Male POV Feedback

[AnjoCynewulfe]

I'm a woman, but I love writing from a male's POV. Do let me know if anything regarding like how things work physically are accurate in this! Is my first work published here!

https://literotica.com/s/limerence-ch-01-panties

 

[Bazzle]

I'm a woman, but I love writing from a male's POV. Do let me know if anything regarding like how things work physically are accurate in this! Is my first work published here!

https://literotica.com/s/limerence-ch-01-panties

The opening bathroom scene. The male perspective would be the "hundreds" of bottles of shampoos, conditioners, moisturizers, soaps and other such delights that just got in the way of his shower gel. It was like a game of dominoes every time he reaches for it.

Loving the mess...girls are so much messier than men.

I must admit I got confused to the cast.

Kiki- guessing short for Kiara?

Luka?

pendejo- Should be capitalised? Who is he...Luka?

Then you bring in Diane at the end?

Nice little set up...just not sure what the set up is- other than one of the male cast smells his GF's underwear.

 

[StillStunned]

pendejo

"Pendejo" is a pejorative. Used for someone who's annoying you, as far as I can tell.

 

[Bazzle]

"Pendejo" is a pejorative. Used for someone who's annoying you, as far as I can tell.

Oh...I thought it was a name...I got confused over the posh name But should it be capitalised as insulting name?

 

[AnjoCynewulfe]

The opening bathroom scene. The male perspective would be the "hundreds" of bottles of shampoos, conditioners, moisturizers, soaps and other such delights that just got in the way of his shower gel. It was like a game of dominoes every time he reaches for it.

Loving the mess...girls are so much messier than men.

I must admit I got confused to the cast.

Kiki- guessing short for Kiara?

Luka?

pendejo- Should be capitalised? Who is he...Luka?

Then you bring in Diane at the end?

Nice little set up...just not sure what the set up is- other than one of the male cast smells his GF's underwear.

There are only two characters interacting and Diane was mentioned in the first sentence - just not by name. Sorry if that was confusing :3

 

[AnjoCynewulfe]

Oh...I thought it was a name...I got confused over the posh name But should it be capitalised as insulting name?

It's a spanish curse word, so nothing posh about it XD

 

[Bazzle]

There are only two characters interacting and Diane was mentioned in the first sentence - just not by name. Sorry if that was confusing :3

I am male...I am easily confused by a women

 

[AnjoCynewulfe]

I am male...I am easily confused by a women

Is there something that can be changed to make it less confusing?

 

[Bazzle]

It may have been useful to name Diane at the beginning. Seeing as the story develops she is going to be key.

Also to set the time of day. The first thought is that she is out on an night out...but its clearly afternoon, for Kiara to come back to demand dinner.

Are they out shopping? "Whoopie more clothes to end up on the floor" As Luka picks up all the stray panties and socks scattered to the four corners as if she got undressed like a whirlwind.

Also...from a male perspective, we don't need lube to wank...

I must admit I also got confused with the dream sequence and the phone call with Diane...was he dreaming that she was talking to Diane?

Looking forward to the next chapter

As to why Kiara fall out with Diane? Plus what is the result of drinking a bottle of vodka whilst eating Tacos to Kiara's panties

B

 

[AnjoCynewulfe]

It may have been useful to name Diane at the beginning. Seeing as the story develops she is going to be key.

Also to set the time of day. The first thought is that she is out on an night out...but its clearly afternoon, for Kiara to come back to demand dinner.

Are they out shopping? "Whoopie more clothes to end up on the floor" As Luka picks up all the stray panties and socks scattered to the four corners as if she got undressed like a whirlwind.

Also...from a male perspective, we don't need lube to wank...

I must admit I also got confused with the dream sequence and the phone call with Diane...was he dreaming that she was talking to Diane?

Looking forward to the next chapter

As to why Kiara fall out with Diane? Plus what is the result of drinking a bottle of vodka whilst eating Tacos to Kiara's panties

B

There was no dream sequence, I am confused.

 

[Bazzle]

There was no dream sequence, I am confused.

I apologise, I miss read it. She does come home.

I was believing he was playing with himself dreaming of a conversation with Kiara.

 

[AG31]

I do wish some of these guys would have addressed your question, "Do let me know if anything regarding like how things work physically are accurate." If only to say, "everything seems accurate."

 

[OverconfidentSarcasm]

I do wish some of these guys would have addressed your question, "Do let me know if anything regarding like how things work physically are accurate." If only to say, "everything seems accurate."

But that's not how we guys think. You're failing to consider the male POV.

 

[JuanSeiszFitzHall]

I do wish some of these guys would have addressed your question, "Do let me know if anything regarding like how things work physically are accurate." If only to say, "everything seems accurate."

That's a good point. I will address only the request. While I personally haven't self-pleasured in this particular way (using a woman's underwear, etc.), I can accept that a cis het male would do so. However--and this is an issue indulged in by many writers here, regardless of gender or orientation--a male human probably doesn't contain enough fluid in the Cowper's gland for a 'steady stream' of precum, especially after secretion had already begun. The total volume is about a teaspoon.

 

[Bill_Doubleu]

I like to write in a woman's voice. I always wonder if is a believable perspective and fits a female narrative. I read your story a couple of times. I found it believable, meaning written from a sperm carrier point of view.

 

[AlexBailey]

Nice piece.

The way his narration read seemed very fresa, but maybe that was intentional? The way he described the scene and his perspective seemed very femme, so much that I would suspect he’d be into wearing panties himself… of course I could just be projecting.


I didn’t really get what you meant here:
‘…to watch my abs flex and the base of my cock jump as the idea of her was becoming too much.’

I feel a lot at the base of my cock but I don’t think I’ve ever seen it ‘jump.’

I agree with Bazzle about the lube though I’ve known some guys who like using it.

Also I rarely have much precum but a tiny bit goes a long way.

The toughest physical part for me to believe was how, although he had the opportunity, he didn’t finish himself. It’s an ache to get that close and not come. Things can happen to interrupt the mood, but she was the one who got the call. He would probably still be on the edge and would nearly need to finish.