Are most cuckold/hotwife relationships destined to fail?

[Luv4hotwives]

I was in the game 30-35 years ago, and have stayed in contact with many of the couples. Only two have failed, and I could predicted one of them. The other was a surprise. The one I could have predicted? A loving cuckold relationship is one where all parties get satisfaction, and she did not respect her husband and his needs

For the couples that were successful, did it seem like many established the dynamic early on?

 

[Luv4hotwives]

I would respectfully disagree with your suggestion that the lifestyle didn't help when your marriage failed. Who suggested you adopt the said lifestyle? You or your ex? In our case it was my cuckold. He's pathetically equipped and suffers from prem. ej. When he suggested it, over 28 years ago, I suspected that he wanted to 'play away' too. I couldn't have been more wrong! I love Richard and I'd never leave him, but I also love fucking. I get the best of both worlds, a loving cuckold and lots of cock from my lovers. Richard gets to watch sometimes, and he always cleans me up afterwards. It is the best lifestyle I could ever have imagined.

It was a bit of a mix. I had brought up the idea turned me on, but said it was only a fantasy. Partially because I was nervous about it upsetting her and since up until then it had only been a fantasy, I was nervous about going in. She is the one who eventually suggested we actually do it.

Like I said, I do think things would have failed anyway. What I meant with that I'm sure it didn't help was that it probably sped things up. Then again... maybe you are right, maybe she would have cheated and left earlier and being a cuckold brought me more time. Who knows!

I'm happy things worked out for you guys!

 

[Luv4hotwives]

I can't speak for anyone but I've seen so many fail. Look at yogahotwife/Jen.

I wouldn't do it for that reason.

I'm only intermittently active on these forums. Where they active members here? Just sounds like there is a story there

 

[Luv4hotwives]

Anyway... it would be interesting to do a poll of different age groups, maybe broken down by the decade as early Boomers and late Boomers are totally different people. I can't even say how many divorcee females I have heard mention that their husband was a big narcissist and that being the main reason for divorce.

I would be willing to bet that the ratio of "narcissists" changes depending on, well, for instance, the entitled Millenials as an age bracket I would assume has more narcissists. I know that was a big generalization but again, I am hearing that from a LOT of ex-wives as THE reason.

That's interesting. Have you observed a pattern of hotwife/cuckold relationships failing predominantly in those age groups? I'm going to be honest I've met plenty of narcissistic people, but don't think I've noticed it being more prominent in those generational groupings. My experiences may not be the norm though!

 

[Str4ng3rth4nf1ct1on]

I've been noticing a pattern that many of the couples in the lifestyle that are still together established things from the very beginning. Do you think that played a big role in your success?

I can’t be sure of that, but honesty, respect, understanding and tolerance has played a major part. We both had relationships/sexual partners prior to meeting each other - my wife more than myself - and for me, it seemed quite clear she had a far greater appetite for sex than me. It was a slow ascent to becoming fully cuckolded and wasn’t without issues, but we both believe that you have to work at a relationship and not everything will always be rosy. Just as in life, sex has its ups and down - it‘s how you deal with it that matters. Most people will extol the virtues of communication and honesty in a relationship, but that can be difficult, especially if you feel you are putting yourself at risk when doing. I guess that’s just human nature and we were lucky to have found each other at an early age. I don’t necessarily believe you can’t find the right person later on in life but I do think it makes things more difficult. The older we get, the more entrenched in our version of life and insecurities we become. A cuckold marriage/relationship is very different to swinging and has its own issues. Maybe because or our age, we’re just from a different generation and have a different view on relationships to younger people. Whatever it is, it’s worked for us.

 

[Luv4hotwives]

I can’t be sure of that, but honesty, respect, understanding and tolerance has played a major part. We both had relationships/sexual partners prior to meeting each other - my wife more than myself - and for me, it seemed quite clear she had a far greater appetite for sex than me. It was a slow ascent to becoming fully cuckolded and wasn’t without issues, but we both believe that you have to work at a relationship and not everything will always be rosy. Just as in life, sex has its ups and down - it‘s how you deal with it that matters. Most people will extol the virtues of communication and honesty in a relationship, but that can be difficult, especially if you feel you are putting yourself at risk when doing. I guess that’s just human nature and we were lucky to have found each other at an early age. I don’t necessarily believe you can’t find the right person later on in life but I do think it makes things more difficult. The older we get, the more entrenched in our version of life and insecurities we become. A cuckold marriage/relationship is very different to swinging and has its own issues. Maybe because or our age, we’re just from a different generation and have a different view on relationships to younger people. Whatever it is, it’s worked for us.

Thank you so much for sharing!

 

[switchersm]

It's interesting you were both on your 2nd marriage. Do you think that openness and at least some of that dynamic out in the open in the beginning played a major role in your marriage being a successful one?

Yes, I couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you

 

[SPARTAN047]

I'm only intermittently active on these forums. Where they active members here? Just sounds like there is a story there

Not here, no, I think they were a reasonably famous Queen of Spades cuckold couple on the internet. On Xvideos, Pornhub, xHamster, and I think they had their own site.

 

[Rob_Royale]

It's an interesting question and one that I've wondered about for a while. In a swinging relationship, there is at least the illusion of reciprocity, but in this instance there is none. Although I don't understand the idea of getting off on the humiliation or being replaced sexually, I won't question it. But at least in my mind, it would seem that as a lifestyle choice, it would be hard for anyone to live with for long. A positive self-image and self-respect are necessary for our happiness. I can't see how a person can have that in a cuckold/hotwife relationship.

Feel free to explain to me where I'm wrong here, I'm open to a dialogue, but don't come at me angry. I'm not a monogamy-only kinda fella, whatever works for you. This is just curiosity.

 

[littlecordelera]

It's an interesting question and one that I've wondered about for a while. In a swinging relationship, there is at least the illusion of reciprocity, but in this instance there is none. Although I don't understand the idea of getting off on the humiliation or being replaced sexually, I won't question it. But at least in my mind, it would seem that as a lifestyle choice, it would be hard for anyone to live with for long. A positive self-image and self-respect are necessary for our happiness. I can't see how a person can have that in a cuckold/hotwife relationship.

Feel free to explain to me where I'm wrong here, I'm open to a dialogue, but don't come at me angry. I'm not a monogamy-only kinda fella, whatever works for you. This is just curiosity.

I don't know of a cuckold relationship in which the husband has been replaced sexually. If there were such a case, I agree with you in that it seems unlikely that such a relationship could last.

 

[gtnlynn]

Most fail. Ours succeeded for several reasons. First, my wife had shown in college that she could have a sexual relationship with other men while I was away at another college and resist falling in love with them. When I asked her to stop seeing others, she stopped immediately. After we had been married a few years, she was getting a lot of offers for sex at work, so we agreed that she could have sex with other men under certain conditions, including one and only one date with each man. After a few "dates" she decided she did not want to do it any more. She hasn't been with anyone else in over 20 years.

 

[cowboyup6977]

It definitely doesn’t work for most
I’ve seen it destroy relationships
It’s made ours stronger
We discovered earlier on in our marriage that monogamy wasn’t for us
I didn’t know that I was bi until my BFF showed me who I truly am
I shared her with my husband that same day
We tried MFM after that it isn’t for us
So now I share him and watch them before I join in
We made a deal we wouldn’t have an affair without the other one present
And it’s worked for us for years
Then I met a special lady on here and I broke that promise
We talked and talked
He understands and allows us our special alone time
She’s a lesbian so that is why I don’t share her with him and he understands
He’s actually taking the two of us out for valentines because he said that’s the day for lovers and that’s what we are
He knows he will get nothing in return from her and doesn’t expect anything me well that’s a different story
Just a l little different
But whatever works

 

[Oldermom935]

It definitely doesn’t work for most
I’ve seen it destroy relationships
It’s made ours stronger
We discovered earlier on in our marriage that monogamy wasn’t for us
I didn’t know that I was bi until my BFF showed me who I truly am
I shared her with my husband that same day
We tried MFM after that it isn’t for us
So now I share him and watch them before I join in
We made a deal we wouldn’t have an affair without the other one present
And it’s worked for us for years
Then I met a special lady on here and I broke that promise
We talked and talked
He understands and allows us our special alone time
She’s a lesbian so that is why I don’t share her with him and he understands
He’s actually taking the two of us out for valentines because he said that’s the day for lovers and that’s what we are
He knows he will get nothing in return from her and doesn’t expect anything me well that’s a different story
Just a l little different
But whatever works

You are one lucky lady! And I'm the lucky lady that gets to share your love.❤

 

[StrongMaster7]

I'm sure there are many ways to have a successful marriage. Depending on the couple and the level of their commitment to each other, I'm sure almost any arrangement could work in the long term. But, it's my opinion that most couples who 'swing' don't last forever. There are just so many variables it's silly to generalize (as I am doing).

I agree that setting the ground rules first could help. I have thought about it for myself. I just can't see saying to a woman I am getting serious about,"Now, I enjoy anal sex and I rimming. I would like to have some sex every day. I'd like you to be into toys. I love it when a woman enjoys having her pussy and tits roughly treated. All ok?"

I think99% of women would head for the hills, even if they might eventually be into such things.

 

[cowboyup6977]

You are one lucky lady!

Believe me I know that

 

[dkak001]

I agree that setting the ground rules first could help. I have thought about it for myself. I just can't see saying to a woman I am getting serious about,"Now, I enjoy anal sex and I rimming. I would like to have some sex every day. I'd like you to be into toys. I love it when a woman enjoys having her pussy and tits roughly treated. All ok?"

There's got to be a balance between your example here, and saying nothing. Would anyone be happy getting into a relation not knowing what the other person wanted long term? A long term relationship is about finding compatibility, or at the very least being able to discuss things like the above and finding compromises. That said, wouldn't the best case scenario be finding someone 100% compatible your interests/wants/desires before you commit? If you don't lay that out ahead of time how do you find out?

I've seen a lot of "Weird" relationships work just fine. I'll admit, I think I'm in one of those weird ones, and it works for us. As for the original post. She currently has no desire to look for anything outside of what we have. If she did, all she has to do is discuss it with me ahead of time. What we have together is not worth loosing, even over a little strange cock if she wanted it.

 

[littlecordelera]

I probably should not be posting my opinion in this thread. I don't understand jealousy. It's not something I've ever experienced, so it's difficult for me to relate to how it can be so destructive to a relationship.

All I can comment on is our experience and that of our friends in the swing community. We are still married and all our swing friends are still married with the exception of one couple, but their breakup had nothing to do with swinging. However, for my husband and me, at this point we have a lot of experience and so do our swing & cuckold friends. Maybe those couples who are less experienced see a greater rate of relationship failure.

I do know this. When we see a couple with rules, we stay away. Rules are intended to avoid jealousy, and if that is a threat in your relationship, you need to stay far away from the swing and cuckold lifestyles.

 

[dkak001]

I do know this. When we see a couple with rules, we stay away. Rules are intended to avoid jealousy, and if that is a threat in your relationship, you need to stay far away from the swing and cuckold lifestyles.

Interesting. Do you have any examples of the sorts of stuff that's a red flag for you two?

I would have thought that some sorts of boundaries, even if informally discussed would have be healthy. Maybe the definition of a hard/fast rule isn't the same as a discussed boundary...

 

[Naughtygirl201]

Interesting. Do you have any examples of the sorts of stuff that's a red flag for you two?

I would have thought that some sorts of boundaries, even if informally discussed would have be healthy. Maybe the definition of a hard/fast rule isn't the same as a discussed boundary...

Yes. Boundaries are healthy in any relationship.

 

[cowboyup6977]

Yes. Boundaries are healthy in any relationship.

Absolutely but it’s hard when you break one

 

[littlecordelera]

Interesting. Do you have any examples of the sorts of stuff that's a red flag for you two?

I would have thought that some sorts of boundaries, even if informally discussed would have be healthy. Maybe the definition of a hard/fast rule isn't the same as a discussed boundary...

My number 1 red flag is when a profile states, "no kissing."

WTF? So I can fuck your husband, but I can't kiss him? That's ridiculous.

A discussed boundary? What kind of boundaries would you set? "Do not make my spouse fall in love with you, divorce me, and leave"? You don't need to be a swing couple for that to happen. That goes on everyday in every walk of life. Consequently, if your spouse leaves you because he or she found better sex with someone else, you didn't lose a worthy spouse. You lost a sex partner to whom you were unfortunately married. You should consider yourself lucky.

I have often said that swinging has never ended a good marriage. I firmly believe that.

 

[cowboyup6977]

My number 1 red flag is when a profile states, "no kissing."

WTF? So I can fuck your husband, but I can't kiss him? That's ridiculous.

A discussed boundary? What kind of boundaries would you set? "Do not make my spouse fall in love with you, divorce me, and leave"? You don't need to be a swing couple for that to happen. That goes on everyday in every walk of life. Consequently, if your spouse leaves you because he or she found better sex with someone else, you didn't lose a worthy spouse. You lost a sex partner to whom you were unfortunately married. You should consider yourself lucky.

I have often said that swinging has never ended a good marriage. I firmly believe that.

Well said totally agree

 

[dkak001]

My number 1 red flag is when a profile states, "no kissing."
WTF? So I can fuck your husband, but I can't kiss him? That's ridiculous.

Yeah, I can see that one as strange too.

A discussed boundary? What kind of boundaries would you set? "Do not make my spouse fall in love with you, divorce me, and leave"? You don't need to be a swing couple for that to happen. That goes on everyday in every walk of life. Consequently, if your spouse leaves you because he or she found better sex with someone else, you didn't lose a worthy spouse. You lost a sex partner to whom you were unfortunately married. You should consider yourself lucky.

I would have thought stuff like "No unprotected sex", or "Change the sheets if it's in our bed" might be reasonable. Stupid stuff like "Don't miss the kid's band recital for a date." would be assumed to be common sense. As you say, if it needs to be said, that's probably not a good marriage to begin with.

I have often said that swinging has never ended a good marriage. I firmly believe that.

Was not disagreeing with your statements. Was simply curious what sort of things you've seen pop up as rules that you thought were flags. These sorts of points of view aren't things you get in general public interactions.

 

[policywank]

I think that the reality of the hotwife/cuckold relationship is quite a bit different than its typical portrayal or people's understanding of it. Obviously I can only speak for myself, but a few concepts are worth discussing.

Reciprocity - There are a variety of reasons why the husband may choose not to pursue other women or be unable to do so effectively. But the scenario in which the wife is just selfishly denying her husband the same sexual latitude that she enjoys is not representative of couples in the lifestyle.

Replacement - Certainly in our case I have a very high sex drive and desire for sexual variety. I have no interest in replacing my husband. And while my lovers may have certain characteristics that he doesn't have the opposite is also true. I am not looking for someone "better". That is consistent with other couples I know in the lifestyle. While some wives may feel differently I don't know that hotwives are inclined to feel that their husband is somehow inadequate any more so than any wife.

Rules - I also tend to see rules as a red flag. Communication and setting appropriate boundaries are appropriate. But I think that you want to reflect on why any given boundary is necessary. If it is there to mitigate jealousy or because you don't fully trust your partner, including their judgment, then there is a problem. For instance, safe sex is a responsibility that we all have towards our sexual partners if we are not in a monogamous relationship. But I don't need someone to tell me exactly how to go about that. Obviously condoms might be part of that, but I do allow for circumstances where I can find other ways to get comfortable that my partner (almost always regular lovers, not one night stands) is free of STDs.

Kink - A lot of hotwife/cuckold couples do engage in a variety of kinky activities. But generally speaking those are not things being imposed upon him. It is a bit like a psychological form of BDSM. The cuckold is a consenting participant in the same way a bottom being spanked in a BDSM scene is. We may not share their predilections but we can distinguish what is happening from abuse. In fact, in my experience it is the cuckold who is the most enthusiastic.

Maturity - This is a critical ingredient for both partners. As the wife you need to be able to distinguish between a good fuck and true love. You also need to be able to understand that the novelty and excitement that comes with a new relationship is not something that endures and you shouldn't compare your husband to that just because his newness has worn off. Will a wife run off with some other dude who fucked her better? Maybe. But that is indicative of a larger problem in the marriage and I don't think that it is anymore prevalent than it is in any marriage.

The bottomline is that the statistics on all marriages are rather dismal for a whole bunch of reasons. But when a marriage does break up we tend to attribute its demise to any aspect of that marriage that we regard as non-typical without any real support for that premise. It is flawed thinking to assume that a hotwife/cuckold couple who do break-up would not have done so if they had remained monogamous. That might be the case but chances are there is more to it than that.

 

[Chii92]

I lived the lifestyle and what's the expression? Fuck around and find out? Seems oddly fitting! I've long had cuckold fantasies. Eventually my ex wife and I started to live the lifestyle. It came to an end when she left me for her bull/fwb.

I'll be honest, if we were not in the lifestyle, I believe she would have cheated anyway. She told me as much. So while not fair to say the lifestyle made our marriage fail, I'm sure it didn't help.

I noticed over years many guys talking about the lifestyle are divorced. Got me thinking. Even if it isn't the direct cause of a relationship ending, is the simple fact a couple agrees to do it a sign the relationship is likely doomed? I know there are people who stay happily married for decades. However, for the vast majority of people, is it basically a sign of not if but when?

I'm interested to hear the experiences of other current or former cuckolds and hotwives.

I'm probably personally done with being a cuckold in real life at this point. I'll probably continue writing erotica on the subject and use that as an outlet, but any future relationships will most likely remain monogamous for me.

I think just as with anything you'll have success and failures. I think it also has a lot to do with how you take part in the lifestyle. IMO in the cases where the wife is demeaning to the husband both inside and outside of the bedroom in favor of the bull or other man being superior, you can only do that so long before it starts to get in your head. Then at that point yes you're sitting there going "why am I married to this man when I can just be with the other man."

I think for it to be successful and keep a couple together you have to first separate the love and sex. Be able to tell your head and heart this is who I am married to because I love them and this is who I am having sex with because it is fun and enjoyable. The other man might be a friend and hopefully so to both people and I think that is good as well.

The next thing I think is never cut one person out of the intimacy. Enjoy the game and the lifestyle but still show your husband and husbands still have intimacy together because I feel like that can be the real nail in the coffin when you basically tell one person no they are cut off then it really opens up the door for the other man to step in.

This might not make any sense to people and again just my opinions and observations. In the end I am sure everything is going to be unique to the couple taking part in it.