A submissive's arousal...does it matter?

[YourCaptor]

I have never experience a dry fuck, so I can’t say if I enjoy it or not.

However I definitely care about a subs pleasure, although some times that pleasure is not necessarily connected to arousal.

As long as it a good thing, why worry about the details.

 

[Anne_Prospere]

the whole not horny and still being used thing is totally hot.
its really all good from all angles.
if he wants it, he takes it.
and if he doesnt want me to enjoy it, he has ways of making that a reality.

 

[FurryFury]

I can take a lot of pain. I can take a lot more pain if I'm turned on. It matters to me. Happily it also matters to him. Of course he doesn't really want to hurt me. Damn.

 

[Netzach]

Hey Netz.

I think that the most important word in the whole thread was when BiBunny said "eventually". Sometimes the point is to get the sub off and sometimes its to leave them hanging and sometimes, fuck it, its all about being on top. But if you look at the big picture, at some point the sub's needs got to be met. Maybe that takes the form of orgasms, maybe its all on the mental plane. But either way its a Doms responsibility to take care of their sub. Otherwise, get one of them Real Dolls.

Oh, yeah - definitely about needs being met. But some people's needs are things like denial, absence, abandonment in doses - I find that you are right, though, and I enjoy people whose needs are best met through a need for variety and unpredictability. I'd get bored with someone whose reactions could always be charted perfectly, too.

 

[twysted73]

what if she was completely satisfied without ever having to be sexually aroused?

That's not possible! Is it?

Sooner or later, the green monster of arrousal would rear it's head.

Ohhh no. Sexual contentedness is a very important animal to feed.

However...if there is that ONE acception to the rule out there I would enjoy hearing your POV.

 

[catalina_francisco]

That's not possible! Is it?

Sooner or later, the green monster of arrousal would rear it's head.

Ohhh no. Sexual contentedness is a very important animal to feed.

However...if there is that ONE acception to the rule out there I would enjoy hearing your POV.

LOL, spoken like a man. As a woman, and one who is multi orgasmic and happy about that, it also is true that sex can be just as satisfying, sometimes more so, without the pursuit of the over-rated orgasm. Orgasm is fine, but there is a different level of pleasure that can be had and found quite satisfying in and of itself without having to go to the point of orgasm. I have tried to explain it to a few men in my life, but alas, am usually met with a blank expression followed by, 'no, that can't be true'.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

what if she was completely satisfied without ever having to be sexually aroused?

That's exactly what I was thinking while reading this thread. Just because I'm not sexually aroused doesn't mean I'm not enjoying providing what's required of me.

I am rarely sexually aroused from intercourse, anyway. Being stalked, being prey, being choked, being treated dirty...these things turn me on. But just plain old sex doesn't do a lot for me anyway.

 

[Netzach]

Some people, men and women, are just a lot less sexual than other people. There's such a premium placed on being a raving sex maniac in this culture, there are other kicks.

 

[JamieB]

Some people, men and women, are just a lot less sexual than other people. There's such a premium placed on being a raving sex maniac in this culture, there are other kicks.

Trudat

J

 

[graceanne]

K usually won't have sex unless I'm into it. But on occasion we've had sex when I wasn't, he knew I wasn't (cause I refuse to fake it), and he didn't care. But most times he was really really horny, and he'd put effort into getting me horny. I believe that each time I was pregnant and sick, cause it's rare for him to not be able to get interested. To tell the truth, I didn't care that I wasn't into it. I told him that it was ok, and that if he was horny we could have sex.

 

[ownedsubgal]

That's not possible! Is it?

Sooner or later, the green monster of arrousal would rear it's head.

Ohhh no. Sexual contentedness is a very important animal to feed.

However...if there is that ONE acception to the rule out there I would enjoy hearing your POV.

haha...there's quite a few of us out there believe it or not. the thing with me is i'm a VERY sexual person....need and crave sex, want sex, love the whole experience of a hard cock forcing its way down my throat or deep in my pussy, whatever....i just don't necessarily get PHYSICALLY aroused from it. and that's due to a whole heapa combined issues....childhood sexual abuse, depression and anxiety, then being a slave and having a Master who never really had that interest (making a girl get off), so feeling like that kind of obvious sexual expression was inappropriate, etc.

so i'm quite sexually content. arousal and orgasm are just not my means to get there.

 

[me oscar]

Domly types...does your submissive partner's sexual arousal really "matter" to you in the grand scheme of things? are you just as satisfied using her/him when they are dry and limp as you are when they are all wet and throbby for you? or perhaps you're MORE interested and stimulated the less physically responsive they are? or do you need to know and feel that they're physically enjoying and needing it all as much as or even more than you do?

subly types...please answer from your perspective.

it matters to me

 

[me oscar]

K usually won't have sex unless I'm into it. But on occasion we've had sex when I wasn't, he knew I wasn't (cause I refuse to fake it), and he didn't care. But most times he was really really horny, and he'd put effort into getting me horny. I believe that each time I was pregnant and sick, cause it's rare for him to not be able to get interested. To tell the truth, I didn't care that I wasn't into it. I told him that it was ok, and that if he was horny we could have sex.

for me..if I know that my partner isn't into..i can't get into it..and get off....i lose interest..

 

[serijules]

so i'm quite sexually content. arousal and orgasm are just not my means to get there.

I'm becoming one of those minorities the longer I am with my Owner as well.

 

[Netzach]

This is where my head gets spinny - because there's power sex, you know, and then there's sex sex that you have for orgasms and feel goodness and whatnot. I think most people don't really separate them out totally. But I do. I've had sex with people because of the power play weight of it, purely, and not because of lust per se, and this makes no sense to some people. I like orgasms and mutuality and vanilla for all that it's worth, but it's not really something I want in my D/s sexing. I get pretty inaccessible, but remain very turned on in other ways when having sado sex.

And I kind of feel like they're two totally different things. I like both, I couldn't really pick just one, and I can TOTALLY see how someone could be satisfied with the former and not the latter.

 

[Etoile]

This is not the thread I thought it was, my apologies. I blame the new Blackberry.

 

[TigerClaw]

Why cant one be a compliment of the other either for later or in the same evening?

I think that makes for much more contrast and power.

 

[Netzach]

Sometimes it is. But there's no requirement for it to be. It doesn't "more" anything for me one way or the other, doing what's right for the moment "mores" things for me.

 

[TigerClaw]

I agree.

 

[BeachGurl2]

I've read these posts with interest. It's interesting to see how everyone is very different when it comes to WIITWD and sex in general.

For me, lack of arousal isn't an issue. In a relationship where the emotional connection is there, I can go from *not* to *hot* in seconds - a voice, a look, a touch, any of those things can immediately get me there. It's when the emotional connection is disjointed that it becomes an issue for me.

I wonder if the answers would be different, though, if the OP had asked about the sub's pleasure rather than arousal.

 

[TigerClaw]

I think the connection has to be there. I think most people in a committed relationship where the connection is still there are willing to please the other when they are not aroused. In a deep level it is pleasing to be there for your partner and giving them what they need.

In terms of D/s I use it to build. I want her to come. Even if she doesnt feel like it and I build that in her. I like the ability to drive her to that intensity.

Are there times where I want her just to please me yes, and yes I will please her too when she is needy.

Then of course their is denial. But again that for me is to build her for later, later that day or tomorrow.

 

[FungiUg]

Domly types...does your submissive partner's sexual arousal really "matter" to you in the grand scheme of things?

Yes. I get off on knowing that what I am doing with the submissive is arousing her. Part of the power trip for me is driving a woman to sexual distraction.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Yes. I get off on knowing that what I am doing with the submissive is arousing her. Part of the power trip for me is driving a woman to sexual distraction.

what if she were the type to be so completely and totally focused on serving and pleasing you properly that it was literally impossible for her to ever be driven to sexual "distraction"? could you appreciate that or would you deduce that you just weren't compatible?

 

[FungiUg]

what if she were the type to be so completely and totally focused on serving and pleasing you properly that it was literally impossible for her to ever be driven to sexual "distraction"? could you appreciate that or would you deduce that you just weren't compatible?

Probably the latter. Part of the thrill for me is seeing someone so turned on by serving and pleasing me. So I don't mind the service aspect, so long as there is a direct relationship between that and her sexual desire.

Someone serving me without the sexual arousal... I'd probably find it annoying.

 

[EmpressFi]

Even with my husband, Malin, my orgasm isnt as important as his. However, I did ask my Master his opinion on this..

Keeper of Fi: more the later
Fi: this part? or do you need to know and feel that they're physically enjoying and needing it all as much as or even more than you do?
Keeper of Fi: partly that, partly that why would it be fun if they were "dry and limp"
Fi: *smiles*
Fi: because some feel it's not about if the sub wants it.. only if the dom’s needs are met
Keeper of Fi: I get off on knowing the sub wants it
Keeper of Fi: whether she gets it or not, ie: last night, doesn't matter
Keeper of Fi: but know she wants it..