sharingfantasies
Ratiocinator
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2001
- Posts
- 19,655
Entering the room, her mind still dazed from the kiss, Teri leaned against the door. She touched her lips with her fingertips and felt Walker's lips there. It was several moments before she stirred and got ready for bed. She was surprised when the phone rang. Walker was talking and Teri was trying to focus but her mind was still on that kiss. He said something about dinner the following weekend, but before she could respond, he told her to wait to answer him. She was glad as she couldn't really get her thoughts organized to answer one way or the other.
She could only respond, "Um.. okay," and he hung up.
Teri looked at the phone for a minute, wondered if she would even remember he called, shrugged and climbed into bed. As she lay there, she went over the day. It had been busy and hectic and amazing.
Watching the Andersons renew their vows had been special. She remembered when the two got married and thinking at the time that love was wonderful. Then came the break-up with Steve. She had always thought that the four of them would be together forever. She had dreamed of couples vacations, then family vacations, maybe seeing her children marry the Anderson kids. But, Steve took all that away. He and, to some extent, her parents made her question the reality of love, the permanence or lack of permanence in relationships. She had decided then that marriage was not for her, that she would never say permanent vows, not knowing how easily promises could be broken.
When she decided to become a lawyer, she had thought a long time about what field she wanted to specialize in and, although she knew divorce would be part of it, what drew her to family law was making a difference in people's lives. Helping them with their wills, making sure that people made responsible choices in supporting their families, helping sort out issues involving children, making sure people were protected from their own poor choices or from being taken advantage of by someone else. She didn't regret that choice, not even the divorce cases as she was usually able to help her client through the difficult time. But each divorce case had reaffirmed her decision to avoid marriage.
Since Steve, she had dated a few guys, but she had always kept her walls intact. Walker was the first person that threatened those walls and she didn't know how to handle all the emotions that were pouring in over those walls. By keeping her walls strong, she avoided any complications of hurting someone or being hurt by them. Walker had the possibility of endangering that. One or both of them could get really hurt when everything came crashing down. Teri had no doubts that everything would come down hard, she just wasn't sure when or how. But it would happen.
So why did she kiss him? Part of her was tired of that tension that was building between them. It was exhausting to constantly wonder what he would say or do or what she would say or do. She didn't want to have emotional melt downs, that just wasn't her, yet, she couldn't deny they were happening. She didn't like being out of control of herself or her emotions. Walker was taking up too much space in her head. But, Teri couldn't deny that the desire was there. She knew it was lust but if felt like something more. She didn't want it to be anything more. Lust she could handle. More.... well that scared her to the point where her brain couldn't even handle the concept, much less details.
So, why did she kiss him? Maybe part of it was lust, maybe part of it was curiosity to see what a kiss would be like that didn't catch her off guard, maybe it was the concept that if they got it over with, then the feelings would go away, or maybe she just didn't know why. But it left her with a sense of falling with no net in sight. She couldn't take it back, she didn't even know if she would want to if she had a choice. But she had crossed a line. She couldn't blame it on being drunk or exhausted or emotionally bereft. There was nothing that she could hide behind. She had willingly kissed Daniel Walker and she had enjoyed it. She had liked it. She wanted to feel those sensations again.
But if she gave in to those sensations, if she allowed herself to do this again, then she was giving out a message to Walker that she was interested in a relationship of some kind, beyond friendship. And that wasn't fair to him. So the best thing to do was to talk to him tomorrow, to apologize, to drive home and forget the past few weeks and pretend they didn't happen. To be professional when she had to be around him at the courthouse, but to move on with her life before she messed him up as bad as she was.
As she finally drifted off to sleep, her last thought was "But what if?"
The next morning, she packed up her stuff and took it to her car. Then went back in to meet Walker and the Andersons for breakfast. The meal was a quick affair as everyone was anxious to get on the road. There was laughter among the four of them but an underlying sense of sadness that comes when good friends part. There were hugs and handshakes between the four of them. Teri and Walker stood in the parking lot waving to the Andersons as they drove away.
Teri turned to Walker. "Thank you once again for driving up here to assist my friends and me. I really appreciated not only that, but how willing you were to fit into their weekend plans. That was really nice of you."
She opened her car door and turned back to him, "I guess I will see you when we get back to Silver Lake. Be careful driving."
She could only respond, "Um.. okay," and he hung up.
Teri looked at the phone for a minute, wondered if she would even remember he called, shrugged and climbed into bed. As she lay there, she went over the day. It had been busy and hectic and amazing.
Watching the Andersons renew their vows had been special. She remembered when the two got married and thinking at the time that love was wonderful. Then came the break-up with Steve. She had always thought that the four of them would be together forever. She had dreamed of couples vacations, then family vacations, maybe seeing her children marry the Anderson kids. But, Steve took all that away. He and, to some extent, her parents made her question the reality of love, the permanence or lack of permanence in relationships. She had decided then that marriage was not for her, that she would never say permanent vows, not knowing how easily promises could be broken.
When she decided to become a lawyer, she had thought a long time about what field she wanted to specialize in and, although she knew divorce would be part of it, what drew her to family law was making a difference in people's lives. Helping them with their wills, making sure that people made responsible choices in supporting their families, helping sort out issues involving children, making sure people were protected from their own poor choices or from being taken advantage of by someone else. She didn't regret that choice, not even the divorce cases as she was usually able to help her client through the difficult time. But each divorce case had reaffirmed her decision to avoid marriage.
Since Steve, she had dated a few guys, but she had always kept her walls intact. Walker was the first person that threatened those walls and she didn't know how to handle all the emotions that were pouring in over those walls. By keeping her walls strong, she avoided any complications of hurting someone or being hurt by them. Walker had the possibility of endangering that. One or both of them could get really hurt when everything came crashing down. Teri had no doubts that everything would come down hard, she just wasn't sure when or how. But it would happen.
So why did she kiss him? Part of her was tired of that tension that was building between them. It was exhausting to constantly wonder what he would say or do or what she would say or do. She didn't want to have emotional melt downs, that just wasn't her, yet, she couldn't deny they were happening. She didn't like being out of control of herself or her emotions. Walker was taking up too much space in her head. But, Teri couldn't deny that the desire was there. She knew it was lust but if felt like something more. She didn't want it to be anything more. Lust she could handle. More.... well that scared her to the point where her brain couldn't even handle the concept, much less details.
So, why did she kiss him? Maybe part of it was lust, maybe part of it was curiosity to see what a kiss would be like that didn't catch her off guard, maybe it was the concept that if they got it over with, then the feelings would go away, or maybe she just didn't know why. But it left her with a sense of falling with no net in sight. She couldn't take it back, she didn't even know if she would want to if she had a choice. But she had crossed a line. She couldn't blame it on being drunk or exhausted or emotionally bereft. There was nothing that she could hide behind. She had willingly kissed Daniel Walker and she had enjoyed it. She had liked it. She wanted to feel those sensations again.
But if she gave in to those sensations, if she allowed herself to do this again, then she was giving out a message to Walker that she was interested in a relationship of some kind, beyond friendship. And that wasn't fair to him. So the best thing to do was to talk to him tomorrow, to apologize, to drive home and forget the past few weeks and pretend they didn't happen. To be professional when she had to be around him at the courthouse, but to move on with her life before she messed him up as bad as she was.
As she finally drifted off to sleep, her last thought was "But what if?"
The next morning, she packed up her stuff and took it to her car. Then went back in to meet Walker and the Andersons for breakfast. The meal was a quick affair as everyone was anxious to get on the road. There was laughter among the four of them but an underlying sense of sadness that comes when good friends part. There were hugs and handshakes between the four of them. Teri and Walker stood in the parking lot waving to the Andersons as they drove away.
Teri turned to Walker. "Thank you once again for driving up here to assist my friends and me. I really appreciated not only that, but how willing you were to fit into their weekend plans. That was really nice of you."
She opened her car door and turned back to him, "I guess I will see you when we get back to Silver Lake. Be careful driving."