Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[Vitriolhack]

That is what I thought way back when we started dating (2008).

Typically I get frustrated because although she will bring up things we have done in the past, it is the same 2 or 3 stories. And things that happened between 2008 and 2010 are distant memories.

But anyway I should be communicating better, but I can hardly get her to watch porn. It's not that she is a prude, she just doesn't care or get why they would do certain things.

It's not a bad marriage, just hasn't been very satisfying.

Have you tried asking her what scenarios she would like?

Other that fantasy land I mean.

Maybe, you could find a new common ground?

 

[GoodBoy4Ever]

Have you tried asking her what scenarios she would like?

Other that fantasy land I mean.

Maybe, you could find a new common ground?

I have. She likes things simple, and doesn't seem interested in exploring even when our marriage counselor last year tried to encourage her.

Intimacy is low on her priority scale since having kids. She isn't happy with how she looks, and my reassurance has done little to change that.

 

[saintcero]

I do hide my needs from her. We are so far apart on our kink levels that I have to hide some of mine to keep things functioning for the two of us.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I have. She likes things simple, and doesn't seem interested in exploring even when our marriage counselor last year tried to encourage her.

Intimacy is low on her priority scale since having kids. She isn't happy with how she looks, and my reassurance has done little to change that.

You are doing the right things for you family by talking to a counselor.

I hope things turn around for you.

 

[nothingatall27]

My husband has no idea about my bi side or my sub side (as far as I am aware)

Has he said or done things that make it obvious he wouldn’t want to hear about it or do you just enjoy having it as your own little secret?

 

[Vitriolhack]

All my wife is aware of is my stockings fetish, and I doubt she knows how strong that is. We haven’t had sex in an extremely long time anyway, she may have forgotten all about it.

I’m willing to bet a blow job she has not forgot.

 

[emme8]

I feel terrible for all y'all that can't admit kinks to spouses.

It was hard for me to admit that I have some interests that make me a sick kitten. I had to stretch to incorporate a few of Bob's kinks. But the rewards are amazing.

Go slow and try to accommodate your partners kinks as they open up.

Good luck

 

[Vitriolhack]

I feel terrible for all y'all that can't admit kinks to spouses.

It was hard for me to admit that I have some interests that make me a sick kitten. I had to stretch to incorporate a few of Bob's kinks. But the rewards are amazing.

Go slow and try to accommodate your partners kinks as they open up.

Good luck

Baby steps, some of us have found alternate methods of finding gratification.

I am happy for you and Bob, would you say that you relationship is closer because of the transparency you two share about your kinks?

 

[emme8]

I am happy for you and Bob, would you say that you relationship is closer because of the transparency you two share about your kinks?

Definitely we have become closer. I would never be getting anything like my current life without being open.
He tied me up very early on in the relationship, like within the first month of sex. And I had told him one of the reasons I was so scared to break up with my ex was because I was afraid I was too kinky. Little did I know...
But it was hard to let him see my stories. Or my posts on lit.

I have have to push my limits for him also. For instance, I 'm a germaphobe so any anal play was hard for me at first. But I've chilled and we learned how to keep things cleaner.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Definitely we have become closer. I would never be getting anything like my current life without being open.
He tied me up very early on in the relationship, like within the first month of sex. And I had told him one of the reasons I was so scared to break up with my ex was because I was afraid I was too kinky. Little did I know...
But it was hard to let him see my stories. Or my posts on lit.

I have have to push my limits for him also. For instance, I 'm a germaphobe so any anal play was hard for me at first. But I've chilled and we learned how to keep things cleaner.

It’s perfectly fine to have limits some may even say red lines, but the fact that you can talk about it without retaliation is a sign of good complicit intimacy.

You 2 are role models for this thread!

Thank you for sharing

 

[HornyJunkMail]

Sexual needs. Right. Up there with the bread, milk, sausages and loaf of bread ...

 

[Vitriolhack]

Sexual needs. Right. Up there with the bread, milk, sausages and loaf of bread ...

Enough to make a hell of a good sandwich.

 

[tominsatiable]

I’m open with pretty much everything except my incest fantasies. Not sure I will ever tell him about that.

I would want my partner to eventually divulge this. Not simply because it's now a fantasy of mine but, I suspect, it's a taste men with openness to experience eventually enjoy. I guess it will only take time. Gently. And slowly.

My own fantasies moved slowly, and then it came quite quickly all at once. About a decade ago, I was exploring Voyuerism/Exhibitionism on Literotica, and the excitement of those fantasies slowly let me to dip my toes at the very shallow end of Incest/Taboo. Within a year, I was swimming in it. Hope this can be the same for your partner because, by the gods, the highs are extraordinary!

 

[sister jenny]

I would want my partner to eventually divulge this. Not simply because it's now a fantasy of mine but, I suspect, it's a taste men with openness to experience eventually enjoy. I guess it will only take time. Gently. And slowly.

My own fantasies moved slowly, and then it came quite quickly all at once. About a decade ago, I was exploring Voyuerism/Exhibitionism on Literotica, and the excitement of those fantasies slowly let me to dip my toes at the very shallow end of Incest/Taboo. Within a year, I was swimming in it. Hope this can be the same for your partner because, by the gods, the highs are extraordinary!

Thank you so much

 

[cdstefi]

I don't, I'm lucky to be married to a very open-minded woman with whom I can express anything.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I don't, I'm lucky to be married to a very open-minded woman with whom I can express anything.

You are a lucky man!

Most of us just muddle through enjoying the good times and downplaying the bad ones.

 

[Twistedkink]

I most certainly do. Because when your spouse is afraid of accepting their own deep desires, and judge you on anything outside anything much more than traditional sexual acts, you naturally hide. When you know your fantasies and openness will not be embraced, but rather used against you as a weapon you protect yourself. Sadly all too many of our partners don’t really want to know who we are in our deepest sexual corners. Not that they even have to join in those desires, but to even accept them and love them as part of you is the most intimate I could ever be, and they with me. I’m so envious when I read about couples who have all of that and are still committed to each other.

 

[cdstefi]

I'm sure some people think that having a sexually frank and honest relationship means non-stop kinky action. Maybe it is that for some, but for us it's just normalised: we can talk about kinks, things we've done with exes, darker desires, without it necessarily heading straight to the bedroom.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I most certainly do. Because when your spouse is afraid of accepting their own deep desires, and judge you on anything outside anything much more than traditional sexual acts, you naturally hide. When you know your fantasies and openness will not be embraced, but rather used against you as a weapon you protect yourself. Sadly all too many of our partners don’t really want to know who we are in our deepest sexual corners. Not that they even have to join in those desires, but to even accept them and love them as part of you is the most intimate I could ever be, and they with me. I’m so envious when I read about couples who have all of that and are still committed to each other.

Don’t be envious, just accept your situation for what it is. Enjoy the moments that you live with her. It can’t be terrible 100% of the time.

Hope this helps

 

[Twistedkink]

Don’t be envious, just accept your situation for what it is. Enjoy the moments that you live with her. It can’t be terrible 100% of the time.

Hope this helps

I will still be envious, but just because we don’t have that doesn’t mean I’m tanking the relationship. It just means I do hide parts of my true sexual desires from her. Something that I wish I didn’t have to, but would end our relationship if didn’t. Let’s face it, relationships are rarely simple.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I will still be envious, but just because we don’t have that doesn’t mean I’m tanking the relationship. It just means I do hide parts of my true sexual desires from her. Something that I wish I didn’t have to, but would end our relationship if didn’t. Let’s face it, relationships are rarely simple.

You are correct relationships are anything but easy, they require work conversations and acceptance. On paper the formula is simple in practice not so much!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

 

[davion2308]

I don't hide my sexual needs or fantasies. My wife knows what I like, what I'm into, and while she'll indulge me every so often she makes it feel like it's a chore for her. She once asked, after I described what I wanted, what was 'in it for her?' I wanted to answer that she'd get me really turned on and excited but that felt lame in the moment.

I don't try any more. I'd love it if she were to engage me without asking or saying, "So, I guess we should do that thing you like ... ?" and trailing off like it's effort and work. Spoiler: It's not but, hey, okay.

Thanks for emotionally supporting my sexual desires, hun!

 

[Vitriolhack]

I don't hide my sexual needs or fantasies. My wife knows what I like, what I'm into, and while she'll indulge me every so often she makes it feel like it's a chore for her. She once asked, after I described what I wanted, what was 'in it for her?' I wanted to answer that she'd get me really turned on and excited but that felt lame in the moment.

I don't try any more. I'd love it if she were to engage me without asking or saying, "So, I guess we should do that thing you like ... ?" and trailing off like it's effort and work. Spoiler: It's not but, hey, okay.

Thanks for emotionally supporting my sexual desires, hun!

Well, to be fair, she did not say “NO” she said what’s in it for her.

You are correct indulging your kinks would make you horny and hyper sexual for a while. But, have you tried asking her what kinks she has? Maybe there is common grounds somewhere.

You never know.

 

[Uncut1969]

I used to but after fight after fight about no sex I told her I will not not hide it anymore I will masterbate in living room I don’t care! And she has seen me and diddnt care at all ! So I am reading about bi curious and how similar men are in same boat and need attention from someone else like my self the hand gets old !

 

[BackwoodsMama]

I used to. My sex life with my partner wasn’t so good for a while. Recently it has been much better. Recently we went through and did an inventory with. Yes/no/maybe list. We discussed things that had never come up before. It was super helpful. I haven’t shared ALL of my kinks and fantasies, but I don’t know that I need to share everything.