Mental Illness

[ecstaticsub]

FuryFurry As parents we will never stop worrying.

I worry about my daughter constantly being able to find her way in the world with her varied issues

What has helped me is keeping my cousin in mind. My cousin is about 15 years younger than myself. She and my daughter are so much alike. My cousin routinely loses her phone, gets lost, has extremely high anxiety especially in medical situations, has had some minor car accidents..and on and on.

However. She has a job she loves and where she is appreciated. She has friends, an apartment, pays her bills on time.

She is happy and manages to get through life taking on adventures I would be too cautious to try.

I keep in mind if my cousin can do it, then so will my daughter. Everything will be ok.

Then I sigh and make myself a little drink

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks Ecstaticsub.

For some reason I always think my son can do things and I'm surprised when he can't. He seems way more competent in many ways than my girl.

I bought him a real GPS today that hopefully won't drop out and that he won't have to look at while he drives. I'm also printing out his directions and a map. I don't have GPS I wish I did but if this is what it takes for him to be able to make it to the various locations, then this is what it takes.

 

[Ahlam]

I have post traumatic stress disorder. My symptoms are manageable for the most part, but every now and then I have bizarre moments. Early this morning, for example, some teenagers down the street decided to blow up some fireworks. I had launched myself out of bed and was outside running across my front lawn before I even knew what I was doing! I couldn't get back to sleep after that, of course. Instead of daydreaming about smut now, I am daydreaming about naps.

 

[FurryFury]

Ahlam

*HUGS*

 

[KoPilot]

Hugs to everybody. :[

I just got back from the pharmacy with a Rx for generic Lexapro. I can't... quite believe I've got a prescription for my depression. This is an unreal moment for me. I've known something is wrong for 15 years now, and been unintentionally gaslit for that long about it. No one around me, not my parents, not my therapists, were willing to ever call it depression. I was just "depressed because of X", and doing A, B, C about it would make it better. I wanted to cry in the doctor's office this morning as I was listing off all of my symptoms and to have her go "yeah, that's major depression" was something I thought I would never hear from a medical professional. And then do something about it instead of brush it aside? I still can't believe it.

This shouldn't have been such the uphill battle that it was, but that's just how I was raised to think. That people on medication were lazy, were short-sighted, weren't willing to try everything. Even on my way to pick up the Rx my mom was arguing with me about why I hadn't tried group therapy before doing this (which apparently worked for her). All I kept hearing was "you haven't tried EVERYTHING yet". And you know what? I could spend the rest of my life trying "everything", all the while still trying to deal with this bullshit.

And I know this isn't a magic pill. I know there are side effects, that, like birth control, I'll probably have to try a number of them before I find one that works. But nobody seems to understand how empowering this is for me. I finally feel like I have some semblance of control over this condition instead of being in a constant state of dealing with its repercussions. I don't want to live like that anymore if I can avoid it.

I guess the only question left now is... do I start taking it before or after Oktoberfest?

 

[BiBunny]

Hugs, best wishes, thoughts, prayers, etc. to everyone who needs them.

Hugs to everybody. :[

I just got back from the pharmacy with a Rx for generic Lexapro. I can't... quite believe I've got a prescription for my depression. This is an unreal moment for me. I've known something is wrong for 15 years now, and been unintentionally gaslit for that long about it. No one around me, not my parents, not my therapists, were willing to ever call it depression. I was just "depressed because of X", and doing A, B, C about it would make it better. I wanted to cry in the doctor's office this morning as I was listing off all of my symptoms and to have her go "yeah, that's major depression" was something I thought I would never hear from a medical professional. And then do something about it instead of brush it aside? I still can't believe it.

This shouldn't have been such the uphill battle that it was, but that's just how I was raised to think. That people on medication were lazy, were short-sighted, weren't willing to try everything. Even on my way to pick up the Rx my mom was arguing with me about why I hadn't tried group therapy before doing this (which apparently worked for her). All I kept hearing was "you haven't tried EVERYTHING yet". And you know what? I could spend the rest of my life trying "everything", all the while still trying to deal with this bullshit.

And I know this isn't a magic pill. I know there are side effects, that, like birth control, I'll probably have to try a number of them before I find one that works. But nobody seems to understand how empowering this is for me. I finally feel like I have some semblance of control over this condition instead of being in a constant state of dealing with its repercussions. I don't want to live like that anymore if I can avoid it.

I guess the only question left now is... do I start taking it before or after Oktoberfest?

This was pretty much my reaction three years ago, too. Wellbutrin saved my life. Lamictal made me a tolerable human being, but Wellbutrin is literally the only thing that kept me from blowing my brains out. And now, if you want to take it away from me, you will have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.

As for taking it now or post-Oktoberfest, just how much do you plan on drinking there?

Also, I hope that you'll get lucky and have the Lexapro work great right out of the box. Or within three weeks or whatever it is. What I mean is, I hope your doctor hit on the right anti-depressant for you the first time.

 

[KoPilot]

This was pretty much my reaction three years ago, too. Wellbutrin saved my life. Lamictal made me a tolerable human being, but Wellbutrin is literally the only thing that kept me from blowing my brains out. And now, if you want to take it away from me, you will have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.

As for taking it now or post-Oktoberfest, just how much do you plan on drinking there?

Also, I hope that you'll get lucky and have the Lexapro work great right out of the box. Or within three weeks or whatever it is. What I mean is, I hope your doctor hit on the right anti-depressant for you the first time.

Yes! Exactly! It wasn't until, like, a year ago that I started taking these meds seriously... and that's after being beaten over the head about it from folks talking about their experiences on the internet. I guess up until that point it was like "well, these things can't help me because I don't have depression, I just get depressed sometimes". Ignore the fact that the "sometimes" is actually "most of the time".

And then my husband remembered he had an old ritalin Rx, and therefore remembered he'd been diagnosed with ADHD in years past, and began wondering if perhaps that's why he was depressed and couldn't finish books. I encouraged the hell out of him to see somebody. He was prescribed a slow-release version of ritalin, and now he feels way better. He's hesitant to admit it, but I can just tell in the way that he talks about how fast he finished his last book. How he was actually able to sit down and read for more than 15 minutes at a time. How his evenings feel a little longer than they used to, how he's not quite so miserable at work.

That's what really put it within reach for me. Up until that point, I'd never known anybody that had been on a medication for a mental issue or mood disorder except for 2 people, and they both had horrible things to say.

I'm glad I'm not suicidal and haven't been since I was a young teenager, but I feel myself slipping into a waking coma sometimes and it scares the shit out of me.

Thanks BiBunny. I hope so too! And stories like yours really do help people who were stuck like me.

I think I'll wait until sunday morning to start, though...

 

[FurryFury]

The new GPS worked MUCH better than his phone GPS. There were no drop outs. It took us on a better route. He feels much more confident.

His boss was there today and talking about some paperwork she wanted so I guess he isn't fired.

 

[FurryFury]

KoPilot,

I'm so happy for you and I hope the meds work well. *HUGS*

 

[FurryFury]

Yesterday at the prescribing doctor, my girl needed a doctors note for her professor about how memory and the brain can be affected by heat stroke. Honestly, it was like pulling teeth with my fingers. It was as if they didn't know she'd had a serious heat stroke that was allowed to go on so long it nearly killed her. And that they didn't know that what she has been doing for the past year and a half is waiting for her brain to rewire itself. *scream*

Now they want her to go to a neurologist. Even with insurance the co pays and yearly fees on that are going to be high. *sigh*

 

[ecstaticsub]

FurryFury Did she see a neurologist at the time of the heat stroke? It may not be a bad idea. Though I am not sure how much help they will be other than to find our the extent of damage. As far as I know the only way to rewire the brain is to challenge it with learning, which it sounds like your daughter is doing.

 

[FurryFury]

That's difficult to say since she was in India. They assumed a psychotic break (because the university had latched onto that idea before she even made the trip, due to a dramatic professor) before figuring out it was the much more likely heat stroke. They also freaked out that she had aderall with her, acted as if she were a drug addict.

She was, as I understand it, unconscious for two days. They ran many tests on her yet failed to notice and follow up on a documented UTI which likely resulted from them restraining her for so long with a catheter in her.

Later, she landed in the hospital at home, and nearly died from a severe kidney infection. I found out that a kidney infection is common after heat stroke. I wish someone had TOLD me that. We need common sense professionals that tell you what you need to know. I could have been helping possibly prevent the kidney infection.

I think her prescribing doc loves to send her to specialists. Recently he sent her for a EKG that even with insurance cost nearly $300 out of our pocket and reveal, thankfully, nothing wrong.

The neurologist he named doesn't have good reviews on explaining things clearly or listening well. So we are def not going to see that doctor.

If she wants to see one, I've found some that do have good ratings on explaining and listening.

I kind of hate the idea of paying out of pocket now, and then in the New Year if her need to see one goes on.

If it could actually help that would be great. But if that were the case shouldn't it have been mentioned and recommended to us a year and a half ago?

FurryFury Did she see a neurologist at the time of the heat stroke? It may not be a bad idea. Though I am not sure how much help they will be other than to find our the extent of damage. As far as I know the only way to rewire the brain is to challenge it with learning, which it sounds like your daughter is doing.

 

[BiBunny]

I saw a neurologist for migraines, back when I actually still had insurance. If I recall correctly, the co-pay wasn't a whole lot more than it was for a regular doctor. Of course, I know it depends on what kind of insurance you have and which doctor you see, etc., etc., etc.

And $300 for an EKG with insurance? Jesus tap-dancing Christ. My doctor did one on me in her office, and I think it cost me $50 or less--without insurance. But my doctor is awesome, so there's that.

 

[FurryFury]

It seems like the co pays are always $45 but there are also yearly out of pocket things that are hundred with any specialist.

 

[july_night]

Okay so does anyone know any treatments for PTSD that actually work? Because I think my girl needs that but she has been to many therapists and they haven't helped.

A couple of them have tried this thing with lights. My girl thinks that therapy is total B.S.

BiBunny, I agree that was very courageous of you to share with us. *hugs*

However as someone with a mother that is not only mentally ill but also toxic to herself and everyone else, I have to say that in order to save oneself, sometimes strong limits are needed. I wouldn't say I've abandoned her but she would. She also wants to control me and eat my soul but anyway . . .

Cognitive behavioral. therapy. neuroplastic exercises

 

[UpwardSpiral]

And $300 for an EKG with insurance? Jesus tap-dancing Christ. My doctor did one on me in her office, and I think it cost me $50 or less--without insurance. But my doctor is awesome, so there's that.

Insurance, or least what we have, doesn't seem to cover what it used to, especially for diagnostics like that. My wife recently had to have an MRI, and it was $250 out of pocket for us even with insurance.

 

[FurryFury]

She went to a cognitive therapist for a while.

Cognitive behavioral. therapy. neuroplastic exercises

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Some moderately good news, a month after the switch to citalopram, the side effects seem to be diminishing. This is the first week that I haven't been sick, and my appetite seems to be returning. Big relief!! Still a bit jaw clenchy and have some great hand tremors, but hey, I can live with that!

 

[FurryFury]

That IS great news!

Some moderately good news, a month after the switch to citalopram, the side effects seem to be diminishing. This is the first week that I haven't been sick, and my appetite seems to be returning. Big relief!! Still a bit jaw clenchy and have some great hand tremors, but hey, I can live with that!

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

I have been losing weight rapidly this past month... and a half?

I wish it were healthy weight loss.

Are you managing to eat? Keeping it down?

My trick... I just found one thing I could tolerate and stayed with that plus some meal replacement drinks, which will give you the vitamins and minerals you need. but big hugs! I know that one all too well.

 

[FurryFury]

*HUGS*

I have been losing weight rapidly this past month... and a half?

I wish it were healthy weight loss.

 

[CutieMouse]

FurryFury,

ETT kicks ass. (In my opinion)

I can understand how your daughter might think it's a bunch of woo-woo blinky light psych blahblahblah, but studies do show it does speed up the therapy process. My therapist never had me do the full light box (we just used goggles), because she said it's somewhat common to get a little worse as the brain rewires and I couldn't afford to fall apart/ come back in for a second treatment a few days after each ETT. So we did ETT "lite" - enough ETT to remap old trauma, but not so intense that it would unacceptably disrupt my daily functionality.

The hardest thing about effective therapy (IMO), is that a lot of the time so much shit gets stirred up that things get worse, before they get better. It takes a lot of trust to stick it out with the therapist during the "getting worse" stage, plus you have to have the right therapist. If the client and the therapist aren't on the same page, nothing will work. In that sense, a lot of her success boils down to HER.

 

[FurryFury]

I think she has tried that in the past. I'll ask her.

Thanks for the info.

FurryFury,

ETT kicks ass. (In my opinion)

I can understand how your daughter might think it's a bunch of woo-woo blinky light psych blahblahblah, but studies do show it does speed up the therapy process. My therapist never had me do the full light box (we just used goggles), because she said it's somewhat common to get a little worse as the brain rewires and I couldn't afford to fall apart/ come back in for a second treatment a few days after each ETT. So we did ETT "lite" - enough ETT to remap old trauma, but not so intense that it would unacceptably disrupt my daily functionality.

The hardest thing about effective therapy (IMO), is that a lot of the time so much shit gets stirred up that things get worse, before they get better. It takes a lot of trust to stick it out with the therapist during the "getting worse" stage, plus you have to have the right therapist. If the client and the therapist aren't on the same page, nothing will work. In that sense, a lot of her success boils down to HER.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I haven't been paying much attention to this discussion, but I do have two resources which-- maybe they will help someone...
first, there is this printable image; http://31.media.tumblr.com/eb88c16a7522cdf58201a286c986ff0a/tumblr_muj547TMai1sovbevo1_1280.jpg it's an emotions chart that is designed to help you bear down and figure out what your feelings are.

The other is a lovely story cycle I happened upon. It's fictionalised but it explains real personality and neurological disorders, and talks about therapies and strategies in compassionate and individualistic ways;
'brainbent" from the beginning

The readership community has built up a large collection of resources, all of which are linked to from the blog.

 

[FurryFury]

My girl seems to be falling apart a bit. She had a terrible attack of TMJ. Happily that only last a couple of days. She was guzzling caffeinated drinks during this time according to her Dad. I've always told her that adds to it but she won't listen.

She says she needs to medically withdraw from the course that requires rote memory. I just wonder if she can actually finish college with her brain the way it is at this point.

She refuses to get any guidance on her college plans because "She knows it all" very ADHD of her. Almost a normal level of arrogance from her that is. Now if she could just get her brain back.

My son is going great in his new job since I got him the GPS. I'm very happy about that.

My mom is doing okay. She finally figured out the insurance form five months after it was due. I had tried to help her against my better judgement but she didn't have her insurance card info and so it didn't work out. Somehow she did it over the phone with someone and now just has to fax it in.

She has been sending me multiple birthday cards. Obsessive much?

Still not sure how Thanksgiving is going to go. Will mother and I be talking? Will I invite her? Will my husband have enough time off to cook the food he wants? No idea. I do know he wants to cook and doesn't want to try new things that I'd like to do. LOL