Getting sick of my own moaning

[StillStunned]

A long time ago I went to see Luka Bloom perform live. He was touring to promote his latest album, a collection of covers of other artists' songs. He explained that he'd got sick of listening to himself whining, so he decided to listen to other people's music for a change. "There's a lot of whiny people out there," he said. It's still a good album, though.

I think I've fallen into something of the same trap. I've been writing more and more dark stuff. Fairytale of New York has a happy ending, or at least a hopeful one, but it's a dark tale. You Know You Shouldn't is about your conscience losing out to your desire. The project I began for the Winter Holiday contest would have been a tear-jerker if I could have forced myself to finish it. Even Orgy of Death has long stretches that are gloomy.

A few moments ago I submitted another story: Life and Death of the She-Wolf. It's about the ghost of a Viking warrior woman reflecting on her life. No happy ending, obviously, even with a glimmer of hope at the end.

I was actually working on a handful of other stories: a sequel to Flesh for Fantasy, another story about two neighbours talking on the phone as they watch a young man, a longer sci-fi/western project. All of these are fairly light and breezy, and I was enjoying working on them.

But then I got the idea for She-Wolf, and that pushed everything else aside. I thought about using it as the introduction for a longer fantasy story, where her ghost is freed and joins her rescuer as they travel the world. But it seemed too jarring after what I'd written - and moreover I didn't want to write a happy story.

So I'm making myself a promise: no more sad stories for the time being. Fairytale left me emotionally drained, even though it's only 1.8k words. She-Wolf just wants me to pull the blankets over my head. I don't my writing to leave me feeling like this. It's supposed to make me happy, dammit.

Has anyone else felt like this? Or is it just the onset of middle age that's making me gloomy?

 

[ElectricBlue]

Has anyone else felt like this? Or is it just the onset of middle age that's making me gloomy?

It's winter in America, you're probably not getting enough light.

Go outside and take a walk, look up at the trees, not down at the ground, see them little birdies flying around. Kick leaves around, roll down a long grass hill, see the fog on your breath from the cold. Laugh at the stupid small dog in its little knitted jumper, then smile at the lady who owns it.

Don't forget to keep breathing, and fuck off and write something cheerful .

 

[StillStunned]

It's winter in America, you're probably not getting enough light.

Go outside and take a walk, look up at the trees, not down at the ground, see them little birdies flying around. Kick leaves around, roll down a long grass hill, see the fog on your breath from the cold. Laugh at the stupid small dog in its little knitted jumper, then smile at the lady who owns it.

Don't forget to keep breathing, and fuck off and write something cheerful .

Not in America, but point well taken. I really should get out more.

 

[Gamblnluck]

I personally love stories with conflict of some sort, a bit of angst. I get lost in sci-fi, or period fiction. My problem is while I might enjoy a story of a young woman in trouble making rent and falling into the clutches of a bastard in modern times, I just can't get into the same basic plot told in the 1800's on an English manor.
Not exactly a 'dark' story, "My Mother Owns Me" had readers up in arms about how the MC was treated by his own family. Even my beta readers told me I was paddling upstream or painting myself into a corner. They did not like any of my characters. (Neither did , even though it was told in the first person where the narrator is the 'hero' of his own story.) But there was hope at the end.

 

[Britva415]

Not in America, but point well taken. I really should get out more.

Northern hemisphere, higher than say 30 degrees latitude?

 

[CyranoJ]

So I'm making myself a promise: no more sad stories for the time being. Fairytale left me emotionally drained, even though it's only 1.8k words. She-Wolf just wants me to pull the blankets over my head. I don't my writing to leave me feeling like this. It's supposed to make me happy, dammit.

Has anyone else felt like this? Or is it just the onset of middle age that's making me gloomy?

Your writing will not always leave you feeling you feeling "happy." It should always, however, leave you feeling in some sense "satisfied." Writing the Ballad of Little Bird wasn't a "happy" experience, for example -- it's a fundamentally tragic story -- but it was immensely satisfying in terms of executing a vision. I wouldn't have been able to complete it otherwise.

If your writing is not compensating you in some way -- be it satisfaction, happiness or simple hotness, which is often the point of erotic writing -- it's probably time to wonder why you're not deriving at least something from it. Maybe you need to challenge yourself creatively a little more. Maybe you need to shoot higher than you have been.

Most of my erotic stories provided at least some kind of personal satisfaction, often a combination of putting together and executing something I was excited about plus bringing some kind of erotic closure to the table. When I started to write primarily for money, I lost the motivation for other kinds of satisfaction: being able to pay my bills, buy some decent clothes and take a sexy woman out to dinner is much hotter IRL than anything I could hope to accomplish in porn.

That said, if you have the luxury of writing for forms of satisfaction beyond money, it's something to be treasured. It's something I still miss and the reason why I still have erotic story concepts in my brain. If I could paid the way I do for SEO content for erotic writing, I would still 100% be writing porn and getting more and more elaborate about doing so.

 

[AchtungNight]

If it’s what flows out of your mind best, and the story is good, roll with it is what I say. My current project has three high school seniors enjoying a happy threesome, but given the fact the girls are both going into the military and one is destined to die in combat about five years later… it’s going to have a somber ending too.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I don't know if this is helpful for your specific stories, but: a story about sad events doesn't always have to be depressing reading. Something I've tried to do with my more recent stories is describe sad events - death of a partner, end of a relationship - but explore the idea that those relationships aren't worthless just because they ended. (I'd ramble more on that, but I have a train to catch, sorry!)

 

[StillStunned]

Thanks all.

To be clear, I'm still deriving a huge enjoyment from my writing, even the depressing ones. My problem, if it even is a real problem, is that just now I'd rather work on the lighter stuff for a while, but my subconscious self keeps interfering. And I think once you start going down that path it's becomes difficult to steer away.

So for the next few weeks it's going to be nothing but happy endings for me!

 

[CyranoJ]

So for the next few weeks it's going to be nothing but happy endings for me!

That's a whole genre of erotica right there. Have fun!

 

[Kumquatqueen]

It hadn't occured to me that my Christmas story would appear at the top of my alphabetical listings. It's a pretty positive story about friendship and acceptance, but also about rejection and lack of happy family.

The next one down is about homophobia and a funeral, even if it too is positive and filthy overall. So I kinda hope noone tries to go through my output in alphabetical order!

Fortunately I've nearly completed one which will slot in between those two, which is happy no-strings kink.

(A Tale of Two Christmases, After the Funeral, and coming soon, Accredited Sadist)

After the Funeral got written in a splurge just after I attended a funeral - no-one I really cared about but I was struck by how it felt for an unbeliever. The Tale seemed to gather more and more of my emotions, so I could only write a sentence or two at a time as otherwise it was too much, even though it's fiction. Just some fiction is truth.

 

[Bazzle]

Thanks all.

To be clear, I'm still deriving a huge enjoyment from my writing, even the depressing ones. My problem, if it even is a real problem, is that just now I'd rather work on the lighter stuff for a while, but my subconscious self keeps interfering. And I think once you start going down that path it's becomes difficult to steer away.

So for the next few weeks it's going to be nothing but happy endings for me!

Your writing will go where you inner moods are?
Don't force yourself to write cheerful stuff if I'm reality your protagonist should be talking a long walk off a short pier.

I try to to vary happy and light with darkness.

But write with your inner soul rather than force it?

 

[nice90sguy]

Writing is one of the few things I think I do better when I'm unhappy.