Horrified by submission.

[stxjimmy]

We probably all struggle..

Dealing with the duality of it all isn’t easy.

Being a feminist and also having the desire to be submissive shouldn’t make us feel less like feminists, or less like women.

Don't we all as humans struggle with our contradictions, no matter what they are.
The trick is to find a safe place where we can be open and honest about desire, and to be supported doing that.

Any considered choice we make, so long as it doesn't harm others is positive.

 

[cascadiabound]

Faralicious and cascadiabound did it take you long to resolve the internal conflict? And does it still raise its head with you now you’ve accepted you’re a submissive and feminist ?

I guess I am pretty slow off the mark to respond to this...I have been here pretty intermittently since the beginning of 2020.

How long did it take? Well, I'd say there are at least 2 ways to answer it.

I did not have the language, sexual sophistication or awareness of the BDSM community to recognize this was an underlying issue for me and that I need and crave submission... so the length of time to even realize I had something to intellectually reconcile was decades. (So much wasted time!)

On the other hand once I did start to have awareness, language constructs etc it took a couple of years of actively struggling with the duality of powerful, competent, independent, pulls-no-punches feminist with my submissive self/submissives needs/cravings. I found a variety of helpful resources here and elsewhere. Probably coping with a few manipulative asshole D types provided a back stop to evaluate the difference between lit stories about submission and how to negotiate what was and was not okay with me in discussions with others. Being submissive is not equal to doormat. I can bring all of my intellect and negotiating skills to the communication table when determining whether person x is someone I am willing to submit to. And consent now is not consent forever... tbh, the whole structure of negotiated consent is profoundly feminist.

I no longer struggle with this stuff at all. It's just, like Fara said, facets of who I am. I'm a feminist, I'm a submissive woman (but that submission is ONLY in the context of my sexuality), I like to wear red, I need to create to be happy, etc etc.

I haven't checked if @Ginlover is still actively hanging around here, but I hope these scribblings are useful to someone. Far - you wanna weigh in?

 

[wallstreetguy]

I am surprised by the wide range of sub women I have met. Some are senior executives and some have never held a job. Some are super fit and gorgeous and some are...not.
The need to be controlled crosses all boundaries for women, in my experience.

 

[MaraschinoCherry]

I’ve never felt horrified by my submissiveness, no. Frustrated with myself to trusting so easily, yes. Surprised (borderline embarrassed?) by some of my own kinks, yes. But never horrified by my own tendencies.