Can it be done? Second person POV

[Pureotica]

A while ago I made a bold statement that I hated first person, present tense. Then I gave it a try, and it turned out quite well. The form serves the story: the reader needs to be in the narrator's head as the events unfold. Past tense wouldn't have had the same impact, either from the narrator's initial worry and excitement, or from his reaction to the big plot twist.

Now I'm wondering whether a second person POV could actually work for a particular type of story. A lot of "you shouldn't, you know you shouldn't, but you can't help yourself." Probably I/T, or perhaps NC/R.

So that's going to be my next project. Watch this space! (Or not, if the idea of a second person POV makes you physically sick.)

I've seen 2nd person done well in more literary pieces. It works in more internal stories with universal themes. It doesn't work well in general fiction, and is easy to do badly.

Some people don't like it, and you won't change their minds, but the same is true of nearly any other creative choice. If you have chops to write it well, or just like to experiment, go for it. Not every story is for every reader.

FWIW First present is the default perspective in some genres, mostly YA, but there may be others. "The Hunger Games" is written in it, and though it isn't a flawless book, I enjoyed it. I'm definitely not in the target audience.

 

[StillStunned]

Marked to post on Monday, 11 December.

I just read it. You seem to have got the 2P POV right. It seems to create a strange sort of intimacy: almost as close as 1P, but with a sense of detachment, like the narrator is considering their thoughts and feelings from the outside.

 

[KeithD]

Marked to post on Monday, 11 December.

https://www.literotica.com/s/casual-intimacy

 

[Lily Peg]

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/second-person-narrative#:~:text=A second-person narrative is a story in which writers,point of view are rare.

This makes it clear how to write it in the 2nd person narrative. It doesn't seem necessary to use that method to tell a story except in the manner it states in this article. I used it once as a way of describing my failed 1st person experience doing coursework. I took the reader through the experience without being self referential. Some how it worked and l got a pass!

 

[Devinter]

Mine's confirmed to be posted up tomorrow. I'll drop a link to it here in the thread when it's live.

 

[Paul_Chance]

https://www.literotica.com/s/casual-intimacy

A well-written little tale. You come dangerously close to popping out of Second Person POV and it slips into Omniscient 2nd Person POV, but pretty good given the time frame you produced it in. I gave it 5 stars.

I have a weird question on something that popped out to me and was a miss for me. I'm kind of an architecture fan, and I wondered why the Italian flat had a French balcony? I'd expect a French Balcony on a new, post-modern building, even in Italy, but not on an older building.

Though they're similar, there are differences.

 

[Gamblnluck]

I felt obligated to read it. It has a decent score of 3.78 now. I did notice that all 5 of the comments were people from this thread. This was a story that would NOT have worked in the third person.
It would have been best told in the first person. "I creeped along, knowing my every action was wrong on so many levels, BUT...."

 

[StillStunned]

I felt obligated to read it. It has a decent score of 3.78 now. I did notice that all 5 of the comments were people from this thread.

Like I mentioned in the Comments thread, it's a story that writers appreciate more than readers, I think.

It would have been best told in the first person. "I creeped along, knowing my every action was wrong on so many levels, BUT...."

I disagree (well, obviously). The effect I was going for was the little voice in your head that's very insistent but you manage to ignore step by tiny step. In 1P POV, I think it would have felt more contrived, like you don't really care that it's wrong, you're just pretending to.

 

[Britva415]

First present is the default perspective in some genres, mostly YA, but there may be others. "The Hunger Games" is written in it

Present? Really?

(not being an argumentative dick, really asking)

 

[alohadave]

Mine will be up tomorrow. I'm interested to see how they both do!

I also appreciate your willingness to share the experiment, in the face of all the naysayers.

I read it. It's still not a style I like, but it's well written.

 

[Britva415]

I think it would have felt more contrived, like you don't really care that it's wrong, you're just pretending to.

The voice in one's head is definitely a different voice than the one the person thinks is their own.

The first-person story could be a non-contrived one, it just wouldn't be the same story. To tell this story in 1p, that would indeed be contrived.

 

[Britva415]

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/second-person-narrative#:~:text=A second-person narrative is a story in which writers,point of view are rare.

Nice.

From the article:

This style is unique due to the implication that the reader is the main character in the story.

This is why I don't usually like first-person too: It implies that the reader is, if not a character, still somehow part of the story's universe. And most of them don't lift a finger to explain how - those are the ones I object to.

Sometimes it works and makes a fine story even without that detail, but universally there's a moment when I want to address the narrator and demand, "Why are you telling me this, who am I to you!?"

 

[Britva415]

The 2nd person stories I've read here read, obviously, like letters.

I've seen a few of those, but I've seen far more where it's not only not at all obvious it's meant to be a letter, but really seems to be decisively not intended to be a letter. It reads more like it's supposed to be a transcript of a verbal storytelling of someone's fantasy to the other person, but even that bare-minimum of frame is absent from the stories I'm talking about. Awkward as hell.

But they're also appropriate for a very particular fetish, erotic hypnosis.

That's a great point. "Imperative second person." I can't say I've seen it done, but I think it could be done effectively. Taste is another matter, but at least it would avoid some of the common crippling flaws I've seen in 2nd person around here.

 

[MillieDynamite]

A reader, enjoying my efforts. If not, close the fucking book and get a drink!

Nice.

From the article:

This is why I don't usually like first-person too: It implies that the reader is, if not a character, still somehow part of the story's universe. And most of them don't lift a finger to explain how - those are the ones I object to.

Sometimes it works and makes a fine story even without that detail, but universally there's a moment when I want to address the narrator and demand, "Why are you telling me this, who am I to you!?"

 

[Britva415]

what about Choose your own adventure books worked with 2nd?

Do you:

[*] turn left to follow the lesser-trod path
or
[ ] turn right so it makes no difference?

This is a good highlight of one specific way 2nd person is effective and (one could argue) necessary. But it's not how most authors are doing it, in the regular Lit stories.

I haven't looked at any of the chyoo forums or the material they're discussing, and I gather that chyoo is off-site anyway, so, I have no opinion on quality or effectiveness of those.

 

[Britva415]

Mine will be up tomorrow. I'm interested to see how they both do!

I also appreciate your willingness to share the experiment, in the face of all the naysayers.

@StillStunned Well done!

The reason I reflexively nope out of any 2nd person story just as soon as I recognize the voice is that, in addition to my purely taste-driven impulse, I also generally have zero confidence it will be any good as a piece of writing. This thread gave me confidence that your story was at least worth a try, and now that it's published, I did and I congratulate you on avoiding all the strictly technical pitfalls of 2nd person writing. As a matter of taste, it was the incest I disliked, not the writing. But I didn't take any stars off for that.

 

[StillStunned]

@StillStunned Well done!

The reason I reflexively nope out of any 2nd person story just as soon as I recognize the voice is that, in addition to my purely taste-driven impulse, I also generally have zero confidence it will be any good as a piece of writing. This thread gave me confidence that your story was at least worth a try, and now that it's published, I did and I congratulate you on avoiding all the strictly technical pitfalls of 2nd person writing. As a matter of taste, it was the incest I disliked, not the writing. But I didn't take any stars off for that.

Thanks! The incest was a deliberate choice, for a couple of reasons: to draw the largest possible readership by making it clear at a glance that it's a mother-child scenario, and to set up the scenario in the first place.

All these compliments are starting to go to my head, though. Dare I dream of winning in the 2023 Awards? Now *that* would be something!

Although now I think about it, it might actually be one of the signs of the apocalypse in Revelations. "And there came a great Beast, and it bore upon it the mark 2P POV. And all who saw cried out in terror, for they knew that the end had indeed come."

 

[KeithD]

A well-written little tale. You come dangerously close to popping out of Second Person POV and it slips into Omniscient 2nd Person POV, but pretty good given the time frame you produced it in. I gave it 5 stars.

I have a weird question on something that popped out to me and was a miss for me. I'm kind of an architecture fan, and I wondered why the Italian flat had a French balcony? I'd expect a French Balcony on a new, post-modern building, even in Italy, but not on an older building.

Though they're similar, there are differences.

The street is too narrow for any sort of balcony extension on buildings on either side. I needed to have full-length glass, ergo a door, ergo some form of balcony. Ergo a French one--not much of anything to step out on.

 

[Paul_Chance]

The street is too narrow for any sort of balcony extension on buildings on either side. I needed to have full-length glass, ergo a door, ergo some form of balcony. Ergo a French one--not much of anything to step out on.

Thanks - I was just wondering. It's the kind of thing I often want to ask authors, strange little details, and since you are a regular here in the forum I thought "Oh, here's someone who might actually answer."

The Italian balcony is a similar architectural feature to a French balcony (and for the same reasons, maximum airflow, minimum space). The French Balcony has nothing to step onto, just the facade and the rail. The Italian balcony is about 12 inches wide, with space for potted plants and it's designed so you can sit in the window and have a handy shelf for your morning espresso.

Because of the proximity and the long exposure of the two cultures, you often see both styles in both places.

 

[StillStunned]

Mine's confirmed to be posted up tomorrow. I'll drop a link to it here in the thread when it's live.

Found it, read it, rated it, commented!

 

[Devinter]

Found it, read it, rated it, commented!

I hope you found it decently enjoyable! Your comment has not been moderated yet.

EDIT; AN HOUR LATER - Your comment came through. Thank you for the words of encouragement, mate!

If anyone else would like to read my feeble attempt, it can be found here:

750 Word Challenge - Only Her

 

[StillStunned]

I did notice that all 5 of the comments were people from this thread.

This afternoon nine (nine!) anonymous comments were added one after the other, ranging from "rape is wrong" to "I love your style" and "hmm, hairy pussy".

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

@StillStunned You still milking this whole 2nd person gag for attention?

 

[StillStunned]

@StillStunned You still milking this whole 2nd person gag for attention?

I'm too full of cold to do any work, the cats are asleep and the wife just left on a two-week holiday. I don't have anything else going on in my life.

 

[nice90sguy]

You keep coming back to this thread. Slowly, lingeringly you scroll to the end... You're hand hovers hesitantly over the "Post Reply" button -- I look at you, my eyes encouraging you, imploring you... "Do it, you big sexy YOU, you..."