Moving on...?!?

[brokenman]

her moving on..

i am worried about my wife moving on. The reason she is not my ex wife is because we are still married and i still wear my wedding ring. we stilll have a morgage and pets and shared belongings.

we have spent a lot of time together over the years going through good and bad times. in the good times everything is easy the bad times are tough but have never been as tough as this.

im scared of her moving on and losing her from my life even as only a friend if another potential partner wants her to cut ties with me. or is worried about me being in her life.

 

[Tsotha]

Do i go to her house or meet her in a bar for a few drinks then go home alone?
i know things could get quite heated and we have history so not to sure what would happen if anything and would i feel guilty if it was just a one night stand/ rebound after the marraige breakdown?

Alright. So:

1) you are worried about giving her a valid reason to move on, and
2) are assuming she hasn't moved on already.

The answer to your questions above should be easy:

1) Meet your friend in a bar and go home alone.
2) Yes, you would feel guilty, because you'd be betraying your ex-wife, who you believe hasn't left you.

 

[maff1981]

go for it

If you do meet her at a bar have a few drinks and talk see how things feel then if you have a common aim go home spend the night reliving each others tensions weather a hug in front of the tv a kiss or having sex. you are both consenting adults and can do what you want with who you want. just make sure and be careful.

 

[brokenman]

1 night stand? how do i approach the subject?

after a few private chats and talking to some of my friends i want to talk to my old flame about a 1 night stand but as i'm kinnda shy and not really that forward how is the best way to go about bringing it up.

(was thinking maybe asking if she was into one night stands or if we would have to do it twice ;-) (joke)

 

[subwannabe]

I'm not sure what you meant by "i am worried about my wife moving on". Do you mean you are worried for her, or worried for yourself? As I've said, my exwife dumped and divorced me. It was devastating for me but I moved on and eventually got remarried (before her) and I'm much better off now. I'm betting your wife has already moved on, you've already hinted at that but she is afraid to admit it (probably because it could possibly effect the divorce). One thing she hasn't been afraid to say is that it is over, finito, done with, siahnora. Does she have to hit you in the head with a brick? Maybe it is too soon to be seeing someone else but you've got to understand that your life as you knew it is over. You will never be able to move on until that brick gets all the way through to your brain. Life has been better for me. It can be for you too if you put the past in the past, accept reality, and move on. You may want to do anything to save the marriage but she does not.

 

[brokenman]

i'm worried about her moving on because i don't want her to get hurt or be taken advantadge off whilst she is in a vunerable position.
i still love her and want her to be safe and happy.

 

[subwannabe]

That's very generous and kind of you. Of course it is impossible for us to know exactly what is going on but from an outside perspective it looks to me like she has already moved on and wants to let you down as easily as possible. The same thing kind of happened when my ex-wife dumped me and, same as your wife, she had no intention of changing her mind. Although my ex didn't have someone already as I believe your wife does. Anyway, she wanted to let me down as easily as possible and even told me she still wants to be friends and still go out to dinner and the movies occasionally. My response was, "Huh?". I knew what was best for me was to move on and leave her in the past so that's what I did and now my life is much better.

 

[njlauren]

My opinion? It sounds like you are carrying the torch for your wife and don't want to admit that it is over in your heart, hence your hesitation with the old flame. I can understand that, and I feel your pain, there is no judgement in what I say, believe me. To be honest, I don't think the issue is your old flame, I think it is your wife, and to me, I would tell you to shit or get off the pot with her. I am sorry for the crude language, but I think you owe it to yourself and her to figure out what is going on with you two, because things like your old flame will come up, and you will be denying yourself companionship because you are deliberately leaving your marriage in an up in the air state. My recommendation is talk to your wife and lay it on the line, tell her you love her, that you are willing to work through this, give her space to come to grips, but that if she feels it is over, if she ever had any love for you or still does, to tell you the truth, no matter how harsh it is..ask her if she has someone else, and if so just let you know. You owe it to yourself and her, it could be she still thinks things can work, which would be great for you, but you deserve to know the truth.

Given how you feel, if you meet up with the old flame, I would recommend it be as friends and not do anything, you are too torn and it will make you feel guilty and it won't be good for your old flame, either. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a fling, but I think you need to clear your own head and heart before doing anything, not fair to the other person and won't feel good to you.