Widows and widowers 2

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I was talking to my therapist about my new lady friend. I am actually at that point where I can comfortably have such a romantic relationship. My therapists asks if I ever would consider marriage again! I said NO! The reasons I gave were pragmatic like estate and financial issues and being set in my ways. Upon reflection I realize I am afraid that my heart would be broken again if I loved someone so deeply as my late wife. I do not think I can handle such pain again.

Thanks for letting me share. I understand if you are not at the same place as me in grieving. We all grieve at our own pace.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I have only had online friendships/dynamics since my spouse died 2 years ago. In fact, that's why I joined Lit, to escape, and not be with anyone physically. I don't want to date at this point, or any point in the future.
I believe people come in our lives for reasons.. and leave for reasons.
I haven't physically/sexually been touched in 2½ years, and I'm ok with that. I used to think it was my love language.
Now I prefer the mental connections.
I don't need someone physically, but it's more so not because of him being gone, just a new chapter in my journey I guess.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Just checking in with my online widows and widowers and loss of partners peeps.

I feel I have reached a place in my grieving to move towards an intimate relationship knowing it will not be the same as with my wife. It has been a difficult journey but a lot of work with my therapist does help.

My fear in this relationship is more about what ifs. How will I feel if she develops a terminal illness? Can I go through it again? I plan to discuss those with my therapist next month.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

It makes perfect sense that you're afraid. Death is permanent, as we know... but, break ups can be permanent, or temporary. Relationships in general can be scary. What if I fall in love again, and I lose this person?
I never thought about losing a partner to death in my young years with my spouse. But now I'm almost 50, was with a great man for 25 years, and petrified to be in a meaningful, physical relationship now that he's gone.
I suppose it's like anything... take it one day at a time.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

After a cup of coffee I went from 8 to 6.

I was able to finally get through 3 closets. I am donating all of her cancer related clothing (modesty top for infusions) and supplies to the cancer center at the Hospital.

How are you?

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

“Grief is love with nowhere to go”. I heard this from my therapist and then found there is more behind this quote after a search.

I hope this helps.

 

[AchtungNight]

I’m not a widower, but I’ve had a few failed relationships, including a marriage. I will be attempting to start a new relationship soon, I hope. I want to be happy with such a connection. Hope it works out.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I’m not a widower, but I’ve had a few failed relationships, including a marriage. I will be attempting to start a new relationship soon, I hope. I want to be happy with such a connection. Hope it works out.

Loss of relationships can feel as deeply as loss by death. The difference is, death is final. My wife and love is not coming back to me. You may have a chance but if not, the finality can bring deep grief.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

It's been awhile and wondering how are you doing? What is on your mind? This is a sexual site so having thoughts and feelings can be safely shared. We are here for each other.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Honestly, I've been surviving on sexual feelings towards others to continue to numb..
I guess I'm in denial still..
It's been just over 2 years... I still can't look at his pictures, but I do talk openly about him with others. It's not like I'm in total denial..

I think because death is so final, I've partially accepted his passing...
It's still not ok..

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

It's still not ok..

Its OK to not be OK. You have our support. We understand I am glad you checked in.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I rarely will recommend a web site by name as who knows if there are rules against it. But for those feeling or have experienced high libido, try Widows Fire web site.

BTW - checking in with you. What is on your mind? How are you feeling?

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Holidays are always hard when we lose those we have loved.
This will be my 3rd holiday season since his passing. He's been on my mind in spurts lately, not so much daily obsessions.
My libido feels a bit high this week.
I've been writing a little more erotica which helps the sadness.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Holidays are always hard when we lose those we have loved.
This will be my 3rd holiday season since his passing. He's been on my mind in spurts lately, not so much daily obsessions.
My libido feels a bit high this week.
I've been writing a little more erotica which helps the sadness.

I agree the Holidays are terrible. I get the waves of grief from time to time. Just remember the libido high can really distorts judgement. I will write in a journal as it helps.

Wishing you better days ahead. Hugs

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Thanksgiving and upcoming Holidays present challenges to us that have lost our loved one. From the Hospice Foundation of America: "Nothing changes the fact that holidays, anniversaries, and other special days can be especially difficult while grieving. But if you choose your actions, communicate your choices to others, and find suitable compromises, you may find that they become bearable and that you have renewed strength and hope."

 

[drobert44]

Honestly, I've been surviving on sexual feelings towards others to continue to numb..
I guess I'm in denial still..
It's been just over 2 years... I still can't look at his pictures, but I do talk openly about him with others. It's not like I'm in total denial..

I think because death is so final, I've partially accepted his passing...
It's still not ok..

I was widowed, moved on, glad I did. She wouldnt want me to be alone.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Now my dreams are getting racy. There is a lovely 30 something Barista who has a smile like my late wife's smile and curves similar to my voluptous late wife as well. The Barista serves coffee at the coffee house I frequent. I think she sees me as a loveable grandpa, which I am. I wake up dreaming how we connect and have amazing sex. The holidays wreak havoc on my libido. Fortunately I know its a fantasy and mostly about my late wife.

Anyone else notice their crazy libido and fantasy dreams?

 

[Strixaluco]

I’m not a widower, but I’ve had a few failed relationships, including a marriage. I will be attempting to start a new relationship soon, I hope. I want to be happy with such a connection. Hope it works out.

I in turn am a widow, but at this point it feels more like a failed and ended relationship with the exception that the ex is dead.

I don't identify as a widow anymore. I have a new, better life now (it started barely one year after his death) and I only think of him if prompted by something - and majority of those thoughts are not positive, although I've been able to find forgiveness too.

 

[Strixaluco]

The first Xmas wasn't easy, of course. I hadn't found about his betrayal yet and I ssa still rather depressed - and stressed about emptying the house and will it sell etc...

I opted to spend it with my parents and my sister. I hadn't had that possibility for years, so it was nice. But it also felt... Like not completely my Xmas anymore, more like backwards in time. And too solemn as well, just calm adults. Nevertheless, I got away from being in The House, his childhood home, with his mother who kept repeating why did she survived her son.

Last year it was already different, I took my chosen daughter (who was barely 18 at the time) with me and it enlivened the occasion for all.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Holidays have been hard for me since he passed. He came from a huge, positive family,.. whereas mine was traumatizing.
So, holidays were spent at his mom's or Dad's... And even after we separated, he still spent holidays with me. He made the mashed potatoes every Thanksgiving, I know he didn't eat yams.. lol etc..
But, I'm making a huge feast tomorrow.. even if it's just 2 of us..

His "birthday" is coming up, also..

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Thought I would share this:

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Just stopping by to say hello and offer morning hugs and coffee.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I was just writing on another thread about being a widow, and where I'm at sexually IRL.
Short answer: content.
Long answer;
I'm almost 50. Not old, I'm not saying that. But I was with him 25 years. That's a chunk of time. In that time, I experienced everything I needed, in hindsight.
I don't need to move on with a new partner, but I'm not a psychic, you never know who the universe will put in my life.
Right now, I'm being the most sexual I've been in years!
And the only person I'm fucking is myself. Literally.
So, I'm happy

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I was just writing on another thread about being a widow, and where I'm at sexually IRL.
Short answer: content.
Long answer;
I'm almost 50. Not old, I'm not saying that. But I was with him 25 years. That's a chunk of time. In that time, I experienced everything I needed, in hindsight.
I don't need to move on with a new partner, but I'm not a psychic, you never know who the universe will put in my life.
Right now, I'm being the most sexual I've been in years!
And the only person I'm fucking is myself. Literally.
So, I'm happy

Do you find writing helpful? I sometimes write notes to myself to look at a later time when I am not so emotional.

Contentment is good!

You are young compared to me! 25 years is a long time. I am glad you had that time with him.

Life is unpredictable and you never know who will come into your life.

Maturbation is great relief for the high libido that can surprise us. When I get that libido high, out comes the fleshlight.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I've always been a fan of creative writing. It's one of the only classes in school I excelled in, lol..
It's definitely a way I can express myself in depth.
and I love writing erotica!