

It worked out pretty well.

SG

 

[mdb913]

This is not a surprise to me--I wrote about this a year ago, made a big damn paragraph about it in "One Good Reason". Move your mousey-thing down to the hickerdoo down in my sig and push down on the left clicker-dealie.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Pish Posh.

Women are generally assertive when it comes to courting. Men simply arent aware enough to recognize the signs. What's different today is women are obvious about it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

THEEGOATPIG

If a woman is interested in you she wants to be in close proximity to you and available. Simply pay attention to who's around you a lot.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

Pish Posh.

Women are generally assertive when it comes to courting. Men simply arent aware enough to recognize the signs. What's different today is women are obvious about it.

That's because men are smart.

It's fairly foolish to even go on the word of someone who SPEAKS interest to you - he said, she said, and all that.

The passive body language that women use to "indicate interest" is the least reliable and most easily denied method of communication of all. As in, "I wasn't smiling at you, I was smiling at someone else, or thinking about my impending job promotion" or "you read too much into that."

If you ask me, I'd rather a man get consent-to-approach in writing... much less consent to sex. Go do some jury duty and see what I mean...

Seriously, even in situations without any legal implications, he stands to suffer greater humiliation by public and out-loud rejection in front of a group of people - calculated as "$emasculation = $level_of_humiliation multiplied by $number_of_people_nearby" - than she does if he doesn't notice her ambiguous "signals".

A particularly nasty, acidic-tongued blow-off by a woman in response to a simple "hello" can (doesn't always, but can) get laughed about by bystanders for hours; sometimes it gets so bad that no other woman in the area even wants to talk to him afterwards. Everyone saw him come up to her, everyone saw him get his butt handed to him.

So what if, on the other hand, she winks or nods or smiles or wiggles her boobies at him (being facetious here) and he doesn't notice? How many people are standing there laughing about it 20 minutes later? No one even knows if she's sending anyone any signals (unless she's doing the boobies thing, that is, and then half the men in the room will want to come running). Her potential humiliation starts and ends with herself.


Mathematically and logically speaking, the risk of trying to deal with the subtle method of communication that women use, is much greater for the male than the female.

Why should men endure greater risk than women for the same gain? He gets nothing more out of a relationship than she does - except he had to work a lot harder and go through a lot more hoops for it.

To me, that seriously diminishes the value of a relationship.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

I don't know of any animal or insect species in which the female is ever the aggressor...

Go ask a male preying mantas after he has sex. Oh wait, you can't. The female ripped his head off.

That's after sex. Does she pursue him beforehand? The way I understand it, the male preying mantis pursues her, reproduces, then dies.

Also, in answer to someone else, when do female peacocks pursue male peacocks? I thought it was the male who runs around competing by displaying plumage to attract women.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

It's all a big joke anyway.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Pish Posh.

Women are generally assertive when it comes to courting. Men simply arent aware enough to recognize the signs. What's different today is women are obvious about it.

That's ridickledockle. Generally speaking, when courting, women are NOT assertive. At most, she may try to send subtle and ambiguous hints to a man who has piqued her interest. In the unlikely event he is able to interpret these hints and responds to them, she is as likely as not to change her mind and deny them. She is safe in doing so because of the ambiguity, and she will leave him looking like a dunce.

Hopefully, this situation is changing, with women becoming more forthright, but they have a long, long way to go before they catch up with men in openly saying what they mean.

 

[Boxlicker101]

That's after sex. Does she pursue him beforehand? The way I understand it, the male preying mantis pursues her, reproduces, then dies.

Also, in answer to someone else, when do female peacocks pursue male peacocks? I thought it was the male who runs around competing by displaying plumage to attract women.

I still say that mammals in heat send out signals like crazy, but at random, rather than directed to a specific male. All the males around are aware of the signals and come running.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

I still say that mammals in heat send out signals like crazy, but at random, rather than directed to a specific male. All the males around are aware of the signals and come running.

Yup, they come running, indeed. And it's up to them, not her, to engage in mass natural selection. It's still extremely passive.

 

[JagFarlane]

That's ridickledockle. Generally speaking, when courting, women are NOT assertive. At most, she may try to send subtle and ambiguous hints to a man who has piqued her interest. In the unlikely event he is able to interpret these hints and responds to them, she is as likely as not to change her mind and deny them. She is safe in doing so because of the ambiguity, and she will leave him looking like a dunce.

Hopefully, this situation is changing, with women becoming more forthright, but they have a long, long way to go before they catch up with men in openly saying what they mean.

Mmmmm feminism at its best heh. Yea I know...ready for the flak but seriously...whats wrong with a woman taking steps towards the man she wants? I mean...in todays realm of women holding successful jobs, sometimes ranking very high in the world [say, the CEO of HP], whats wrong if she were a little more assertive than playing with her hair? I've heard it all before "But I flicked my teeth...or I twirled a bit of hair in my finger." The subtle signs of interest, that a lot of men don't pay attention to. But then again, this does delve deeper into other topics...say..does the man still pay for dinner even if she asks him out? If she makes more money than he does, why is he still paying for everything? Hell in this day and age...is it he or she that drives and thusly pays for the $3.25 a gallon in gas?

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

My question is, when some babe with long blonde hair down to her ass, a beautiful face and body and huge knockers walks up to a guy and says, "Ya wanna fuck my brains out?" and he says NO, does this mean the blood flow to his brain is actually feeding his head instead of his dick?

 

[JagFarlane]

My question is, when some babe with long blonde hair down to her ass, a beautiful face and body and huge knockers walks up to a guy and says, "Ya wanna fuck my brains out?" and he says NO, does this mean the blood flow to his brain is actually feeding his head instead of his dick?

Hmmmm it is quite possible -strokes the few days of growth on his chin- Yup possible indeed...perhaps he was castrated?

 

[Boxlicker101]

Yup, they come running, indeed. And it's up to them, not her, to engage in mass natural selection. It's still extremely passive.

That is true, of course. It is the nature of fucking that the male does the thrusting into the female. However, this does not start to happen until the female invites him to start doing it.

 

[Boxlicker101]

My question is, when some babe with long blonde hair down to her ass, a beautiful face and body and huge knockers walks up to a guy and says, "Ya wanna fuck my brains out?" and he says NO, does this mean the blood flow to his brain is actually feeding his head instead of his dick?

Usually it means he is gay or that he has some overpowering reason for turning her down, such as being with his wife.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Usually it means he is gay or that he has some overpowering reason for turning her down, such as being with his wife.

That last would definitely have an effect!