Chastity, forced male chastity, and Eroticism.

[Lifestyle66]

With regards to the OP's chastity device issue: After writing a few stories, I default to one question asked of me by a reviewer (Thanks, O). It seems to be relevant in all erotic situations. "Why would she [he] do that?"

There are many different reasons why people feel the way they do in sexual situations, and I'm no longer surprised by anything. I've met women who WANT to be choked, gangbanged, and DPed. And I've met men who WANT to be flogged and forced into submission.

In two of my stories, I incorporated Dom/sub characters, with the one domineering wife of a male corporate VP treating another female (also a corporate VP) as her slave ("Trusted Employees - On The Job"). The slave's husband was a body-builder type, who wore a cock cage during the evening swinger party. He described his situation to my MCs as wearing it to be ready to serve his wife's mistress whenever she wanted him, which would probably be the next morning. Without the cock cage, he'd get into the evening's play and be too worn out. (Note the female VP tells in a different story that she just enjoys giving up her decision-making role once or twice per month and allows herself to be used and directed as her temporary means of escape from responsibilities.)

So, in "why would he do that?" (wear a cock cage), as a man gets older, he doesn't recover as fast after sex. And he may only be up to getting an erection every two or three days. I envisioned the guy wearing the cage to delay his arousal until needed to please his wife at the swinger/BDSM party. In such a case, he would be doing it FOR his wife.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

And they say women’s clothing is complicated

Hmm, your lack of knowledge on male underwear indicates that the fiancé goes commando all the time!

 

[EmilyMiller]

Hmm, your lack of knowledge on male underwear indicates that the fiancé goes commando all the time!

Strange to say, his underwear is not a frequent topic of conversation. Never been a fan of supposedly erotic clothing for guys. Just looks stupid, IMO.

Emily

 

[Astrotrain]

Hey Emily, why do you think this is a weird man thing? You do know they make chastity belts for women too and that there are thousands of female subs who would be happy to be locked in one by their dom, right?

 

[Lifestyle66]

With regard to the men's underwear topic, tighty-whities are similar to a cock cage.

I liked the line in the movie "The Hitman's Bodyguard" when Samuel L. Jackson wakes and asks:
"Am I wearing underwear? Not a fan! You know they call them 'swinging dicks' for a reason."

 

[EmilyMiller]

Hey Emily, why do you think this is a weird man thing? You do know they make chastity belts for women too and that there are thousands of female subs who would be happy to be locked in one by their dom, right?

Yeah - I’m not that kinda sub, as has been noted many times before.

I’m not really a sub at all, just someone who has historically enjoyed restrained sex and impact play. But totally consensual and no humiliation.

If it’s a sex session, then I want to be fucked.

Emily

 

[TarnishedPenny]

No rebuke or laughter of any sort intended, Emily, but, looking back, I’d like to have lived a life which was entirely a sex session. No, by that I don’t mean 24/7 hubba hubba, but a rather life centred around eroticism, a life enriched and driven by a pure (careful of that first step) moral hedonism, pleasing myself and special others.

 

[EmilyMiller]

No rebuke or laughter of any sort intended, Emily, but, looking back, I’d like to have lived a life which was entirely a sex session. No, by that I don’t mean 24/7 hubba hubba, but a rather life centred around eroticism, a life enriched and driven by a pure (careful of that first step) moral hedonism, pleasing myself and special others.

Sex is still a very major part of my life, just fairly vanilla monogamous sex, which I’ve found can be pretty awesome. But it’s probably less central - and certainly less extreme - than it was for a few years.

I’m glad I explored and experienced things. I have no regrets. At the very least I have less “I wonder?” questions than many. But - as I’ve said before - I’ve come to the realization that sex with that one super special person (regardless of gender) is the best of all.

YMMV.

Emily

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I’m glad I explored and experienced things. I have no regrets. At the very least I have less “I wonder?” questions than many. But - as I’ve said before - I’ve come to the realization that sex with that one super special person (regardless of gender) is the best of all.

YMMV.

Emily

Dear Em,

After a long, full life, I am delighted to have been blessèd enough to have come to the same conclusion.

May you live so long as you wish and love so long as you live.

 

[Norway_1705]

It is also liberating in a way, I guess, since when one's cock is out of the way, it sure puts things in perspective.
The kink is strangely unmanning and even humiliating (although I guess it doesn't have to be?) and if you asked a majority of men, I believe they would rather be tied up and helpless than have their cocks caged. That's how I see this unusual but not too unusual kink. It's femdom related so I am fine with it, even if it's not really my thing.

Thank You!
This is precisely what I also think.
Let's remember that before 1999 there was no such thing as "Male Chastity Cage" and bound or submissive men had hard dicks, even if they were mentally ordered not to cum (a test of endurance and obedience?) even spanked or whipped males had hard dicks.
Any photograph, drawing or film before 1999 shows men bound and handcuffed but with hard dicks. The only exception was a latex sheath that covered the entire body-and thus restrained "also" the penis: but this was a very rare kink for a tiny niche.
Between 1999 and 2013 devices were something very rare and secret. After 2013 ("Californication," season 6, episode 5 "Rock and a Hard Place", Sunday 17th feb. 2013) , mainstream magazines like "Cosmopolitan" were talking about them.

 

[Norway_1705]

Of all the things I can think of to do with a cock, putting it in a cage is a long way down the list.

Emily

Thank You, Emily, This is exactly one of the points I wished to trigger.
So many e-mails and so many testimonies ("many" in a particular niche of kinky people, of course!) speak of men who would like to have their penis imprisoned by a Keyholder (the wife!), but also of reluctant wives.
Why do wives appear reluctant? Your sentence is accurate: the easiest thing, for any woman, is to use her husband's cock in the easiest way (plurals).
Perhaps there is also a form of laziness in her? As if she's saying or thinking (body language, it matters a lot!), "Hey, man, hurry up and cum, immediately, that I have a lot of things to do"-and then, perhaps, the husband wants to be imprisoned precisely because that way he avoids being sped up?
***
The other point was about the possible relationship between having lived a chaste adolescence, and living the mature age wearing a chastity cage.

 

[Norway_1705]

better than rare, let's just say "random". Only she has the power to give you release whenever she graciously decides to. Will begging to cum make her feel pity and grant you release, or will she view you with contempt and increase the frustration out of spite? You can make an educated guess at it, but you'll never really know for sure.

The whole point is you have no power to save yourself, only she has the power to grant you salvation if she so graciously chooses. That's when she stops being your wife or girlfriend and becomes your Goddess.

Thank You Astrotrain!
You have illuminated two essential elements, which often pornographers in the category tell in a way that seems to me very confusing.
FIRST: The submissive does not earn points like a cookie collection. We know how males are (since elementary school), as soon as a male is aware that he has collected enough points, he stops being humble and becomes swaggering: as if he is convinced that he has the "Right" to collect the prize he is entitled to (a star from the teacher, a cake from Mom, a blowjob from the Keyholder). A release, to be effective, must be unexpected.
COROLLARY: Similarly, calendar-related imprisonments are good for prisons not eroticism. If a man knows that the first release will occur on the Fourth of July, during April and May he will be resigned and unmotivated. The same goes for the threat of "increase by one day" or "roll three dice, the sum will tell you how many days you will have to wait" - boredom mixed with the paradoxical idea, that even the almighty Goddess does not have enough freedom to subvert the response of three dices.
And I want to point out that the Goddess is just an ordinary woman with the common fears and uncertainties of all of us ordinary people-I try not to use that word and shy away from "overly beautiful" characters, all with magnificent bodies and porcelain faces like Wonder Woman. I write about women who are wounded, maimed, lame, sick, sometimes ugly. Each person in her 50s has aches and pains, migraines and medicine, we are all normal people (although I asked Her to be my Owner, my Ma'am, my Queen.
SECOND: "Save yourself" and "salvation" remind me of something from my teenage upbringing. Even "Queen," if she wears a sky-colored cape.

 

[Norway_1705]

giving pleasure to others without being distracted...

giving pleasure to others without being distracted...

Thank you Kumquatqueen! Yes, I think the point is precisely, that while I am wearing the cage, I know that I will not be able to receive pleasure, despite my arousal. So the cage prevents me from being distracted, and "forces" me to be generous and selfless.
Generous and selfless like a Franciscan friar in the Middle Ages, I don't know if that metaphor sounds appropriate.
###
I read that many, including you, write that someone "takes away" the masculinity of the submissive man. Perhaps it happened that way in gay BDSM circles, at the beginning of the spread of cages (after 1999): I am not judging from a moral point of view (in a post about fetishism!) but I think it likely that a Master (male) took pleasure in imposing on the submissive, already handcuffed to a St. Andrew's Cross, a chastity device just to emasculate him. Almost as if he were saying, "We are two males, but I am Free and therefore have a Hard Cock, you, on the other hand, are a Slave and therefore have a locked cock with no erections."
Benissmo! But I am talking about heterosexual couples. In which, it is always the husband who proposes to his wife, "Please, I would like you to be my Keyholder," and the wife wonders WIIFM. But it is always the male who "gives away" his freedom.

 

[Norway_1705]

I read in a tale by John_Vandermeer ("Do not try this Alone"): "she expected him to be always strong and in control. [...] He was not what you would call a winner either. And women liked and wanted winners."
Yes. Exactly. The majority of heterosexual women want a winning, strong, always-in-charge man.
Wives, in particular, want their husbands to be strong, respected by everyone, esteemed. And no woman likes men who whine or beg (have you ever seen a woman who does not despise a man who begs?).
Again, the "Male Chastity Devices" category is influenced by the "Gay Sex BDSM" category. It was the Master (male) who rejoiced to hear the submissive whining and begging! Not the wife. It was the Master, who enjoyed watching the public humiliation of the submissive, as a winner enjoys watching the loser (winner over loser).
What woman would want to marry a quitter? I have the impression (without sufficient "evidence": just IMHO) that all pornography with sissified and humiliated men is just a legacy from GAY BDSM, repeated out of inertia. Whereas chastity device can also be a game (or even a lifestyle) for heterosexual couples.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Thank You, Emily, This is exactly one of the points I wished to trigger.
So many e-mails and so many testimonies ("many" in a particular niche of kinky people, of course!) speak of men who would like to have their penis imprisoned by a Keyholder (the wife!), but also of reluctant wives.
Why do wives appear reluctant? Your sentence is accurate: the easiest thing, for any woman, is to use her husband's cock in the easiest way (plurals).
Perhaps there is also a form of laziness in her? As if she's saying or thinking (body language, it matters a lot!), "Hey, man, hurry up and cum, immediately, that I have a lot of things to do"-and then, perhaps, the husband wants to be imprisoned precisely because that way he avoids being sped up?
***
The other point was about the possible relationship between having lived a chaste adolescence, and living the mature age wearing a chastity cage.

I don’t speed anyone up, hun. I take my time.

Emily

 

[John_Vandermeer]

@Norway_1705 I have been reading this thread, and have only refrained from commenting so far because… it is indeed a good question that deserves a well thought answer. The short (too short) version is that chastity is an escalation of tease and denial games. Of a woman working up a man into a state, and keeping him there because of the benefits to her—a man very willing to please—and/or to him—the arousal perhaps being more “fun” than the resolution, in a way. Both of which fit very naturally when the man, the woman, or both have a “Goddess fetish”. When the man wishes to adore the woman perhaps without the chance of having her. The woman wishes to be adored perhaps without having to give herself. Of course chastity need not be absolute, but any amount of power transfer in that direction will begin to set up that dynamic. I would argue it is not just a very kinky idea. It is a very romantic one too. Think the knight that pledges himself to his Queen…

Incidentally, the justification for it may be stronger when Domme and sub are not married. What if Domme is wife of another man? She might enjoy having an admirer willing to sacrifice himself for her, especially if she is selfish and it costs her nothing. Even more outrageous, what if Domme is sub’s kinswoman? She might enjoy indulging an incestuous fancy, while not having to actually consummate incest. That is the situation depicted in Do Not Try This Alone which you quoted (Thanks for the comments too, btw!)

 

[nice90sguy]

this is a guy thing I’m missing

yep. But most guys miss it too.

I could explain the allure of chastity, but I won't because, frankly it's kind of obvious -- a clue: It's an extension of edging.

 

[Seadog777]

I don't understand it, but I'm not gonna cut a promo on those that like it.

I'm certainly not without my own picadillo's

 

[Astrotrain]

I just realised I left something very important out of my previous musings: the dommes sexual satisfaction. There I go again, topping from the bottom and just focusing on myself. Apologies for that, potential future domme if I ever have the luck of meeting you. Feel free to administer a spanking for that.

So yes, the domme should be fully sexually satisfied at all times. She should be racking up orgasms left, right and center while you're completely orgasm starved. The delicious unfairness of it only adds to the appeal. Maybe she could even rub it in your face. "Oh dearie me, I've had fifty orgasms this week while you haven't had a single one. Isn't that a shame?" she says with a malicious little giggle.

How? Well you always have a tongue in your head. Constantly servicing such an intimate part of her body with your mouth not only satisfies her, it ramps up the frustration deliciously for you. Or if she really needs PIV to get off, I've heard there's harnesses with sheaths/fake penises that fit over yours so she can feel everything while you feel nothing. She's completely satisfied while you're completely fucked. Or, to be more accurate, not fucked.

 

[AlinaX]

what use is a dick
if it is easily spent?
keep the flame burning

 

[Norway_1705]

The delicious unfairness of it only adds to the appeal. Maybe she could even rub it in your face. "Oh dearie me, I've had fifty orgasms this week while you haven't had a single one. Isn't that a shame?" she says with a malicious little giggle

Thank you the point is perfect.
I would just like to say, males often have more frequent sexual drive. As I read in a magnificent poem just today, "she teases me when she is in the mood."
Guess what? Often the woman is not in the mood.
Hence, perhaps, so many testimonies (both literary and in posts) of men complaining that their wife (or "fiancée, partner") is either Reluctant or Lazy.
Now, please, don't answer me one by one "I know just a wondrful woman who would like to have sex five times a day, 7 days a week," it is obvious that there are extraordinary exceptions, but the "average normality" (if is allowed, in a world of fetish and kinks) is that desire drives the husband more frequently, and the wife less frequently.

 

[Norway_1705]

the knight that pledges himself to his Queen

Thank you Van der Meer, your tales are a true masterpiece of insightful investigation! And so funny, too!
Your words remind me of my initial question: the medieval Knight (outside of a Fantasy context, from Tolkien to Martin) also swore an oath of allegiance to a Queen in a Christian context, and his chastity during the dangerous missions entrusted to him by her (slaying a dragon, gathering flowers for a wreath, buying fuck-me-now stiletto shoes, ironing all the castle curtains) avoiding all forms of sin, was a medieval metaphor for the pure chastity of a Christian in front of the venerable image of the Virgin Mary.
If I am wrong please correct me.
And from that Knight's oaths of purity, derives the character of the Paladin in "Dungeons & Dragons," we pretend it's just a game. Still, it has impacted the collective imagination in a profound way -- and anyone may notice, that in brothels the bard and the burglar harass the maids. At the same time, the paladin remains motionless and inert inside his metal armor without cumming (hey, what a metaphor!).

 

[Astrotrain]

Thank you the point is perfect.
I would just like to say, males often have more frequent sexual drive. As I read in a magnificent poem just today, "she teases me when she is in the mood."
Guess what? Often the woman is not in the mood.
Hence, perhaps, so many testimonies (both literary and in posts) of men complaining that their wife (or "fiancée, partner") is either Reluctant or Lazy.
Now, please, don't answer me one by one "I know just a wondrful woman who would like to have sex five times a day, 7 days a week," it is obvious that there are extraordinary exceptions, but the "average normality" (if is allowed, in a world of fetish and kinks) is that desire drives the husband more frequently, and the wife less frequently.

I don't know about that, with articles like this:

https://www.dazeddigital.com/life-c...e-death-of-the-straight-man-libido-sex-incels

At first it was just incel and MGTOW whining, now we're seeing more and more articles like this in the mainstream media. Something is happening with men, young men in particular. They're just giving up and not even looking for love and sex.

Google it. Try search terms like "men crisis", "men in trouble" and "where have all the good men gone". There are at least three different articles with that title.

Its not just romance and sex either, men are dropping out of college or not even attending in the first place. Living on benefits or just half assing a minimum wage job. Some are becoming shut ins, retreating into video games and internet porn. It's a serious problem in Japan where they're called hikkikomori.

 

[AlinaX]

We live in a confusing era. Sexual arousal is often driven by what is forbidden, but these days very little is forbidden, and to do what actually is forbidden needs careful negotiation and consent - which really takes the fun of the forbidden out of it.

 

[TheRedChamber]

I don't know about that, with articles like this:

https://www.dazeddigital.com/life-c...e-death-of-the-straight-man-libido-sex-incels

At first it was just incel and MGTOW whining, now we're seeing more and more articles like this in the mainstream media. Something is happening with men, young men in particular. They're just giving up and not even looking for love and sex.

Google it. Try search terms like "men crisis", "men in trouble" and "where have all the good men gone". There are at least three different articles with that title.

Its not just romance and sex either, men are dropping out of college or not even attending in the first place. Living on benefits or just half assing a minimum wage job. Some are becoming shut ins, retreating into video games and internet porn. It's a serious problem in Japan where they're called hikkikomori.

It does seem like there is something going on with both decreasing male sexuality and, even when desire is present, with some men just giving up on dating.

That said, even as a man who had sex with his wife as recently as yesterday (yeah I know, there I go bragging), that article made me go 'oh, you can fuck right off' more times in the space of a two-minute read than anything else in recent memory. It's like a bingo card of 'woke' tropes - ask men to redefine masculinity in the wake of female liberation, name drop Andrew Tate, mention the pay gap, name drop Jordon Peterson, if modern men don't want to have sex with modern women then it can only be modern men who are wrong*, tell men to grow up, start from the assumption that men hate women and so on ad nauseum.

* As a man, try asking the question 'My wife doesn't want to have sex with me. What's wrong with her?' and see the response you get.