The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get an invitation to drive a funny car at Barnum and Bailey's


I put in the movie, Water for Elephants

and you get a grateful mahout.

I put in an elephant walk...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a grateful mahout.

I put in an elephant walk...

and the Hippopotamus gets very angry


I put in some very large logs

 

[LordMhoram]

and the Hippopotamus gets very angry


I put in some very large logs

which create a log jam in the machine, and you get a lapful of various munchies as a result.


I put in a bag of something to make you appreciate the 'munchies'

 

[Handley_Page]

which create a log jam in the machine, and you get a lapful of various munchies as a result.


I put in a bag of something to make you appreciate the 'munchies'

and you get a recorded message saying "Thanks" in 127 languages.


I put in a bottle top

 

[LordMhoram]

and you get a recorded message saying "Thanks" in 127 languages.


I put in a bottle top

But the vending machine rejects it and it rattles into the coin return.



I put in a score of Drumstick Ice creams, double chocolate.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the vending machine rejects it and it rattles into the coin return.



I put in a score of Drumstick Ice creams, double chocolate.

and you get ten legless turkeys.

I put in my recipe for Aztec chili...

 

[SailorJerry]

and you get ten legless turkeys.

I put in my recipe for Aztec chili...

and you get a day after yogurt enema to help ease the pain.

I put in a Nazca Line.


(why is it that my spell check knows how to spell enema, but not yogurt ??)

 

[LordMhoram]

and you get a day after yogurt enema to help ease the pain.

I put in a Nazca Line.


(why is it that my spell check knows how to spell enema, but not yogurt ??)

and you predictably get a copy of Erich von Däniken's Chariots of the Gods


I put in a DIY on building large-scale Pyramids in the desert.

 

[SailorJerry]

and you predictably get a copy of Erich von Däniken's Chariots of the Gods

I put in a DIY on building large-scale Pyramids in the desert.

and the Long Range Desert Group digs out another Land Rover from a drifting sand dune.

I put in a Bedouin Caravan.

 

[Handley_Page]

and the Long Range Desert Group digs out another Land Rover from a drifting sand dune.

I put in a Bedouin Caravan.

But the makers no longer supply the spare wheel.


I put in a dry water pump

 

[LordMhoram]

But the makers no longer supply the spare wheel.


I put in a dry water pump

and you get a tube of KY


I put in a map of human sexuality.

 

[SailorJerry]

and you get a tube of KY

I put in a map of human sexuality.

but you take a wrong turn and end up lost at the gates of Sodom.

I put in a bucket of KY.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but you take a wrong turn and end up lost at the gates of Sodom.

I put in a bucket of KY.

and you're covered in roses as you slide over the finish line at Churchill Downs.

I put in a stall for a frisky pony girl...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you're covered in roses as you slide over the finish line at Churchill Downs.

I put in a stall for a frisky pony girl...

and the stall is full of studs. . . .


I put in some fresh hay.

 

[LordMhoram]

and the stall is full of studs. . . .


I put in some fresh hay.

and you get an attack of hay fever.


I put in a box of Kleenex (cause I'm a nice guy).

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get an attack of hay fever.


I put in a box of Kleenex (cause I'm a nice guy).

and you get blacklisted for unsanctioned product placement on Lit.

I put in an arbitration hearing...

 

[LordMhoram]

and you get blacklisted for unsanctioned product placement on Lit.

I put in an arbitration hearing...

Which I cannot attend because I'm blacklisted.

I put in a Get Out of Jail Free card.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Which I cannot attend because I'm blacklisted.

I put in a Get Out of Jail Free card.

and you get to pass "go."

I put in a comminity chest...

 

[LordMhoram]

and you get to pass "go."

I put in a comminity chest...

and you get my $200

I bid Park Place to pay my fine

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get my $200

I bid Park Place to pay my fine

and the bank forecloses anyway.

I put in a bail-out for the rich...

 

[LordMhoram]

and the bank forecloses anyway.

I put in a bail-out for the rich...

and you get your revolution.

I put in a score of snare drums, a gross of flutes, and sheet music for Free America

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get your revolution.

I put in a score of snare drums, a gross of flutes, and sheet music for Free America

and you get 76 Trombones followed by 110 Cornets.

I put in a sexy libertarian librarian named Marian...

 

[LordMhoram]

and you get 76 Trombones followed by 110 Cornets.

I put in a sexy libertarian librarian named Marian...

but you bragged to your friends and she got fired.

I put in a can of unwanted Common Sense - Grade A Premium.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but you bragged to your friends and she got fired.

I put in a can of unwanted Common Sense - Grade a Premium.

and you get back a slew of platitudes.

I put in a bit of uncommon insight...

 

[LordMhoram]

and you get back a slew of platitudes.

I put in a bit of uncommon insight...

and you get a population angry because you burst their bubble.


I put in Jeffram Cochran's design schematics for a warp drive.