A submissive's arousal...does it matter?

[Bandit58]

LOL, spoken like a man. As a woman, and one who is multi orgasmic and happy about that, it also is true that sex can be just as satisfying, sometimes more so, without the pursuit of the over-rated orgasm. Orgasm is fine, but there is a different level of pleasure that can be had and found quite satisfying in and of itself without having to go to the point of orgasm. I have tried to explain it to a few men in my life, but alas, am usually met with a blank expression followed by, 'no, that can't be true'.

Catalina

I don't need to have an orgasm to enjoy sex. Sir loves to see me quivering and shaking during and after an orgasm though, so it often happens However I'm more relaxed and seem to enjoy it more when there's no "pressure to perform" if you like. Which often does result in an orgasm anyway!

 

[ownedsubgal]

the more responses i read, especially from the Dom side, the more and more relieved i am that i was fortunate enough to find Daddy...because it seems clear that my non-drippy/orgasmic self would be very unappealing to most. eh well.

 

[catalina_francisco]

the more responses i read, especially from the Dom side, the more and more relieved i am that i was fortunate enough to find Daddy...because it seems clear that my non-drippy/orgasmic self would be very unappealing to most. eh well.

Fortunately it doens't matter what suits most, as long as those we are with are happy with us as we are and can become in their hands.

Catalina

 

[wrad]

For us, when we were training, obvious and continuous moistening was required. We had the women over a rail frequently, opened and her glistening was watched if one of us was using her mouth.
A majority of the women belonged to women who placed great importance on the subs' arousal.

 

[twysted73]

Hey hey HEY!

LOL, spoken like a man. As a woman, and one who is multi orgasmic and happy about that, it also is true that sex can be just as satisfying, sometimes more so, without the pursuit of the over-rated orgasm. Orgasm is fine, but there is a different level of pleasure that can be had and found quite satisfying in and of itself without having to go to the point of orgasm. I have tried to explain it to a few men in my life, but alas, am usually met with a blank expression followed by, 'no, that can't be true'.

Catalina

Was I misunderstood in this one?

I seemed to have been grouped into a category that I am VERY unused to being grouped with. And that's the insensitive group of "Men" who care only about themselves.

*raised eyesbrow to Cat and grumbles about stereotyping*

FTR, I am not an orgasm-hound. I have transcended that "race to the finishline" mentality a long time ago.
It's to the point where it pleases me to turn them into a quivering, snarling, white hot ball of dripping mush.
It is me rewarding myself for my efforts. It's me being selfish believe it or not.
I can and have "fucked to take and not to concern myself" with my partner in the past. (who hasn't?)
But it was mainly for her benefit. (and yes, in part, for my own to effect her so by suprising her with unexpected force and disregard)

But when I'm covered with a thin sheen of sweat, my hair wet and matted and my eyes afire with intellectual and psychological pleasure and arrousal at having reduced her (essentally) to one big, post-orgasmic clit all over, I feel content.

I feel envigorated. I feel proud of not just my efforts but of her ability to take what I dish out.

See? Not a bastard in the slightest.
*winks*

 

[EmpressFi]

Was I misunderstood in this one?

I seemed to have been grouped into a category that I am VERY unused to being grouped with. And that's the insensitive group of "Men" who care only about themselves.

*raised eyesbrow to Cat and grumbles about stereotyping*

FTR, I am not an orgasm-hound. I have transcended that "race to the finishline" mentality a long time ago.
It's to the point where it pleases me to turn them into a quivering, snarling, white hot ball of dripping mush.
It is me rewarding myself for my efforts. It's me being selfish believe it or not.
I can and have "fucked to take and not to concern myself" with my partner in the past. (who hasn't?)
But it was mainly for her benefit. (and yes, in part, for my own to effect her so by suprising her with unexpected force and disregard)

But when I'm covered with a thin sheen of sweat, my hair wet and matted and my eyes afire with intellectual and psychological pleasure and arrousal at having reduced her (essentally) to one big, post-orgasmic clit all over, I feel content.

I feel envigorated. I feel proud of not just my efforts but of her ability to take what I dish out.

See? Not a bastard in the slightest.
*winks*

You just described how I feel when I make someone come...

 

[twysted73]

You just described how I feel when I make someone come...

Great Minds Think Alike

 

[TheleHun]

.....

 

[EmpressFi]

Great Minds Think Alike

hehe, I'd say so

as a submissive, what he desires comes first. But I will say, that nothing ... nothing .. gives me quite the rush of bringing him to and sending him over the edge.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Domly types...does your submissive partner's sexual arousal really "matter" to you in the grand scheme of things? are you just as satisfied using her/him when they are dry and limp as you are when they are all wet and throbby for you? or perhaps you're MORE interested and stimulated the less physically responsive they are? or do you need to know and feel that they're physically enjoying and needing it all as much as or even more than you do?

subly types...please answer from your perspective.

If anything, I lean way towards preferring the non-arousal.

The arousal does nothing for me. Non-aroused is fine, actively anti-aroused is better.

I'm a raper at heart.

 

[Netzach]

If anything, I lean way towards preferring the non-arousal.

The arousal does nothing for me. Non-aroused is fine, actively anti-aroused is better.

I'm a raper at heart.

I'm just a mindless consumer.

 

[JamieB]

Hang on there.

the more responses i read, especially from the Dom side, the more and more relieved i am that i was fortunate enough to find Daddy...because it seems clear that my non-drippy/orgasmic self would be very unappealing to most. eh well.

Drippy orgasms are nice, but don't sell yourself short. Caring about someone enough to put their pleasure above your own is a beautiful, powerful, and rare thing. A drooly pussy is a distant second to that. I'd say your Daddy is the lucky one.

J

 

[wetnhornysubslave]

I need to be aroused, or at least in a receptive mood.

I'm naturally submissive in relationships but out in the working world my job demands that i act like i'm quite domineering, so when my partner wants to push the matter and i'm not in the mood I end up fighting for dominance (never works, i don't have a dominant bone in my body) and just being bitchy.

 

[FungiUg]

I have transcended that "race to the finishline" mentality a long time ago.

I gave up on that race a long time ago. Now it's more like a leisurely stroll around the track for me, while I am passed every 2 seconds by someone on a rocket-powered motorcycle.

And no, I don't believe this is all due to me. I have played with women that were quite unresponsive and pretty much wouldn't cum at all. It just happens that the women in my life who I currently play with are all of the multiorgasmic variety. I've come to the conclusion that it's just the way the individual woman is: some are one way, some another. So long as they are getting what they need/want, that's all that matters.

But orgasm and arousal aren't necessarily the same thing. I like to have a submissive aroused, absolutely. I guess I prefer her to be cumming like crazy when I allow it. But having thought about it some more, it's the arousal that is the important thing, not the orgasm. Hmmm... perhaps this might lead to a play session of complete orgasm denial? Interesting thought.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Was I misunderstood in this one?

I seemed to have been grouped into a category that I am VERY unused to being grouped with. And that's the insensitive group of "Men" who care only about themselves.

*raised eyesbrow to Cat and grumbles about stereotyping*

No, you weren't, (not really sure how you came to that conclusion either) but rather a group of things heard from more males than I care to remember...IOW, sorry, but your not as rare as you maybe hoped.

Catalina

 

[callinectes]

But orgasm and arousal aren't necessarily the same thing. I like to have a submissive aroused, absolutely. I guess I prefer her to be cumming like crazy when I allow it. But having thought about it some more, it's the arousal that is the important thing, not the orgasm.

That is pretty much how it works in my relationship. I may or may not have an orgasm but he wants me to be fully engaged.

 

[twysted73]

No, you weren't, (not really sure how you came to that conclusion either) but rather a group of things heard from more males than I care to remember...IOW, sorry, but your not as rare as you maybe hoped.

Catalina

wAIT WAIT WAIT wait wait wait wait.......
So you're telling me.....if I'm reading this right, that by caring about a woman's pleasure and enjoying myself to the point of giving pleasure solely to the submissive AND that it be MY personal enjoyment too, NOT requiring reciprocation......places me in the majority???

Man have I been reading the complaints of women I date ALL wrong.
9/10 it's the opposite that they always seem to find.

*scratches head*

Come to the united states. It's probably why I'm not catching on.
Here in the states, most men are in it for theirs and then leave the woman hanging.


Thaaaat's what wasn't meshing here.
Cultural and landmass differences in human behavior.

Ladies from the US? Can anyone help me here or am I obscurely insane and mislead by all that I've read in the attitudes of men around me?

 

[catalina_francisco]

wAIT WAIT WAIT wait wait wait wait.......
So you're telling me.....if I'm reading this right, that by caring about a woman's pleasure and enjoying myself to the point of giving pleasure solely to the submissive AND that it be MY personal enjoyment too, NOT requiring reciprocation......places me in the majority???

Man have I been reading the complaints of women I date ALL wrong.
9/10 it's the opposite that they always seem to find.

*scratches head*

Come to the united states. It's probably why I'm not catching on.
Here in the states, most men are in it for theirs and then leave the woman hanging.


Thaaaat's what wasn't meshing here.
Cultural and landmass differences in human behavior.

Ladies from the US? Can anyone help me here or am I obscurely insane and mislead by all that I've read in the attitudes of men around me?

LOL, you need some stress relief!!

Catalina

 

[ownedsubgal]

Drippy orgasms are nice, but don't sell yourself short. Caring about someone enough to put their pleasure above your own is a beautiful, powerful, and rare thing. A drooly pussy is a distant second to that. I'd say your Daddy is the lucky one.

J

awww, tank ya. twas just a temporary moment of insecurity and self-pity, i was over it by this morning when i was awakened with a cock being shoved into my bum....just a reminder that a girl's horniness is really not necessary in this house, lol.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Ladies from the US? Can anyone help me here or am I obscurely insane and mislead by all that I've read in the attitudes of men around me?

unfortunately, in my experiences most men, vanilla or lifestyle, place a good deal of importance on turning a woman on or getting her to reach orgasm. most because of the ego boost and bragging rights it gives them, some just because they just wish to please. an attitude that has proved irritating as HECK to a subbie like me!!

 

[ownedsubgal]

If anything, I lean way towards preferring the non-arousal.

The arousal does nothing for me. Non-aroused is fine, actively anti-aroused is better.

I'm a raper at heart.

You always know just what to say to pull at my heart strings...*wistful sigh*

 

[BiBunny]

In my experience, most men will tell you they're worried about your pleasure, but when push comes to shove, they're not. I've met one who actually walked the walk, so to speak. He just happens to be my ex-Master. My personal preference is for a Dom/Master who does want me to experience arousal or orgasms or whatever, but sometimes I get in those moods where I just want to be used with no thought given to me at all. I'd rather someone be upfront about what he wants than to try tell me what he thinks I want to hear to get me in bed and then turn right around and do the opposite.

Again, this is Bunny's own prejudice against underhanded manipulation of any sort showing again. I'd rather you be upfront about how you're going to manipulate me ('cause, let's face it, D/s or M/s is about manipulation, to some extent).

ETA: I looked back over this and realized it sounded like I'm complaining about all men, LOL. I'm not saying all men say one thing and do another. I obviously haven't met all the men in the world.

 

[Etoile]

awww, tank ya. twas just a temporary moment of insecurity and self-pity, i was over it by this morning when i was awakened with a cock being shoved into my bum....just a reminder that a girl's horniness is really not necessary in this house, lol.

It's funny, I've never gotten the impression that your posts are meant to arouse, but you always post such hot stuff anyway.

 

[ownedsubgal]

It's funny, I've never gotten the impression that your posts are meant to arouse, but you always post such hot stuff anyway.

..maybe you're just a twisted perv?

 

[EmpressFi]

In my experience, most men will tell you they're worried about your pleasure, but when push comes to shove, they're not. I've met one who actually walked the walk, so to speak. He just happens to be my ex-Master. My personal preference is for a Dom/Master who does want me to experience arousal or orgasms or whatever, but sometimes I get in those moods where I just want to be used with no thought given to me at all. I'd rather someone be upfront about what he wants than to try tell me what he thinks I want to hear to get me in bed and then turn right around and do the opposite.

Again, this is Bunny's own prejudice against underhanded manipulation of any sort showing again. I'd rather you be upfront about how you're going to manipulate me ('cause, let's face it, D/s or M/s is about manipulation, to some extent).

ETA: I looked back over this and realized it sounded like I'm complaining about all men, LOL. I'm not saying all men say one thing and do another. I obviously haven't met all the men in the world.

I think I'm lucky enough to have that... (see my last post, his comment)... he likes knowing I want him, that is what turns him on... however.. sometimes I get in the mood to just want to be fucked...to be used as a fucktoy..and he's ok with that too.