A submissive's arousal...does it matter?

[rosco rathbone]

You always know just what to say to pull at my heart strings...*wistful sigh*

At the exact moment I read this, my random shuffle started playing Z.Z. Top "I'm Bad I'm Nationwide".

 

[ownedsubgal]

At the exact moment I read this, my random shuffle started playing Z.Z. Top "I'm Bad I'm Nationwide".

kismet...from now on you will be the lead Evildo'er in all my abduction/torture/rape fantasies. Marquis can be the cameraman (rapists gotta make a profit after all).

 

[rosco rathbone]

kismet...from now on you will be the lead Evildo'er in all my abduction/torture/rape fantasies. Marquis can be the cameraman (rapists gotta make a profit after all).

It's a good thing people like you and I both exist, otherwise, one or the other of us would be making someone miserable!

 

[KinkyKiki7]

As a dom, I think that it's very important for my sub to be aroused. I particularly enjoy bringing him to the edge and then backing off. Seeing him squirm is so exciting!! I think when I'm in control, it's more for me than him being aroused. I like knowing that I can bring him to the edge and have complete control over the cum.

As a sub, I think it makes it better if we are both aroused. I know that I enjoy things better if I am into it rather than nervous or uptight. When I am the sub, I think it's important for both of us to be aroused...that way I know he's enjoying it, and he can tell that I am too.

 

[Netzach]

I have to say that while I may not be in it for his pleasure, the *ability* of my male subs to get aroused is a handy dandy manipulative tool that it's fun to have. There are others, but it sure is easier that way.

I know that it's MUCH easier to use my stud/bull and H who are higher libido than M whose libido is a little more diffuse and girl-like in general.

 

[twysted73]

LOL, you need some stress relief!!

Catalina

Cat, I really could NOT agree with you more. Was eyeballing floggers a few days ago.
Found myself thinking, "Damn I need to find a pain slut."

 

[IsabellaKing]

Excuse me dragging this up but I've gotta keep posting.

It's of paramount importance to him that I'm aroused - I'd like to think of equal importance to his but for different reasons - but only one of us is allowed to reach a climax...and it's not me. He likes to leave me begging for more when he is sated - fortunately this makes me hot.

He's working on separating my orgasms from our play and keeping it as a reward to be doled out by him at some later time.

 

[Etoile]

It's of paramount importance to him that I'm aroused - I'd like to think of equal importance to his but for different reasons - but only one of us is allowed to reach a climax...and it's not me. He likes to leave me begging for more when he is sated - fortunately this makes me hot.

He's working on separating my orgasms from our play and keeping it as a reward to be doled out by him at some later time.

Yeah, that does sound hot! Both parts.

 

[rida]

Dragging this thread out of the basement

I can take a lot of pain. I can take a lot more pain if I'm turned on. It matters to me.
.....

Ditto.

Hubby does not care for my pain. He care for turning me into a quivering mess of desire and lust ... whether he let me orgasm or not. LOL
So for him, yes it is important, and will work toward making me aroused.

The Sadist instead ... so far seems totally uninterested in my arousal or orgasm. It might be because we are still at the stage where he is trying to bring me up to his pain play level. But perhaps he does not really care as far as I please him and am happy to come back for more (so far ... I am indeed).
Maybe I should tell him about the correlation between arousal and level of pain ... he might like that I can take more

..... sex can be just as satisfying, sometimes more so, without the pursuit of the over-rated orgasm. Orgasm is fine, but there is a different level of pleasure that can be had and found quite satisfying in and of itself without having to go to the point of orgasm.
......

Totally agree on this.

But many times, even if I don't get aroused in the sexual sense of getting drippy or having an orgasm, I feel totally spent and content after a session, whether it is kinky or vanilla.

Also I can be totally horny and yet not cum. Sometimes is frustrating, sometimes is fine. (I rarely cum during intercourse unless I'm either running the show or adding some other stimuli).

Ultimately I am happy if the PYL is happy, but it can be frustrating when Hubby wants me aroused and my body decides that today is not going to happen.

 

[madetotakeit]

I find not only can I take more pain when I am aroused, but I want more. The stronger the arousal, the stronger the craving. I'm not sure if it is a mental connection or a chemical connection. Truth be told, I can't say that I care which as long as I and whoever I play with understands there is a correlation.

The only time I set out with the mindset that I am going to orgasm is when I masturbate. That is strictly a goal oriented exercise. I have always placed more emphasis on the connection and sensations I have during sex rather than the momentary seconds when I am taken away from them by spasms. That is not to say I haven't enjoyed each and every one of them immensely. This is just one area where I am not goal oriented. (Unless instructed to and then I'm dealing with the pressure not to disappoint.)

 

[desertslave]

I find not only can I take more pain when I am aroused, but I want more. The stronger the arousal, the stronger the craving. I'm not sure if it is a mental connection or a chemical connection. Truth be told, I can't say that I care which as long as I and whoever I play with understands there is a correlation.

That sums it up for me quite nicely. M calls me a horny slut, and who am I to argue? I'm 40-something and keep waiting for this to diminish. Oddly enough, I think it's only getting worse. (Yeah, yeah, eye of the beholder and all that.)

I will cheerfully take pain (I'm a painslut too LOL) regardless of my state of arousal. It's very likely that pain will induce arousal. But if I'm already aroused, it brings the potential to be a much longer session. I'm happy either way, but my favorite orgasms are the pain/endorphin-laced ones.

 

[silver_eyes]

For the times when I'm a sub, my pleasure really doesn't matter a whit. I am giving my mind and body to you to do what you like, to give you pleasure. This then, is my need. I need to see my dom totally immersed in her pleasure.
For the times when I'm a dom I look to see if they're in need of release, needing to push they're limits, or if they are giving themselves over totally to my pleasure. If the last, then I don't care a bit about they're arousal, as I know that they're need is to please.
MzChrista is right. In the long run you must take care of the subs needs.

To be a dom is easy. To be a good dom is hard work!

 

[ownedsubgal]

bumping this one back up because of a similar discussion currently taking place on another board. many submissive women passionately claimed to be steaming, juicy, writhing balls of lust, to the point of having difficulty sleeping or functioning through the day if they did not experience a sexual release. this completely blows my mind, as someone with a fairly low key sexual response. and likewise most were incredulous about my stated lack of intense sexual feelings or desire for sexual release at any point.

so it made me wonder, is our capacity for these sexual feelings and urges hard-wired into us? are some folks just naturally "lusty," and others just naturally "meh?" or are these things conditioned into us through our sexual experiences, beliefs and values?

 

[intothewoods]

bumping this one back up because of a similar discussion currently taking place on another board. many submissive women passionately claimed to be steaming, juicy, writhing balls of lust, to the point of having difficulty sleeping or functioning through the day if they did not experience a sexual release. this completely blows my mind, as someone with a fairly low key sexual response. and likewise most were incredulous about my stated lack of intense sexual feelings or desire for sexual release at any point.

so it made me wonder, is our capacity for these sexual feelings and urges hard-wired into us? are some folks just naturally "lusty," and others just naturally "meh?" or are these things conditioned into us through our sexual experiences, beliefs and values?

Nurture or nature? It's probably a bit of both, although I think it's mostly a chemical thing. I would not discount the impact of medications, diet, etc. though on our hormones.

 

[ecstaticsub]

bumping this one back up because of a similar discussion currently taking place on another board. many submissive women passionately claimed to be steaming, juicy, writhing balls of lust, to the point of having difficulty sleeping or functioning through the day if they did not experience a sexual release. this completely blows my mind, as someone with a fairly low key sexual response. and likewise most were incredulous about my stated lack of intense sexual feelings or desire for sexual release at any point.

so it made me wonder, is our capacity for these sexual feelings and urges hard-wired into us? are some folks just naturally "lusty," and others just naturally "meh?" or are these things conditioned into us through our sexual experiences, beliefs and values?

I think to a certain extent, yes. I wonder if there is any correlation between age we first start masturbating and our sexual desire.

I've been masturbating for as long as I remember. I have talked about this in some parenting groups I belong to. Some have girls who have humped their stuffed animals in the crib. Now that these kids are teens they seem more sexual aware than some other kids.

I have a very close friend who claims she has never masturbated. She hasn't had sex with her husband (or anyone else) since her last child was conceived 5 yrs ago.

I don't know if there are any scientific studies on this topic though.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I think to a certain extent, yes. I wonder if there is any correlation between age we first start masturbating and our sexual desire.

I've been masturbating for as long as I remember. I have talked about this in some parenting groups I belong to. Some have girls who have humped their stuffed animals in the crib. Now that these kids are teens they seem more sexual aware than some other kids.

I have a very close friend who claims she has never masturbated. She hasn't had sex with her husband (or anyone else) since her last child was conceived 5 yrs ago.

I don't know if there are any scientific studies on this topic though.

seeing as how it deals with female sexuality, i seriously doubt it lol.

i'm not sure about the masturbation correlation. i started masturbating at a very early age also, can recall getting in trouble for doing it as early as 2 yrs old. but once i started engaging in consensual sexual activity, at age 13, i found masturbation no longer did anything for me. it just made me bored and sleepy, not aroused. something about having been really touched by a man made my own touch on my body feel purely clinical.

 

[Kikori]

Sort of an "I can't tickle myself but others can" kind of thing, I'm guessing.

I'm curious if your case is unique... Unable to say 'no' and pretty much as submissive as submissive gets in sex, something about how you've been touched (and how you've been reacting to the touch) may make you feel different about the same things that are supposedly "hard-wired" into others.

 

[kaycee217]

My attitude: If I'm being submissive and I'm not aroused by it, I'm not going to be submissive. The whole point to submitting (to me) is for sexual gratification. If I'm not getting sexual gratification, I'll talk to my boss/teacher/parent/police officer.

I wouldn't expect to ALWAYS be aroused when submitting, but the majority of the time I have given up control, I must be aroused.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Sort of an "I can't tickle myself but others can" kind of thing, I'm guessing.

yes, that is a good way to describe it.

I'm curious if your case is unique... Unable to say 'no' and pretty much as submissive as submissive gets in sex, something about how you've been touched (and how you've been reacting to the touch) may make you feel different about the same things that are supposedly "hard-wired" into others.

how i've been touched? forgive my slowness, but what do you mean exactly?

 

[Netzach]

bumping this one back up because of a similar discussion currently taking place on another board. many submissive women passionately claimed to be steaming, juicy, writhing balls of lust, to the point of having difficulty sleeping or functioning through the day if they did not experience a sexual release. this completely blows my mind, as someone with a fairly low key sexual response. and likewise most were incredulous about my stated lack of intense sexual feelings or desire for sexual release at any point.

so it made me wonder, is our capacity for these sexual feelings and urges hard-wired into us? are some folks just naturally "lusty," and others just naturally "meh?" or are these things conditioned into us through our sexual experiences, beliefs and values?

I would find this highly irritating and dismantle it quickly.

I like a girl getting off when and if I MEAN her to get off and I like her thinking with the big head - there's something so *stupidly selfish* to me to in "oooo Mistress is making me change the CAT BOX and I'm sooooo wet for her POWER."

Orgasm control is a means to an end. I am not the masturbation regulation office. Need to rub one out before bed honey - be my guest in the absence of other orders. Your orgasm is not my be-all-end-all and reminding you it's mine constantly sends the opposite message after a while.

I'm encouraged to masturbate as desired - he does like to hear about the ones that feature thoughts about him and what they were. That's what makes one "his" to me.

 

[BiBunny]

I've always been pretty sexually motivated. When I was on birth control, my sex drive plummeted. I still wanted it, just not as frequently. That would be the reason I stayed with a guy who was bad in bed for nearly two years. I didn't care as much as I would now.

I KNOW I have a higher level of testosterone in my system than most women, so I'm pretty sure that's what my "problem" is. It's definitely a chemical thing for me, though I would imagine there's a good bit of "nurture" mixed in there, too.

 

[Kikori]

how i've been touched? forgive my slowness, but what do you mean exactly?

Thing is, I'm not sure how you've been touched. But I'd take a wild guess that ladies who are fucked 'til the guys gets off then left alone will have a far different sex drive than ladies who bring about their own orgasms, as well as anyone who's given their pleasure by someone else's actions. Also, however the pleasure is (or is not) brought about--insertion vs clit play vs kinks and fetishes--is probably a factor.

I do know, in your specific case, that you pretty much can't say "no" to people and will be drawn into any commands given in person, within reason. Where that has led you over time, be it used as a toy, treated as an equal, or paid extreme care to, I don't know. But with your ability to orgasm being dependent on others combined with that you're as submissive as can be, I'm sure you could take a look at your sexual life and figure out at least part of why how you've been touched plays into your current sex drive.

I might be BS'ing this entirely, given that there's no research that can really be looked up, but it's a good a guess as any.

 

[FloggingMolly]

I KNOW I have a higher level of testosterone in my system than most women, so I'm pretty sure that's what my "problem" is. It's definitely a chemical thing for me, though I would imagine there's a good bit of "nurture" mixed in there, too.

I have high testosterone too, but I wouldn't say I have a high sex drive. I guess everyone is affected by it different?

And btw... high testosterone sucks.

 

[BiBunny]

I have high testosterone too, but I wouldn't say I have a high sex drive. I guess everyone is affected by it different?

And btw... high testosterone sucks.

Yes, yes, it does.

 

[Winter_of_62]

Does my submissive partner’s sexual arousal really matter to me? As a Male Dom, absolutely it does! But at both ends of the spectrum. I am both a voyeur and a tease and there is nothing more erotic to watch than her body in motion desperately seeking “release” as I continue to tease and deny her, seeing her writhe, seeking anything to rub herself against or hump in a futile attempt to get over that elusive edge.

Ok, maybe I am wrong - maybe what else is equally erotic is to see her struggle just as mightily not to cum per my order as I continue to push every one of her hot buttons! Seeing her work so hard at obeying me and sweating torrents as she struggles to keep control of what I have temporarily entrusted her with. Maybe I end it leaving her wanting but knowing who is in control, or maybe I plunge her over the edge. I love orgasm control!

Likewise, perhaps the best of all is to give meaning to the expression of being careful what you wish for and plow full speed ahead oblivious as to how many times she cums as she begs for the stimulation to stop - but it doesn’t, taking her way beyond aroused and even beyond satiated.

I also admit to enjoying her offering herself to be truly used when she is not at all aroused. There is no one combination, I love them all!

For the most part, I find “orgasm’s” themselves overrated and rather enjoy leaving her (and even myself) short and lusting for more or pushing the limits at the other end of the spectrum. Rarely will she ever cum once or twice and be done - it is all or none for the most part. I do so love the edges and not the middle!

Winter