Do you consider yourself Demi-Sexual?

[AchtungNight]

I have recently heard the term “Demi-Sexual” to describe a person who requires a deep emotional attachment to someone for sexual attraction. I think it describes me. I find myself required to imagine elaborate backstories for the characters in my fictional stories and detail their connections before hooking them up in relationships. Readers have complained about this, but I don’t want to stop doing it. Probably part of the reason I’ve written so much fanfic, it’s a good shortcut for developing characters sometimes. I must still change things occasionally of course, and fill in gaps, incorporate my fantasies… my real life relationships are similar. I can be attracted to someone physically but to awaken sexual attraction, I need an emotional attachment. It’s the same way with the stories I enjoy viewing written by other people. Naturally I have to respond positively to the emotions also.

I’ve heard a lot about Demi-sexuality on the internet, not all of it positive.

We got any other Demi-Sexuals here? What are your experiences with people who have this orientation? I’d like to calm myself down regarding this label and hope random people on this message board can help.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Nope, not me. I see nice legs/ass/face and I am already imagining things. Sexual objectification all the way!
On a more serious note, for me, sexual attraction is influenced by other things as well, like femininity, style, the way a person moves, gracefulness, and so on, but yeah, emotional attachment can only lessen my sexual attraction, to be completely honest.
The more I connect emotionally with someone, the less I see them in a sexual way (in general. There might be some exceptions). Maybe I am anti-demi-sexual?

 

[MrPixel]

Interesting. I used to be demi-sexual as described, and it was nothing but trouble for a 28-year-old guy reeling from a divorce where the ex never gave a reason (figured it out many years later). Dating was horrible; I would tend to become infatuated with women I found attractive and then the casual friendship would go off the rails. And there were a couple of serious mistakes.

Therapy. It took several years of it, and very fortunately the therapist specialized in young adult relationships, teaching me the difference between romantic love and enjoying "sportfucking", that both were good, but don't mix them up. I think she did a pretty good job; my wife and I have been together for 36 years, are still having fun, and remain open to good times with select friends.

 

[TxRad]

I've always considered myself to be trysexual.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Not really in real life - though I am now marriage with deep emotional attachment.

However, a story needs to have a point and, while not mandatory, a lot of my stories do assume that the sex is going to lead somewhere as a result of this attachment. That said, there's a fair few that don't when I've found a different 'point' for the story.

 

[SimonDoom]

No, not at all. I can be sexually attracted to someone without a deep emotional attachment. In practice, I seldom act on the attraction without at least some emotional attachment.

 

[LoneMilf]

That comes close to how I've felt the last 20 years in real life. No desire without a deep connection first - which basically meant just desire for my husband.

Somehow it works very differently for online interactions though

 

[samhasstories]

Demi-sexual, no, based on the definition given (that's a new term for me). I don't require a deep emotional attachment, but nor is attraction entirely physical for me. That might be beside the point and obvious. But some level of chemistry is necessary. So I guess maybe it's a sliding scale, and I'm on the shallow end?

I do think sex is more fulfilling when there's an emotional attachment. But I find myself attracted to stories (reading and writing) where there's a random element, where people fool around in situations where that wouldn't generally be the plan.

 

[Altissimus]

I'd probably say 'yes' to this.

Even the casual sex in my life has been with people with whom I have an emotional connection, and they are quite often (but not always) 'deep' - that's the one part of the definition I'd query, as it's so subjective.

While I will happily enjoy the aesthetic pleasures of a good-looking girl, I have no interest in sex with her until I've gotten to know her.

...And a girl can be significantly more (or less) attractive to me once I've gotten to know her.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

No, though if I do have a deep emotional connection with someone, I may start to find them sexually attractive when I didn't before. The majority of people could win me over on personality.

But there are some people where I do think "I'd like to do them", unless they then turn me off with their personality.

I might joke about a category of people labelled 'ball gag' - as in they're really hot but you'd need to gag them to stop them saying anything during sex because they're such unpleasant people - but in reality that would be a total turn-off for me.

 

[WyreBendr0417]

Nope. The emotional aspect has always been shallow pool for me. ( the main reason I'm no longer married). Not that I'm shallow, but deep emotional shit kind of puts me on edge, and I fail miserably. I do need some sort of connection, though. Like knowing the person and being friends for some time, and being comfortable enough with each other for sex. Anything along that line. I find romance very difficult and it is the biggest struggle in my writing. It's hard for me to write about something I don't do well in real life.

The happiest relationship I was ever in was with someone I'd worked with for a few years and then became a FWB situation. That lasted a couple of years until she had to move away for a better job.

WB

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

I'm monogamous in real life and writing about cheating whores for stories. Maybe I'm not the perfect person to ask about this.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Do you consider yourself Demi-Sexual?​

Whatever the opposite is, that used to be me. I use the term cumslut, but it doesn’t capture the lesbian aspect properly.

However… what I have learned over the last year or so, is how muxh more fulfilling sex can be as part of a loving relationship. I guess I reconnected with the emotional aspects.

I’ve also learned that sex is just one part (albeit an important one) of a solid relationship.

Em

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

Whatever the opposite is, that used to be me. I use the term cumslut, but it doesn’t capture the lesbian aspect properly.

However… what I have learned over the last year or so, is how muxh more fulfilling sex can be as part of a loving relationship. I guess I reconnected with the emotional aspects.

I’ve also learned that sex is just one part (albeit an important one) of a solid relationship.

Em

Carpet crawling, beaver munching slut?

 

[stickygirl]

At least no one's jumped in with disparaging eyerolls about labels yet. Refreshing.

I have problems with trust, partly based on experience, but simple common sense too. I'm not what people expect from the wrapping, so I have had to be careful to get to know what's between someone's ears before I take an interest in anything else.... with men in particular, come to think of it. Well, of course with men, duh. I fit the demi profile.

I reflect that in my story protagonists: they discuss being trans because it's relevant to the developing relationship. The object of desire is portrayed through rose-tint, always broad minded and accepting and the sex is fulfilling and loving.

I've had one-night sex and all the oils of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand...

 

[EmilyMiller]

Carpet crawling, beaver munching slut?

I may adopt that .

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

I may adopt that .

Em

I sense a limerick in the works.

 

[stickygirl]

I may adopt that .

Em

I may adopt you
we've done the demi intros so...

 

[EmilyMiller]

I may adopt you
we've done the demi intros so...

Em

 

[AchtungNight]

Whatever the opposite is, that used to be me. I use the term cumslut, but it doesn’t capture the lesbian aspect properly.

However… what I have learned over the last year or so, is how muxh more fulfilling sex can be as part of a loving relationship. I guess I reconnected with the emotional aspects.

I’ve also learned that sex is just one part (albeit an important one) of a solid relationship.

Em

Hey, I once dated a woman who was a total girlcum-slut. She would go on and on about how female ejaculate was her favorite drink and male wasn’t bad either, just too easy to get. I think cumslut still fits for a bisexual. I’m also a total girlcum-slut myself, albeit a straight male one. I enjoy watching women orgasm.

I agree with you on the rest.

 

[AchtungNight]

At least no one's jumped in with disparaging eyerolls about labels yet.

I reflect that in my story protagonists: they discuss being trans because it's relevant to the developing relationship. The object of desire is portrayed through rose-tint, always broad minded and accepting and the sex is fulfilling and loving.

I've had one-night sex and all the oils of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand...

I’m happily sex positive and hoping to make every single encounter fulfilling. I am a man and have known women who are the same way. I will admit I’ve had a few unfulfilling relationships, but I have David Xanatos for my reaction model to those. At least I’ve kept everything legal and within the bounds of my conscience.

I portray the subjects of desire in my sex stories similar to yours- at least in the minds of their targets. Readers who know have different opinions can react as they will.

 

[stickygirl]

I’m happily sex positive and hoping to make every single encounter fulfilling. I am a man and have known women who are the same way. I will admit I’ve had a few unfulfilling relationships, but I have David Xanatos for my reaction model to those. At least I’ve kept everything legal and within the bounds of my conscience.

I portray the subjects of desire in my sex stories similar to yours- at least in the minds of their targets. Readers who know have different opinions can react as they will.

Googles David Xan... who?!
Oh...
I'd better take a squint at your stories then. PM me with a suggestion

 

[AchtungNight]

Googles David Xan... who?!
Oh...
I'd better take a squint at your stories then. PM me with a suggestion

For those not in the know, David Xanatos is a Disney TV character from the ‘90s. Self-made super-rich guy similar to Tony Stark with his own kind of morals. Loving family man, dangerous foe, total badass. I consider him a role model, though I would like to avoid his villainous behavior. I mainly appreciate his conscience and willingness to acknowledge and learn from his mistakes. Also his attitude towards failure- “yes, I was defeated when I put on this battle-suit and attacked Goliath the Gargoyle, but hey, at least I got to test the suit and myself a bit. Let’s make improvements for when I next face one of the greatest warriors of all time.”

I try to improve on his behavior a bit. Love is not a weakness to me. Just a trigger. Watch out if you hurt someone I love.

I was quite a big fan of Gargoyles back in the day. Enough to incorporate a modified version of it into my erotic ficverse. I’m glad Lit allowed me to feature Disney Gargoyles as non-sexual friends of the MCs in Inside Out ( https://literotica.com/s/inside-out ) and an original Child of Titania from my former fanfic-verse in Ruleskirter ( https://literotica.com/s/ruleskirter
). Silvan Farrow rejects Oberon’s commands because his father was another species but will acknowledge his mother (Note- Silvan changes gender regularly and is only presenting as male at this particular time, I think). Other original characters from my old Gargoyles stories still exist in my current ficverse too. Give me time and tolerance, they may pop in.

I appreciate comments on the referenced stories and all my other works.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

Nope, not demi-sexual.

 

[lovecraft68]

Another made up term for a society that so desperately needs to classify everything, then feel all special when it fits them.

Somehow this world survived for thousands of years without all this made up bullshit.