Widows and widowers 2

[oldermale2chat]

I have a question for the group. How do you handle the "widows fire" horny feelings which come on occasionally?
I am not looking to start dating or a relationship as it is too soon, but some occasional female attention would be welcome to experience again, to relieve the hornyness and to feel alive again.

 

[Britva415]

I have a question for the group. How do you handle the "widows fire" horny feelings which come on occasionally?
I am not looking to start dating or a relationship as it is too soon, but some occasional female attention would be welcome to experience again, to relieve the hornyness and to feel alive again.

You could look for this the same way you would look for dating or a relationship - using the same apps. Just make your expectations clear. A lot of women aren't looking for no-strings, but I'm constantly surprised at how many are.

You could also consider paying for it.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

How it is managed varies from person to person. I just know that dating, especially long term, are ripe for scams. I know first hand about scams. There is porn and masturbation, escorts (risky both legal and medically), and apps that focus on no strings and casual sex. The fire was surging at month 4 - 9 and I made some errors in dating. I am now at 17 months since my wife passed away, and the fire is more manageable. If I have any advce, is be patient, not hasty.

 

[Strixaluco]

I went dancing. I had fantasies of something more than that happening, and was prepared for that, but nothing did, of course.
However, dancing as in having someone close to you, really comparable to hugging, and also getting the endorphins, helped.

 

[oldermale2chat]

Yes what I miss is the hand holding, hugs, and teasing we would do together

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Yes what I miss is the hand holding, hugs, and teasing we would do together

I do too. Finding that someone who is willing to do so requires patience.

 

[Strixaluco]

Yes what I miss is the hand holding, hugs, and teasing we would do together

That is, after all, much more important in the long run than sex. (I've experienced missing one or the other, or then both.)

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Last year at about this time I broke up with a lady I had been dating for 6 months. In hindsight, I was not ready, and neither was she. What do I know now that I did not know then? I ignored red flags or warning signs because I missed being loved so much. The red flags were her constant anger at her X whom she divorced 15 years ago as he chronically cheated on her. Then there was her unwillingness to kiss on the lips. I then took 3 months from dating to be alone find out who I was without my lovely late wife. I needed those months and continued therapy to find myself. I felt better about dating, avoiding those people who had the red flags and not feeling my libido overwhelm my good sense. Finally, I found someone. We have taken our time to learn more about each other, have courage to expose our respective emotional baggage and found we could be supportive. We are physically and emotionally intimate.

I hope you can use some of my experience to help you in your journey to find love again.

 

[Strixaluco]

her constant anger at her X whom she divorced 15 years ago

Some people are holding on to anger. And they are ultimately not very good to be with.

I'm so happy you've found yourself again, and better company

 

[HampshireBoy]

My wife makes a very valid point when talking about friends and lovers before we met, each one was a step along the way in recovery from her being widowed and my divorce, without each of those we might not have been ready for each other. So we don't dwell on them, even though we are each still friends with our respective FWBs, and even the bad experiences are gone.

So don't dwell too much on relationships that "failed" or unsuitable people, pick your self up and learn.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I read on another widow / widowers web site about the "fire" and a person upset with a FWB relationship as it had no future. I ponder about the future as I am probaly older than most of you at 72. I have a wonderful sexy companion in life in which we agree to be together living apart. We both have medical issues that if uncontrolled or suddenly go out of control could mean the end of life. So, we just enjoy each day as special and take it a day at a time. Worry and drama about the future is very unproductive. The "future" issues must be harder for younger folks.

 

[Strixaluco]

I think that if you're upset with FWB not having a future, you should not enter that kind of relationship to begin with. It's to be expected that it will not go anywhere from it, it's the opposite that would be surprising.

My online relationship 2 years ago had no future. I was ok with it, I didn't even search for anything serious yet. And had I been looking for something more serious, frankly I would have chosen someone else.

Now the relationship I have now... I'm not certain we'll move together at any point, yet this is much more than FWB. We're in love, even our families think of us as a couple, and there's a wish for this to continue for decades.