Do you consider yourself Demi-Sexual?

[SimonDoom]

So you could maybe be... Semi-Demi-Sexual?

Not to derail the thread too much with smart-assery, but would someone who's sexually attracted to everyone EXCEPT the person with whom they have a deep emotional attachment be demi-asexual?

 

[Bamagan]

Not to derail the thread too much with smart-assery, but would someone who's sexually attracted to everyone EXCEPT the person with whom they have a deep emotional attachment be demi-asexual?

Isn't that what people are complaining about when they say 'friend-zoned?'

 

[AchtungNight]

Personally I feel I fall about two thirds of the way toward emotional connection preference. I am attracted to attractive people I don't know. I enjoy porn. I could see myself enjoying a one night stand. But I'd most likely prefer that one night stand continue on as a relationship, and I haven't acted on sex with anyone I haven't had an emotional connection with IRL.

Reading this again, I think I may have this preference also. I just need to have more one night stands that become relationships to be sure. Heck, I need more dates outside my head.

 

[stickygirl]

I had a creep in a club started rubbing his demi on my crotchet. Told him to wait a minim, grabbed his tenor clef and he soon started quavering. Some guys don’t know their pizzicato from a glissando

 

[TheRedChamber]

I had a creep in a club started rubbing his demi on my crotchet. Told him to wait a minim, grabbed his tenor clef and he soon started quavering. Some guys don’t know their pizzicato from a glissando

That's what they always say about you sticky - you know the score.

 

[LonRivers]

I have recently heard the term “Demi-Sexual” to describe a person who requires a deep emotional attachment to someone for sexual attraction. I think it describes me. I find myself required to imagine elaborate backstories for the characters in my fictional stories and detail their connections before hooking them up in relationships. Readers have complained about this, but I don’t want to stop doing it. Probably part of the reason I’ve written so much fanfic, it’s a good shortcut for developing characters sometimes. I must still change things occasionally of course, and fill in gaps, incorporate my fantasies… my real life relationships are similar. I can be attracted to someone physically but to awaken sexual attraction, I need an emotional attachment. It’s the same way with the stories I enjoy viewing written by other people. Naturally I have to respond positively to the emotions also.

I’ve heard a lot about Demi-sexuality on the internet, not all of it positive.

We got any other Demi-Sexuals here? What are your experiences with people who have this orientation? I’d like to calm myself down regarding this label and hope random people on this message board can help.

First off, I think you need to take into the consideration the subject of the feedback you are getting. Is the person writing to you to complain because they just want to jerk off (and you aren't getting to the meat of the story) or are they giving you actual constructive criticism?

Secondly, keep to the basics. Straight. Gay. Bi and Trans. No one cares about the pans and the metros and every other made up title they decide to call themselves to help them fit in somewhere. Sex is why they are here. They want to read about it and escape from reality. They want to be aroused sexually and mentally. They don't care about anything that disrupts that.

Thirdly, and most importantly; Write what you want to write about and how you want to write. Don't let some non constructive reader sway you. Especially if they don't provide you with good criticism. Go to their profile if you are able to and I guarantee it they don't have anything of their own to read.

Short stories don't need a whole lot of back story. Keep it basic. Get to the point, but add some color to help the reader imagine what you are conveying. Larger stories or series pieces should contain enough back story to get the reader familiar with your characters. But don't go multiple pages in of how he or she went to school or who their ex is that made them the way that they are. Get the point? Give detail, but keep it short. Add some more detail as the story progresses and when it fits the story.

 

[MyBareTorso]

Um, most definitely not... what's the opposite of demi-sexual?

 

[Britva415]

Um, most definitely not... what's the opposite of demi-sexual?

Probably "just regular sexual," but since "asexual" is the polar opposite of that, then maybe regarding "demi" as being "on a spectrum" would be helpful to you?

 

[Britva415]

a person who requires a deep emotional attachment to someone for sexual attraction

Speaking for myself, sexual attraction and more specifically sexual interaction are a critical part of what creates the deep emotional attachment. I couldn't bond romantically with someone without sex together.

It doesn't automatically mean I'm going to fall in love with any old sex partner, which is I think what 100% rules out demisexuality for me. I'm not saying a demi would fall in love with any old sex partner, I guess what I'm saying is that an idealized demi wouldn't have "any old sex partner" in the first place.

Does being picky count? "Any old person" isn't a sex partner candidate for me. I have to like them enough to have sex with them. But that's not deep, it's not emotional, and it's not attachment.

 

[AchtungNight]

Speaking for myself, sexual attraction and more specifically sexual interaction are a critical part of what creates the deep emotional attachment. I couldn't bond romantically with someone without sex together.

It doesn't automatically mean I'm going to fall in love with any old sex partner, which is I think what 100% rules out demisexuality for me. I'm not saying a demi would fall in love with any old sex partner, I guess what I'm saying is that an idealized demi wouldn't have "any old sex partner" in the first place.

Does being picky count? "Any old person" isn't a sex partner candidate for me. I have to like them enough to have sex with them. But that's not deep, it's not emotional, and it's not attachment.

For me, sex is always a deep emotional attachment. It'd probably be that way if I had as many sex partners as the more promiscuous characters in my stories. I guess that's the kind of person I am.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I've always considered myself to be trysexual.

Me too. Haven’t found too much I won’t try at least once.

 

[CalebZhass]

Another made up term for a society that so desperately needs to classify everything, then feel all special when it fits them.

Somehow this world survived for thousands of years without all this made up bullshit.

I think it is a bit more complicated than that. We live in a world where people label you. More so, if you do not find yourself belonging to a label, you start to wonder if you are broken and in need of fixing.

The truth is, we are all slightly different, we approach sexuality in a myriad of ways and just knowing that there are others like you out there can mean a world of difference when it comes to evaluating yourself.

So no.. most people are not looking for labels so they can feel special. They are looking for labels so they do not feel broken. I was lucky to have a strong ego that prevented me from feeling less because of my own quirks, but you know what, a part of me still felt anxious about thinking that I am somehow special, and learning that I am not was a great breath of fresh air.

 

[MyBareTorso]

Probably "just regular sexual," but since "asexual" is the polar opposite of that, then maybe regarding "demi" as being "on a spectrum" would be helpful to you?

I'll just continue to refer to myself as a sex addict.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Demi-sexual? "a person who requires a deep emotional attachment to someone for sexual attraction."

That's definitely not me.

I find emotional attachments to a sex partner to be distracting and limiting. This is why I get so many 1-bombers on my swinger stories. They view marriage as an emotional connection of love and sex. And my first wife was that way too. She viewed marriage, love, and sex as an "all-in-one" combination, even though SHE was the one who decided we no longer needed to have sex. And as for "love", SHE was the one who avoided me and the kids.

I found the right wife (after the divorce) who thinks as I do. It's SEX, a physical release. She just needs to be in the mood for it. But that just means scheduling. I can add an event to our shared calendar "Wednesday at 5 PM: Fuck the wife", and she'll be ready for it.

 

[Yesok1]

I'm far to shallow.
I look at her smile,
I hear her talk,
I look at her clothes.

That's what gets me. It all goes out the window if she wants to bed me. But once she has, I usually fall in love and move her in.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Umm .... no. Definitely not.

 

[32aa]

In 'Real life'... no. In my early years, like college years, a sexual attraction started it. I mean, in college, very few were looking for an emotional bond. Sex was fun, and in the 70's the Pill made it carefree. It was before STD's and guys worrying about things 'turning black and falling off'.

In my stores, it's completely opposite. The main characters all have an emotional bond before taking the next step of consummating that bond. But then all of my stories have been with a 'Romantic' undertone.

 

[SamBomb]

Another made up term for a society that so desperately needs to classify everything, then feel all special when it fits them.

Somehow this world survived for thousands of years without all this made up bullshit.

Fuck off. It's a term that describes actually people. Why be this way?

 

[SamBomb]

I suppose it stands to reason that the society who has created 20+ fake genders would in turn have to create fake sexualities to go along with them.

Oh, you are just a pathetic bigot. Shocked.