Condemnation of local swinger’s club.

[miska_darling]

This thread is full of red flags.

And really OP, if you can’t understand the concepts of supply/demand related to limiting, charging more, or refusing single-men at sex clubs, or consents based on the fact that even at such venue no one owes anyone anything.

I mean the fact you started using references such as ‘nice guy’ before starting to talk about ‘god’ is definitely why most women and couple would seek nights where single men aren’t allowed.

You seem to be more looking for a brothel, not a sex club.

And then there’s the other dude referring to ‘high value/low value’ people. Cringe.

 

[AchtungNight]

A lot of people are sexually frustrated. They deserve sympathy. And to eventually find a soothe for their needs. Hope I find mine. Your red flags can wave all they want, you’re obviously not what I need. I’ll try to keep being patient enough till I get there or die.

 

[IsabellaEmily]

I have written extensively about swingers, but the only times I’ve set foot in actual swingers’ clubs I’ve been disappointed.

no women receptive to my advances

and no employee guides like someone would get in my ficverse

Real club just turns you loose and lets you strike out.

Having read through this thread, I think you're feeling entitled to something that doesn't exist.

If you're looking for a place where you're going to be guaranteed that your advances will be met with a receptive and appreciative response, you're looking for a place where the women don't get to choose their own partners. That's a brothel, not a description of the swinging lifestyle.

My husband and I are in that lifestyle, and while I have never purposely been rude or belittling to anyone who has approached me, I certainly don't feel obligated to have sex with whoever walks by just because I'm horny.

If you're comparing real life experiences with what you've created in your writing, you're bound to be disappointed. Fiction is always more fun (especially for the writer who gets to control the story and characters!).

In another reply on this thread you stated that people who are sexually frustrated deserve sympathy.

I'd say that's conditional. Anyone who is genuinely frustrated should probably be treated with kindness and compassion, but the behavior of that frustrated person will influence how they're treated. If your frustration causes you act horribly to someone else, I wouldn't expect much sympathy from them, regardless of how frustrated you are.

You also stated that sexually frustrated people deserve a soothing of their sexual frustration.

That I disagree with. Not one person on this planet deserves sexual attention just because they want it. Even the most casual one night stand situations require some sort of effort as far as hygiene and conversation, and some level of kindness or manners or at the very least not acting like an obnoxious ass.

If you are single and sexually frustrated and not finding partners who are into the kinks or experiences you crave, I am certainly sympathetic. But that means you either need to keep looking until you find what you want (patience), look somewhere else (productivity), or change what you're looking for in some way (compromise). Or just make your peace with what your current circumstance is.

I'd recommend getting involved socially in the local swinging scene. Go to some munches or picnics or non-sexual gatherings. (My husband and I are going to a horror movie tonight with a small group of swinging friends who love horror movies, nothing sexual at all....although some may make those plans for after the evening is over ).

Get to know the couples and other single men and women who a part of that lifestyle. You'll no longer be an unknown single guy showing up, but you'll become known as 'our single friend', and you'll be on your way to finding some of what you're looking for.

 

[AchtungNight]

Having read through this thread, I think you're feeling entitled to something that doesn't exist.

If you're looking for a place where you're going to be guaranteed that your advances will be met with a receptive and appreciative response, you're looking for a place where the women don't get to choose their own partners. That's a brothel, not a description of the swinging lifestyle.

My husband and I are in that lifestyle, and while I have never purposely been rude or belittling to anyone who has approached me, I certainly don't feel obligated to have sex with whoever walks by just because I'm horny.

If you're comparing real life experiences with what you've created in your writing, you're bound to be disappointed. Fiction is always more fun (especially for the writer who gets to control the story and characters!).

In another reply on this thread you stated that people who are sexually frustrated deserve sympathy.

I'd say that's conditional. Anyone who is genuinely frustrated should probably be treated with kindness and compassion, but the behavior of that frustrated person will influence how they're treated. If your frustration causes you act horribly to someone else, I wouldn't expect much sympathy from them, regardless of how frustrated you are.

You also stated that sexually frustrated people deserve a soothing of their sexual frustration.

That I disagree with. Not one person on this planet deserves sexual attention just because they want it. Even the most casual one night stand situations require some sort of effort as far as hygiene and conversation, and some level of kindness or manners or at the very least not acting like an obnoxious ass.

If you are single and sexually frustrated and not finding partners who are into the kinks or experiences you crave, I am certainly sympathetic. But that means you either need to keep looking until you find what you want (patience), look somewhere else (productivity), or change what you're looking for in some way (compromise). Or just make your peace with what your current circumstance is.

I'd recommend getting involved socially in the local swinging scene. Go to some munches or picnics or non-sexual gatherings. (My husband and I are going to a horror movie tonight with a small group of swinging friends who love horror movies, nothing sexual at all....although some may make those plans for after the evening is over ).

Get to know the couples and other single men and women who a part of that lifestyle. You'll no longer be an unknown single guy showing up, but you'll become known as 'our single friend', and you'll be on your way to finding some of what you're looking for.

Thank you, Isabella. What you say is true. I will remember it. I hope I can prove my virtues to another good friend in due time. As a writer, a reader, a co-worker, a family member, a teacher, and an inspiration if not a sexual partner. I just need to keep looking for a chance and applying patience, compassion, and compromise as necessary. Hopefully in time, productivity will result.

I hope I will make it through the journey. I hope to embrace a good woman (I’m a heterosexual man) again one day, and she happily enjoys my touch with no compromise required. I hope she will be as beautiful as my dreams. I hope…

 

[miska_darling]

A lot of people are sexually frustrated. They deserve sympathy. And to eventually find a soothe for their needs. Hope I find mine. Your red flags can wave all they want, you’re obviously not what I need. I’ll try to keep being patient enough till I get there or die.

No they don’t.

Nobody owes anyone anything. And nobody is entitled to sex just cause they went to a sex club.

 

[604mike]

Would you have been equally offended if he had talked about low value men?

Of course. It’s demeaning.

 

[eric_erosfan]

A lot of Incel vibes in this thread. If you are relatively attractive, outgoing. funny, and kind you won't be alone for long.

Like others have said. If you want guaranteed sex for your money, visit a brothel.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Of course. It’s demeaning.

Perhaps taken out of context it could be seen that way, but in this context it isn't.
There are a number of factors that determine how desirable (ie valuable) someone is on the dating market.
I've never seen anyone object to "high value men."
If some guys is 6ft 4in, 200lbs, 6 pack abs, beautiful hair, and makes $300k a year he's high value and women will line up for him.
Some 5ft 6in 350lbs methbilly with no teeth living in his trailer waiting for his government check isn't going to get the time of day from most women.
Their value as human beings is exactly the same, their value as a potential spouse is VASTLY different, and every honest, rational person realizes it.
Women are no different.

 

[jaF0]

This thread is an example of why I pretty much stopped going anywhere or associating with people in any way.

Some of us just need to keep to ourselves.

 

[J_Bone]

This thread is an example of why I pretty much stopped going anywhere or associating with people in any way.

Some of us just need to keep to ourselves.

How sad. So is the problem you or everyone else? Pretty sure I know the answer.

 

[eric_erosfan]

This thread is an example of why I pretty much stopped going anywhere or associating with people in any way.

Some of us just need to keep to ourselves.

I mean success or failure at a swingers club is not the correct scale for judging humanity.

 

[604mike]

Perhaps taken out of context it could be seen that way, but in this context it isn't.
There are a number of factors that determine how desirable (ie valuable) someone is on the dating market.
I've never seen anyone object to "high value men."
If some guys is 6ft 4in, 200lbs, 6 pack abs, beautiful hair, and makes $300k a year he's high value and women will line up for him.
Some 5ft 6in 350lbs methbilly with no teeth living in his trailer waiting for his government check isn't going to get the time of day from most women.
Their value as human beings is exactly the same, their value as a potential spouse is VASTLY different, and every honest, rational person realizes it.
Women are no different.

Of course it’s demeaning for the exact reasons you are trying to mental-gymnastics yourself around. Their value as human beings applies in all contexts. It’s explicitly generic talking about men or women. It also makes the assumption that everyone ascribed the same qualities as being valuable, which is definitely not the case. This isn’t analogue to being w “high value player”, where how much a team gains in terms of their win totals is strongly impacted by them, it’s not a high value salesperson, who are skilled at closing large deals.
You are over complicating a simple thing.

 

[604mike]

How sad. So is the problem you or everyone else? Pretty sure I know the answer.

What’s sad is your need to be hostile and negative over a comment not directed at you. But I guess it struck a nerve eh? Maybe you should consider learning to address the things that make you angry by looking at yourself instead of lashing out at others.

 

[Lady2020]

I've never been a swinger. It's not something that interests me. But I can understand why people would consider it.

 

[pace_purr]

Swingers clubs can be great or a disaster depending on what you are looking for and also how long youv been in the lifestyle. We have been to some great ones over the years but have been to some that have been nothing more than a meat market those you get out of as quick as you can.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Of course it’s demeaning for the exact reasons you are trying to mental-gymnastics yourself around. Their value as human beings applies in all contexts. It’s explicitly generic talking about men or women. It also makes the assumption that everyone ascribed the same qualities as being valuable, which is definitely not the case. This isn’t analogue to being w “high value player”, where how much a team gains in terms of their win totals is strongly impacted by them, it’s not a high value salesperson, who are skilled at closing large deals.
You are over complicating a simple thing.

I love your mental gymnastics. You acknowledge someone can have more or less value, but only in the contexts you approve of.
Of course people in relationships value different things and that's equally true in other contexts. To use your own sports analogy (where saying people have more value is acceptable to you) some baseball teams put more value on on base percentage than slugging percentage. Heck, MVP, you know Most VALUABLE Player, is never unanimous precisely because even in that context people disagree on value. That doesn't negate the concept of someone having more or less value in a given context.

 

[UtilityCurve]

Low value women? Did you really just write that out? Did you read it to yourself before you hit post? It’s pretty awful ngl.

It's unpleasant, to be sure, but the inverse ("low-value men") is so commonplace as to sanitize it almost completely, unfortunately.

 

[Wrongholesandiego]

I associate high value with being hard to find. Guy earlier said a low value girl would have a gangbang with you and your buddies but those girls are hard to find therefore more valuable lol. Thanks for the laughs everyone. And remember, if u are a single guy then attempt to have a relationship with one person before approaching freaky couples in dark loud clubs

 

[magic_rat]

no women receptive to my advances

That's just you being an entitled prick. Nobdy is obliged to fuck you.

A club near us employs working girls for pricks like you. I prefer the company of women who enjoy being there (even if they aren't 'receptive' than those paid to fuck me.

 

[AchtungNight]

That's just you being an entitled prick. Nobdy is obliged to fuck you.

A club near us employs working girls for pricks like you. I prefer the company of women who enjoy being there (even if they aren't 'receptive' than those paid to fuck me.

I prefer the company of women who enjoy being in such places and do not have sex for money also. I was not being an entitled prick in anyone’s mind except that of presumptive asshats like you. I never assumed I was entitled to sex or would have it. I just went there hoping for it and was not prepared for the depression I experienced after being either ignored or rejected same as my advances generally are in every other club. So I got out my frustration by ranting on this board. The club I visited was inhabited by entitled jerks, and I was not welcome except for the fact that I was paying three times the price they were to be there. And even that did not make them interested in talking to me for more than a few seconds or make me immune to stupid incorrect assumptions. I was there to be exploited and mocked, not welcomed, in their minds. And I did not appreciate it. So I am not going back. I am not the kind of person you believe me to be. If you’d ever give me the chance I would gladly prove that to you.

 

[LMWM321]

only urinals in the men’s room

Is pooping a common activity at Swingers Clubs? Wait... don't answer that.

 

[AchtungNight]

Is pooping a common activity at Swingers Clubs? Wait... don't answer that.

Doesn't matter if it is or not. I pay one hundred fifty dollars to be somewhere, and I'm going to be in there a few hours enjoying myself, it might become necessary. To not put in the facilities to accommodate the problem- it shows you don't really care about the people who pay huge sums of money to visit your club. You're putting your members and employees- who I presume have such facilities in their private areas- above everyone else. And I don't need to be in a place like that.

The club in my stories is not a rip-off. Too bad this reality didn't match it. Now, if everyone doesn't mind, I'd prefer to put the disappointment behind me and move on. There are good things in my life I would rather enjoy than dwell on shit.

 

[HoldYouDown]

The swingers clubs I have visited all admit single men. They pay more and may be relegated to certain areas but they are not denied entry. I wouldn't trust a swinger's club that denies entry to someone based on gender.

As for etiquette, most clubs explain the rules, generally that you can solicit company but no means no.

 

[magic_rat]

I am not the kind of person you believe me to be. If you’d ever give me the chance I would gladly prove that to you.

I'm sure you're right, though your rant gave the impression that paying out meant there was an expectation of sex.

My biggest objection to clubs that employ working girls is that they'll open their legs for all comers, which gives a certain type of man the idea that that's what all women there are for. I've heard at least two stories about female visitors being raped or intimidated at this particular club and I for one will never, ever take my partner there.

My first few times at clubs as a solo man were spent with no expectation. I chatted to numerous people and treated it as a social situation. I got to know people and occasionally was invited to play. A lot of swinging is about networking and showing people that you aren't an idiot.

Have you tried going to swingers' socials? Great way to meet people.

 

[magic_rat]

One other point to make:

I started out swinging solo. It's not easy for a single guy but the socials helped.

Then I met a lady via swinging who became my partner and now lives with me. It was only after seeing how many messages she got a day from guys wanting to play (sometimes 30 or 40 a day) that I realised that women can afford to be as choosy as they like.